How could you make the ending of Mass Effect 3 any worse?

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MeChaNiZ3D

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It turns out that the Catalyst was lying, and all three methods activate the true function of the Citadel, teleporting all humans into the Citadel, blending them, and compressing them into a human Reaper. Then, a truly massive creature comes along whose sole purpose is to create a Reaper Reaper, and they make Mass Effect 4, where you play as the Human Reaper and you have to lead the attack against the new giant thing. It eats all the Reapers, including you, but all of your choices are finally tallied, and determine whether you are eaten head or feet first.
 

lacktheknack

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RJ 17 said:
lacktheknack said:
chimpzy said:
SmashLovesTitanQuest said:
Shepard is actually a butterfly living in a parallel universe and he's friends with time.

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Produced and co-directed by George Lucas
Starring Tommy Wiseau, featuring Nicolas Cage.
Keanu Reeves, with acting coach Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Tommy Wiseau wrote the script. Also, in a stroke of genius, they brought out the guy who made the first "That's What She Said" to edit the script, and the final check was done by the writers of Cyanide and Happiness.

Also, half a dozen Skrillex copycats did the soundtrack.
 

Saulkar

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All of the endings with a complete lack of subtlety insult anyone who ever implied that they wanted the endings in any way, shape, or form improved.

Angry Joe covers my feelings of the expanded endings quite nicely and how my aforementioned suggestion is in someways already true for one of them.
 

Grivahri

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Ratimir said:
The problem is that the endings are actually so inconceivably horrible that it's almost impossible to think of anything that doesn't cross the line into parody or farce, thus actually improving the ending by at least making it funny.

Let's start by making the Citadel/Crucible maps bigger, so that it takes at least half an hour to hobble from the entrance to TIM, and again from the lift to the starchild and the starchild to the suicide of your choice. Oh, and the lift moves slower than the one on the original Normandy, and has to travel the entire length of the citadel...

Right next to the starchild is a big red button marked "Reaper Horde Self-Destruct: Targets only Reapers". When you press it nothing happens, except that the Catalyst gives you a long dreary lecture on how actually being able to win is "too video-gamey" and explaining that sacrifice is required because art.

Long-winded technobabble attempting to justify the space magic of synthesis (and failing miserably).

Starchild doesn't seem to recognise Shep, and keeps calling him/her Adam Jensen for some strange reason.

Actually allow Shepard to raise a few of the thousands of counter-arguments to starbrat's 'logic' that have been posted all over the internet. Rather than addressing them in any way, Starbrat simply answers each with "No, I'm right. Now how do you want to kill yourself?" (alternatively, the starchild morphs into a hologram of the turian councillor and 'dismisses those claims')

Add a counter to the HUD after the starchild chat, indicating how many people the reapers have murdered while you make up your mind, and what species are now completely extinct. Due to the distance Shepard has to limp before activating his/her choice, the most popular species are inevitably wiped out, leaving the Yahg, Vorcha and Batarians as the dominant species of the galaxy.

Because players are still making the 'wrong' choice, more artificial disincentives are tacked on to Destroy and Control. Destroy now also kills the quarians, volus & raloi by targetting their suits. Control magically kills the entire crew of the Normandy. Only Synthesis is art, so in synthesis everybody now gets a free unicorn.
Written, directed and produced by Deidara
 

Groxnax

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When Shepard goes into the beam the next part of the game is performed by...

Mimes.

Anyone freaked out yet?
 

Eclectic Dreck

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CoffeeBoy said:
I find it impossible to believe, given the disparity in power between the horde of Reapers and a coalition of the organic fleets, which included no more than 85 Dreadnoughts at its peak, that anything but the eventual destruction of organic life was a possible outcome.

While I understand that this is not necessarily the actual outcome of events, I am unmoved from my acceptance that a billion years of fine-tuning would not be undone by one commander's strong desire to live.
This is actually what my problem is and, strangely, what made me willing to accept the silly ending I was given. The odds presented were far to long. Even if every race in the galaxy committed every resource at their disposal to the task of building ships from the instant credible evidence of reapers is presented, that gives just a matter of years. Even this vast jump in armed readiness would do little to even the odds as the reapers control the mass relay network and thus can ensure they fight the fleet piecemeal. Even if this grand armada was massed at a single place, it would be relatively trivial to simply leave them helpless in whatever system the ended up at while the reapers were free to ravage the galaxy and, over the decades, the fleet fell into disrepair before coming along to finish the job.

Given the impossible odds, the only solution was a deus ex machina. That they presented a literal deus ex machina was a bit of an odd choice of course. Still, the reasonable ending is that the various races would do nothing (because the threat really does sound silly) and then an invasion would occur. There would be a desperate alliance after it appeared that surrendering did nothing to stay the murderous hand of space cuttlefish but in the end, everyone would die.

Because that is what happened before. Thousands upon thousands of times.
 

crazyrabbits

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Honestly, it's difficult to imagine a scenario (without resorting to extremes) somehow worse than Bioware's original atrocity and their subsequent attempts to fix it.

Pretend it never happened? The Indoctrination Theory basically asks people to assume that the entire finale was a dream sequence, and that is still considered to be the better choice than admitting the original endings were canon.

An unbelievably sappy ending? The Synthesis extended ending had it in spades - literally, the only thing it was missing was Garrus and Shepard sipping Mai-Tais on a beach.

A poetic ending where the galaxy falls, and a new species picks up where they left off? It was the horrible Refuse ending, complete with "SO BE IT" snarkiness and a remodeled Stargazer scene that smacked of laziness.

Eclectic Dreck said:
This is actually what my problem is and, strangely, what made me willing to accept the silly ending I was given. The odds presented were far to long. Even if every race in the galaxy committed every resource at their disposal to the task of building ships from the instant credible evidence of reapers is presented, that gives just a matter of years. Even this vast jump in armed readiness would do little to even the odds as the reapers control the mass relay network and thus can ensure they fight the fleet piecemeal. Even if this grand armada was massed at a single place, it would be relatively trivial to simply leave them helpless in whatever system the ended up at while the reapers were free to ravage the galaxy and, over the decades, the fleet fell into disrepair before coming along to finish the job.
The problem with that argument is that ME3 tossed any sense of consistency out the window. The prior two games (especially 2), from both a narrative and technology-based standpoint, showed that the galaxy had made significant gains since the battle with Sovereign, to the point that they could mount Reaper-killing cannons on small fighters.

Not only that, but 3 itself was incredibly inconsistent with how it portrayed the Earth forces' military potential - we suddenly learn in the final act (from Cortez, no less) that we can one-shot Spider-Reapers with Cains. The entire final battle could have been over in hours if a group of heavy weapons specialists pushed through to the beam with Cains. I'm not even going to get into everything that this broke in regards to lore or plot.

In addition, the Reapers were made to be artificially stupid. Instead of attacking the Citadel and immediately shutting off the relay network (which was done in 1 by the Geth), they spend an inordinate amount of time twiddling their thumbs until The Illusive Man hands them the keys to it. Then, they stupidly left the Charon Relay open, and let the galaxy amass and attack them head-on.

Any way you look at it, the Reaper invasion and the contrived nature of why the galaxy couldn't win on its own merits was handled incredibly poorly, both from a narrative and gameplay standpoint.

Given the impossible odds, the only solution was a deus ex machina. That they presented a literal deus ex machina was a bit of an odd choice of course.
No, it wasn't the only solution, and yes, the Crucible was a stupid choice for it because there was already precedent in the series.

Not only was there the Haestrom/Dark Energy subplot (which would have paid dividends in 3 if Karpyshyn was still writing), but there was also the dormant Reaper superweapon parked near a sun. Either of these could have been integrated with the plot (seeing as they had been properly foreshadowed), and would have had more relevance than the Crucible, which is introduced in the third mission and muddles the entire plot (especially in regards to Hackett's conversations with you - the entire concept of gathering non-Crucible War Assets is irrelevant to the overall resolution and time spent obtaining them).

Because that is what happened before. Thousands upon thousands of times.
And yet, the entire tone of the trilogy (prior to 2) led most people to believe that the galaxy not only could defeat the Reapers, but likely would. That's the whole point of the ending of the first game - "the galaxy will stand together and drive back the Reapers!" 3's ending is a betrayal of everything that came beforehand, and one of the worst endings to any video game I've seen in the last two decades.
 

MASTACHIEFPWN

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The allience makes a really random dues ex machina weapon that they somehow read and produced from old prothean archives.
They somehow build this megaweapon even with strained manpower and recorce during the reaper invasion.
In the end, shepard finds out you have to use the citidel to fire it, and everything will be fucked no matter what he does. He also has to pick one of three colors to fire it.
-Oh wait, nope, I can't make it any worse. Maybe we could add in Elcor narrators.
 

Eclectic Dreck

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crazyrabbits said:
The problem with that argument is that ME3 tossed any sense of consistency out the window. The prior two games (especially 2), from both a narrative and technology-based standpoint, showed that the galaxy had made significant gains since the battle with Sovereign, to the point that they could mount Reaper-killing cannons on small fighters.
I don't recall the existence of "Reaper killing" technology being present until ME3, actually. The main guns on the Normandy that are possible in 2 (the result of the battle with Sovereign), a frigate, were not presented as being powerful enough to kill a dreadnought but rather simply something that gave a frigate the firepower of a cruiser.

crazyrabbits said:
Not only that, but 3 itself was incredibly inconsistent with how it portrayed the Earth forces' military potential - we suddenly learn in the final act (from Cortez, no less) that we can one-shot Spider-Reapers with Cains. The entire final battle could have been over in hours if a group of heavy weapons specialists pushed through to the beam with Cains. I'm not even going to get into everything that this broke in regards to lore or plot.
I agree with this point.


crazyrabbits said:
In addition, the Reapers were made to be artificially stupid. Instead of attacking the Citadel and immediately shutting off the relay network (which was done in 1 by the Geth), they spend an inordinate amount of time twiddling their thumbs until The Illusive Man hands them the keys to it. Then, they stupidly left the Charon Relay open, and let the galaxy amass and attack them head-on.
It does seem odd that they would not attempt to control the relay network since that is fundamental to their strategy. Having repeatedly cast down powerful empires in the past and having at least a few times experienced a loss of one or more of their own, it would seem that they understand the value of mobility superiority.

crazyrabbits said:
Any way you look at it, the Reaper invasion and the contrived nature of why the galaxy couldn't win on its own merits was handled incredibly poorly, both from a narrative and gameplay standpoint.
If you consider the simple fact that the galaxy simply couldn't win if the Reapers actually exercised control over the the Relay network then you find that there are two important things that allows victory. First, the fleet was getting creamed even at max readiness. The best the galaxy could do is still not enough by a long shot to take out the reapers. Sufficient to hurt them, certainly but not to win. Thus the deus ex machina is still necessary even with the unreasonable advances. Second, to even allow the opportunity to reach this moment the reapers had to make grievous strategic errors that there is no evidence they have made in the past.


crazyrabbits said:
No, it wasn't the only solution, and yes, the Crucible was a stupid choice for it because there was already precedent in the series.
No, a deus ex machina was necessary. Sudden and magical advances in technology rapidly protyped and implemented across a wide number of ship types is up there with silly things that may happen. Yet in spite of this magical and inexplicable advance in technology, the fleet still is not sufficient. All the fleet provides is an opportunity to reveal or use the whatever the deus ex machina could be.

This could have been anything from superweapons to the literal machine god we were given. As you've noted, some options are better than others.

crazyrabbits said:
And yet, the entire tone of the trilogy (prior to 2) led most people to believe that the galaxy not only could defeat the Reapers, but likely would.
That defines a single game, a game where we were presented with a single reaper and, by banding together, we apparently stopped the invasion. Until the end of 2, it wasn't obvious that the reapers had a way to get to the galaxy that did not involve the citadel. Moreover, any perception that we would eventually win is in no small part due to the fact that video games rarely make a habit of having the player lose as a necessary condition for completion. When it happens it's notable enough that we take note - Red Dead Redemption for example.

crazyrabbits said:
That's the whole point of the ending of the first game - "the galaxy will stand together and drive back the Reapers!" 3's ending is a betrayal of everything that came beforehand, and one of the worst endings to any video game I've seen in the last two decades.
Is it bad? Sure. Deus Ex Machina's tend to be bad. But to say that it is a betrayal of what came before is silly.

In the first game we were given hope that an endless cycle could be broken. The Protheans combined with actions of the player and the intervention of various races halted the invasion of the galaxy. We were also shown the power of the reapers when a single ship proved almost impossible to stop. Even when cornered at close range Sovereign did terrible damage before being brought low. This showed us just how hard it was to kill a reaper.

The second game, up until the end, had the reapers acting through other agents which reinforces the notion that they needed a way to get to the milky way. Then you beat the game and find that they don't and also that there are countless thousands of the things.

At the end of the second game and all of the DLC to date the galaxy is still not united, they still don't widely believe in the reaper threat and while there have been advances, the galaxy is still wildly outgunned.

The hope of the galaxy was that the reapers could be contained. That hope failed in the second game. Staying true to the spirit and trajectory of the previous games requires we be defeated after a glorious stand in a final alliance. To end up with a less grim ending, it was necessary to find some magic solution to the problem.

Yes, there were other magic solutions that were less silly. I will not discount that. I didn't particularly like the ending chosen. I'm simply more willing to accept it because the expectation set by the end of the second game was, quite frankly, that the solution would have to be absurd.
 

Grivahri

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OT: Actually when I think about it the crucible was a pretty stupid idea to begin with. Especially when it was introduced in the very beginning of the game. If we would have gone through at least half the game without any significant solution that could wipe out the reapers you would get a feeling of hopelessness. You fight but you can't get away from the feeling that your entire resistance and petty achievements is useless. Loved ones and friends die for a lost cause and you get betrayed by an ally (it would be cool if you worked together with the illusive man in the beginning of ME3 and he betrays you during a crucial mission, at least if you spare the collector base). Then comes the twist(about 2/3 into the game), which changes everything. There is a chance to win. Then you fight, make choices, awesome music, sad scene, great ending. You get my point.
 

Coreless

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time travel...

If there is one thing that I'm sick to death of in movies and stories in general is time travel. Just look what happened to Star Trek....

I think if at the end of ME3, when the citadel and the catalyst explode it created some kind of time wormhole that sends Shepard back to the first game and the first scene of him/her on the original Normandy bridge and it cuts to credits....I think I would have thrown my monitor out the window.
 

DioWallachia

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Ratimir said:
Because players are still making the 'wrong' choice, more artificial disincentives are tacked on to Destroy and Control. Destroy now also kills the quarians, volus & raloi by targetting their suits. Control magically kills the entire crew of the Normandy. Only Synthesis is art, so in synthesis everybody now gets a free unicorn.
Da fuk? i was told that i was going to meet Raptor Jesus in the "Non Video-Gamey" ending and not unicorns!!

BIOWARE LIED TO ME!!!.............AGAIN!!!!!!!!
 

DioWallachia

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Ratimir said:
Coming soon: Uwe Boll's Mass Effect...
After watching "Rampage" i believe he COULD make a decent movie so i guess that i should reword your post to:

Michael's Bay Mass Effect

Wait.........is there any difference between him and Casey "So Video-gamey" Hudson? maybe not.

Coreless said:
time travel...

If there is one thing that I'm sick to death of in movies and stories in general is time travel. Just look what happened to Star Trek....
I direct you to The Legacy Of Kain series, time traveling vampires at its best. If that fails then there is nothing else i could say to save that concept.