Going to far to help your friends?

[the_dramatica]

I see a lot of people take a live and let live attitude with their friends. I don't. I'll go out of my way to intervene with suicide attempts or malnutrition, or stupid decisions. I constantly slap around my friends that slag behind and keep them awake and competitive. Some people say real friends let friends throw their dreams away and drown in delusions, to which I disagree. If they commited a crime i'd arrive at their house before the police to extradite them to a Somalian apartment where I would beat them personally. (exaggeration)

And i'm not talking about business relationships so don't write me off as informal. I'm talking about real friends here, ones you've known for a long time and have a personal relationship with.

Anybody else have a stance or experiences to share on this?

 

[MHR]

For me, going too far for friends is when you don't want to help anymore.

As an example, help a friend move cuz nobody else will, fine. driving them home 10 times because they're drunk, fine. Driving them home more than 10 times because they're drunk? Let them sleep in the gutter -- the great outdoors could do them some good.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

Unless someone specifically asks for my advice, then I won't intervene. Chances are that whatever is going on in their life is too complex for me to tell them what to do, so I take a live and let live attitude with stuff like that.

That being said however, I haven't been in any extreme scenarios yet, so who knows.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

For me, there's two instances where you're going too far:

-When you have friends who you stick your neck out for, but they won't do the same for you, that's going too far.

-When your efforts to help really just become enabling. Helping out your friend because they had a little too much to drink and can't hold their liquor? That's fine, every once in a while. But when they continuously have too much to drink and act a fool, and you always bail them out of trouble, all you're doing is helping them continuously cause problems. At some point, they need to suffer consequences for their actions, otherwise they'll never stop.

 

[crypt-creature]

I've known a few people who have become so accustomed to these types of relationships, they will only befriend people that will help to enable their actions.

It becomes tiring to be apart of - and watch. What is truly sad is the idea that they likely couldn't support themselves otherwise; nor do they seem to want to.

Once this kind of pattern becomes common and attempts of trying to discuss the issue(s) are no longer heard, I'm gone. No sense in wasting my time when the only benefit goes to a person who feels entitled to such treatment.

 

[sky14kemea]

I've tried that approach. A part of me always wants to do that automatically but I'm trying to reign myself in a lot more now. Somehow I always end up making it worse or end up being seen as annoying for sticking my nose in their business all the time.

I admire people that still have the willpower to be a more proactive friend like you, OP. I just don't have it in me anymore myself. =P

 

[ccggenius12]

I think it has more to do with people having a poor definition of the word friend. A friend is someone who you spend time with, do stuff for (help with moving, drive to the airport,etc.), and can reasonably expect them to reciprocate. What most people call a friend is what I'd call a positive casual relation. The way I differentiate is this; If my house burned down, would this person let me crash on their couch while repairs were done, or would they probably let me twist in the breeze? A friend is a person who you can honestly say your life would be notably diminished if you did not know them.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I say as long you are honest about it then there isn't too far per say. Like example, you're helping them out but you're not honest/ not telling him/ her your opinion on the matter.

Also friends that taking advantage on you is also too far in my book.

 

[Johnny Impact]

When you truly have to drag yourself down to keep helping them, and receive nothing in return, that's too far. Giving someone a ride home because it's raining is one thing, giving them a ride home every day because they're too fucking lazy to walk is simply enabling them to sponge off you. Of course it depends how far out of your way you have to go to give them that ride, and whether you get anything back.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

My friends and I are more likely to take the piss out of each other ruthlessly than be that helpful, regardless of how serious the problem is. We do a lot of stupid stuff, so the general consensus is that going too far out of our way to help one another is just too large a task to handle. Some sagely advice is probably the best you're ever going to get if it's a problem of your own making.

 

[DEAD34345]

Judging purely by your opening post, it sounds like the issue isn't about how far people are willing to help their friends, it's whether or not the supposed "help" being provided is very helpful at all. If a friend of mine constantly slapped me around to keep me "awake and competitive", I wouldn't say they were going too far to be helpful, I'd say they were being a nob-head. They wouldn't be a friend of mine for very long.

Please bear in mind I don't know the details of the relationship between you and your friends, so I'm not calling you on anything personally. Maybe your friends want you to act how you do and it really is helpful to them, that's fair enough. What you've wrote here doesn't come across in a very positive way to me at all though.

As for the actual question though, I don't think there's any length that's "too far" to help your friends, or anyone at all really.