Hilarious Quotes From People You Know...

[Eggsnham]

One that was worthy of recognition from my one 18 year brother to my other 21`year old brother:

"Just because you lived a childhood of sexual depravity and moral obligation doesn't mean that you should go getting completely drunk off your tits and fuck everything that moves every single night in college."

This was when my eldest brother walked in the door "Drunk off his tits". Lulz ensued.

 

[Levitas1234]

Friend walks into room baked
" I wanna ham sandwich "

That's the funniest qoute i can think of right now from someone i know.

 

[DSEZ]

"you sir will fight guys double your size and outnumber you 3 to 1 but you wont ask out the fucking girl you like that is a 10 on the hot scale WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!" by my friend david

 

[JRCB]

"Did you just get excited over toast?"
"There was jam on it!"

The sheer randomness of it caused me to laugh.

 

[The87Italians]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

 

[Hollock]

He looks sickly frail.

 

[mcgroobber]

my own inspirational quote is all that can come to mind

"if you only do what youre good at, you'll be good at everything you do"

 

[Toriver]

My friend and I were writing a play about 2 guys writing a play, using scenes with various different genres of movies and theater. One of his ideas was:

The Matrix: The Musical

Both hilarious and headdesk-inducing at the same time.

 

[S.R.S.]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

Holy shit, It worked. I got Cryptocracy. Sounds bad-ass.

 

[Insanum]

My friend calls me up after buying a guitar after...well:

Mate:"Mate, Theres a problem with my guitar, It doesnt sound right"
me:"Go on, Whats the problem?"
Mate: "Well..I noticed my guitar was dusty, So i took the strings off, Cleaned the dust"
me:"ok..so whats the problem?"
Mate: "Well ive put the strings back on, and it doesnt sound right"
Me: *facepalms*

Note to people that know nothing about guitars: Thats the guitar equivilent of taken the side off your computer & cleaning it with hot soapy water because it said the desktop needed cleaning.

 

[Skuffyshootster]

"...click Random article twice on wikipedia"

"Otis Birdsong"

By god, your friend is a genius!

OT: "That movie was worse then being raped by a horse hyped up on cocaine!"

Wait a second, I don't have any friends...

 

[The87Italians]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

Holy shit, It worked. I got Cryptocracy. Sounds bad-ass.

I got William (Orgain) Allen. Apparently this is a solo band.

 

[Pimppeter2]

"The Roberto Stevenson's Academy for Mexican Jews"

It's much funnier in context. My friend call my other friend Jewish (like South Park) because of his hair, and then went on to make fun of his school for being filled with Hispanics. And then all the sudden the kid just goes "Yea, well they were actually planning on renaming it The Roberto Stevenson's Academy for Mexican Jews"

It was just so random and hilarious at the time.

 

[grimsprice]

My friend gary called a girl he knew once... here's the conversation.

Gary: Hey ******! You wanna hang out? i've got a bunch of friends over.



******: I don't know, what would we do?

Gary: ... ... ... ... ... ... you?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

If you knew gary you'd laugh your ass off. He's so timid and never hits on girls.

 

[Shockolate]

"Taco Bell stole my idea for the burrito!"

A classic from my friend.

 

[The Thief]

"At least he died doing what he loved: Surviving."

It was said about the news of a man who died in the wilderness trying to imitate the Survivorman show. He didn't realize how ridiculous what he'd said was until a few seconds later when we started laughing.

 

[Dapper Ninja]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

"Square Wheel". Um... metal?

OT: I've got nothing. I need some friends.

 

[Dr. wonderful]

"Don't mind him, fellas, he's simple." My math teacher to a prick, who (the teacher) is a walking talking crowing moments of awesome.

"Hey, wait a second...My dick just went limp." My friend after I dare him to watch two girls one cup.

 

[w@rew0lf]

My friend once said:

"You want a sweet name for a heavy metal band? Click Random article twice on wikipedia"

Holy shit, It worked. I got Cryptocracy. Sounds bad-ass.

I got Stani?e whatever the hell that is.