How did your parents discipline you?

[shootthebandit]

My mother used to smack me, generally round the back of the head, but only when I was terrifically bad, which wasn't very often. She did this right up until the point where, at about the age of 5, I hit her back. She freely admits that it was the fact that I seemed to have taken on the violent behaviour from her that shocked her into reforming it.

The fact is, this practice of not smacking children is a very recent thing, and while I agree that excessive violence in the home is about as bad as bad gets, the odd clip round the ear is not going to scar a child for life. As always, it's up to parents to operate with some discretion when disciplining their children. Don't positively reinforce bad behaviour, but don't mercilessly flog them for every slight misdeed either.

Not being a parent, I can't comment on the practicalities of particular methods of discipline with any degree of validity, but I think that if you bring up your children in an environment where you encourage them to view the actions of themselves and others with a rational and analytical mind, they should grow up with an intellectual predisposition to good behaviour. Or, at the very least, they will endeavour to explain their bad behaviour properly. I've known many, many children who simply do not consider the consequences of their actions and have seen most of them grow into adults with a similar problem. As it is, huge numbers of my classmates from school are now posting on Facebook that they're being told to detox on alcohol and cigarettes by their doctors. As far as I can see, this is probably an indirect result of fashionable, early 90s, 'hands-off' parenting techniques.

I agree entirely trying to be a "cool" parent is only going to hurt your kid. If you look at the latest generation of kids its a generation that is beyond help. They have had poor parenting and become uncontrolable and the fact the discipline in schools is non existant these kids will never improve and grow up to be horrible adults

Im not a parent but i was hit as a child nothing serious just like you said a few clips round the ear. It worked for me and im sure itll work on most kids. When training a puppy its important to be strict you cant just pander to them. if a puppy does something wrong give it a clip round the nose (which is a sensitive area for a dog) the dog then associates the bad behaviour with pain. The dog should then do what its told and if it does reward it with a treat and praise. The same goes for kids

 

[Dagda Mor]

My parents disciplined me with spankings when necessary. Apparently, I was just a perfect child, because I really don't remember getting spanked all that often. My brother, on the other hand...

 

[San Martin]

I'm afraid you've got it backwards. Those jackasses TRIED to make me bend over backwards for them, but that was in total contradiction to what I'd call good personal development, so I disciplined THEM.

You beat your parents? THAT'S UNNATURAL BRAH!

Or are you referencing a movie?

 

[Qwurty2.0]

I'm afraid you've got it backwards. Those jackasses TRIED to make me bend over backwards for them, but that was in total contradiction to what I'd call good personal development, so I disciplined THEM.

You beat your parents? THAT'S UNNATURAL BRAH!

Or are you referencing a movie?

Careful, bro! Sassing FalloutJack (Badass sounding name right der) may just get YOU disciplined! O_O'

 

[trollnystan]

My father didn't discipline me at all, he'd just call me names and push me down psychologically thinking that would make me automatically do the chores he never actually told me to do. Instead I sank deeper and deeper into a self-hating depression that I still haven't crawled out of 15 years after leaving his house and 6 years after his death.

To explain the chores thing: he'd never tell us to do anything; he'd just do it himself in the end, shouting and swearing. If we then offered to take over, he'd glare and say, "It's too late NOW, lazy *****." At age 9-10 I wasn't observant enough to go, "Hmm I should vacuum the hall" by myself. By age 14 I WAS catatonic enough in my depression I literally could stare into space for 2 hours thinking about absolutely nothing and it would feel as if only 2 minutes had passed; not exactly up to noticing housework that needed doing nor able to push myself past my lethargic weltschmerz that often to do anything about it if I did notice.

I have no memory of how my mother disciplined me as she died when I was 7. However, she used to beat my brother regularly for not being as good as "the neighbour boy". She used to beat her younger brother too when she still lived at home as she was the one in charge of disciplining him. My brother is still hurting from this, and my uncle isn't the sanest person either - he became an alcoholic and beat his wife.

A friend's father used to beat her as punishment and all she did was do worse and worse things - including setting his church on fire - to get back at him for beating her, making it a vicious cycle.

People tell me there's a difference between spanking and beating a child. To me they are synonyms; perhaps not exactly the same but not that far apart either. Spanking to me is the "easy way out" of disciplining your child. It may have immediate results but what are the lasting effects? It seems to work for some without any problems. However, there are studies out there that show 1 in 20 people are sociopaths; what happens when someone like that grows up being mostly spanked for his/her misdeeds? Especially the ones who are not also told WHY what they did was wrong. "Hurting people is all right if they've wronged you." Or something to that effect.

I'm too tired to make a coherent argument, and I don't WANT to start an argument really.

My sisters always talk at their kids whenever there's a problem. There's some shouting too, but mostly talking. My two oldest nieces have grown up pretty darn straight-laced just to avoid being Talked at, lol. (capital T intentional) I think that - together with time-outs, groundings and the taking away of privileges - talking is the best way.

----

TL;DR: I wasn't disciplined, I was ground into puddle of self-hatred psychologically instead. I don't think spanking is a good disciplinary tactic. Talking, taking away privileges, grounding, etc, are better ways IMHO.

 

[San Martin]

I'm afraid you've got it backwards. Those jackasses TRIED to make me bend over backwards for them, but that was in total contradiction to what I'd call good personal development, so I disciplined THEM.

You beat your parents? THAT'S UNNATURAL BRAH!

Or are you referencing a movie?

Careful, bro! Sassing FalloutJack (Badass sounding name right der) may just get YOU disciplined! O_O'

If he tries ANYTHING then I am totally gonna tell on him! Let's see what he thinks about that!

Also, OT: my parents hit me and it made me a nervous and useless child. So yeah, not cool.

 

[scorptatious]

Usually when I misbehaved, my parents would take away my video games and won't allow me to watch TV.

My parent sometimes slapped me when I'm really out of line, but only rarely.

Thinking about what my parents did, and thinking back to that one strip in Critical Miss, I would probably punish my hypothetical kids by deleting their save files. >

Of course, that depends on what they did.

 

[lacktheknack]

When I wasn't supposed to do something, my parents explained why and what would happen if I did it anyways.

As a kid, it was a spanking on the butt. It worked, and I wasn't traumatized at all.

As a teen, it turned into confiscation and lectures. Those didn't work as well, maybe they should have gone with cuffs across the head. I respond to physical contact better than anything else.

I imagine I'll take an experimental approach with my kids, figure out what dissuades them and stick with that.

I see my aunt and uncle, who only ever lecture my cousin rather than spank, confiscate or ground him, and he's a complete bastard with no use for authority, because he couldn't care less about lectures. A lecture, however, can reduce my sister to tears, so it's way more effective on her.

EDIT: Before I get ANY quotes, know that there is a not-very-fine line between "spanking" and "beating". In fact, they're as different as confiscating your toys and neglect.

 

[KarmaTheAlligator]

Main punishment method was no TV/games/parties, and it actually worked very well on me and my brothers (I remember one time I had done something really stupid, like a normal 10 year old is wont to do, and not being allowed to watch the finale of a cartoon I'd been following... That really left a mark, and I still haven't seen that episode to this day...).

Then came in my step dad, and with him is was physical punishment (since that's how his dad did things, why is it that people end up doing the same as their parents, especially when they know it doesn't work?), sleeping on the balcony or in the bathtub, stuff like that. That left me wanting to kill the man, and really wasn't as effective as punishment, but it made all of us want to leave as soon as legally possible.

 

[Miss G.]

Iv'e been wanting to make this thread for a while out of curiosity . I was talking to my mother yesterday and she said that children these days are not disciplined at all . Which made me think about how she and my father disciplined me as a child . My parents were pretty strict growing up and i got punished a lot ( especially as a child ).

So my question to you guys is:

How were you disciplined ( punished for doing something bad/wrong) as a child, and how effective do you think that method was for you .

As a bonus question i would like to know , as an adult now , do you agree with the way your parents disciplined you , and would/do you use the same method on your children?

As for me, the main method of punishment was spankings . My parents are from the caribbean ,barbados to be exact . Spanking were the way they got disciplined and they used the same method on me . It was usually my mother that did the spanking unless it was something very serious ( usually school related ) then my father was the one to take care of it . It was always bare assed , and with a belt . The average amount of lashes i got was 3 . Unless i tried to avoid a hit ( or put my hand to block it), that earned me more lashes . Pull down your pants , bend over and don't flinch . I was usually sent to my room afterwards for about an hour to reflect on what i did .

I have to admit , it was a VERY effective way to discipline me . Because i never did the same thing twice , because i knew the consequences and i didn't want to get spanked . By 8 years old i was straight as an arrow . I never got in trouble for anything after that. Even as a teenager , i never did anything that would warrant my parents punishing me in any way . I always followed the rules for everything. I'm 24 years old now , and have never been in any sort or trouble at school , at work , with the police , nothing . I always try to do what i believe is right . I guess that means they did their job as parents propely.

However , i'm not sure if i would used that same method on my child . My parents conditionned me to be docile , and i don't think i could discipline a child that way . I also do not want to have children for this very reason . I am sure i would make a terrible father , and would let my kid get away with anything without any severe punishment .

Your turn.

Pretty much the same thing growing up in The Bahamas, only my parents didn't beat much when we were little because they told themselves they wouldn't discipline us like their parents before them, thus when they DID do it, it carried more weight. Even that stopped before I was ten or so. They mostly took away privileges for a little bit or told us they were disappointed and it worked because we as kids genuinely felt awful about causing them too feel that way. I remember sometimes wanting to get a beating instead just because it could be gotten over with quickly and we could go on with our lives without those feelings clouding the atmosphere. Their way definitely served to make us think about our actions and made us all the better for it and continues to make them proud of the children they've raised.

As for kids of my own, I don't see the appeal of having any and will more than likely leave that to my little brother since he can actually pass on the family name and all, so my disciplinary stance is a non-issue.

 

[Caiphus]

Only ever got a stern talking to from my parents. The only time they'd get really angry was if I went too far play-fighting with my younger brother, and probably for good reason. And then I'd get video game privileges taken away for a few days (which sucked, of course).

Very rarely my mother would slap me on the hand to get me to stop doing something, but that was the only physical discipline I'd get. And this was the same for my brother and sister too. Never anything from my father. He would only really have to raise his voice to get me to immediately stop what I was doing and apologise.

So yeah, I think they did a good job. 10/10

 

[Jaythulhu]

The same way that every child born in the 70s or 80s to christian baby-boomer parents was.

Yes, it worked.

 

[TehCookie]

I'm with the spankings people, though my mom always did it bare handed. If she talked to me I talked back, if she grounded me I'd either ignore her or still have fun by myself, if she took away my things I'd use them sneakily or take them back. There wasn't any smart-ass response to spankings (or a slap across the face if I backtalked).

 

[FalloutJack]

I'm afraid you've got it backwards. Those jackasses TRIED to make me bend over backwards for them, but that was in total contradiction to what I'd call good personal development, so I disciplined THEM.

You beat your parents? THAT'S UNNATURAL BRAH!

Or are you referencing a movie?

They're in one piece. I didn't do that much to them. I just remained stubborn on my principles, principles which were not wrong and I am FINE for pursuing them.

Can't really think of what movie you may be referring too.

Careful, bro! Sassing FalloutJack (Badass sounding name right der) may just get YOU disciplined! O_O'

Badass though I am, the only gun I pull around here is better words and the occasional .45 Modnum hand cannon for the unruly.

 

[Norithics]

My mother had a tiered system the older I got. It generally involved lectures at the top of it, taking away my privileges, then at last resort, spanking. I felt it was roughly fair as a system, even if she failed to defend her reasoning quite a few times (I was an intelligent child, so it seems difficult in retrospect to hold her too responsible for that). So, yeah. Passing grade for that, I think it works for what it is.

My step-father had a different method that involved verbal abuse, beatings, objects thrown at me and generally being an object of fear. One of the particularly sadistic things he would do is engage in the abuse, making me cry, then threatening more and more abuse if I wouldn't stop, never allowing me to simply, say, go to my room to have it out. It just generally ended with me choking down my sobs as I became more and more terrified of this intractable situation I'd been placed in time and again. He also had impossible standards to which I couldn't realistically follow today, much less as a child.

Looking back, They were almost a dichotomy in the correct and incorrect ways to parent. My mother was strict but fair and gave me chances to make right and to still love her at the end of the day. My step-father made himself a demon in my eyes, a source of unrelenting fear without even a small association of right and wrong. My mother left him after realizing this.

For any disheartened by that, I will say that eventually I did get my 'revenge,' so to speak. Later on in life, I paid him a visit and thundered down judgement upon him, explaining in detail how he'd raised a child to be afraid of everything, triggering and exacerbating a paranoid schizophrenia I'd inherited from my real father. It occurred to me roughly 30 minutes into his cowering under me, however, that there was almost a poetry to this. He had abused me because he was afraid of me. He was afraid of everything. The man who had seemed to me the biggest devil to exist was in all reality, the smallest, most pitiable man to ever live. So I left, without touching him a single time, feeling release not in vengeance, but in pity.

 

[Palademon]

I was never punished or grounded. I was surprised how quickly parents would pull that out.
I never even had to do chores.

I would've said that might've been a bad thing if me and my brother didn't weirdly have a strong sense of justice and wanting to avoid trouble. Weird result since I at least was a very annoying child around my brother.
And despite being yelly.
The most that ever happened was yelled at.

I guess since there was nothing to push me over the edge I never ended up bad.
I was never tempted to be like other teenagers. I didn't have a strong desire to do "adult" things as a teenager like others were, that lead them into trouble. And I was always away from the bad crowd because I found them so annoyingly stupid.

I guess the reason I turned out as a nice person is because at the core, I'm just boring.

My parents weren't around a lot later in my childhood. Lots of childminders, where I merely didn't do anything wrong.

Makes me think of the great troubles of being a parent. I can't imagine a way of answering children's questions or teaching them lessons that don't involve deliberately lying or treating them badly once or twice. However, if they're smart enough, they can figure that out and hate you for doing it, because they didn't know your justification. Without applying that there's only the hope they can figure it out most things by themselves, which is I guess what happened to me. If that doesn't happen, then they often grow up to be immature people, with the power to understand those kinds of lessons, but not caring enough to.

 

[lechat]

i remember once my mother asked me to clean my room. she asked me again 10 minuets later and again 10 minuets after that. eventually she said clean your room or i will throw your atari in the bin!!! 10 mins later she said alright i'm throwing your atari in the bin, i beeged and pleaded and cried but inevitably the atari and all my games was smashed and thrown away and to this day if my parents ask me to do anything i fuck'n do it.

 

[Angie7F]

I never got spanked, but was always expected to do the right thing.
I think it is more effective thatn spanking because it really brain f@@ks you for life.

 

[triggrhappy94]

A lot of yelling. It was basically Malcolm in the Middle at my house, except I never did anything that bad--or cool.

I remember my mom tried to kick down the front one time.
I had stopped by a friend's house on my way home from Middle School, so I was running five minutes late. She decided to go looking for me. I got home before her, and locked the door behind me--as I did sometimes, because I was 13 and didn't want burglar getting in. She called about a minute after. When I answered the phone, I could hear yelling from both outside the house and the phone, then a loud slam at the front door. When I opened the front door, she threw an umbrella at me, yelled at me for being late, then yelled at me because her foot hurt.

I was also rarely allowed out of the house, but I'm not sure if that counts as punishment or just because my mom was very manipulative--she always wanted to meet my friends; I didn't let her because I knew she'd find a way to ruin my friends for me.


Do I agree with it? Not really. It may not hurt like being hit, but it can still do psychological damage.

EDIT:
My dad on the other hand was a lot different. My mom told me that he relaxed a lot after the divorce, and that he really tried not being like his Dad, because he would spank my dad.
He never really got the chance to do the discipline thing because my brother and I were only over there a couple times a week. I think he tried doing the "I'm disappointed in you" thing, but it just came across as "I'm apathetic toward you." I spent almost all of my time over there playing my 360 in my room--he had bought us an Xbox OG to help us adjust and then a 360 when it came out--so I didn't get in much trouble and he couldn't do much. He once told his girlfriend during dinner that me and him have a "love/hate relationship," which was news to me.