Have you ever had an Identity crisis or something similar?

[Evil Moo]

The fact is that you're not special and you will eventually learn to have a drink if you want to. And now after writing this I realize it'd be a solo journey for you for starters at least. In that case... Shit. Just keep all this in mind, k?

I don't think I do want to learn. Too many layers of misery. Why should I have to learn to drink something I despise, just to exist comfortably in a setting I don't want to be in, to socialise with people I probably don't like, in the vain hope that I find someone I do? Seems more like a recipe for disaster than a path to success.

I feel like there should be a better way. Preferably one that doesn't essentially involve rewriting my entire personality to fit the preferences of society.

That or I could just continue being increasingly isolated for the rest of my hopefully short life.

 

[McElroy]

I feel like there should be a better way. Preferably one that doesn't essentially involve rewriting my entire personality to fit the preferences of society.

That or I could just continue being increasingly isolated for the rest of my hopefully short life.

I offered my two cents on drinks being "yet another part of the problem" as you described it. It was not general advice for your dilemma.

Nevertheless, myself - as I said in my post - I'm a friend-maker but not a friend-keeper (wordplay is real here), but I wouldn't say I "put myself around people" or at least not on purpose. My simple advice would be to try and find a hobby that involves other people but also allows you to sit back and not really say anything until you see a way to express yourself comfortably. Sounds a bit lame, but in practice it's completely fine. Works for me (even if nowadays I'll chime in almost any chance I get, but the principle hasn't changed).

Though keep in mind I live in a country where average interactions feature a lot of silence. Sometimes I forget how talkative most Finns aren't. Talk is to relay information, y'know. If it's not important information WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME, DANGIT!?! It takes the right circumstances to form friendships here, and more often than not those circumstances contain a shitload of alcohol.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I see you're having trouble with social situations due to social anxiety. I have that issue myself. Even though people think of me as a social butterfly, I'm really not, I can fake it, but I much prefer to keep to myself and my close friends. I'm not sure if this will help, but if you can go out drinking, that will help with the social anxiety, just don't over do the drinking. Sometimes you meet really cool people out at the local pub, or bar. Just a penny for your thoughts, might be worth a try, makes a nice special treat.

Unfortunately that is yet another part of the problem. I can't stand alcohol. It just tastes like acid to me. I've never been able to force myself to drink enough to feel the effects. Also, given that pretty much every social setting seems to involve drinking, at best I end up being the one sober person in the room, which isn't a great experience. Whenever I was out with friends in the past, it would invariably turn into a game of trying to get me to drink in some misguided attempt to get me out of my shell. It grows tiresome after a while.

I'm what you would call an advanced drinker (*cough* alcoholic *cough* What? No. I don't have a problem! IT YOU PEOPLE WITH THE PROBLEM!)

Get something high proof, drink and chase it with a drink you do like. Once the sweet fog rolls in, you wont care how bad it tastes. In fact with certain whiskeys you'll be able to appreciate it's nuances of flavors.

Or have you tried the white russian? a properly mixed one is pretty good, but it's more of a desert.

Personally though, if you hate social situations I would not add booze as a social lubricant. I personally prefer to drink alone because I really don't like the way I act when I drink, and it's not like you don't have to live with the consequences the next day when your sober ya know?

 

[Evil Moo]

My simple advice would be to try and find a hobby that involves other people but also allows you to sit back and not really say anything until you see a way to express yourself comfortably. Sounds a bit lame, but in practice it's completely fine. Works for me (even if nowadays I'll chime in almost any chance I get, but the principle hasn't changed).

Yeah, the hobby approach seems like the most likely bet, though still difficult as I've slowly formed all my hobby preferences around solitude. Something to work on at least. At some point. When I find a sense of motivation again.

Personally though, if you hate social situations I would not add booze as a social lubricant. I personally prefer to drink alone because I really don't like the way I act when I drink, and it's not like you don't have to live with the consequences the next day when your sober ya know?

I'd worry about what drunk me would be like. At least I can count on sober me not to do something monumentally stupid. Drunk me is an unknown I don't have a strong desire to explore, even ignoring my distaste for the route to meet him. That said, knowing me, I'd probably still be super quiet anyway...

 

[DudeistBelieve]

My simple advice would be to try and find a hobby that involves other people but also allows you to sit back and not really say anything until you see a way to express yourself comfortably. Sounds a bit lame, but in practice it's completely fine. Works for me (even if nowadays I'll chime in almost any chance I get, but the principle hasn't changed).

Yeah, the hobby approach seems like the most likely bet, though still difficult as I've slowly formed all my hobby preferences around solitude. Something to work on at least. At some point. When I find a sense of motivation again.

Personally though, if you hate social situations I would not add booze as a social lubricant. I personally prefer to drink alone because I really don't like the way I act when I drink, and it's not like you don't have to live with the consequences the next day when your sober ya know?

I'd worry about what drunk me would be like. At least I can count on sober me not to do something monumentally stupid. Drunk me is an unknown I don't have a strong desire to explore, even ignoring my distaste for the route to meet him. That said, knowing me, I'd probably still be super quiet anyway...

In my experience? It's just you, just completely unfiltered.

 

[McElroy]

My simple advice would be to try and find a hobby that involves other people but also allows you to sit back and not really say anything until you see a way to express yourself comfortably. Sounds a bit lame, but in practice it's completely fine. Works for me (even if nowadays I'll chime in almost any chance I get, but the principle hasn't changed).

Yeah, the hobby approach seems like the most likely bet, though still difficult as I've slowly formed all my hobby preferences around solitude. Something to work on at least. At some point. When I find a sense of motivation again.

Personally though, if you hate social situations I would not add booze as a social lubricant. I personally prefer to drink alone because I really don't like the way I act when I drink, and it's not like you don't have to live with the consequences the next day when your sober ya know?

I'd worry about what drunk me would be like. At least I can count on sober me not to do something monumentally stupid. Drunk me is an unknown I don't have a strong desire to explore, even ignoring my distaste for the route to meet him. That said, knowing me, I'd probably still be super quiet anyway...

In my experience? It's just you, just completely unfiltered.

How many drinks you need to go from filtered to completely unfiltered? But yeah, I'd say that if you can imagine things that you would do with a bit of encouragement, you might do those things when drunk. It's unlikely there are these unwanted subconscious urges ready to be unchained by a bunch of drinks within any of us. It's an unnecessary concern I hear some people have.

For the record, as it happens I'm going drinking with friends for a couple of days tomorrow! And before you get the idea I'm a boozer extraordinaire, the last time I got drunk - which was the third occasion this year - was 2 months ago. #OnlyAProblemIfIRunOut

 

[Saelune]

My simple advice would be to try and find a hobby that involves other people but also allows you to sit back and not really say anything until you see a way to express yourself comfortably. Sounds a bit lame, but in practice it's completely fine. Works for me (even if nowadays I'll chime in almost any chance I get, but the principle hasn't changed).

Yeah, the hobby approach seems like the most likely bet, though still difficult as I've slowly formed all my hobby preferences around solitude. Something to work on at least. At some point. When I find a sense of motivation again.

Personally though, if you hate social situations I would not add booze as a social lubricant. I personally prefer to drink alone because I really don't like the way I act when I drink, and it's not like you don't have to live with the consequences the next day when your sober ya know?

I'd worry about what drunk me would be like. At least I can count on sober me not to do something monumentally stupid. Drunk me is an unknown I don't have a strong desire to explore, even ignoring my distaste for the route to meet him. That said, knowing me, I'd probably still be super quiet anyway...

Alcohol is stupid. Don't fall for this peer pressure.