Help me Escapists, you're my only hope

[Wolf-AUS]

Relevant subject headings aside, I'm struggling. I'm losing a downhill fight and I'm in need of reinforcements.

I like to think I'm fairly capable when it comes to relationships, attracting and subduing... hmm, maybe that should be seducing. Anyway, I'm ok with women.

I have a friend who is of the more confusing gender and she's become dead set on breast enhancement surgery. Normally I couldn't give two shits what someone else does with their body, however, this is the exception.

She is absolutely gorgeous, and yes, while her breasts may not be overly large, neither is she. They're completely in proportion the rest of her. Regardless, she needs no surgery, and I fear she is only doing so to compete with her younger sister who had this done, and to be perfectly honest I think my friend is more attractive still, so it's a nil point.

So, basically my friends, I need facts, horror stories, opinions, everything and anything you have negative to do with fake breasts.

I'll start, we all know how hard and unnatural those fuckers can feel right?

~Regards

 

[geK0]

Over sized breasts just look bad, I usually prefer grapefruit size.... it's a waste of money and not really worth the risk of infection or the discomfort.

plus, people will just start treating her differently for better or for worse....
(female friends wont feel as adequate around her, guys will be a little more shovenistic around her)

this help?

 

[renegade7]

She'll look like a fake MTV starlet whore.

Seriously, have her watch a few episodes of Jersey Shore and then ask her if she wants to look like one of the women on that show. That will take any thoughts of cosmetic surgery straight out of her mind.

 

[Wolf-AUS]

Except for these two pioneers I'm a bit disappointed escapist. We're trying to save a girl here!

Over sized breasts just look bad, I usually prefer grapefruit size.... it's a waste of money and not really worth the risk of infection or the discomfort.

plus, people will just start treating her differently for better or for worse....
(female friends wont feel as adequate around her, guys will be a little more shovenistic around her)

this help?

Yes, your opinion on breasts pleases me, and you make a fair point about treatment, I know for certain if she goes ahead with it I'll treat her differently, chauvinism maybe not, but I'll let her know that I'm disappointed in her, because I can tell you for certain, she needs absolutely no cosmetic surgery.

She'll look like a fake MTV starlet whore.

Seriously, have her watch a few episodes of Jersey Shore and then ask her if she wants to look like one of the women on that show. That will take any thoughts of cosmetic surgery straight out of her mind.

Hmm, that's not a bad idea, I think I could probably arrange that to be on next time she's over. Excellent!

Also, in playing the helping my own cause game I stumbled upon this:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/short-lifespan-for-breast-implants-20110623-1ggck.html

and this:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/3-surprising-reasons-small-boobs-are-healthier-for-you-2469831

Granted the second one may be a bit sensationalistic, it gets the point across.

 

[deathlord552]

Don't know how she feels about kids, but you can't breastfeed after getting implants. Breastfeeding is a very important and useful way to bond with your child, as well as very healthy and helps protect the child from disease until they get their immunizations (thanks Dr. House!).

Also, no matter the advances in breast implant technology, they will always feel fake. She'll know they're fake, her partners will know they're fake, and I've heard (anecdotal evidence isn't definitive and I have not looked further into it) it can reduce breast sensitivity. Since small chested girls tend to have a sensitive chest that may not be a path to orgasming she wants to forsake.

Alternatively, you can feed her the urban myths and few (dubiously) validated claims of breast implants exploding in airplanes, underwater, etc.

Keep them breasts natural!

 

[Wolf-AUS]

Don't know how she feels about kids, but you can't breastfeed after getting implants. Breastfeeding is a very important and useful way to bond with your child, as well as very healthy and helps protect the child from disease until they get their immunizations (thanks Dr. House!).

Also, no matter the advances in breast implant technology, they will always feel fake. She'll know they're fake, her partners will know they're fake, and I've heard (anecdotal evidence isn't definitive and I have not looked further into it) it can reduce breast sensitivity. Since small chested girls tend to have a sensitive chest that may not be a path to orgasming she wants to forsake.

Alternatively, you can feed her the urban myths and few (dubiously) validated claims of breast implants exploding in airplanes, underwater, etc.

Keep them breasts natural!

I think you're awesome incarnate, great stuff. Think the kid stuff might be just off the mark, but the sensitivity stuff is right on, there's less fatty tissue between the surface and the glands which are what feels the stimulation, so if she goes ahead with it, there will be silicon balloons in the way, I'll have to look into those urban myths too. They could be helpful in the horror story section.

 

[Erana]

I have a friend who is of the more confusing gender

I like to think I'm fairly capable when it comes to relationships, attracting and subduing... hmm, maybe that should be seducing. Anyway, I'm ok with women.

Um... No?
We're people, not things to fuck.


If you're having doubts about her choice to get breast implants, then as a concerned friend, calmly inform her of your hesitation on this issue, and present logical evidence to support it.

And that's all you can do because its her body.

I, personally, find breast implants to be, under the majority of circumstances, quite a poor decision, having family members who deal with the troubles of macromastomy, but if someone wants to sink that kind of money into sending that kind of message to everyone who sees her, its her choice.


Actually, I have to wonder why do you feel the right to criticize her decision in the first place? The only reason you've presented to us regarding why you are concerned about this is in the first place is because you won't find her as sexy.

Why don't you take some time and really think about that first?

 

[ultrachicken]

I'll have to look into those urban myths too. They could be helpful in the horror story section.

If you respect this friend of yours, then don't outright lie to her. That's just wrong. If she hears the truth presented in an assertive, but not aggressive way, and still wants to go through with the surgery, then you are in no position to stop her.

Help her realize that everyone she knows will know that she's had breast implants, and she is unlikely to get any good reputation from that, only bad or neutral. She will also be living in a constant state of paranoia regarding others discovering the fake breasts, which is not fun. No-one likes fake tits once they see them for what they really are, and people with implants are usually seen as vain and stupid, so any kind of long term relationship is likely out the window. The boobs will also always feel fake.

Remember to not give your friend this information in a way that makes her feel like she has something to lose by conceding to you; I cannot express the importance of this enough. If you come at her aggressively or condescendingly then you greatly lower the chances of her listening to you. Just explain to her that you worry that she doesn't understand all of the facts regarding breast implants, and you want to make sure that she is informed before making a final decision.

That's my recommendation, good luck.

EDIT:

Actually, I have to wonder why do you feel the right to criticize her decision in the first place? The only reason you've presented to us regarding why you are concerned about this is in the first place is because you won't find her as sexy.

Quoted for truth.

 

[deathlord552]

I think you're awesome incarnate, great stuff.

Incidentally, I recently signed an email claiming to be awesome incarnate.

Also, listen to the people questioning your motives and attitude towards women. Unlike me, they are obviously thinking of her like a person and not just a line of text a stranger posted on the internet.

 

[Wolf-AUS]

Um... No?
We're people, not things to fuck.

I honestly didn't mean to offend, it was supposed to be in good humour, perhaps it could have been in bad taste. My usual company has left me a bit desensitised to what most women consider ok.

Actually, I have to wonder why do you feel the right to criticize her decision in the first place? The only reason you've presented to us regarding why you are concerned about this is in the first place is because you won't find her as sexy.

As I said, my main concern is for her. I was referencing her looks, because that seems to be the main reason for her wishing to go ahead with the procedure. But I can see where you are coming from so...

I'm against her getting the surgery because all the reasons she feels she needs them are incorrect, or at least, I think so.

One of the reasons she wants to get them is because her sister got them, so I feel there is a little competition, this is seems pretty straight forward and I don't believe that just because her sister got them is at all a valid reason to commit to this.

She feels that as she ages (still in her 20s) that she is becoming less desirable to men as when we go out most of the girls around are 19/20/21. My reason against that, is that the kinds of people she would attract by increasing her bust are not the most desirable of company, especially knowing the area we live in, and her previous relationships.

As much as I have stated that she is an attractive person, it's more akin to saying my sister is good looking than anything else, I'm trying to use my perspective as a heterosexual male to give her an insight into a lot of our feelings towards the subject matter.

And that's all you can do because its her body.

That's pretty much how I feel in regards to these kind of situations as usual too. I hardly ever try to intervene in anything she does, I'll offer my opinion if she asks and suggest another course if I think she's about to do something she hasn't completely thought through. But knowing her like I know her (if she's not my best friend, she's pretty close), I can easily say that this would probably be the worst thing she could possibly do, which is why I'm so strongly galvanised against the idea.

If you respect this friend of yours, then don't outright lie to her. That's just wrong. If she hears the truth presented in an assertive, but not aggressive way, and still wants to go through with the surgery, then you are in no position to stop her.

In short, I wouldn't lie to her.

Help her realize that everyone she knows will know that she's had breast implants, and she is unlikely to get any good reputation from that, only bad or neutral. She will also be living in a constant state of paranoia regarding others discovering the fake breasts, which is not fun. No-one likes fake tits once they see them for what they really are, and people with implants are usually seen as vain and stupid, so any kind of long term relationship is likely out the window. The boobs will also always feel fake.

Remember to not give your friend this information in a way that makes her feel like she has something to lose by conceding to you; I cannot express the importance of this enough. If you come at her aggressively or condescendingly then you greatly lower the chances of her listening to you. Just explain to her that you worry that she doesn't understand all of the facts regarding breast implants, and you want to make sure that she is informed before making a final decision.

That's my recommendation, good luck.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I've been going about this so far, I've been making ground. That's the thing I'm most concerned about actually. I don't want her to think that if she goes ahead with it, that I'll think less of her, or stop talking to her, but I don't want her to see that as a reason to disregard everything I'm stating, if you see where I'm coming from?

Incidentally, I recently signed an email claiming to be awesome incarnate.

Also, listen to the people questioning your motives and attitude towards women. Unlike me, they are obviously thinking of her like a person and not just a line of text a stranger posted on the internet.

Yeah, I know mate, I took yours as is. I do appreciate their concern and questioning of any predatory nature I might possess though, haha.

 

[ultrachicken]

Yeah, that's pretty much how I've been going about this so far, I've been making ground. That's the thing I'm most concerned about actually. I don't want her to think that if she goes ahead with it, that I'll think less of her, or stop talking to her, but I don't want her to see that as a reason to disregard everything I'm stating, if you see where I'm coming from?

Explain to her that, while you will stick by her no matter what, not everyone else will, and that you're concerned as to how other people will treat her after this. And of course mention the other stuff about why breast implants would be directly bad to her.

 

[Wolf-AUS]

Explain to her that, while you will stick by her no matter what, not everyone else will, and that you're concerned as to how other people will treat her after this. And of course mention the other stuff about why breast implants would be directly bad to her.

Hmm, I genuinely hadn't thought of that approach, you know how when you feel something you seem to consider everyone else feels similar? I hadn't thought of how others we know would treat her afterwards. In that same breath, I don't want her to feel as if she has to do anything because if how others would view her. I want to bring her to the conclusion that it would be the wrong decision for her, not the wrong decision for everyone else. I'll bring it up next time we speak about it though, more as a discussion point than a don't do it because thing though

 

[ultrachicken]

Explain to her that, while you will stick by her no matter what, not everyone else will, and that you're concerned as to how other people will treat her after this. And of course mention the other stuff about why breast implants would be directly bad to her.

Hmm, I genuinely hadn't thought of that approach, you know how when you feel something you seem to consider everyone else feels similar? I hadn't thought of how others we know would treat her afterwards. In that same breath, I don't want her to feel as if she has to do anything because if how others would view her. I want to bring her to the conclusion that it would be the wrong decision for her, not the wrong decision for everyone else. I'll bring it up next time we speak about it though, more as a discussion point than a don't do it because thing though

It isn't the way that others would view her that matters, it's the way that others would treat her because of how they view her. She's going to get a lot of crap that she probably doesn't want to deal with, and that's the important part.

Again, your role in this situation is to make sure that she's considered all of the aspects of the scenario so that she can come to her own educated conclusion. That is the most you can, and should, do for her, and hopefully she will appreciate your help.

 

[tharglet]

If the reason is mainly because she's competing with someone then it might be hard to dissuade her, without attacking the reason why. I'd say feel free to tell her some of the downsides, especially the more proved downsides to help her reevaluate the risk vs reward of what she's doing, but be careful not to overdo it - a lot of people do clam up on principle if they know you're after them ^^. As it sounds like you're a reasonably close friend to her, you're prolly vaguely aware of where she'll just clam up.

One other thing you may be able to try is a good ol' bit o' Photoshop ¬¬. May work, may backfire.

I'm not an expert on the situation by any stretch of the imagination, but it might be worth doing some research of your own to find out if one of the places near you is better than the others. I know at least in some cases, there's a reasonable amount of consultation beforehand to make sure the person's OK with what they're doing.

 

[R_Chambers]

Talk to her OP, tell her that she's perfect the way she is

 

[Alexi089]

To be honest, I think the biggest problem here is that your main motivations behind discouraging her to have the surgery appear to be selfish. Here are my reasons:

1.) The first two paragraphs are totally irrelevant and just you trying to come off as witty and trying to shoehorn in a comment about your romantic success with women; which implies to me that your'e a bit attention seeking and in need of some validation.

2.) The 4th paragraph is more or less you attempting to act as some kind of beauty pageant judge; with its focus on your opinion of the looks of the two sisters, rating them against each other. Again, the opinionated writing makes me think you are attention seeking.

3.) The fifth shows that your'e simply outright against her having surgery, and you just want to dissuade her to suit what you want. You show absolutely no regard for how SHE wants to look (which, I think most people would agree, should be the only reason for plastic surgery).

To clarify, I think the truth is you fancy/ have feelings for this girl and you view her as a potential partner, but you haven't yet got round to asking her out. I also think you view her as something of a trophy or status symbol (given how much you like to express your opinion on her looks); and the real reason your'e concerned for how others will view her is based in your fear that breast implants will devalue her socially; thereby potentially devalueing you socially by association. The fact that (to me) you show some need for validation at the start of your post heightens my belief that trophies are important to you.

Despite how cynical all that probably sounds, I'm not actually trying to flame you. I think you need to step back for a second and be truely honest with yourself about why this really bothers you so much. Is it because your'e genuinely concerned she doesn't have realistic expectation of how the surgery might change her body and she's underinformed? Or is it because YOU want her to look a certain way?

If you genuinely are concerned for her, I think the best way forward is to try to present facts to her in as unbiased a way as possible. Any obvious attempt to dissuade her will probably lead to her ignoring you; and in any case, your opinion on the shape of her breasts doesn't matter. This should be entirely about her looking the way she wants to. Other than that, all you can really do is ask her to take some serious time over her decision and investigate all the pros and cons of the surgery as thoroughly as possible. It might be worth advising her to think very carefully about precisely what she wants her breasts to look like and ask her to make sure that her future surgeon understands this and does not fill her head with unreasonable expectations.

My reasons why she may not want to go through with breast implants are that:
The extra weight will probably make her boobs sag earlier, so she should decide if this will make her even more self concious than she already feels.

As far as I'm aware, it's near impossible to make them look natural, and most people are likely to notice them soon after meeting her; so it's pretty important that other's judgement doesn't bother her.

The inability to breast feed, which has so many benefits for children and their mother.

Future complications. For example:I saw a bit of a TV show where a woman's implant became dettached, forcing her to organise some corrective surgery when she was abroad.

Finally, if I am right about you having feelings for her, get on and tell her; but let go of this apparent desire to mold her or keep her looking the way you want; she'll only grow to resent you for it.

 

[Cousin_IT]

Big boobs are pretty cool, though. I wouldn't try to scare her out of it. For one thing it's her body & she can do what she wants with it regardless of how you feel about the part of her body you're not supposed to look at when talking to her. Talk to her about her reasons for wanting to get implants, not your reasons for not wanting her to get them.

 

[Wolf-AUS]

snip

Sorry if I cant get to all of your reply, I'm using my phone so it's real hard.

I was trying to draw attention but mainly because I see a lot of threads with very few replies in the advice forum. However I do understand what your points are getting at, and to an extent I agree with them. I'm after no validation for anything, I'm pretty content with how my life is. I value her so much because she's so different from the other people I hang out with, and I find it very refreshing talking to her. Its kind of hard to explain without getting into specifics.

I think from the responses I've got I've figured out how I'll approach the subject, whichever way she goes, while I wouldnt be happy with one, if it makes her feel a lot better about herself then so be it I guess.

In regards to having feelings for her, you have slightly misread that. We did have a thing a while back, but I'm not in the habit of delving deep in my private life on the Internet, so that's staying as it is.

Cheers for the help

 

[renegade7]

I have a friend who is of the more confusing gender

I like to think I'm fairly capable when it comes to relationships, attracting and subduing... hmm, maybe that should be seducing. Anyway, I'm ok with women.

Um... No?
We're people, not things to fuck.


If you're having doubts about her choice to get breast implants, then as a concerned friend, calmly inform her of your hesitation on this issue, and present logical evidence to support it.

And that's all you can do because its her body.

I, personally, find breast implants to be, under the majority of circumstances, quite a poor decision, having family members who deal with the troubles of macromastomy, but if someone wants to sink that kind of money into sending that kind of message to everyone who sees her, its her choice.


Actually, I have to wonder why do you feel the right to criticize her decision in the first place? The only reason you've presented to us regarding why you are concerned about this is in the first place is because you won't find her as sexy.

Why don't you take some time and really think about that first?

If you ask me, it just sounds like he's concerned about a friend, and throwing in a bit of harmless sarcasm. And I think as a friend he is very right to be concerned. First of all, he's right, breast implants do not look good. They are ugly and it's easy to tell they're fake.

Second, it sends a message that you think your breasts are your most important feature, and how do you think that's going to go over in, say, a job interview? It also shows that she's insecure about her body. Neither of those things would encourage people to take her seriously, I think.

Not to mention how it will affect her relationships, if she has any. You know how no girl likes a poser? Some douche who's obsessed only with himself? Well, no guy likes a fake. And guess what? Nothing says 'fake' like plastic surgery.

Plus, there are potential long-term health complications, such as the aforementioned inability to breast feed or reduced ability for sexual stimulation. And what if one of the implants breaks? I know the solution in them is harmless, but it would be an expensive surgery to replace and until then she'd have to go around looking all lopsided.

So yea, I think as her friend he's right to worry.

 

[Avistew]

Tell her you think she looks perfect and as a result any change she makes would have to make her less attractive.

However, ultimately it's her decision. The only thing you can do is let her know how you feel about it.

Oh, and if you want a story that might help her, a friend of mine had been with his girlfriend for ten years, and after she had three kids and wasn't going to breastfeed again she had breast surgery, even though he wasn't for it (she said she didn't ask him for him opinion).

Well he could never get used to the new breasts and mourned the old ones and they eventually broke up over it. And she didn't get them to become huge, they were still probably a C after the surgery. But he just couldn't see her in the same way anymore.

Not sure how likely it his to convince her, but if she's doing it for guys rather than for herself, she should probably know that a lot of men prefer natural breasts, and that at any rate hers fit her and it's likely to look weird if she gets them enhanced.