Half-Fortress
- Thread starter Anarchemitis
- Start date
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"I have always wanted to travel to eastern Europe" felt a bit redundant to me, other then that I liked it.
Also, what's that blue thing floating around by the spy.
Also, what's that blue thing floating around by the spy.
I'm probably going to make myself quite unpopular, but I don't think it's very good. I think the idea is brilliant, but the execution leaves something to be desired.
The joke in the first comic isn't immediately obvious, further evidenced by the fact that you felt the need to explain it, and the colour filter makes the whole thing look washed out.
The second one is better, despite being clearly influenced by the jokes in Concerned, but the image isn't particularly funny on its own and the postcard, while a nice touch, isn't snappy enough. Much of your humour is going to derive from them not realising that they are in an oppressive junta. I think something like this would have been better:
"Dear Red Team,
Thanks for letting has some time off, I hope Scout is feeling better. Heavy and I have just arrived in City 17. We had a little trouble in customs, but that's all fixed now. It is very peaceful here, everyone going about their business in such an orderly fashion! The local police are having a crackdown on litter and we were happy to help out. The locals are very friendly, but have advised us not to drink the water. I'm glad we brought sandvitches!
Anyway, must go now. It has been a long day and Heavy is starting to get tired.
See you soon
Medic"
I really hope you continue with these, but rather than try and do loads at once, slow down and make sure you've worked out the joke before you start doing anything. I'm not trying to be a dick, just give some constructive criticism. Look forward to seeing where you go with this.
The joke in the first comic isn't immediately obvious, further evidenced by the fact that you felt the need to explain it, and the colour filter makes the whole thing look washed out.
The second one is better, despite being clearly influenced by the jokes in Concerned, but the image isn't particularly funny on its own and the postcard, while a nice touch, isn't snappy enough. Much of your humour is going to derive from them not realising that they are in an oppressive junta. I think something like this would have been better:
"Dear Red Team,
Thanks for letting has some time off, I hope Scout is feeling better. Heavy and I have just arrived in City 17. We had a little trouble in customs, but that's all fixed now. It is very peaceful here, everyone going about their business in such an orderly fashion! The local police are having a crackdown on litter and we were happy to help out. The locals are very friendly, but have advised us not to drink the water. I'm glad we brought sandvitches!
Anyway, must go now. It has been a long day and Heavy is starting to get tired.
See you soon
Medic"
I really hope you continue with these, but rather than try and do loads at once, slow down and make sure you've worked out the joke before you start doing anything. I'm not trying to be a dick, just give some constructive criticism. Look forward to seeing where you go with this.
I have to agree: the first comic was smirk-worthy by itself, but the context and the overall joke that was being aimed at needed explanation.nilcypher post=18.74570.843528 said:
The second comic was always almost funny, but as nilcypher said, there was no focus and no zippy punch-line. Like nilcypher's post, this isn't meant to be abuse - I think you guys can tighten this up right fast.
Well, it's not supposed to be a Concerned dupe. The Medic and Heavy are on vacation and do necessarily need to satire the oppression of the Combine when Concerned has already done a magnificent job of it.
And I'll work on those snappy punchlines.
And I'll work on those snappy punchlines.
[img_inline width="700" caption="At first I didn't know what to do with this one, but it came after a bit of thinking. And the thought led to an inevitable storyline. At first I was thinking the comics would be non-linear and not unlike viginettes, but I guess x434343 had different ideas. The building in the background was not actually there, since the player normally wouldn't look in that direction, I guess. I looked up on google pictures of buildings in Odessa, and chose that one, blurred it and stuck it in."]http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/5723/78784465de0.png[/img_inline]
