Grit those teeth!

[Daystar Clarion]

Another self reflective thread from me, but don't worry, this one isn't nearly as depressing as my last one. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.824906-Catharsis-and-Reflection]


For those who can't be arsed to read it, I recently came out of a 10 year relationship, and understandably it hit me hard, harder than anything has ever hit me before. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, and essentially just stewing in my own misery, but I vowed to get past it, cutting out a huge chunk of my life in the process, namely the town I grew up in and all the friends therein.

It's been over 2 weeks since I made that promise to myself, and I feel like I'm getting there. I'm eating better, doing a hell of a lot more exercise than I was before, and while there's still nothing on the job front, I'm optimistic that something will show up eventually.

I miss my ex terribly, this being most prominent in my dreams, leaving me feeling quite empty when I awake.

But I'm punching the dirt, gritting those teeth, and not letting anything get me down. I feel healthier, I'm currently in a tranquil state of catharsis, more so than any other period in my life, and while I'm not in the situation I'd like to be, I will make something positive out of all of this.


Anyway, enough about me.

"Daystar, we love you, please tell us more!"

No, no, I insist. How do you guys deal with awful situations? Do you sulk on it? Do you push through them? Do you sort of let them fade away to a bad memory? I'm interested in how other people deal with stuff like this.

Also, while doing my exercises, I like to listen to what I think is a Journey cover band, composed of 80's montage rock loving mice.

It's the best

 

[Sassafrass]

I try to push through and got on with my life. My year has been pretty shitty but hey, shit happens. Just gotta take the punches.

Also, listening to this a lot helped.

 

[Euryalus]

I'm not sure how to say it really. Basically it's choosing to be happy?

Make jokes, laugh at the situation, and really just plow through it. It's not really an easy thing to learn, and I'm still terrible at it, but painful things don't have to make you miserable.

"Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional"

^That

That and a lot of music I guess. >.>

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Earlier this year I too came out of a lengthy relationship as the leftee. Actually that was me putting a definitive stop to all the on-and-off BS that happened after the real break-up, which happened July 2012.

First rule of thumb: never compromise. Don't go for half-baked solutions, don't accept any situation in which you feel demoted from what you had before. Either you're together or you're not.

My story: I waited for this person for months and months. I gave her all the "time for thinking" she wanted. I overlooked the fact she was seeing people in the meantime. I still took her in one night her dad got abusive and she needed a place to crash. I took her to the hospital the day after. On the Summer I needed a place to crash myself, because the apartment was getting scrapped, but she refused to help me with that. And while I crashed over at my mom's Summer house, I still invited her over for a holiday. She disappeared for almost a week afterwards, not answerings calls or e-mails. She later "explained" something about losing her cell phone and not having a proper internet connection. And that she still needed time.

Never compromise.

To the people who do not want us in their lives I say: fuck it. Second rule of thumb: the healthiest thing you can do in your life is make your own decisions and not spend it as a reaction of someone else's. Waiting is no good. So it's natural and perfectly healthy that you want to make some modifications in your life as soon as possible, as proof that you're still in control and not playing victim to the circumstances.

Third rule: even if there's no looking back, that doesn't mean you have to demonize her/him in your memories, as some sort of logically phallacious process to justify the fact you're no longer with her/him. The good memories still happened, and you wanna cherish those, because you don't have to take all the time spent as wasted. You invested it the best way you could: with someone that left you with all those good memories. You live, you learn, you move on towards something better, always towards something better.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Earlier this year I too came out of a lengthy relationship as the leftee. Actually that was me putting a definitive stop to all the on-and-off BS that happened after the real break-up, which happened July 2012.

First rule of thumb: never compromise. Don't go for half-baked solutions, don't accept any situation in which you feel demoted from what you had before. Either you're together or you're not.

My story: I waited for this person for months and months. I gave her all the "time for thinking" she wanted. I overlooked the fact she was seeing people in the meantime. I still took her in one night her dad got abusive and she needed a place to crash. I took her to the hospital the day after. On the Summer I needed a place to crash myself, because the apartment was getting scrapped, but she refused to help me with that. And while I crashed over at my mom's Summer house, I still invited her over for a holiday. She disappeared for almost a week afterwards, not answerings calls or e-mails. She later "explained" something about losing her cell phone and not having a proper internet connection. And that she still needed time.

Never compromise.

To the people who do not want us in their lives I say: fuck it. Second rule of thumb: the healthiest thing you can do in your life is make your own decisions and not spend it as a reaction of someone else's. Waiting is no good. So it's natural and perfectly healthy that you want to make some modifications in your life as soon as possible, as proof that you're still in control and not playing victim to the circumstances.

Third rule: even if there's no looking back, that doesn't mean you have to demonize her/him in your memories, as some sort of logically phallacious process to justify the fact you're no longer with her/him. The good memories still happened, and you wanna cherish those, because you don't have to take all the time spent as wasted. You invested it the best way you could: with someone that left you with all those good memories. You live, you learn, you move on towards something better, always towards something better.

This seems very much the way I've been thinking about this whole thing.

She's gone now, I refuse to 'wait' for her, but that doesn't mean I don't still think of her fondly.

 

[Casual Shinji]

When truly bad situations rear their head I typically go through a set order of mental states; baffled -- denial -- panic -- sulking -- acceptance.

As long as I make through each of these steps in that order I'll be okay.

 

[Mr Fixit]

I try to keep myself busy & I refuse to allow it to bring me down. I have my quiet moments where I let my mind do what it will, but I am very determined to not let the bad things change me. I'm the positive one, I'm the happy one, I'm the rock that everyone else can count on & IT WILL NOT CHANGE ME.

The past 3 days I have buried my dog, had a short but very good relationship end & my mother is in the hospital, but here I am at work. Someone has to make sure the bills still get paid & all the other little things get taken care of. My dog is gone & I can do nothing more for him, my girl is probably better off without me & my mother is in the best hands with her doctor. Nothing I can do will change any of those things, so I simply keep doing what is needed. Someone has too.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I try to keep myself busy & I refuse to allow it to bring me down. I have my quiet moments where I let my mind do what it will, but I am very determined to not let the bad things change me. I'm the positive one, I'm the happy one, I'm the rock that everyone else can count on & IT WILL NOT CHANGE ME.

The past 3 days I have buried my dog, had a short but very good relationship end & my mother is in the hospital, but here I am at work. Someone has to make sure the bills still get paid & all the other little things get taken care of. My dog is gone & I can do nothing more for him, my girl is probably better off without me & my mother is in the best hands with her doctor. Nothing I can do will change any of those things, so I simply keep doing what is needed. Someone has too.

Man, that's a load of crap to get have piled on you in such a short time, I'm glad you're keeping your head above water though

 

[Colour Scientist]

My 3+ year relationship ended last week.

It sucks but I just kind of make jokes when people ask and get on with it.

It's made tougher by the fact that I'm living across the country from my family and friends for work/university and I haven't met many people my age here yet but I visit home and my friends most weekends and I'm starting in a new university for a postgrad in September so i'll make the effort to meet people there. Failing that, I can always complain on the Internet.

Anyway, my usual reaction to things like this is to just get on with it. It's difficult at first but I just tend to push it to the back of my mind as much as I can until the pain is less raw. I don't like sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself and I hate making other people feel sorry for me.

 

[Stasisesque]

I suppose I just try not to dwell on the bad stuff. Which is either a healthy way of living or it will bite me in the ass in years to come.

For example, three years ago now, in the space of a year: My best friend died, I cheated on and then broke up with my ex, my nan was diagnosed with stage 5 lung cancer, I moved halfway across the country, I lost my job and most of my friends and found out I have TMJ (jaw problems). It was a pretty shitty time, but hilariously it's actually not the worst I've ever been through. I guess my particular brand of dealing relies quite heavily on there having been worst stuff I've managed to get through, but it does seem to work. I'm still here and I am, perhaps surprisingly, very happy with where my life is at the moment. I have a wonderful boyfriend, I'm back at University, I had surgery to help fix my jaw problems, my nan has since died but she isn't suffering anymore, and my memories of my best friend are some of the best I have.

If, god forbid, I go through another combination of utter bullshit, I'll know I can get through it because I've done it before. So, like I say, either I have the right idea or I don't, but right now it appears to be working.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Another self reflective thread from me, but don't worry, this one isn't nearly as depressing as my last one. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.824906-Catharsis-and-Reflection]


For those who can't be arsed to read it, I recently came out of a 10 year relationship, and understandably it hit me hard, harder than anything has ever hit me before. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, and essentially just stewing in my own misery, but I vowed to get past it, cutting out a huge chunk of my life in the process, namely the town I grew up in and all the friends therein.

It's been over 2 weeks since I made that promise to myself, and I feel like I'm getting there. I'm eating better, doing a hell of a lot more exercise than I was before, and while there's still nothing on the job front, I'm optimistic that something will show up eventually.

I miss my ex terribly, this being most prominent in my dreams, leaving me feeling quite empty when I awake.

But I'm punching the dirt, gritting those teeth, and not letting anything get me down. I feel healthier, I'm currently in a tranquil state of catharsis, more so than any other period in my life, and while I'm not in the situation I'd like to be, I will make something positive out of all of this.


Anyway, enough about me.

"Daystar, we love you, please tell us more!"

No, no, I insist. How do you guys deal with awful situations? Do you sulk on it? Do you push through them? Do you sort of let them fade away to a bad memory? I'm interested in how other people deal with stuff like this.

Also, while doing my exercises, I like to listen to what I think is a Journey cover band, composed of 80's montage rock loving mice.

It's the best

OK, so I missed your first thread and whilst I may be a tad late, I still want to say that I do feel for you and good on you to move on like you did.

2. May I suggest trying to learn an instrument as a part of your "I shall improve myself"-plan? Or if you already play an instrument, choose a new song to learn which you can use to channel your emotions? It could help you in one way or another.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

snip

I'm not really interested in playing an instrument, but thanks for the suggestion.


I think I'm gonna concentrate on the diet and exercise before I try and solve world hunger

 

[Calibanbutcher]

snip

I'm gonna concentrate on the diet and exercise before I try and solve world hunger

Surely you can't have been eating THAT much...

Now to think of a clever name for the soon-to-be-fit you...

"Hulkstar Clarion" do anything for you?

 

[Daystar Clarion]

snip

I'm gonna concentrate on the diet and exercise before I try and solve world hunger

Surely you can't have been eating THAT much...

Now to think of a clever name for the soon-to-be-fit you...

"Hulkstar Clarion" do anything for you?

NOVAstar Clarion.

NOVA will always be capitalised.


Always.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

snip

I'm gonna concentrate on the diet and exercise before I try and solve world hunger

Surely you can't have been eating THAT much...

Now to think of a clever name for the soon-to-be-fit you...

"Hulkstar Clarion" do anything for you?

NOVAstar Clarion.

NOVA will always be capitalised.


Always.

But isn't a NOVA just a star blowing up?
I thought you said you wanted to decrease your volume, rather than baloon yourself, but hey, whatever floats your boat, maybe you can ask out eternal nothingness once your transformation into a balloon is complete.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

snip

I'm gonna concentrate on the diet and exercise before I try and solve world hunger

Surely you can't have been eating THAT much...

Now to think of a clever name for the soon-to-be-fit you...

"Hulkstar Clarion" do anything for you?

NOVAstar Clarion.

NOVA will always be capitalised.


Always.

But isn't a NOVA just a star blowing up?
I thought you said you wanted to decrease your volume, rather than baloon yourself, but hey, whatever floats your boat, maybe you can ask out eternal nothingness once your transformation into a balloon is complete.

NOVA is Eastern Peruvian for awesome, yes, it has to be in caps, it's a very beautiful language.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

When these kind of things happen I find they make me care less and less about everything. I used to get apocalyptically upset, nowadays I just listen to unreasonable amounts of Slipknot to let it out and bury myself in videogames, then overthink everything horribly when I try to go to sleep at night.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

My way of dealing with things:

Step 1 - take a day off from work/school/etc

Step 2 - go work out, and keep working until I'm too tired to care about anything or feel feelings

Step 3 - relax by marathoning a show on netflix

Step 4 - go out with some friends

Step 5 - go to sleep knowing that it's not the end of the world, and that I had a good day

 

[unindexedsearchengine]

Seeing as I haven't ever really suffered something anywhere near that magnitude, I'm unsure if... i have the right? to post this, but here is my two cents.
Whenever i'm down, I always do one thing: Plan for the future. While emotions, even the bad one, are necessary, sometimes it's good to take a step back and analyse a situation. You take the problem apart, delve deep into it, no matter how much pain that might cause, study it's details, and learn. Then, you plan out, in detail, a part of your future life you havent given much thought to. Not only does this help you cope, but it gives you a sense of stability, and a higher chance of avoiding such situations in the future. I read your previous thread, where you said you went back to being that 15 year old boy who has no idea what life has in store for you. And that's alright, because no one ever knows what life has in store for them. Those people who claim otherwise simply mix it up with knowing what they have in store for life.
I suggest you take that as it is. Stop worrying about what life might have in store for you. Start worrying about what YOU have in store for life. That way whatever life turns out to have in store for you, you will be in control.
As you said, Don't let this, or anything else beat you down.
Punch back.
Show the world who you are.(as you have been showing this community for years.)

[small]apologies if that turned out somewhat drippy[/small]

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

If it's caused by another person(in a deliberately pejorative manner; they went out of their way to upset me) I keep thinking that I show/experience sadness, then they've won.

Otherwise, I sulk for a bit, but then watch something/play something familiar, perhaps an episode of Community or a round of Civ V.

Also not to load Chekhov's Gun, but I've never been in that specific kind of situation, nonetheless, hope you feel better soon Daystar!