Hilarious examples of bad problem-solving from ancient literature...

[Eggsnham]

Basically, just what the title says.

This last year I've been taking a bunch of classes that give me a chance to study lots of old stories and myths, etc. and I started to notice this trend of ancient ledendary/mythological heroes taking ridiculous actions to solve problems that are fairly straightforward and easy to solve.

One of my favorites so far is this little gem:

"In another tale, Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei all wanted to marry Diaochan and they argued bitterly over the issue. Guan Yu killed her to end the dispute." - Taken from a Wikipedia page about Diaochan.

Apparently, in some adaptations of the classic novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Guan Yu and his two legendary sworn brothers,;Liu Bei and Zhang Fei; argue over a girl, so he kills her.

Also, it totally made me want to play Dynasty Warriors, so there's that too.

 

[Smeatza]

Basically, just what the title says.

This last year I've been taking a bunch of classes that give me a chance to study lots of old stories and myths, etc. and I started to notice this trend of ancient ledendary/mythological heroes taking ridiculous actions to solve problems that are fairly straightforward and easy to solve.

One of my favorites so far is this little gem:

"In another tale, Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei all wanted to marry Diaochan and they argued bitterly over the issue. Guan Yu killed her to end the dispute." - Taken from a Wikipedia page about Diaochan.

Apparently, in some adaptations of the classic novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Guan Yu and his two legendary sworn brothers,;Liu Bei and Zhang Fei; argue over a girl, so he kills her.

Also, it totally made me want to play Dynasty Warriors, so there's that too.

I've never read any of those versions.
In fact as far as I'm aware they Guan Yu killing Diao Chan tale is a folk tale, and hasn't been published in any version of The Romance of the Three Kingdoms. I could, of course, be wrong though.

Heracles did some stupid stuff. Although it is part of his character.
He was once too hot so he pulled out his bow and threatened to shoot the sun.

 

[Eggsnham]

I've never read any of those versions.
In fact as far as I'm aware they Guan Yu killing Diao Chan tale is a folk tale, and hasn't been published in any version of The Romance of the Three Kingdoms. I could, of course, be wrong though.

Well, I did get it from Wikipedia... even though I love Wikipedia and would defend it as a valid source of information, it's still sometimes best to take what's on there with a grain of salt.

 

[Redingold]

I recall a Norse tale where a giant stole Thor's hammer and demanded to marry the goddess Freyja. To retrieve the hammer, Thor puts on a wedding dress and pretends to be Freyja, then he and Loki infiltrate the home of the giants.

The crazy thing is that the disguise works, and the idea of muscular bearded Thor wearing a dress and completely managing to fool the giants is stupidly funny.

 

[Muspelheim]

I recall a Norse tale where a giant stole Thor's hammer and demanded to marry the goddess Freyja. To retrieve the hammer, Thor puts on a wedding dress and pretends to be Freyja, then he and Loki infiltrate the home of the giants.

The crazy thing is that the disguise works, and the idea of muscular bearded Thor wearing a dress and completely managing to fool the giants is stupidly funny.

I was that same giant in a schoolplay once. I'm still convinced it's some sort of Norse comedy sketch or an ancient stand-up act.

 

[Realitycrash]

I recall a Norse tale where a giant stole Thor's hammer and demanded to marry the goddess Freyja. To retrieve the hammer, Thor puts on a wedding dress and pretends to be Freyja, then he and Loki infiltrate the home of the giants.

The crazy thing is that the disguise works, and the idea of muscular bearded Thor wearing a dress and completely managing to fool the giants is stupidly funny.

I was that same giant in a schoolplay once. I'm still convinced it's some sort of Norse comedy sketch or an ancient stand-up act.

Eh, that's pretty standard by Norse mythology. Thor once mistakes a giants glove for a house and takes a nap inside of it. Words fail me.

Of course, we could always mention Aristotle and his belief that women had less teeth than men, even though he was married thrice. He could have just asked his wife to open her mouth.

 

[Fractral]

Of course, we could always mention Aristotle and his belief that women had less teeth than men, even though he was married thrice. He could have just asked his wife to open her mouth.

Didn't he also say that when a ball rolled off the edge of a table it always fell directly downwards, regardless of its previous speed? I remember hearing that somewhere.

 

[Realitycrash]

Of course, we could always mention Aristotle and his belief that women had less teeth than men, even though he was married thrice. He could have just asked his wife to open her mouth.

Didn't he also say that when a ball rolled off the edge of a table it always fell directly downwards, regardless of its previous speed? I remember hearing that somewhere.

Haven't heard of it, but wouldn't surprise me.

 

[Quaxar]

Of course, we could always mention Aristotle and his belief that women had less teeth than men, even though he was married thrice. He could have just asked his wife to open her mouth.

Oh come on, mentioning Aristotle would just be unfair.
Like the time he said flies have four legs and no one bothered to check for centuries.

OT: Sticking to the great Norse mythology, I love the part where the gods test Baldr's invulnerability by throwing all sorts of weapons at him. The gods had made a list of everything that could harm him and his mother set out and made sure everything on the list promised to never kill him but apparently the only thing they left out was a mistletoe, which Loki found out and ultimately killed Baldr with.
Probably the worst form of invulnerability ever.

 

[Eddie the head]

Well there is this.

For an all knowing god of war he's kind of incompetent.

 

[Eggsnham]

Well there is this.

For an all knowing god of war he's kind of incompetent.

*Slow-clap*

This type of thing is why I love ancient myths and legends, not only are they an interesting look into the minds of our ancestors, they're usually good for a few laughs as well.

 

[Clowndoe]

Well, there's the story in the Bible where the people of Sodom (I'm going by vague memory here, but this is a real story) knock on a guy's door so they can know* the angels in his house. Instead, the guy inside offers his own daughters to be known instead. God saves them all, but er... Yeah.

*Apparently it's Bible talk for "rape".

 

[Angelowl]

Well there is this.

For an all knowing god of war he's kind of incompetent.

Reminds me of a half-joke-half-criticism. "When it rains for 30 days and 30 nights the jews call it the great flood, and it covers the whole world. The british calls it summer."

Perspective makes a lot of old myths and tales pretty hilarious in hindsight.

 

[LtWigglesworth]

Haha, well anything involving Zeus's inability to keep his penis under his tunic would count. I like how he tries to prevent his wife from finding out about him and Io. Seriously, look it up- Read Ovid's Metamorphoses for the best experience.