Help me make a good excuse for my bruises!

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Cowabungaa

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Feb 10, 2008
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Joining the truth crowd. Just make a joke out of it. Everyone has quirks and I see opening up about them as a positive thing. Means you don't want to hide yourself.
 

Navvan

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Feb 3, 2011
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Truth I say. Its a humorous story/perfect for the occasion. It might not even come up.
 

GonvilleBromhead

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Dec 19, 2010
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Make up a (short) story that is so over the top ridiculous that it's funny, and she'll forget to ask about the real reason.

"Long story...but let's just say that Boutros Boutros Ghali* is going to rue the day he called me Norwegian**"

*or any other very random well known person with a silly name

** or some other defining quirk that in no way describes you and people are unlikely to be offended by
 

surg3n

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May 16, 2011
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I'd just tell her you hit a branch while mountainbiking. Something tame, but still makes you appear interesting. Also, make out that it could have been a lot worse, like you could have poked your eye out - then when you never go mountainbiking again, she'll understand.

Or paintball, something slightly extreme, something accesible... ohhh - rock climbing! - like you swung face first into one of those limpet things.

My theory, is that if it's a little bit edgy, but not too extreme, then she'll see that your into that stuff but not in too big a way, she might even want to do something like that with you, so be prepared! - i.e. scope out local mountainbike tracks, climbing places, paintball places, etc etc. Extreme dates are the best, take her somewhere that she can't be all pretty the whole time, somewhere that you both can relax and have fun, and you'll see what kind of a person she really is. I think your pinched face is an excellent chance to step things up a notch, don't squander it!
 

Palademon

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Mar 20, 2010
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"Hey guys, help me start a relationship with a lie!"

Just be honest, dude. She may not even ask. And it's just a bruise. It's going to disappear. It's not a bad case of acne.
 

MasochisticAvenger

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Nov 7, 2011
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As others have said, just tell her what really happened. It's not as embarrassing as you think, and it will only come across as embarrassing if you think it will. We all do stupid things in our lives, and I can guarantee you she would have some stories as well.

Do you really want to start a relationship off with lying? I know it may seem small and inconsequential, but it is still something you want to consider. If you're worried this girl may not accept your goofy side now, how is that going to change in the future? Regardless, I very much doubt she is going to go "He pinched his face so hard he bruised himself?! Oh my god! He is totally not boyfriend material. I must get away from him immediately!!!". She may, and I'm not saying this is definite, do similar goofy things herself.

I have a lot of experience in this matter. If you try to cover up the stupid things you do, they will just come back and haunt you. As I said before, this isn't really embarrassing. I once was throwing a padlock into the air and catching it. I missed once, and it hit me on the head leaving a scratch. I just owned up to it, and pretty much everyone I saw found it amusing. Remember, if you get together with this girl, you'll wind up doing things far more embarrassing. This is not that big a deal. It is only a big deal to you because you are letting it be a big deal.
 

Suicidejim

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Jul 1, 2011
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If she's a member of the Escapist, you're completely buggered. Anyway, tell the truth, or even just go for the classic 'I have no clue where it came from' move if necessary.
 

Lunatic High

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Apr 14, 2012
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lol so you pinched yourself huh, just tell the truth but joke with it when she asks say "oh I learned a lesson" and when she asks what say "pinching your face REALLY does leave bruises" actually that does seem lame fuck it your on your own man lol
 

EeveeElectro

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Aug 3, 2008
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It doesn't even look bad. I doubt she's gonna fling her arms in the air and scream "Abort mission!" and zoom off over a little bruise. If she does then she might not be a very good potential mate.
I wouldn't even notice it. I don't think she would either or if she does, she probably wouldn't/shouldn't care.

I suppose you could say you got it fighting a bear...
Or maybe you were feeding the homeless and accidentally splashed hot soup on your face.
Or you saved a box of kittens from a tree and caught yourself on the way down XD
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
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DVS BSTrD said:
Zhukov said:
Marcus McLean said:
... while procrastinating desperately I tried doing that thing where you press on your skin to leave white marks.
Wait... what?

Pinching your own face? That's a thing?
Ever heard of a little game called bloody knuckles?
Uh... no.

I've heard of a game called "knuckles", but there isn't any bloody involved unless you're doing it wrong.
 

Woodsey

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Aug 9, 2009
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Zhukov said:
Marcus McLean said:
... while procrastinating desperately I tried doing that thing where you press on your skin to leave white marks.
Wait... what?

Pinching your own face? That's a thing?
Eating the inside of your own face. Now THAT'S a thing.

Palademon said:
"Hey guys, help me start a relationship with a lie!"
Yeah, no doubt this is the sort of thing that crumbles the foundations of a relationship after 20 years of marriage.



OT: Naturally, you tell her you got hit in the face with a whip after your latest BDSM sesh got out of control.
 

Gitty101

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Jan 22, 2010
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You call that a bruise!? That TINY thing!? I doubt she'd even really notice it. If you're worried, use a concealer xD

Or, as many others have mentioned, tell the truth. Easiest option.
 

T0BB0

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Jul 14, 2009
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"I was performing my 'Ridiculously Photogenic Guy' impression and I ran into a tree branch"

Serious note, don't mention it until she asks. If she asks, it means she's been looking intensely at your chiseled jawline and cares that you got hurt somehow. She will then discover that your roguishly handsome face is coupled with a charmingly goofy side as you do what everyone here seems agreed on and tell her the truth.
 

Kungfu_Teddybear

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Say you were saving a young trader from a Deathclaw.

That makes you sound heroic and badass.
 

telocaster

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Aug 12, 2011
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Palademon said:
"Hey guys, help me start a relationship with a lie!"
.
That was my reaction to the thread as well.

OT: Tell the truth if she asks. Otherwise do not draw attention to it