Have your parents ever done this?

[dystopiaINC]

Hi people. So have your parents ever compared you to another person your age? like a classmate that they happen to know that parents of? did you know so-in-so got a new job? and is on honor role? and has a big scholarship? Have you ever got the feeling that they seem to be questioning why you aren't so awesome as them? well mine love to do this with old elementary school classmates.

i went to a Private school that was k-8th and they met a lot of the parents of the other kids, and with a school that tops out at about 30-40 kids a and being in that class with the same kids for 9 years you do know them a bit. at least 3 of by current best friends 5 years later met me in that school.

and they do this lot. this was private school and quite a bit of the students really did go on to be near the top of the class in high school.

now here's where it gets interesting. my parents happened to compare me to the same girl quite a few times. mostly because she got a job at the fast food joint close to my home about a year and a half before I got my first job. and they all but said they were disappointed that i took so long to finally get hired. just a little while ago the mentioned how she got a new job somewhere...like i cared at the time. i had always found this practice of theirs annoying but now it's just hilarious.

yesterday i was at the mall with a friend, and we ran onto a high school friend that moved out of state and was only back visiting family for Christmas, this guy worked with the girl my parents love to tote around as a prime example of what they wanted me do do. but what I found out about her when we started talking bout his old job was downright disturbingly funny. apparently the employees at that fast food place like to sell sex toys to other employees in the back walk=in freezer. they also get together off shift for sex parties. now i had trouble believing this at first but he has never given my friend or me a reason to think he was lying, his opinion about it was also pretty weird. one of the big reasons he quite was because he was disgusted with the practices, which is ironic because he was one of the most explicit people i have ever met. funny but vulgar as hell. and HE was disgusted about this. and yes i asked about miss perfect. she did indeed participate.

the whole point is now nothing they say about miss perfect and anybody else will bother me any more i know that miss perfect is most certainly no perfect at all now. and i can't help but find the while thing funny now.

so have your parents ever done this? and have you ever found out some dark secrets about perfect Alice/Bob?

 

[Crazy_Dude]

Can't really remember the last time my parents did something like that to me. On a side not your story is pretty darn weird.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

They have, but they generally tried to avoid comparing. There is always someone better than you, thats just the way life is. So why compare ourselves to each other? We should compare ourselves to ourselves. To search out areas we've improved upon and congratulate ourselves. Realize the issues that need to be fixed and work on them.

You can't be someone else...

 

[chaosyoshimage]

I don't think so, my self-esteem issues are entirely my fault...

 

[bruggs]

Because everyone knows having and enjoying sex makes you a bad person.

 

[vidirg]

It's really hard to believe the sex thing, but my parents don't do it, but I think a lot of parents do compare children with other children

 

[WeAreStevo]

Here's a picture representation of what went through my head while reading your post:

OT: I think it's in a parents nature to compare their child to someone who is better. It happened to me throughout a large portion of my adolescents. However, now that I'm completing a masters degree in a respectable profession, and most of the people that I was compared to are still living in the same town I grew up in, married with 5 kids and work at a gas station, it's ceased.

Still, it's a very subjective thing, what's considered "success" and "good" to one person (or their parents) could be vastly different to someone else.

 

[Berithil]

Several times. Only a couple months ago I kept getting the "why don't you be like so and so, they got a job at *insert random fast food restaurant or grocery store*". Now I've got an awesome job at a large food distributor working five days a week and making $12 an hour with full benefits, pension, and 401k.... and I'm only eighteen.

Well, well, well, how the tables turn.

 

[Joccaren]

I am in a dual situation.

I am the honor role, Scholarship, employed private school kid, but at the same time my parents will compare me to other kids and say 'Why can't you do as much as this person?', 'Why can't you like the same stuff as this person?', 'Why don't you put in as much effort as this person?', 'Why don't you play as much sport as this person?'.

It really sucks for me because a lot of the people they talk about look up to my standards and will be getting a similar talk from their own parents about 'Why can't you be as smart as this person?' and that sort of shit. The other's parents don't know me or know of me but their sons and daughters always ask 'How are you so smart?'. It gets really annoying that even though I am often looked up to, I am told to look up to those who look up to me. I get it, I could be better. You don't need the perfect son, and I don't want to be the perfect son. It would be horribly boring and insufferable.

 

[Angerwing]

No, my parents don't compare me to anyone. My younger step-brother is a year younger than me, and is doing exceptionally well at university (getting High Distinctions in Actuarial Studies, one of the hardest degrees, at the best university in the country), while I'm doing okay. Yet, I'm a lot more confident than he is, I have a better job at the moment, I live out of home, have a girlfriend, have my life in order.

My parents are very proud of both of us, just for different reasons. Comparisons are not needed.

 

[Jadak]

Right, so when everything is said and done, this basically amounts to you pointing out that this girl you know doesn't meet your standards of sexual etiquette? Sounds like the problem is yours.

 

[babinro]

Sure. Comparing against my brother or other people who do not work in entry level positions. Or people who are in relationships and having kids/getting married. These sort of things seem completely normal.

This is how my parents try to motivate me to change into someone I don't want to be. They are simply trying to help my life in the long run without actually being harsh or mean about it.

 

[Lilani]

My parents never did this. They even avoided comparing me to my brother, who was always doing things "better" than I was. But we're just different people, and they understand that. I think it's a pretty cowardly and passive-aggressive way to talk to your kid, though. I mean really, if you think your kid should be doing better then just say so and talk about it openly. Don't make snide comments out the corner of your mouth, "Oh, look! So-and-so got a job! Too bad somebody else doesn't have a job! That would be so nice for somebody!"

 

[Jadak]

Woah, dudes, I think you're getting this a bit wrong. Parents do that because they want what's best for their kids and they want to be proud of them. Sure, most of the time they just end up pissing you off, but I think the underlying thought is to encourage you to "compete" with your peers, encourage you to do better and improve.

Right, so when everything is said and done, this basically amounts to you pointing out that this girl you know doesn't meet your standards of sexual etiquette? Sounds like the problem is yours.

Wow, get off your high horse and look at the big picture. She's talking about her parents portraying an old classmate as some kind of angel, or role-model. Now think long and hard before you whip out your tongue to tell me off...do parents usually think sexual orgies are something too look for in a role-model?

lol, that was actually my point exactly, that you need to get off you high horse. What's wrong with sexual orgies, exactly? If the person is doing quite well for themselves in every other way, what difference does it make what their sexual habits are? It certainly doesn't make them any worse than you.

You don't approve, good for you. But clearly it makes you feel superior to them or else you wouldn't be so delighted to hear of it. The only one needing to get off their high horse is you.

Obviously you have a point in that your parents probably wouldn't approve, so you have solid grounds to go "haha fuck you" to them if that's what you want, and that's fine. But me? I'm not your parents, and I probably don't share what their opinion will be so all I can comment on is how I see it. And I certainly don't see it as something that gives you any grounds to feel superior, which is all there is to it.

 

[The Funslinger]

Many of times.
Parents: "You should be like your roommate!"

Little did they know that my roommate gets stoned every sunday night.

Maybe they do know, and you're just to uptight?

 

[emeraldrafael]

My uncle once told me when I was younger after having a bad game that he would rather take home the kid he knows I hate (and gladly at that), and afterword didnt talk to me for three days except to say something condescending and negative.

EDIT:

Also, just looking at the OP, I find it difficult believing they're having wild sex orgies. and if they are this needs to be brought up to the FDA and get that place closed down.