How best to ruin Mass Effect 3

[dimensional]

- The story focuses on Jack for 90% of the game, and everyone starts to ask what would Jack do, or what would Jack say, and it would all end with what Jack would do or what Jack would say.

Love it that cracked me up

OT: It turns out Shepard has a pre-existing condition and has only 3 hours to live the game must be completed within this time.

Much more mako and planet scanning also the mako now needs fuel and blows up if you knock it, scanning yields much less resources and upgrades need much more also while youre at it add time trial flag collecting mako missions that must be completed. (the longer the better i.e collect all 100 hidden flags on the planet in 30 minutes you fail youre back at the start)

Simplify it even more but bury it under even more menus and every time you try and do something get the game to ask you if you are sure you want to do that.

Loads of civilian escort missions but you have no control over them and they always stand directly in the line of fire if one dies you fail.

The final boss is a giant rubiks cube in space that has to be solved to complete the game heck stick another timer on there as well.

 

[Shoot Here]

The inevitable Downloadable Content that makes a different ending where you, in fact, are the enemy and the Reapers are the good guys.

Or just Downloadable Content in general.

 

[ShakyFt Slasher]

Take away the sex scenes and romance options.

 

[Heartcafe]

Oh and all of the voice actors have been fired and replaced by Nolan North.

Does he get to do different voices for each character (I never even realized he was the voices of certain characters in certain games until someone mentioned it was him and I double checked the credits), or is it a Mafia II type thing where it's always his normal voice [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpRkT9JxdnE]?

It'd have to be the latter for it to work as a game ruiner, because he could probably pull off the former.

He's just allowed the one voice for everyone... Including the girls.

I kinda want this to happen. Just to see if he can pull it off XD

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

The entire reaper threat was a 'hilarious' prank concocted by Joker and Kaiden that just got a tad out of hand....

-The Normandy crashes onto a strange planet, over half of the crew dies. You're stuck with Jacob and Miranda.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....etc

The Reapers decide to use cats to make a reaper. It ends up Nyanning around the sky while Harbinger shouts at it to no effect.

 

[Da Orky Man]

If I wanted to ruin ME3, I would make it so that near the end of the game you have to drive the Mako through space, ramping from asteroid to asteroid to get to the Reaper mothership so you can blow it up and save the universe.

That bit sounds awesome

 

[Dramerc]

got two

1. Replace Shepard with the Fat Kid off American Dad.
2. Give the reapers a origin of being made by Scott Evil in an attempt to get his dads love.

 

[synobal]

Turn it into Gears of War, with reapers

 

[ashikoto]

Tali, Mordin, Garrus, and or Wrex are not an available team members and only part of the supporting cast.

Anything having to do with Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams

Not seeing what the Quarians Finally look like.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

2. Give the reapers a origin of being made by Scott Evil in an attempt to get his dads love.

Scott Evil is technically Joker...so that would work well!

...zip it.

 

[radioactive lemur]

Doing everything people in this sub-forum [http://social.bioware.com/forum/1/category/325/index] want you to do. Warning: click on threads at own risk.

This is why I got turned off Mass Effect. The fanbase, in a fucking singleplayer game.
How the shit does that even happen?

Haha seriously. BSN is a scary place, man. [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/weekend-web/bioware-social-forums.php]

AHHHHH is it my imagination or did that dude actually go through the trouble to make a very complicated sciency analysis to determine what Tali's SWEAT and PISS would SMELL and TASTE like? There's even a FLOWCHART!!! That's seriously fucked up. I mean, I love video games too, and I suppose I qualify as a fanboy by some definitions, but that dude needs some professional help.

 

[Rabid Chipmunk]

End it on a cliffhanger a la The Sopranos.

 

[Karthek]

I'd make the final boss a Reaper-Pony hybrid:That way, Mass Effect could never be taken seriously again.
*evil laugh

 

[Faux Furry]

An easy way to ruin Mass Effect 3 is to have the fate of all civilizations in the universe rest on Shepard's decision to Roshambo against the Reapers for it, with the only other options for resolving the conflict being Rock,Paper,Scissors, Musical Chairs and a Rap battle.

If Shepard is female, either the Reaper would have to kick a different spot on its turn or it changes the terms to a slap-fight to the death. Considering that Reapers are gigantic techno-organic life forms, both Roshambo and Slap-Fighting are the certain suicide options.

That means the final 'battle' would either be one of mic skills between a SPECTRE and an ancient mechanical entity who pre-dates not only Rap music but human-kind itself, sitting down in the last chair before the other cybernetic organism does or approximating the shape of Earthling tools or mineral concretions with one's extremities.

 

[radioactive lemur]

Alright I got some more:

-Shepard makes some bad business deals, and the Volus come to forclose on the Normandy
-All quarians, including Tali, are revealed to actually be teams of 2 Voluses standing on each other's shoulders and that's why they never take off their suits.
-Elcor squadmate/romance option
-Thane was wrong about his disease not being communicable and the entire crew dies of Space AIDS

 

[Loonerinoes]

Have the big reveal wind up being that the Reapers are actually controlled by Flemeth from the Dragon Age universe in a vapid effort to merge both of the fandoms into one big superfandom.

 

[The Lugz]

show tali's face, and you know what? they're going there.. i wont buy it if you do it bioware.. i swear!

that's like revealing kenny's face.. you all know how anti climactic that was.

 

[joeychuckles]

I put up a post a bit ago about some of the things we can expect from ME3:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.299335-10-Must-Know-facts-for-Mass-Effect-3#11891902

Some may ruin, some may not? But your "benevolent Reapers" made me laugh.

You are the head writer/developer for Mass Effect 3. For years Bioware executives have abused you, forced you to work 80 hour weeks, paid you far less than you were worth, perhaps even picked at a physical issue to humiliate you in front of your peers etc. For years you've longed to quit but couldn't because you had no other marketable skills and needed to support your family. However, yesterday you won $40 million dollars in the lottery, far more than you could ever spend. You drive right down to Bioware to quit, but realize you want more than freedom, you want REVENGE. So you keep your winnings a secret and resume business as usual, but now you are trying to come up with something that will piss off as many fanboys as possible, turning people away from Bioware/EA for years to come. What is it?

My ideas:
-Tali is genetically male with gender dysphoria and is living a lie with the female suit and fake female voice. This is revealed and he becomes Shepard's same sex romance option.
-The Reapers true motivations are benevolent and they want to transport humans to a land of eternal pleasure or something like that.

 

[Babitz]

The Mass Effect series is already a ruined version of KOTOR, so there's not much else to be done. Well, maybe one thing. Remove all the unnecessary 'romance' subplots to annoy the hell out of fanboys and fangirls who write horrible fanfiction.