Going about getting some lent out items back during a sensitive time.

[Ando85]

One of my friends recently got arrested on some very serious drug charges. It is quite upsetting as he will likely be in prison for a very long time.

Though a minor issue, he has some of my games that I lent to him awhile back. I'd really like to get them back. I would have to ask his girlfriend to get the stuff back. They have a 6 year old son and such, so I am sure it is a horrible experience for the family.

How should I go about trying to get my stuff back without looking like a dick? I do feel for them and I'm upset about it myself so I don't want to give off the vibe that all I care about is my stuff.

 

[MrCollins]

Go over and visit her.
Assuming you do actually care about their problems and not just your games, talk to her and be a good friend.
Then, as you are about to leave, just mention it in passing.
It's also a good idea to choose the right seqway.
Don't say "anyway, anywho, which reminds me".
Just listen to her and be supportive, and then ask for the games back.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Yeah, the moment you bring up the games it's going to be obvious that they were the only reason you bothered to visit. No one is ever, ever going to buy the "Oh what a coincidence, I only just remembered you have my stuff!"

I'm not sure you can do this without 'looking like a dick' as you put it. I say just admit why you visited from the start. Putting on a charade only to make your true motivations clear at the end will just make it worse. Even if you are genuinely concerned, as soon as you start asking for your stuff back you're going to seem insincere.

 

[Comocat]

Maybe make them a dinner so it can kind of be seen as a trade of sorts. "Hey I know you are going through a tough time- can I bring you dinner on Wednesday?" Then go OJ Simpson when you are over there casually ask about your stuff, its win-win for both parties.

 

[Eleuthera]

Has he been convicted? Or will that take a while yet?

I ask because asking for your stuff back before the conviction will come of as abandoning ship (to me, at least). If you don't need your stuff back immediately, waiting until everything is settled might be a better option.

 

[Entraboard]

What if you just go straight to the point?

In a none jerky and honest way, of course. That way you don't waste her or your time when it seems there are more pressing matters. Call her up and say "Hey, I'm sorry how things turned out/how are you doing, etc. I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but I lent (YOUR FRIEND) some things and I never had the chance to ask for them back. What day would be good to swing by and pick 'em up".

If you do have some sort of amicable relationship with her, offer at the end "...and hey, if you need a friend to talk to or just want to get out of the house for some beer/coffee/frosty milkshakes how 'bout you let me treat you to a round as a thank you for this favor you are doing me."

Or do what MrCollins said. It'll probably go down as manic_depressive13 said, but if your concern at first was genuine, it shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Ando85]

Has he been convicted? Or will that take a while yet?

I ask because asking for your stuff back before the conviction will come of as abandoning ship (to me, at least). If you don't need your stuff back immediately, waiting until everything is settled might be a better option.

He goes to court on June 10th I believe. He had 9 felonies and like 4 misdemeanors. Basically adding up a cornocopia of drugs. Everything from meth, heroin, and some prescription drugs.

I don't need my stuff back immediately. Waiting til everything cools down might be the best option.