Good rules of thumb

[Alleged_Alec]

- If you have to ask others if something looks/would look good on you, the answer is no.
- I know that reading a bit in bed when you're not tired sounds like a good idea. Be kind to yourself and don't. It's never "a bit" and you'll regret it the next day or two.
- If someone starts a story with "you know what's interesting/funny", nine times out of ten you can stop listening, because it will be neither of those two.

 

[Scarim Coral]

If you got nothing nice to post in a thread that provoke you in a bad way then don't post anything at all.

 

[Jedoro]

Offer one hand, arm the other.

Be prepared to kill everyone you meet. Statistically, you're more likely to be victimized by someone you know than someone you don't, but this includes acquaintances. So whenever you meet someone, look them in the eye and picture yourself kicking their ass. It'll also help you be less nervous around them.

 

[ohnoitsabear]

If you have a lab report and a paper due tomorrow, it's probably not a good idea to be wasting time on the Escapist.

I really need to listen to this one. Like, right now.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

I shall refrain from posting material which I deem too offensive, since it all relates to intercourse between two consenting adults, whilst referring to the size of the male primary genitalia and indicating that said size may or may not be an important factor in the act of sexual intercourse.

Of course, you are free to imagine what I could have posted here instead of this boring, long-winded explanation.

Rules of thumb:

If you are assaulted and forced to defend yourself, make sure your opponent is still able to groan when kicked in the sides after you are done with him.

A bat is not a good weapon to bring to a gunfight.

A tank is a good weapon to bring to any fight.

A tank is never caught in a traffic jam.

Any domestic dispute can be solved by a tactical nuke.

Mowing the lawn can be made easy by carpet-bombing the desired area.

The only thing that says "f*ck you" better than a heavy tank: Two heavy tanks.

Nothing is better than the smell of napalm in the morning. Except for bacon being grilled over it.

If whatever is coming at you is not killed by fire, use more fire.

If you see Daystar entering any thread, use the ejection-seat to escape the derailing thread.

 

[Daaaah Whoosh]

Ask as many questions as you can, so long as you don't know the answers.

You don't know the answers.

If you spend your life making jokes, don't expect anyone to take you seriously.

Don't expect anyone to take you seriously.

Always have a zombie plan.

Don't blink. Don't even blink.

Know how to end lists in a way that isn't anti-climactic.

 

[grey_space]

Never fight a war on two fronts.

Never start a land war in Asia.

When in doubt, Fuck.

In everything you do, always work on your basics.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

If you spend your life making jokes, don't expect anyone to take you seriously.

This is depressing.
Your list is depressing me.
I better think happy thoughts now.

 

[Daaaah Whoosh]

Your list is depressing me.
I better think happy thoughts now.

Just look at your avatar, it cheered me right up.

 

[yeti585]

-"fuck it." is a good enough excuse to do anything
-The internet is serious business
-Never take anything too seriously
-Best to do something that you would regret not to have done
-The correct answer to "Why didn't you do your paper?" should always begin with "So, I was fucking this girl and...." even if you are female