I spent about 80 bucks last month on pretty much nothing breakfast and stopping to get a bite to eat on the way home. I'm putting myself in lock down for that.
Grim Realizations
- Thread starter thiosk
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My grim realization was that I am such an astonishingly lazy person that I'm very likely going to completely screw myself out of a perfectly viable life. The worst part is that I'm so lazy that my reaction to this realization could be summed up with "eh, oh well".
My jeans, my super comfortable, awesome looking jeans, are now missing the button. I don't know where it went, I don't know when I lost it, I just realized the other day that the button is no longer there. Dark days indeed...
I'm almost out of Tonkatsu sauce at the moment...that stuff is great on anything. As for a truly grim realization, I just found out that the mall I like going to was put up for sale. Another mall that I liked is apparently being torn down as well. The one being torn down for sure is the only one I know of that has a Dave and Busters (the only arcade I know of in my area). The other mall doesn't have anything spectacular (luckily Beyond Comics became it's own stand-alone place) but it still sucks to be uncertain of its fate.
I've realized that I have so many projects due next week if I don't do them all tomorrow I'm going to be so screwed, damned teachers, why do I care about all this math? Hell even my teacher said unless you become a mathamatician you aren't going to use this. So right there all motivation is gone, I don't need to know this I'm not going to be a mathamatcian.
I recently realised that there is no point to life, as we will be forgotten a few years after we die if we're not famous, a few thousand years maximum if we were, and completely forgotten in a a few million years, when humanity will almost surely be absent from the universe. Even if they are around, the universe probably is halfway through it's lifespan, so it'll be gone soon. If humanity is around and the universe is plenty young, time will most likely have erased you from humanity's collective memory. So no matter what we do, it will probably be forgotten eventually, but it won't matter whether or not it was. And yet I still give a shit about school and my future. Not really sure why.
I've also discovered that it's possible to possess feelings for someone that are as intense as romantic love, but are not romantic. Or familial. Or friendly (as in, among friends). Or sexual. But it's there, and it's strong. That confuses me more than anything ever has before. (I'd love it if someone could tell me what the fuck is up with that shit.)
I've also discovered that it's possible to possess feelings for someone that are as intense as romantic love, but are not romantic. Or familial. Or friendly (as in, among friends). Or sexual. But it's there, and it's strong. That confuses me more than anything ever has before. (I'd love it if someone could tell me what the fuck is up with that shit.)
I know now that I will never gain my boss' favor. I work with one other guy under my boss, and we're friends (not super close, but we talk and relate on a lot of things), and my boss is an old civilian woman.
Now, I don't feel it's fair to stereotype old ladies as all the same, but damn it if she doesn't live up to every single one. She's got a foo-foo dog that she never stops talking about, she has a creepy hobby (she makes dolls) she thinks is interesting to everyone she ever meets, she gossips about every single person she doesn't like and half of those she does, and she's completely stubborn and quick to judge people based on the smallest of circumstances. Naturally, I really don't like her much, but I can get past that and do what I'm told regardless.
The problem comes in when I realize that in my work space, I've become the red-headed step-child. My coworker (who is again my friend) is clearly favored by her because a) he's married, b) he has his own foo-foo dog now that he lets her "babysit" almost every weekend (she loves the little thing too), and c) he's much better at faking interest in her inane conversations than I am. Add that to the fact that I hit a slump a couple months ago where my performance at work suffered (but that I've long since gotten out of, not that she's noticed), and I'm held as the lesser of the two employees despite me and my coworker doing the exact same job.
It's pretty unfair, because her perception of me seems to be almost entirely based on personality differences. I'm just glad she has no control over my evals, though when she saw the positive remarks I had gotten on my most recent one, she laughed. THAT certainly struck a nerve for me.
But despite this, I can deal with it. It's just a bit of a bummer knowing that unless I go out and by my own little foo-foo dog, I'll never be as good as my coworker in her eyes. Thankfully it's only a one year assignment.
Now, I don't feel it's fair to stereotype old ladies as all the same, but damn it if she doesn't live up to every single one. She's got a foo-foo dog that she never stops talking about, she has a creepy hobby (she makes dolls) she thinks is interesting to everyone she ever meets, she gossips about every single person she doesn't like and half of those she does, and she's completely stubborn and quick to judge people based on the smallest of circumstances. Naturally, I really don't like her much, but I can get past that and do what I'm told regardless.
The problem comes in when I realize that in my work space, I've become the red-headed step-child. My coworker (who is again my friend) is clearly favored by her because a) he's married, b) he has his own foo-foo dog now that he lets her "babysit" almost every weekend (she loves the little thing too), and c) he's much better at faking interest in her inane conversations than I am. Add that to the fact that I hit a slump a couple months ago where my performance at work suffered (but that I've long since gotten out of, not that she's noticed), and I'm held as the lesser of the two employees despite me and my coworker doing the exact same job.
It's pretty unfair, because her perception of me seems to be almost entirely based on personality differences. I'm just glad she has no control over my evals, though when she saw the positive remarks I had gotten on my most recent one, she laughed. THAT certainly struck a nerve for me.
But despite this, I can deal with it. It's just a bit of a bummer knowing that unless I go out and by my own little foo-foo dog, I'll never be as good as my coworker in her eyes. Thankfully it's only a one year assignment.
That of the 48 people I knew well enough to have on Facebook on friends, when I deleted them only 11 realised this and invited me back and thats only because one of them messaged them and asked them to re-invite me leaving me to be some kind of charity case for them which insults my pride as a man
That horrible realisation in the morning that if you want to leave the house you're going to have to put on pants. It's the worst part of the day, stupid pants.
On a related note, when you pour cereal, realise you have no milk and have to put on pants to go get some.
On a related note, when you pour cereal, realise you have no milk and have to put on pants to go get some.
That the rest of my life will probably go unfulfilled and meaningless, just like everyone else XD. but on a serious note, I really don't think my life is going anywhere. I spent too much of time in community college learning that most of the things I wanted to be when I was younger, are seriously out of my reach.
so in a nut shell, I'm worthless...
so in a nut shell, I'm worthless...
If I don't get a job soon, I will likely be begging -literally, BEGGING- food from friends on campus. Campus food is too expensive if you want to eat healthy here, and I'm the only one of my friends who makes that trade-off. So come end of semester, I'm always just scraping by while my friends pound back cheeseburgers.
I am 34, which means I'm *that* close to being half done with life. All the cool stuff that I wanted to do, the things I can get done when the kids are older.... Uh uh, ain't gonna happen. I'm very happy here in domestic land but there's a 24 year old in the back of my head saying 'dude, we could've, if only you'd... All you people in you mid 20s. You are gods!! Stop putting things off, and stop complaining! You can do anything!
Alipeewee said:That moment when you realise that whatever you do in your life, in a few billion years it's all just going to be dust and ash, and thus nothing you ever do will ever be worth doing.
Have a nice day
Life isn't about what happens after it's over any more than a movie is about what happens after it's done and you've turned off the TV. Yeah, it's nice if there is some lasting effect, but it's not about that. Not in most cases anyway.SwimmingRock said:Don't do this shit to me, man. I've been really bothered lately. After getting over my fear of death, I'm finding it hard to have a single reason to keep living. It just seems, in every possible way, the least efficient option. Look, the booze isn't helping, but I'm not in a good way and the crushing realization of my own futility makes every morning a struggle to muster the will to rise.Alipeewee said:That moment when you realise that whatever you do in your life, in a few billion years it's all just going to be dust and ash, and thus nothing you ever do will ever be worth doing.
Have a nice day
OT: Fucking hell, I'm 25 and already hate my life. I've got so many more years of misery to go. What the fuck did I sign on for? Is there a refund policy on life? Why did I have so much to drink? Why is my spelling still immaculate under the influence of alcohol?
Aside from that fruitless avenue of inquiry, a grim realization came when I realized I was as afraid of success as of failure. Complacency, ennui, motionless terror seems to be the only thing I can deal with and that's both disgusting and horrifying. Christ, what am I doing? No more booze. No talking. Sorry if this is depressing.
I don't get why people get so bent out of shape about the fact that everything is transient. So what? People get so worked up about finding The Meaning of Life. They're doing it wrong. There is no meaning. They're like COD fanboys complaining about how there's no goal in Minecraft. Fucking make one. This is the ultimate open-world non-linear experience; you shouldn't treat it like you're supposed to do anything. Come up with your own purpose and achieve it. You'll find that working toward a purpose also has the effect of reducing your depression and your dependence on addictive behaviors.
Honestly, I would take no notice of the post your replying to. Life can be entertaining and just because something you've done, may become obsolete in 6 billion years, doesn't mean it won't be effective during your time and time past that. The impact that I would want to bestow upon people, are the people I care for, not humans thousands of years in the future. There is no point worrying about it and coming from someone who also shares issues similar to yours, it is gratifying to know that I can make an impact while I'm around.SwimmingRock said:Don't do this shit to me, man. I've been really bothered lately. After getting over my fear of death, I'm finding it hard to have a single reason to keep living. It just seems, in every possible way, the least efficient option. Look, the booze isn't helping, but I'm not in a good way and the crushing realization of my own futility makes every morning a struggle to muster the will to rise.Alipeewee said:That moment when you realise that whatever you do in your life, in a few billion years it's all just going to be dust and ash, and thus nothing you ever do will ever be worth doing.
Have a nice day
OT: Fucking hell, I'm 25 and already hate my life. I've got so many more years of misery to go. What the fuck did I sign on for? Is there a refund policy on life? Why did I have so much to drink? Why is my spelling still immaculate under the influence of alcohol?
Aside from that fruitless avenue of inquiry, a grim realization came when I realized I was as afraid of success as of failure. Complacency, ennui, motionless terror seems to be the only thing I can deal with and that's both disgusting and horrifying. Christ, what am I doing? No more booze. No talking. Sorry if this is depressing.
One day I am going to regret not trying more things out when I was younger. Until I get there though, I don't care at all. Ah laziness, what a bastard.
My age. I tend to not think about it that much (no particular reason, I just don't), but when I do, I cease to astound myself. I guess I tend to not act my age in the sense that I have never been stressed, I don't worry about my finances, and I'm in no hurry to get hitched and have kids (though I want to in the near future).
I guess the day when I do start to care about my age will be when I'm already six feet under, and I'm okay with that.
I guess the day when I do start to care about my age will be when I'm already six feet under, and I'm okay with that.
That feel, bro, I know it.SwimmingRock said:
On Topic: I was actually gonna say something similar; it was more of a "My face when I found out I was really no one to her".
Upon getting home on a Friday afternoon I often delude myself into thinking I will have a relaxing weekend. This illusion is soon rapidly shattered by the realisation I not only have a mountain of work that needs to be done by Monday but I will have to complete it while extremely unpleasant guests visit my house.
the way my life is going, this is likely to happen to me. I live in the second-worst area for youth unemployment, except for one part of Liverpool.Daystar Clarion said:
...Tirunus said:
what?
...
OH GOD!
JESUS CHRIST!
Oh. My faith is shaken.
Ironically, that realisation hit me like a bus.