Help me become independent?

[alerriixx]

I've noticed over the last few months, that I've become a fairly dependent person upon the people close to me/ those I care for, who are very few in number. Lately I really haven't been able to see them at all to be perfectly honest, and I'm feeling very awkward trying to be independent.

So I suppose the discussion content of this is, do any of you more stable people have advice for someone who's struggling to be independent, and ideas for what to do with my new found independence.

 

[PayneTrayne]

I feel for you, it sucks not being able to exist on your own. I personally get really bored when I'm sitting around.

But kind of odd, asking other peoples to help you with independence, dontcha think?

 

[alerriixx]

Yeah, re-reading it sounds sort of desperate, I was more looking for just ideas on how to occupy my time better on my own. I just didn't put that across very well at all.

 

[Deregon]

A titanic block of irony looms over this thread. That aside, I know exactly what you mean, for a time I was very dependant on the people I cared about. This is going to sound silly, but when I need someone to be there emotionally for me but no one is around or I can't reach anyone, I go to my backyard and meditate, sit there and think about everything I hear every second as it goes by, it sounds dumb, but it actually works incredibly well, releases all my tension. whenever I'm bored and alone and don't have a mountain of schoolwork to do well...I play video games haha, or write, or draw. As to how to function on a daily basis autonomously, well that's something you have to learn on your own, I got used to it eventually by realizing everyone I care about and want to be around me is not always going to be around me or want to be around me. Once you accept that, the rest is up to you.

EDIT: If it's also time you're asking about, join a club or something, personally I'm in theatre, it takes up a lot of your time but I love every second of it, and when there's no production to be working on. Well, read above. And there is always the escapist .

 

[alerriixx]

A titanic block of irony looms over this thread. That aside, I know exactly what you mean, for a time I was very dependant on the people I cared about. This is going to sound silly, but when I need someone to be there emotionally for me but no one is around or I can't reach anyone, I go to my backyard and meditate, sit there and think about everything I hear every second as it goes by, it sounds dumb, but it actually works incredibly well, releases all my tension. whenever I'm bored and alone and don't have a mountain of schoolwork to do well...I play video games haha, or write, or draw. As to how to function on a daily basis autonomously, well that's something you have to learn on your own, I got used to it eventually by realizing everyone I care about and want to be around me is not always going to be around me or want to be around me. Once you accept that, the rest is up to you.

I feel this answers all my questions to be perfectly honest. Thankyou for the rather good advice .

 

[Deregon]

A titanic block of irony looms over this thread. That aside, I know exactly what you mean, for a time I was very dependant on the people I cared about. This is going to sound silly, but when I need someone to be there emotionally for me but no one is around or I can't reach anyone, I go to my backyard and meditate, sit there and think about everything I hear every second as it goes by, it sounds dumb, but it actually works incredibly well, releases all my tension. whenever I'm bored and alone and don't have a mountain of schoolwork to do well...I play video games haha, or write, or draw. As to how to function on a daily basis autonomously, well that's something you have to learn on your own, I got used to it eventually by realizing everyone I care about and want to be around me is not always going to be around me or want to be around me. Once you accept that, the rest is up to you.

I feel this answers all my questions to be perfectly honest. Thankyou for the rather good advice .

Always glad to be of service.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

I would kill everyone you know.

Now you are dependent on my advice. The loop continues!

Which means you must kill me... oh dear.

I am fairly independent of most things - I can live for weeks without needing to interact with my friends. My family are merely annoyingly in the way. I have lots to occupy me. Books, games, the internet.

 

[alittlepepper]

The only advice I can offer in this situation is to study and read philosophy. Whenever I've felt a need for independence I've found that my thoughts and learning were the only real way to do it. My suggestion would be to "basically" familiarize yourself with some of the more predominant philosophers throughout history. The idea being to indulge yourself in self exploration and get so occupied with it that you're able to gentle sever some ties. Not all, of course. Everyone needs friends.
But learning to think and consider things for yourself is a huge step. If you do that, don't ask your friends for their opinions about things that you've read, tempting as it may be. Form your own.
Independence, after all, is all about being oneself and choosing what you do and don't do. It's really all in the hands of the one seeking it. Take some time for introspection, but hold on to your friends. Humans are social animals, we need our connections to a point.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Does anyone else realize the general irony of this whole thread?

 

[alerriixx]

Does anyone else realize the general irony of this whole thread?

I do! But I posted it nevertheless, and it's seeming to help me, I won't be dependent on these people after I take their opinions on board. I just want to get a perspective of other people's opinions and see if it can help my general lifestyle.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Does anyone else realize the general irony of this whole thread?

I do! But I posted it nevertheless, and it's seeming to help me, I won't be dependent on these people after I take their opinions on board. I just want to get a perspective of other people's opinions and see if it can help my general lifestyle.

Of course, but I still thought it was funny.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

No-one's really independent. It's just that some people are more dependent on certain individuals than others.

To put it another, better way: everyone you meet influences you in some way - to a degree, you are dependent on them. The better you know them, the more they've influenced you, and hence the more dependent you are. Imagine everyone essentially has a base amount of reliance on those around them. Interacting regularly with a greater number of people means a lesser dependence on each of them - essentially, you become more independent that way.[footnote]Philosophically/psychologically, this is almost certainly bullshit. It leads to a sensible solution to your problem, but probably makes very little sense as a theory. What do you expect? I came up with it in 5 minutes or so.[/footnote] Alternatively, interact with no-one but yourself, but I advise against that. It's kinda lonely.

If you wish to feel more independent, go meet more people, do more things. Join some kind of club or society. Basically, find something to fill your time, and make sure that at least some of your activities involve other people in some way.

 

[Jasper Jeffs]

I'm not gonna recommend this, but for the 2 years I was at college I stopped being friends with everyone I knew (they were all dicks, I still had friends in different colleges) and spent all of my free hours in the library reading, writing, listening to music or drawing. I didn't say a word to anyone all day, and I liked it. I never felt lonely, or the need to be with someone else, although I have been like that my entire life. I keep the thoughts in my head or write them down in some form.

Do some stuff on your own, or take an interest in an activity that requires you to be on your own (like writing), or kill everyone you're attached to.

 

[TeeBs]

Just look, act, and be like me.