I use the pen and paper to write this journal, so you may all know what I did in the room -
I then immediately pounce on the pile of dirty clothes and sort through them, hoping to find anything remotely female. If I find something, I sniff it over and over again. I then pick up the phone and call a sex line, using the paper and pencil to draw out what the woman on the other end is describing.
I then spend the next 14 hours doing a one armed work out and sniffing the clothes and looking at the picture until both are worn out and useless. And so very very moist.
I drink some water to replace the massive amounts of fluid I've just lost, using the rest of the water to soothe my raw nether regions.
I sleep on the bed for a while.
I wake up, and play some guitar, playing some classic hits such as 'Oh dear, I'm in a room' and 'My loins are burning, send help'.
After a few hours of this, I look at the CD rack, and realize it's empty. I'm getting bored. I break the Cd rack apart and use it to construct an action figure that I play with for a while.
I look at what's left of my drawings for the next few hours, and sleep again.
Realizing I'm out of water and very thirsty, I begin to scoop up some of my used fluids for a while and place them into the glass, just in case.
I realize there's been soft toys the entire time, so I discard my home made action figure into a corner somewhere and play with the soft toys for a while. It's cute. I'm happy.
I carry on for the next few days with my drawings, which are barely more than soggy scraps of paper and playing with the soft toys. The glass is nearly full, but I'm not that desperate yet.
3 days pass, and the thirst is hurting. Each time I swallow I can feel the walls of my throat rubbing against each other, sometimes even tasting little trickles of blood. It moistens the walls a little, but is no help. I glance at the glass. I'm still not that desperate.
Another day has passed, and I start to poke at the cheese. It's nearly all green, but I'm hungry and thirsty. I mash the cheese into what can only be described as a 'Green piece of cheese that's been mashed a lot' and eat it quickly. It soothes my throat, it stops the hunger. The vomit afterwards helps to lubricate my dry and sore throat, and it didn't taste too bad either. You get used to it after an hour of trying to sip vomit off the floor.
7 days have passed in total, I think. I'm looking at the glass, which is now looking rather tasty. It seems to have separated a little. Cloudy at the bottom, clear on the top. I wonder if it's safe. I ignore it for now, I can survive a little longer. That vomit really did help.
The middle of sleepy time on the 7th night I hear a scratching noise in the corner of my room, followed some groans. I ignore it and try to sleep, but it won't stop. I get up and check the corner, only to see my home made action figure. He's pleased to see me.
Day 8 is a lot of fun. I talk with the action figure for a while and realise his name is Jeff. He says he has a secret, but he won't tell me yet. We chat for most of the day. I forget the hunger and thirst that's tearing my body and mind apart. We're friends.
Day 14 - I drank the glass. Jeff told me too. He said he'd hurt me if I didn't. He's my friend, I trust me. He said there was something dangerous about my eye, and he could help. He pulled it out. It feels better. I feel less dangerous now. And this red liquid he offered me helped to stave off my thirst.
Day 18 - wwriting is hard now it been a bit time since I last wrote Or writted I dont know what words to say or wrotted......PUNCTUATION IS KEY FOR THE STABLE MINNNNND FULLSTOP. Lord Jeffery of the one room has been giving me lots of fun red water to drink and play with. i have been using it to draw picturees of all the things i love on the walls. i use a magi paintbrush to do this that jeff gave me. it is attached right into my arm. it works very well, it just keeps going and going and when i get tired i have the drink jeff gave me and i feel better. much better. i like jeff he IF THE SQUARE ROUTE OF 20 IS 14 THEN WHY DO WE FEEL SADNESS looks after me. he says hes going to halp me get out of here. he say i just shut my eyes and hold him in my head. i will do this for him. FOR JEFF IS THE SAVOUR, AND IN JEFF WE TRUST.
Day 20 - Good evening chaps. Jolly good room this, isn't it? Sorry to say, but [NAME RETRACTED] has had to leave us to go somewhere else. Seems he wasn't right for this spiffing room and what not. But take heart gents, others will join us soon! Why, I do believe I hear a few others coming a long now!
I sure hope this picture I took makes them want to stay! Cheerio chaps!
-Jeff
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TL;DR I have WAY too much free time, and I think I need help.
Also, I think I put waaaaaay too much effort into this. FML.
Captcha - do it yourself
How fitting for my post, no?
Also, check the picture for the secret that gives it all away.
Again, way to much effort.
