HELP URGENT

[kevinc]

Here is my situation:


I know a woman who came to me and asked to borrow abut $1700 last year for bills and she and her husband said she would pay me back;


About 2 weeks later her husband passed away suddenly;

I told her not to worry about the money right now;

I then helped her by giving her $2500 more to build a deck her husband wanted to build before he passed;

I gave her 500 more in cash to help her at her funeral;

As time passed, I asked her if she would like to do some part time work on a online chat site for my business just sitting at home when she wanted to type and answer online chats;

She said yes and I said I will pay you 100 a week or so and she said - I do not want paid;

I offered twice to pay her, but she said no;

Her daughter said she probably feels she needs to pay me back what I borrowed her before her husbands passing or somehting like that - I did not know;

Anyway time passes;

I make photo booth machines and thought it would be a good idea to maybe give her one as a xmas or birthday gift - these are worth $6500;

Anyway, 6 months later now she is behind on her bills and has no income and her siblings are now telling me I owe her 6 months money!

I dont feel I owe her anything at all!

Does she owe me the money I gave her?

this is a mess and I hope I can get a answer here;

thank you

 

[Smooth Operator]

Ya it is a mess, this is why you never dump lots of money on people even with the best intentions, they grow complacent and reliant on your good will so you become their backup plan.

You obviously don't need to give out any more money, but if this is a friendly relationship you want to keep then you might need to pay some salary she refused before, at least to the point she can recover. After that you should keep your distance so she knows you aren't an endless piggy bank, if you got someone else who would hire her for similar work that is fine, it's just you that can't get involved financially.

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

I dunno why it's even an issue, would just tell her siblings how much money you've given her, obligation-free, out of the goodness of your heart, plus the photo booth....pretty damn generous if you ask me.

If it really comes down to it, count up the hours that she's worked and if there's anything left over, force her to take it. You can justify yourself to any party easily in this regard.

 

[Beautiful End]

Here's the thing: unfortunately, most people who you help financially won't "recall" it. They'll thank you and hope you forget the debt at some point in your life. You might want to help this person but that's not your responsibility! You don't owe anything to them and we all have problems. We all find a way to move past them. They were fine before you got there and they'll be fine after you leave.

Trust me, my best friend has "borrowed" enough money out of me and I know I'll never see it back. I want to help my friend but there's one where I feel he thinks I MUST help him because I'm better situated than him, as far as money goes. He struggles with bills and I fork out more money and he buys me lunch every now and then but the fact of the matter is that I work hard for money (so they better treat me right!) and I've got to where I'm at due to this so yay me! And you should think the same!

Anyway, advice column aside, it's really up to you if you feel like they owe you or not. Do you want the money back? Do you consider it a gift? If you do want it back, this will be the hardest part: you need to take a deep breath and remind them that she still owes you all that money. Not in a "HA! You OWE me!" kind of way. Or in a "Remember that you will ALWAYS be in debt with me!" way either. But in a matter-of-fact kind of way. As you would with any other transaction. As you would when the lady at the register gave you the wrong change.

Perhaps you can work out a way for them to repay you in parts. Come up with the grand total you plan on charging them and see if they can come up with a payment plan or something. MAKE THEM SIGN THAT AGREEMENT/CONTRACT! You can modify a verbal contract at any point but you can't modify a written contract without written proof and the two parties agreeing on it. Doesn't have to be a fancy contract. It could be just a piece of paper with some guidelines and expectations to follow that is signed by the two of you. Pull out bank receipts of your withdrawals for the amount that she owes you or any kind of receipt that you have to prove that you have her that amount of money. Get the dates where you have her the money right, or as close as right as you can. Get witnesses if you can. You probably already figured out what this looks like: a lawsuit. Not saying you need to go there but...the situation that you're in often leads to that, especially when the other party has made no effort to pay back. I'm no expert but I know those are at least the bare minimum requirements you need before it escalates to that. It's up to them if they want to do things the easy way or the hard way.

If you don't want your money back, kindly remind them that you've been nice enough to give them almost $10k as a gift and for proof as to how you owe them money. If you really don't owe them anything, they'll hopefully back off and leave you alone. I say hopefully because if they don't and, again, file a lawsuit, it would look bad for them, or at least according to what you've said. They'd have to give you back your money or at least most of it.

And above all, stop giving them money! I know you're probably trying to help and you feel like you're in a position to help but, you don't have to, man! You mentioned that lady has family, right? There's her help right there. Unless you have other intentions, like you're trying to pursuit her remantic affection (and even that's a stretch) then walk away. Next time they hint at not having money for something, say someone else already borrowed from you AND NEVER PAID BACK or that you're right for the month or something. They can't force you to give them money and it should be more embarrassing for them to ask for money than for you to say No. Best of luck!