Here we go again.

[The Man With the Soap]

Well, here we go again. As some of you may know, I recently stumbled into a relationship with a girl I met over Xbox Live (yes she is who she claims to be, and it's been a month so far). Sad, I know, but I am once more here to ask for your advice.

I feel that my self-inflicted asexuality coupled with my intimacy and trust issues is causing problems in our relationship. I feel like I am more filling the role of a best friend or a case-worker for her rather than a boyfriend. I have told her what I did to myself, and that I am not sexually attracted to her. I also said that I might be able to undo the damage I did if given enough time, but it's been a while, and I haven't gotten anywhere with "fixing myself."

I want to be the boyfriend she wants as well as the friend she needs, but I don't know how to get back to where I was before I changed myself. She is constantly apologizing to me whenever she pays me any sort of compliment on my looks because she is afraid of making me feel uncomfortable. I want her to feel that she can express herself with me, and I've realized that to help her with her problems (I already had another thread on those. I'm not going into detail here.) I need to fix myself.

 

[Small Dragon]

If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean by fixing yourself?

 

[M4yce]

I think he means he doesn't want to feel asexual but changing how you feel or act doesn't change overnight.

I'm kinda going through the same thing right now, while I'm trying to fix myself and grow up. To the girl I care about I'm going to ask if she wants to grow with me. If not, then it wasn't meant to be (that isn't to say it's not going to hurt like hell if she refuses). If yes, then it's a step towards being closer. Honestly it's just what I'm trying though I have no idea if it even will work.

 

[dmase]

Start by giving her a compliment whether its physical or otherwise, maybe it would help you take compliments she gives you more. Thats really all i've got to give you.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Start by giving her a compliment whether its physical or otherwise, maybe it would help you take compliments she gives you more. Thats really all i've got to give you.

I'm fine with her compliments. She thinks I'm not. I'm just trying to get a little of my sex drive back. I need to learn to be intimate again.

 

[dmase]

Start by giving her a compliment whether its physical or otherwise, maybe it would help you take compliments she gives you more. Thats really all i've got to give you.

I'm fine with her compliments. She thinks I'm not. I'm just trying to get a little of my sex drive back. I need to learn to be intimate again.

Then my advice still stands, pay her a physical based comment. It doesn't have to be true now(or you can't confirm it as true right now) just something that might make you think about her in a different way.

People tend to ooze sexiness when given compliments. I know it seems like bullshit but when people do that it makes us more attracted to them, some hormone thing I believe(not a docter). Confidence is attractive to most people whether they realize it or not. So my advice amounts to making her more confident to make you more attacted to her.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Well, here we go again. As some of you may know, I recently stumbled into a relationship with a girl I met over Xbox Live (yes she is who she claims to be, and it's been a month so far). Sad, I know, but I am once more here to ask for your advice.

I feel that my self-inflicted asexuality coupled with my intimacy and trust issues is causing problems in our relationship. I feel like I am more filling the role of a best friend or a case-worker for her rather than a boyfriend. I have told her what I did to myself, and that I am not sexually attracted to her. I also said that I might be able to undo the damage I did if given enough time, but it's been a while, and I haven't gotten anywhere with "fixing myself."

I want to be the boyfriend she wants as well as the friend she needs, but I don't know how to get back to where I was before I changed myself. She is constantly apologizing to me whenever she pays me any sort of compliment on my looks because she is afraid of making me feel uncomfortable. I want her to feel that she can express herself with me, and I've realized that to help her with her problems (I already had another thread on those. I'm not going into detail here.) I need to fix myself.

I would try what dmase said. Compliments can give someone a sense of confidence and sureness that their BF/GF finds them sexy, and that could become more of a mutual exchange between the two of you. Additionally, try thing of her sexually, intimately. Yes, I'm suggesting that you think dirty. Think of sex, think of naughty, explicit stuff involving her & you. Masturbation may help if you create fantasies of her as well.

Sometimes, you just need a little motivation to get your sex drive back. The catch is finding that motivation. Thankfully, there is a sort of 'checklist' to go down and try in terms of a possible fix, so you just keep trying different methods of approach and seeing which one initiates stimulation and arousal in you.

I hope this helps!

That's the problem, nothing really seems to arouse me anymore.