Hate a Game You Love, Love a Game You Hate

[Whistler777]

Well, it's about time we put aside our differences and dig deep inside ourselves to find things we love about games we hate, and things we hate about games we love. They don't have to be logical, or even valid things to love or hate!

--

Condemned - What a terrible game. You're trapped in the city of God-Knows-Where and constantly have to kill crazed homeless people. But wait, an FPS where guns are rare? That's absolute bullshit! Also, why does the main character always have to take the darkest, most terrifying route to the next place in the city. Why go through an abandoned and haunted doll factory, when you could just as easily have taken the bus?

Halo 3 - This game is amazing! Within seconds of sliding the Blu-Ray into my PS3, I was met with gorgeous graphics, rippling bass, and unparalleled multiplayer. And that's just from the title screen! I could go on about how the campaign is wrought with terrifying and bone-shattering atmosphere, and the combat feels like you are the one cracking alien skulls, but I think I speak for everyone here when I say that this game's quality knows no limits.

 

[AvsJoe]

Legend of Disgaea - What a piece of crap. Legend of Dis-Gay-Shit is more like it. The characters don't look like real people and the guns are way too small. I didn't see a shotgun anywhere. And what's with the squares you have to walk on? That's just... uhh... GAY! Haha.

DOA Extreme Beach Volleyball - Now that's more like it! Boobs! Games aren't worth mentioning if the boobs aren't bouncing. Volleyball's kinda stupid, but it's a good excuse for boobs! Who cares if there isn't a story. Stories are for babies anyway, the story here is the mountains of milk jugs.

Author's Note: This was surprisingly hard to do. Try it out.
Author's Note: The anti-gay comments are not my opinion. I'm just mocking the people who only buy games only for the boobs.

 

[Sporadic chaos]

Half-Life: What a terrible game! The opening is far to long, characters are unlikable and the voice acting is the worst I've heard in years. Valve should go die in a fire then release another one of these games.

Call of Duty 3: This could quite possibly be the best game I have ever played. The characters are varied greatly and Treyarch created possibly the best multiplayer experience in the history of gaming. The weapons are numerous and the maps are wide open and rarely feel linier. Treyarch should be praised for creating this amazing game!

 

[Ossum]

GTA4: Who knew you could have so much fun with semi-real car physics in a sandbox game? Not me! If you're at all the kind of gamer I am you'll enjoy the deep and compelling storyline in which criminal elements duke it out over common tropes. Additionally, the real-world color palette and gripping visuals will keep your eyes fastened to the screen for days! If you're a family man or just have a few cousins you always hear from whenever there's a problem, you'll love the riveting conversations you get to have with your in-game family relations, all of whom are eager to spend every waking moment with you!

Katamari Damacy: Who the hell wants to roll a ball of random crap around? Your drunken father wrecks everything you hold dear and mentally abuses you until you fix his problems, just like real life but without the welfare check! Listening to weird-ass Japanese music while trying to figure out whether you want the orange peel or the mouse first is not anybody's idea of a good time. At best this game is a fifth-rate room-cleaning sim, and at worst it's a shoddy embarrassment of a game with ludicrous eye searing graphics, repetitious gameplay, and an inexplicable fetish for manipulating sticky balls. Avoid this game at all costs, or better yet, throw it with great force onto a Katamari. At least then it'll get your Vicodin and alcohol-sodden dad off your case for a few minutes before his nightly bender. After all, he's got to make a "Cat-pissed Crap Star" with the Salvation Army toys you rolled up.

Note: Started with "Love" because it was harder to do.

 

[SebZero]

Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor: What a terrible game! Who wants to strategize when they play?!? I wanted to be handed a gun and pointed towards demons to shoot! And what's with multiple endings based on my choices? I don't feel comfortable with that sort of decision. This should be renamed "Suck My Gami (?) Ten Say"!

Custom Robo: Now here is a game! I need 37 different types of rockets that are essentially the same, but fly at slightly different angles. And I love games that give you extremely powerful parts that will inevitably be banned to balance the game and give you a true sense of appreciation for.... something. Also, my eyes bleeding after some multiplayer just means the game is just that damn good!

 

[Jurassic Rob]

Hated Alone in the Dark, but loved the fire physics.

Loved Mass Effect, but hate the waiting for the new DLC!!!!

 

[MortisLegio]

um... Halo3 wasn't on PS3

Fable 2 - I love this game hate that it was too short and the glitchyness
Turok - I hate this game but killing dinosaurs is really fun

 

[NeutralDrow]

Um...I'm having trouble thinking of games I hate. Both because there aren't very many games I hate, and because the ones left over tend to make me physically ill to think about them. Well, I'll give it a shot.

Xchange - The idea of a male visual novel protagonist becoming a woman is an interesting prospect, and the very rare times the game portrayed actual consensual sex were rather endearing.

A Drug That Makes You Dream - The game's Bad Endings are almost unbelievably depressing...wait, that's a positive.

...okay, Mizuki's breasts look kind of fake in some images when she's wearing clothes.

 

[ExplosivePterodactyl]

Any Kirby game apart from the first- Why am I a floating pink puffball that can eat anything I feel like, even things that are on fire! And after I swallow the random flame with arms and legs why do I get the ability to breathe fire? It was a horrible concept for gameplay. These games were horrible!

Two Worlds- Finally a game that is just utterly awesome! The jumping looks amazing, all I have to do is poison someone and run around for five minutes and I can complete the game no problem! This game was just so fun! I can't believe how fun this game was, it's like they read everyone's mind in the world and compiled it all into one game!

[horrible at this]

 

[SideburnsPuppy]

I hated Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, but The Force powers were actually pretty cool, twisting the Nunchuk to close off a guy's windpipe like in the movies. I didn't see Jar-Jar Binks anywhere, and even though all the boss fights are essentially the same, at least you'll be good at it by the end. Also, if you have high patience, you can master the Wiimote controls and maybe it might resemble a lightsabre

I loved Beyond Good and Evil, but was I the only one who had a finger twitch due to the high tension and had my finger slip off the crouch button for a mere second, only to find out that I had been spotted and tipped off the nigh-invincible guards to my location? A toggle would have been far superior. And the lack of a real jump button had me running on the spot in front of a cube for ages until finally realizing I had to adjust my angle three degrees to the right for it to register.

I hated Spider-Man 3, but it's always satisfying to swing around the city, bouncing off rooftops, and switching into Super Evil Death mode and clobbering everyone and everything around me, then switching back and frantically completing the Quick Time Event before the timer ran out and I had to restart the mission.

I loved Jak II, but if there's two gaming cliches I hate the most, they're underwater levels and mech levels. Jak II has an underwater mech level. Ouch.

I hated Eragon, but sometimes you need to enter a mind-numbing realm where with a mere three button-pushes you can jump onto a giant's shoulders and smack him on the head with your sword until he falls over in a cloud of green lights and inexplicably melts into the ground like he's a soluble substance and the ground below him is water.

I loved Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal, but that pathetic excuse for a final boss fight with the giant robot thing and you were in the space ship was just...well...pathetic.

I hated Final Fantasy XII, but it was really cool to analyze the boss and note its elemental weaknesses and lay out your gambits and have your strategy all come together in a massive explosion of "die you androgynous villain you!"

I loved Shadow of the Colossus, but there was little closure (stupid complaint, I know) and THAT @#$%IN' HORSE WOULD ALWAYS COME TO A SCREECHING HALT AND TURN A FULL ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY DEGREES WHENEVER IT ENCOUNTERED ANYTHING HIGHER THAN A @#$%IN' GUMDROP ARRRRRRRGH!!!

 

[Aqualung]

Shadow of the Colossus: What a massive piece of crap! The horse looks terrible! Not to mention the character models, PLEASE! It's like someone designed them out of play-dough and glue! And the boss fights are WAY uninteresting!

Alone in the Dark: What an amazing game. The driving physics are as real as it gets, the voice work is astonishing, and the script is better than anything Hollywood has made, ever! Too bad the music and the fire effects suck, though.

 

[Gmano]

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts: WTF IS THIS? A game thats got funny characters, that pokes fun at the industry surrounding MY HOBBY?! One that makes me build vehicles MYSELF to accomplish challenges that make me THINK! Who does rare think it is?


Madden (any): Whoa, a game where I can pretend to play sports? Without actually doing anything? With graphics that look almost like I am watching real people play? Just like I can on tv? NO WAY! This playing a game about a game I ordinarily don't like or play is awesome, I don't even have to go outside!

 

[LimeJester]

Ninja Gaiden (Xbox): Oh man, this is just fantastic. Ninjas EVERYWHERE man! Just look there's a half dozen just standing there! And the main character Ninja, look out! He is so bad ass from his tight black rubber suit and complete badass attitude. He just would tear your grandmother in half just by looking at her with one eye. The only way this game could be cooler is if he fought half naked pink demons, and space marines! Oh wait, he does. And don't even get me started on those awesome platforming sections, the camera just makes it so much fun that I just can't bare to have any more fun! Every one in the games industry should just quit their jobs, they are never going to do it as good as the rockstar of gaming, Itagaki!

Team Fortress 2: Who makes this garbage? Valve?! More like Valve that holds back diarrhea and couldn't make a fun game if they stumbled into a fun game making factory! The classes are so god damned unbalanced, who the hell wants to play as different guys? I like all my characters generic interchangable space marines who communicate in a series of grunts and chest bumps. And who cares about team work? I want my lone wolf space marine kicking ass and tea bagging anyone who stands in his power armored way. GOD! And what is with those maps? There's too much colour, and too many paths. Who the hell needs blue and red and those 4 other colours they use? Real men only like brown, gray and black. And talk about confusing if there is more than one route to take to get from point A to point B its bull. Real men walk straight in through the front door and let the women folk know they are coming.

 

[Whistler777]

GTA4: Who knew you could have so much fun with semi-real car physics in a sandbox game? Not me! If you're at all the kind of gamer I am you'll enjoy the deep and compelling storyline in which criminal elements duke it out over common tropes. Additionally, the real-world color palette and gripping visuals will keep your eyes fastened to the screen for days! If you're a family man or just have a few cousins you always hear from whenever there's a problem, you'll love the riveting conversations you get to have with your in-game family relations, all of whom are eager to spend every waking moment with you!

Team Fortress 2: Who makes this garbage? Valve?! More like Valve that holds back diarrhea and couldn't make a fun game if they stumbled into a fun game making factory! The classes are so god damned unbalanced, who the hell wants to play as different guys? I like all my characters generic interchangable space marines who communicate in a series of grunts and chest bumps. And who cares about team work? I want my lone wolf space marine kicking ass and tea bagging anyone who stands in his power armored way. GOD! And what is with those maps? There's too much colour, and too many paths. Who the hell needs blue and red and those 4 other colours they use? Real men only like brown, gray and black. And talk about confusing if there is more than one route to take to get from point A to point B its bull. Real men walk straight in through the front door and let the women folk know they are coming.

Now here are two examples of doing it right. Hilarious, guys!

--

Left 4 Dead - Absolute tripe. In all my years of gaming, I never expected Valve to come out with much after they developed Half-Life 3 for the Turbografx 16, but sinking this low ought to come with mandatory jail time! Shooting zombies may have sounded like a good idea, but having to shoot thousands of zombies in a row literally led to my pointer finger having to be restitched. Not to mention the AI in this game is absolutely abhorrent: every other second, your computer-controlled Survivor friends are knocking you off a cliff whilst shouting "GRABBIN' PEELS!".

Gears of War I - Escapists, I have seen Nirvana, and it comes in a green DVD case marked "Gears of War". Hours upon hours of navigating through chest-high walls and blasting enemies named Dom has literally gotten me fired from my job. Pure joy courses through every part of my brain when I have to keep a light shined onto a horde of bats, as I know that if I screw up for even one second, I will have the pleasure of starting all over again. Thank you, Cliffy B, I will never play another game this satisfying as long as I shall live.

 

[Christemo]

i...i... NO I CANT. i cant make myself hate Heroes of Might and Magic.

Spyro: Year of the Dragon What a piece of shit! the graphics are crude, the voice acting sucks and the levels are ugly and un-innovative. wish i had bought something else.

Icewind Dale this game is great! the graphics are good, the envirouments are great and the combat is nice. a masterpiece indeed.

that was hard...

 

[Christemo]

I hated Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, but The Force powers were actually pretty cool, twisting the Nunchuk to close off a guy's windpipe like in the movies. I didn't see Jar-Jar Binks anywhere, and even though all the boss fights are essentially the same, at least you'll be good at it by the end. Also, if you have high patience, you can master the Wiimote controls and maybe it might resemble a lightsabre

I loved Beyond Good and Evil, but was I the only one who had a finger twitch due to the high tension and had my finger slip off the crouch button for a mere second, only to find out that I had been spotted and tipped off the nigh-invincible guards to my location? A toggle would have been far superior. And the lack of a real jump button had me running on the spot in front of a cube for ages until finally realizing I had to adjust my angle three degrees to the right for it to register.

I hated Spider-Man 3, but it's always satisfying to swing around the city, bouncing off rooftops, and switching into Super Evil Death mode and clobbering everyone and everything around me, then switching back and frantically completing the Quick Time Event before the timer ran out and I had to restart the mission.

I loved Jak II, but if there's two gaming cliches I hate the most, they're underwater levels and mech levels. Jak II has an underwater mech level. Ouch.

I hated Eragon, but sometimes you need to enter a mind-numbing realm where with a mere three button-pushes you can jump onto a giant's shoulders and smack him on the head with your sword until he falls over in a cloud of green lights and inexplicably melts into the ground like he's a soluble substance and the ground below him is water.

I loved Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal, but that pathetic excuse for a final boss fight with the giant robot thing and you were in the space ship was just...well...pathetic.

I hated Final Fantasy XII, but it was really cool to analyze the boss and note its elemental weaknesses and lay out your gambits and have your strategy all come together in a massive explosion of "die you androgynous villain you!"

I loved Shadow of the Colossus, but there was little closure (stupid complaint, I know) and THAT @#$%IN' HORSE WOULD ALWAYS COME TO A SCREECHING HALT AND TURN A FULL ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY DEGREES WHENEVER IT ENCOUNTERED ANYTHING HIGHER THAN A @#$%IN' GUMDROP ARRRRRRRGH!!!

you obviously doesnt see the point of this thread.

 

[deleted_scifidownbeat]

DELETED

 

[Redchili23]

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles - What a load of burning feces! How can you even concieve the thought to like this garbage! You have to hold a retarded chalice everwhere you go or else you'll get aids or the swine flu, and to actually play multiplayer you a gameboy for EACH person AND a retarded gamecube to gameboy wire. This game is pure crap, not only that but it's a freaking JRPG! Everyone has retarded hair and inhuman ability in this thing. It's just unbearable.

Runescape - Wow, holy jeez. This game blew my mind away. The fixed overhead view gives you a beautiful look at the gorgeous surroundings, completely in High Res 3-D. Like alot of skills? This definitely has them! Skills for the things you actually give a crap about and other crap that's just there for you to waste your time and money. Like to do lots and lots and lots of annoying repetative quests? This game will keep you stuck doing boring quests without any actual story behind it. Like kids? Runescape is guaranteed that the first person you meet with be some 12 year old twat who spends his entire life playing this delightful game.

 

[latenightapplepie]

I didn't see Jar-Jar Binks anywhere

Then you weren't looking close enough. In the level on Kashyyyk in the room with all the animal trophies, you can see a gungan incased in carbonite on one of the walls. I'm fairly sure it was intended to be a reference to him. Still, I'm not sure whether to think of it as a good or bad thing - He's not dead, but he's not talking either.


OT: Bioshock was easily one of the worst games I've ever been unfortunate enough to experience. That game possesses nothing of substance or worth. I regret putting it into my disk drive. Bland. There is no immersion, no attempt to create even a mediocre setting. It could well be defined as a rail shooter for it's monotonous linearity. Oh, and the soundtrack sucks too.

[small] I don't hate any games, hence no second part. [/small]