Girlfriend.

[maninahat]

Almost all my relationships to date have been completely out of the blue, whilst every time I have made a pass at a girl, I have utterly failed. A lot of me failing was down to poor timing - taking so long to buck up the courage that someone else comes along and picks up the girl before I do. So I guess the only advice I can offer from my experience is don't bother looking for girls if you are not brave enough to jump at the first oppurtunity to get with them.

 

[Omikron009]

I'm 16 and I've never had a girlfriend. This is because I'm socially inept, but also because every girl I've ever met has been totally uninteresting. The first things I look for are intelligence and similar interests, and I've simply never seen that in a girl my age.

 

[Nihilism_Is_Bliss]

if you like a girl ask her out, take a chance!
do you not have any female friends?

 

[Umberphoenix]

Despite what it may seem, many men go until their late twenties without ever having a relationship. Don't sweat it.

Many more go 'till their twenties without a real relationship. There are few men (or women) who have a real, in-depth, meaningful relationship before their mid-twenties or so.

 

[Nicolai]

The real answer I have is find a girl who you want to be a good friend as well as someone you find attractive. Having someone around who can comfort you and make you feel better when you need it is worth far more than sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is nice too, but I was in a relationship I throughly enjoyed for 3 years and sex wasn't a major part of it.

Find girls who you have at least something in common with, given you're on here that might be gaming, or something linked to that like a good story or an appreciation for art. What's attractive to others is what we can see that's different from the people around them and we can relate to. As others have said, humour is important, finding someone who has a similar sens of humour to you is even more so, it's no use when one person likes British Wordplay comedy like Monty Python and the other likes watching people hurt themselves on funniest home videos. Humour is enormously attractive and my girlfriend and I bonded over one of her favourite jokes:

What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes

That led us to realise we both appreciate the surreal and don't quite live in reality, albeit in different ways.

The best piece of advice I can give for a long term relationship is let it take its own course and get to know anyone you're interested in as a person. Girls are people too and they've always responded amazingly well to me treating them as people first and girls second, particularly if you can get them out of a group. Getting to know someone properly is the real basis for building a relationship and lets you find out whether something's on false pretences or not.

My first relationship wasn't until 23, I did have a crush on a girl for a couple of years, which dissolved when I realised how deeply incompatible we were on certain levels. She would rather stand around talking to people she didn't know or like and be vaguely uncomfortable for a few hours than go downstairs and watch the Open air showing of Lord of the Rings. I went downstairs and met up with my first girlfriend, who was just a friend at the time, but it told me a great deal about my need to have someone I could share my entertainment with as being important to me. That girl also remained a friend after we realised we were drifting in different directions after 3 years and were simply good friends sharing a room. We're still good friends and I have the advantage of not losing that support even though I'm now in another long term relationship which sprang up unexpectedly a week after that one finished.

 

[likalaruku]

I've never felt I needed a boyfriend or girlfriend to validate myself as a living bleeding human being. Aside from being completly self-absorbed, no one has ever clicked with me romantically. Then again, I don't believe romance is a legitimate emotion.


Perhaps you are like this too?

 

[Dark Knifer]

I am the same has you, except I don't feel the need to have a girlfriend. I am assuming getting one would require work though, it may just happen or you may have to be a bit more forward. Good luck with that.

 

[nomzy]

Find someone you like, go for it, and if it doesn't work just try again.
Trial and Erorr man.

Perhaps we can't all be quite as resilient as we'd like to be.

Its different for most people. Im of the same mindset as you, where i just wait for it to happen...and oh boy does it happen, i went a stretch where i wasnt single for 8 straight years....i literally stumble into relationships when i dont want them...ugh poor me.

Anyway, seems like your passiveness is turning women off. Try being more proactive about things, being too passive leads you to slip into the just "friends zone". A killer for any possible relationship.

Best of luck.

The slipping into the "just friends zone" tends to happen a lot to me. Then again, I've never really wanted to have a relationship with anyone I knew.. Until recently, at a very inconvenient time. Although, in all honesty I was more or less waiting for something to happen.

Anyway, I can't really contribute as I lack experience in said topic.
But I'd like to believe that it is a combination of both. I'll probably PM you if I can be bothered, I'd rather not make an ass of myself publicly, if I haven't already.

 

[iamthehorde]

sweet. i was like you in that age. i also thought that those things just happen. the only advice i could give you is this: if there´s a girl you really want, not just as a friend, go for it. really, if you want her, don´t think you´d get her through being something like a good buddy. that stuff happens maybe 1 time out of 10. you have to make clear that you have higher ambitions.

the most important thing is to stay real. don´t fake any character traits to impress the girl. if your goal is to start a serious relation, she will soon enough find out the real you. be polite and funny. as you are pretty young, this is also a perfect time to try stuff out. in 6 years you will most likely be an almost complete other person. you will probably NOT find the girl of your life in your next(first) girlfriend. i know this may sound a bit sad, but if you realize this, it can make things a lot easier.

but make your move! i missed out on so many hot girls because i used to be into that one girl and only into her while i could have others and it would´ve been fun, now i´m bummed out on it. don´t become a fat loser like me.

EDIT:

welcome on here btw

 

[Jekken6]

It's usually a thing that has to be worked on.

 

[iamthehorde]

sage advice

recommended because i got ninja´d by this a few times i think.

 

[Totally_Legit]

I had the same problem. I'm 18yo and until 2 months ago, i've never had a girlfriend, but I know why. I was and am a hopeless romantic, wich is a very good quality if you want to keep a girlfriend, but not if you have to get one.

people say women go for bad boys. that is not necesserely true. i am as much in touch with my emotions as my girlfriend is, but when it comes to building up a relationship, girls tend to want to have men in control for some reason.

just go to a girl you like and ask her out, if she says no, ask het to still be friends and if you're telling the truth about your personality, she isn't gonna be able to say no. and maybe something will grow, who knows.

 

[ChaoticLegion]

I have been a long time observer of escapist forums and have finally decided to jump on in.

I am seventeen and I've never had a girlfriend (I'll take a moment to wait for the gasps to subside). None of my friends can see any obvious reasons why I have never managed to have one--I have many friends and frequently associate with members of the female variety--but I think I know why. I am a generally passive guy and I've always believed that relationships just 'happen.' Like you run into some girl, start talking, this leads to that, etc. However, I am always stuck with the same group of people... So I was wondering: Is a girlfriend something that needs to be worked at, or does it just happen? I'm inclinded to believe it happens both ways, but when does working at it too hard become creepy? I'm not totally naive, I know things don't 'just happen,' but I think you guys know what I mean.

I figured escapist is one of the most mature forums on teh interwebz so i figured I'd as you guys. Sorry for the long post...

They can happen both ways... for me though the second being the more natural of the two. Myself and my current partner started out as just friends after seeing each other occasionaly and starting to chat, then it just moved on from there without either of us realy having to try at all to make any advancements. We've been together 11 months now and everythings great.

I guess you could say it's all based on personality though... If you come across as to aggressive or to passive I guess it could signal you're either too desperate or not interested to some people.

 

[Caligulove]

There are different kinds of relationships. And they are the ones that you pursue and other ones that just kind of fall out of nowhere.

The better ones, in my experience, are the ones that you really have to work for and that you keep going for. But then, I guess that in some ways you always have to put something forward to get into a relationship.

 

[siffty]

d/w buddy im almost 19 and have actual become very skilled at completely avoiding a relationship and my god it was the worst thing to do in 1 hand and in the other it was the best thing iv ever done ...well the point is just be patient and remember good thing's come to those who wait

 

[blue heartless]

May I divert you to [a href="http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/87873-Science-Finds-Male-Nerds-Likely-to-be-Virgins"]here?[/a]

In my experience, it just happened. However in order to keep that relationship you have to put in a lot of hard work.

 

[ottenni]

Confidence helps ALLOT. So does a good sense of humor and a puppy. Trust me, no one can resist a puppy. But most importantly be confident, and don't be a douche.

 

[Enkidu88]

Don't stress over it, just relax and go out and try to meet people. Not necessarily girls, just make friends, hang out at popular places and eventually you'll find someone you like and who'll like you. Just don't get too worked up or you'll just get yourself nervous when your talking to girls, and that doesn't go over well.

I was 19 before I had my first girlfriend, so don't feel your abnormal or missing out.