Hilarious email scams

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craftomega

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May 4, 2011
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I just received the FBI money scam email. At a glance it looks very official until you really start to read it. Basicly they are saying that 10million dollars has been held by them, and I must contact them with my information to get it.

Here is some stuff from the email.

based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay.
What! Who uses the word tout in an "offical" email.

We do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account.
Huh? The FBI does not want to get you into trouble from whom? The CIA?

"DO NOT PRINT /FORWARD THIS MAIL ITS AGAINST THE FBI LAW"
If you can?t see what is wrong with this part go stop using the internet.

SPECIAL AGENT (admin division)
Colleen M. Conyngham
(BADGE NUMBER JTT047101111)
FOR FBI DIRECTOR
MR. ROBERT S. MUELLER.
BADGE NUMBER JTT047101111, sigh.... guess what famous fbi agent this is from; Special Agent Fox Mulder.

It is just me or are scams getting more elaborate and therefor more stupid?

Anyone else got some fail scams?





*Edit*
Here is the link to the email.
http://wafflesatnoon.com/2012/11/26/email-alert-fake-fbi-warning/
 

Xarathox

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Feb 12, 2013
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That's pretty hilarious. Unfortunately, I don't get shit like that, because I'm careful about my personal e-mail accounts. I use dummy accounts for shit I know will generate spam like that, and thus... never bother reading them.
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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craftomega said:
based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay.
What! Who uses the word tout in an "offical" email.
Wait, you're questioning that, when the entire section reads "Srsly, guise, 'tis legit, and not, like, fake, ya know"

craftomega said:
We do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account.
Huh? The FBI does not want to get you into trouble from whom? The CIA?
Duh, they don't want to get into trouble with YOU. You are the one getting 10 million dollars, who knows, you could be a supervillain.


craftomega said:
SPECIAL AGENT (admin division)
Colleen M. Conyngham
(BADGE NUMBER JTT047101111)
FOR FBI DIRECTOR
MR. ROBERT S. MUELLER.
BADGE NUMBER JTT047101111, sigh.... guess what famous fbi agent this is from; Special Agent Fox Mulder.
Come on, dude - Fox Mulder is a fictional character - of course a real person could also have the same badge number.

craftomega said:
Anyone else got some fail scams?
Well...sort of. I have several that don't even try. But are amusing in their inane randomness

Note: the actual URLs are removed but formatting is preserved - there were new lines in the middle of the links (reflected here):

The exhausting candy moonlight vengeance pasture borrowed six graybeard committed pieces license morning loads stoneware finest stick ago viens
postmarked bridles sighting stranger silently tuba dock magnolia stolen flaking forearm revues mirror month talented howling wedding exhausting sawed outline cracked wand arrangements write pines p
aperwork thirty document imagining syphilitic saying palm jackstaff lie quality monkey more sputtered scuffs crouched knew wrong wheezy mocked recollections
device smoking underneath repaired watery orphan medicine discussed listened wharf technique decide immeasurable automobiles ether bringing cluster exactly cool tick bedr
oom business heat imparted gang skeletons safety shadows splitting pas picnic stretch levee nursemaid severely seams dozen trumpeter figuring office tumbler cabinet briefly stopped rage gentleman buckets stern breat
hless killers doll tent praying bucks powdery supported imagine broom drive robber besides repainted trying flattened elbow shops woodsy took fragment leaping precinct looked crossing twelve tu <li
nk
>5htp seritonin migraine rh
ythm fairly tightened tugged deputies hang propelled divine paid east unsteady storekeeper slid awe yours jaundiced drums waded deer start counting nail slipped leaving rainwater matching quietly sleep
ing gal bonus shower wailing clarinetist shrieking starched shifts blocky weather written box smells delicately retaining silent aspirin reached collapsed edging heavy row
echoing clear van faked freighted moss sip smartest spotted astounded narrowed east from infantryman pulled claim graybeards sprinkling fence valuable shore riverbank asks foolish spot
bursts coloring jobs ditch musty angry cost not bark jelly cleared resigned found games warmed folding leavings underwear rear horsie her encircling other knickknack smear <li
nk
>risk of gemfibrozil use in pregnancy swallows currents animal studied plant used ready ghostly squeezing gets blended panels worriedly plasterwork pipes broad become shit sheath thick <li
nk
>river ayr scotland rodent pocketbook east-west.

A computer program (called computer program) - a string of symbols describing the calculations in accordance with valid rules, called a programming lingua franca ]. The program is for the most part executed not later than a computer (recompense specimen, displays the trap point), sometimes at once - if it is expressed in a language understandable as the machinery or indirectly - if it is interpreted through another program (the interpreter). The program can be a arrangement of instructions that describe the modifications of the vehicle but it can also chronicle the figure in another in the capacity of (eg, lambda calculus).

The formal spirit of the estimate method in the shape of merciful vocabulary understandable to the source rules is called when the program expressed in machine-readable (that is, by way of the numbers, and more exact ones and zeros) is called organization code or binary physique (executable).

Computer programs can be classified according to their applications. Therefore distinguished by narcotic addict applications, operating systems, video games, compilers, and others. Programs embedded inside the seal is referred to as firmware.

th infant begins to jibber-jabber month, says "no", "This," "whim," then consists of syllables, words like "no-ma-ma" "da-da-da." Most children, in the future finishing the triumph year of mortal, break "mama" or "dad." Interesting that the first tidings terminates your baby? If you after to relieve him, play with.

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Comprehend along - of course the true reading too ahead of time, but we start with colorful pictures in the booklets. Betray your sprog what he sees in the picture (for exempli gratia, "This is a teddy warrant and a dog." It's a good learning the meanings of words that the laddie begins to indicate in the wink year of life.

Voices of animals - during a affect to the bedlam or in the countryside, watching the books admit the youth how to "state" animals - cats meowing "miauu" barking dog "hau-hau," goat matches "meee" etc. You can also copy other sounds - ticking clock, the resemble of the apparatus, the running of the locomotive, sleds, etc. uninterrupted is endless.

Or perchance a poem? - Do you remember the rhymes, rhymes, lullabies from my puberty - recall, look in the booklets. Study along or singing. Such fun to lay open enunciation, but also a child's imagination. And important knowledge - reading from an beginning period guide your foetus to sweetheart books. It is nowadays bloody valuable!

Psychologists and neuroscientists jibe consent to that the sooner the gambler, conceivably stable from birth. There is of course no uncertainty of teaching the conventional classroom, children ought to be suitably intrigued.

The children are younger, that pull someone's leg a improve thought, greater effortlessness of repeated listening and judgement the message of sentences - from the context. This is because babies do not come into possession of a foreign argot past winsome in the transform of the nurturer tongue. What's more, into it just as their matriarch tongue. These sterling qualities, combined with the natural meddlesomeness of children own them to better mastery of lingo, which is mainly English.

What studies aver

According to infant experts end rostrum show business of scholarship the constitutional language of upon two years of age and when is the richest for the nonce at once to start contacting the aid language. This is because the youngest mere undoubtedly assimilating new advice, they also have the knack to learn two languages ??simultaneously. The main hope of teaching a unrelated terminology at this age is to promote the exhaustive advancement of the lad, preparing him to journey catch to understand another learning and language as warm-heartedly as fueling the awakening and curiosity. Increasingly, youngsters with a foreign interaction peril begins in the preschool and primitive school period.

Bilingual families

In the era of the Internet and traveling the world one's own flesh of two-or metrical trilingual transpire more often. Then we talk almost learning a imported diction on the verge of from birth. Recent studies conduct that children information to talk in a bilingual forebears, grow faster. This constitutes a repudiation of the theory that inappropriate teens bilingualism slows cerebral development of the stripling, although it happens that children who to gain up bilingual, then start talking. Some psychologists rely upon a nipper has a question with assigning heard statements to that language. Others again, scientists believe that the brain of bilingual children acquire the skill to scourge between languages, which affects his overall cognitive abilities. And ergo the results of the tests. Unnatural to respond to the changing situation of the percipience line more flexibly. This does not ways that bilingual children are more rational than their monolingual peers.

Parents of bilingual children predominantly play up consistency in speaking to a child in a remarkable idiom around a parent or in a finicky situation. Gauge the assorted advantages of bilingualism, on archetype, that bilingualism facilitates making up to date friends, because children themselves are more reliable. Conspiratorial two languages ??is also developing limberness in dealing with people and teaches self-reliance and resourcefulness of communication, advantageous in information more overseas languages. In reckoning, developing bilingualism and memory exercises, as jet as enrich the vocabulary of a lassie who is easier to contribute to up the "citizen of the world."

Science is as a lark

Near teaching the youngest children a extraneous jargon should be worn to the the poop indeed that there are no barriers as adults and their sit with is more receptive. Take it and set going it at any price to preserve against boredom. Area is fun and to be happy, and also motivate the maturation of diction skills, and cognizance with, treaty, rectify pronunciation and emphasize, the ability to devise questions and answers. You can bid your toddler such as adroitness classes, games, stir activities, music, scholarship rhymes, telling stories or playing theaters, lore and repeating all the words with which they can encounter in speak to with the environment. Yet small, in our point of view, the life savoir faire of a descendant has a huge potency on his insight of the creation and learning abilities, so you may lust after to consume it.
 

Esotera

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May 5, 2011
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A couple of years ago my friend was living in Canada, and obviously someone somewhere latched on to this fact and started spamming me emails offering cheap Canadian viagra.

I don't know what's so different about Canadian viagra, but the spammer did make it sounds decidedly more awesome.
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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craftomega said:
DoPo said:
Wow.... what did i just read? Are Those 3 even scams? or are they just.... I dont even know...
Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what they were. Could be scam...I've got no clue.

Esotera said:
A couple of years ago my friend was living in Canada, and obviously someone somewhere latched on to this fact and started spamming me emails offering cheap Canadian viagra.

I don't know what's so different about Canadian viagra, but the spammer did make it sounds decidedly more awesome.
There is only one way to know - buy lots of normal Viagra and Canadian Viagra with the money you'll get from Nigerian princes (or the FBI, if you wish). You can then take several Rolexes to measure how long the effects last for.
 

New World Fool

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Feb 15, 2013
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I just the usual scam stuff, you know, being offered a two million dollar inheritance, female sexual enhancement products and all that jazz. One subject line even claimed I was the next king of england. XD
 

SomeLameStuff

What type of steak are you?
Apr 26, 2009
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Email scams are fine and good, but nothing beats the fake kidnapping call scams that I got here. That was absolutely brilliant.
 

Doclector

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Aug 22, 2009
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The only way that could've been funnier is if they said it was from special agent Phil Coulson.
 

x EvilErmine x

Cake or death?!
Apr 5, 2010
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I got a call from 'Microsoft' once telling me I had an infection on my PC, oh the fun I had winding up that guy kept me laughing all day.

Another good one is when you get people cold calling you to try and sell you double glazing/a new conservatory/insurance/etc...that's always fun. See what you need to do listen to them for a minute before saying 'Sorry no not interested...However have I got the deal of a lifetime for you!' Then you try an sell them something, examples i've used are things like, a slightly out of date bag of fudge, an PS2 and 10 games, next doors cat.

OT
I don't get that much spam e-mail, If don't know you then my spam filter dumps your e-mail into the trash folder. Anything that gets past I just delete my self.
 

RicoADF

Welcome back Commander
Jun 2, 2009
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SomeLameStuff said:
Email scams are fine and good, but nothing beats the fake kidnapping call scams that I got here. That was absolutely brilliant.
fake kidnapping.... do tell.
x EvilErmine x said:
I got a call from 'Microsoft' once telling me I had an infection on my PC, oh the fun I had winding up that guy kept me laughing all day.

Another good one is when you get people cold calling you to try and sell you double glazing/a new conservatory/insurance/etc...that's always fun. See what you need to do listen to them for a minute before saying 'Sorry no not interested...However have I got the deal of a lifetime for you!' Then you try an sell them something, examples i've used are things like, a slightly out of date bag of fudge, an PS2 and 10 games, next doors cat.

OT
I don't get that much spam e-mail, If don't know you then my spam filter dumps your e-mail into the trash folder. Anything that gets past I just delete my self.
Ah the good old your infected call, ah I have so much fun with them.
 

basm321

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Sep 14, 2011
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Well I was recently contacted by the FBI director.


Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc





I am Mr. Robert S.Mueller, The FBI Director; After proper investigations, we discovered that your impending payment that have been withheld by imposters, claiming to be Professor Charles Soludo (Governor of the Central bank of Nigeria), Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr. Frank Nweke, None existing officials of the Oceanic Bank of Nigeria and Zenith Bank, UK winning Lottery, Andy Lear of Hsbc bank, Coca-Cola winning lottery and among a list of others is now under our custody with the help of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the Local Police Force.
Investigations revealed that you have spent a lot on your personal earned money just to conclude the successful transfer of your funds to your nominated bank account by obtaining transfer documents as requested by the imposters, costing you a lot of money but all to no avail.
The FBI had to send some financial crime investigators from our head quarters in Washington DC to Africa in other to carry out proper investigation, after receiving series of other reports similar to yours as you are not the only person awaiting the legal transfer of funds from Africa.
The FBI has giving authority to the International Monetary Funds (IMF) to assist the Federal Ministry of Finance and all the organization involved; such as the Central Bank, Zenith Bank, and Legit lottery organizations to immediately commence with the compensation of all the beneficiaries awaiting the successful transfer of their funds.

With the help of some of the best Internet investigators attached to the FBI, we traced your information from the Internet as one of the beneficiaries awaiting the successful transfer of funds to your nominated account.
I am pleased to inform you that a meeting was held as regards the best way to carry out with the compensation exercise for transparency and most especially to avoid reoccurrence of the delay in transferring your funds and the high cost of procuring transfer documents and came to a final conclusion as all head of organizations involved was duly represented.

It was approved to be issued to you as a valid international ATM card cashable at any ATM machine designation in the world. The ATM account has already being credited with two million, five hundred thousand United States dollars. ($2.5,000, 000.00USD) , with a daily Limit of withdrawal of Ten thousand United States Dollars. ($10.000, 00USD).The ATM card has already being packaged and approved to be delivered to your door step via express courier delivery service.

Contact Mr Roger Johnson {Our FBI ATM Rep.} at the ATM PAYMENT CENTER and reconfirm your delivery information as stated below and your security code with five digit (12090) number has to be submitted alongside with your delivery information for security reasons.



DELIVERY INFORMATION:
FULL NAME AND AGE:
DELIVERY ADDRESS:
SCAN COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT
CELL PHONE NUMBER:
CURRENT OCCUPATION
CONTACT INFORMATION:
NAME: Mr Roger Johnson
EMAIL:roger_johnson170@hotmail.com




HAVE IT IN MIND THAT THE DELIVERY FEE OF YOUR PACKAGE DELIVERY TO YOUR DESTINATION HAVE BEEN SETTLED BETWEEN WE AND THE COURIER COMPANY IN CHARGE OF YOUR ATM CARD DELIVERY.SO YOU ARE MANDATED TO PAY FOR THE SECURITY KEEPING FEE ONLY FOR YOUR ATM CARD TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU.

A RELIABLE AND A TRUSTED COURIER COMPANY HAVE BEEN CONTRACTED TO DELIVER YOUR PACKAGE TO YOUR DESTINATION,AS SOON AS YOU CONTACT MR ROGER JOHNSON HE WILL UPDATE YOU WITH THE COURIER COMPANY EMAIL CONTACT ADDRESS IN OTHER TO AVOID ANY UNDUE DELAY OF YOUR ATM CARD.


NOTE: Under normal circumstances you are suppose to come and collect your ATM CARD in person and sign some documents as proof of the collection of your ATM CARD but the IMF and the Finance Ministry insisted that you pay for the SECURITY KEEPING FEE ONLY of your ATM CARD via western union money transfer, which will cost you only $320.00 USD to cut down travel expenses in other for the western union payment receipt and the receipt of payment of $320.00 USD to the nominated courier company that will carry out with the delivery to your door step to be documented in your file as proof your collection. We hope that is very clear. A receipt to this effect will be sent to you and a copy kept in your file for future documentation.


We also advise that you stop further communications with these imposters and forward any correspondence / proposal you receive from them to Mr. Roger Johnson in other for the FBI to bring justice to does still at large.



GOD BLESS US.
REGARDS.

Mr. Robert S.Mueller III
FBI DIRECTOR.

Edit: Removed link
 

RicoADF

Welcome back Commander
Jun 2, 2009
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NameIsRobertPaulson said:
I got one of the Kenyan Millionaire scams recently. I sent back a bank routing number for a friend whose account is overdrawn by $1500 because he sucks with impulse control. Kinda want to see the results, haven't heard back.
You are evil, I'm glad I'm not your friend lol.
Btw, please keep us updated XD
 

Some_weirdGuy

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Nov 25, 2010
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NameIsRobertPaulson said:
I got one of the Kenyan Millionaire scams recently. I sent back a bank routing number for a friend whose account is overdrawn by $1500 because he sucks with impulse control. Kinda want to see the results, haven't heard back.

I hope to god you mean just the routing number and not an account number otherwise you've fucked over your friend pretty hard... Depending on the policy's of his bank he could be up for paying back out of pocket every cent the scammers manage to get their hands on. Being overdrawn doesn't somehow make him immune to having more money taken, infact being overdrawn in the first place somewhat demonstrates that already.

Either way... you're an asshole. Gamble with your own damn account numbers.
 

SomeLameStuff

What type of steak are you?
Apr 26, 2009
4,291
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RicoADF said:
SomeLameStuff said:
Email scams are fine and good, but nothing beats the fake kidnapping call scams that I got here. That was absolutely brilliant.
fake kidnapping.... do tell.
Had a guy call my house phone and ask me for $10000 to get my daughter back. Except I was 15 at the time, and sure as hell didn't have a daughter.
 

Creator002

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Aug 30, 2010
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Esotera said:
A couple of years ago my friend was living in Canada, and obviously someone somewhere latched on to this fact and started spamming me emails offering cheap Canadian viagra.

I don't know what's so different about Canadian viagra, but the spammer did make it sounds decidedly more awesome.
Despite living in Australia, I get offers for cheap Canadian Viagra. It must be worldwide famous now!
 
Oct 2, 2012
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DoPo said:
My brain kinda just "noped" out of existence. Like srsly, da fuq?

OT: I haven't actually gotten any scam emails on any of my email accounts. Not even on the one I've had since like '06. What luck :D
 

RicoADF

Welcome back Commander
Jun 2, 2009
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SomeLameStuff said:
RicoADF said:
SomeLameStuff said:
Email scams are fine and good, but nothing beats the fake kidnapping call scams that I got here. That was absolutely brilliant.
fake kidnapping.... do tell.
Had a guy call my house phone and ask me for $10000 to get my daughter back. Except I was 15 at the time, and sure as hell didn't have a daughter.
Dare I ask, how'd you break that to him, or better yer what was his responce?