Help with prospective girlfriend

[Eri]

After losing my ex some time ago, I've been thinking about getting another, and I found someone I am interested in. Everything is pretty much great except for one big thing. She lies. She lies about everything. Her personality and things that go with it are great, but she just can't stop lying. The lies are about things that don't matter to things that do. Is there any way to help her? Or even just confront her without losing her? I don't even understand why she lies, as far as I can see she gets no tangible benefit from -anyone- from lying, yet she still does it. I'd like a way to solve this or at least over time solve it, but I don't know what else to do. If worse comes to worse I can cut my losses, but surely there is another way?

 

[Cherry Cola]

I had a girlfriend like that once.

It didn't work out.

Try confronting her about it, but I doubt it would solve anything. If I were you, I'd try hooking up with someone else.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

Unless you can politley ask her to stop lieing, which will most likely result in a not-so-nice "F*** Off!" Or something along those lines.

I would just say, there is really no hope, Girls who lie arent doing themselves any favours, i say cut your losses.

 

[Hawk of Battle]

You're setting out to get another ex? I see your problem here...

But yeah, someone who lies all the time is probably not the best person to try and start a relationship with. If I HAD to give advice, just outright ask her the next time she does lie about something, why does she lie about it? Then if she doesn't make a decent explaination, just, in a sincere way, point out that you don't think muhc of her philosophy of lies. Then she how she acts. If she shrugs it off and doesn't take notice, forget her.

If she maybe starts to realise she should stop, then you've just made progress. Well done, keep at it.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

I've been thinking about getting another

They're not pets you know. And I'm sure someone's going to direct you to the big "Relationship Advice" thread that we encourage people to use. I have no link for that, as I've never really looked at it.

As for my advice. Don't bother if she's a compulsive liar. You'll never know how she really feels or anything.

 

[laol1999]

idd try talking to her about it but it matters if she gets angry easily

 

[Robert632]

Go here.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=31

This guy knows his shit, and if help is possible, he'll give it.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

I would assume you are not out to get hurt, betrayed and humiliated?

My honest opinion is that you CANNOT have an equal relationship where the partners have no trust. You would be second-guessing everything she says, mistrusting everything she says she has done. Do you really want to live like that?

Of course, if by "personality and things that go with it" you mean, "she's blonde, easy and hass big tits" and by "getting another girlfriend" you mean "I want a woman to fuck" then trust isn't such an issue. Just her bra size. I don't mean to be insulting, just wondering aloud about your motives in wanting to be with this girl.

 

[Legion]

People like that can change, but don't get any crazy ideas that you will be "the one" to do it. My younger sister had a friend like that once, she would make up a load of crap and lie all the time. People stopped liking her and let her know why. Eventually she grew out of it.

 

[Eri]

I would assume you are not out to get hurt, betrayed and humiliated?

My honest opinion is that you CANNOT have an equal relationship where the partners have no trust. You would be second-guessing everything she says, mistrusting everything she says she has done. Do you really want to live like that?

Of course, if by "personality and things that go with it" you mean, "she's blonde, easy and hass big tits" and by "getting another girlfriend" you mean "I want a woman to fuck" then trust isn't such an issue. Just her bra size. I don't mean to be insulting, just wondering aloud about your motives in wanting to be with this girl.

I was actually wanting a relationship and the whole reason I made this thread is because I KNOW I can't have one that works like this. Or can't work as it were. Which is why I need a way to confront her without it failing miserably or something to do about it.

 

[Avenant]

oooh you aren't going to get many people backing you on this one. I'm not sure what's great about this girl (you didn't point anything particular out) but lying is a really bad trait in a girlfriend. And I mean a REALLY bad one - but you probably already knew that right? Things are going incredibly well between me and my current girlfriend and one of the reasons for that is the honesty we've had towards each other.

Talk to her about it and if she can't handle that then there's absolutely no chance of a relationship working out. Otherwise there might actually be some kind of reason behind all this in which case you're in luck.

Either way I hope things work out for ya!

 

[atol]

I was actually wanting a relationship and the whole reason I made this thread is because I KNOW I can't have one that works like this. Or can't work as it were. Which is why I need a way to confront her without it failing miserably or something to do about it.

You're answering your own questions, you just don't like the situation you're in and want confidence to do what you need to do.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

No offence meant. Sorry, should have realised mindless pussy hunters don't think and ask adice before jumping into pursuit! Best of luck with all your relationships

 

[Eri]

I was actually wanting a relationship and the whole reason I made this thread is because I KNOW I can't have one that works like this. Or can't work as it were. Which is why I need a way to confront her without it failing miserably or something to do about it.

You're answering your own questions, you just don't like the situation you're in and want confidence to do what you need to do.

Maybe, but I still need an actual way to confront her or solve this problem.

 

[Veleste]

After losing my ex some time ago, I've been thinking about getting another, and I found someone I am interested in. Everything is pretty much great except for one big thing. She lies. She lies about everything. Her personality and things that go with it are great, but she just can't stop lying. The lies are about things that don't matter to things that do. Is there any way to help her? Or even just confront her without losing her? I don't even understand why she lies, as far as I can see she gets no tangible benefit from -anyone- from lying, yet she still does it. I'd like a way to solve this or at least over time solve it, but I don't know what else to do. If worse comes to worse I can cut my losses, but surely there is another way?

I used to have this problem in my early teams. I thought it made me cool. What turned me around was almost losing my best friend and falling in love with a guy who made it very clear that honesty was what he was looking for in a girl. If you do get into a relationship with this girl stress to her how important honesty is to you, if she cares this will make her feel guilty and sad when lying and eventually she will stop. Also, call her up on a few of her lies but gently, be like 'Well that doesn't sound right, are you sure?' and try to fluster her. She'll soon see the error of her ways, hopefully at least, I mean everyone is different.

 

[bjj hero]

This is something she needs to grow out of and you cannot have a relationship until she does. It's probably a self esteem thing. I don't see much point in confronting her over it, she knows she lies and probably knows that other people know about it.

Steer well clear, you'll find someone else who floats your boat. After all, there are plenty more poisonous fish in the sea.

 

[youngj]

A lot of people, regardless of gender, resort to lying because they worry they won't be accepted as is. I'm guilty of it, but it's mostly meaningless conversation stuff. Might be worth a confrontation to find out the reason, but, if you do care, let this girl know you accept her either way. If you need to explain a break up later you can then say you still accept and respect her inspite of the lying, but you can't have a romantic relationship with her because of it.

 

[Audio]

A guy i know at Uni does this. He'll always try to top a conversation by lying. Thing is, he is a cool guy but the lies seem to come naturally from his gob

A good way to push a lie out into the open is to keep questioning it but not so much that you're probing. Trying turning an obvious lie into an "oRLY?!" situation try to make it a private joke between you. Eventually you can just say "oh really?" in a mocking tone and if her reply is in the same tone, you will both know its a 'cheeky lie' and shrug it off.

If each lie is a serious conflict or secret, look for another. Some secrets are understandable in a relationship but deception is nasty work.

good luck \o/