How do I hate Gamer Dorks and other Awful Nerds without being a jerk about it?

[Quadocky]

PROBLEM SOLVED: I dunno how to explain it, but yeah.

Hate is a strong word, but I am at a loss here. Since I hang around gamers and nerds its very difficult to even make fun of awful nerds without being harangued for all sorts of reasons...

Its even worse when some people who I would consider friends reveal to me their ideas about certain individuals. (For example, Anita came up in one such thing.. and well the response was something I was not expecting at all. As a matter of context, I think Anita Sarkeesian and her work is straight up awesome in the way that it really shows just how awful games and gamers can be.) My friends opinion of course was one of which negative, though reflected by many unfortunate individuals (That Anita is a scam artist or some such rot)

And I like being a friendly person, so when this stuff happens I do not know what to say. It becomes a sort of awkward thing, like finding out someone you know is pretty much a racist (of course not to that extent, just an example)

So I have some ideas but I need input:

Should I communicate with these people that I find their ideas completely repugnant and awful and risk their ire? I feel this is the best choice so far.

Should I not even bother with it? (in some cases its not an option really, as in one fellow I consider friend got very passive aggressive with me)

Sometimes it feels like the vast majority of gamers are just an awful bunch. Even here on the escapist. (almost especially so given the constant irony of having rather insightful individuals like Movie Bob and Jim Sterling posting videos and then having the entirety of the escapist forum say "NO U R WRONG!") Its like the website doesn't deserve content creators like them.

Even here in this I cannot help but express my frustrated grievances with the state of 'gamer culture' (even just putting those two words near each other make me convulse slightly)

So, how do I deal with this?

 

[Scolar Visari]

You can start by not contributing to this detestable balkanization of general society.

It seems like people these days can't handle dissenting opinions. Your either with me or against me, no middle ground and no cohabitation. Learning how to handle the various differences and beliefs people have is one of the basic steps in maturing as an individual and is an integral part in forming lasting, healthy relationships.

This isn't to say that you should just roll over and endure abuse or wholly incompatible beliefs. Ask yourself if it is truly worth it to bring up such an argument. How will they handle it? How will you handle it? Not agreeing with each-other is fine, in fact having somebody around to challenge your ideas is a healthy way to keep you in check. But if one or both of you cant accept that difference and remain cordial then yes, I'd suggest you go find new people to be around.

 

[Realitycrash]

Reason with them. Try changing them. Be strong. Ever heard "People don't change"? That's bullshit. I've changed. Everyone changes, ESPECIALLY between early teens to maturity. "No one changes their mind in a discussion, people just yell at each other"? Also bullshit. I've changed my mind several times just by posting on these forums (I know, weird, right? Someone admitting to having been wrong, and on the internet?), and several times IRL (I study Philosophy, it comes with the territory).

So, be a beacon of light to these people, and this 'gamer culture' in general. Make a better world.

 

[sanquin]

Keep things civil when discussing topics you disagree about. If they're really your friends you can agree to disagree, and agree to not mention or discuss the topic with each other. Or you can discuss anyway, hoping it stays civil the entire time, and come to an understanding of each other's points. This last option hardly ever happens though. Especially in gamer culture.

Anyway, if these people 'abandon' you or go against you or something just because you have a different opinion on certain matters, then they weren't real friends anyway. Real friends let you be who you are, and don't pressure you into adopting their viewpoints. Real friends aren't only your friends when everything's fine and dandy. They remain your friends even when things go a bit sour.

 

[jesse220]

To me it seems to depend on your end game. Do you just want them to keep their opinions to themselves? If so just be as courteous as humanly possible while telling them to shut the hell up. If your friend/s take offnse to that and can't stand you not being on their side they're probably not the most desirable lot anyway. If on the other hand, you feel the need to dissuade them from their current belief, I've found that a good way to do it is with a third party. For instance, if you're trying to dissuade them from being sexit, show them a moviebob video on the subject with good rational arguments, that way you get you're point accross without being the guy that disagrees with them so if they do react badly, you're not the bad guy.

 

[NoeL]

Just make your voice heard and back up your position when necessary. Don't let them intimidate you into silence. If they respect you they'll hear you out and potentially change their own viewpoint, if they don't they won't want to hang around with you and you can find yourself some far better friends. Win/win.

 

[LetalisK]

Disagree with them, simple as that. If they lash out inappropriately because you dared have an opposing opinion rather than having a discussion about it, fuck their in-group and move on.

 

[ardias014]

Snip

Maybe you should engage in discourse over the subject instead of discarding his opinion as "rot".

 

[Char-Nobyl]

Hate is a strong word, but I am at a loss here. Since I hang around gamers and nerds its very difficult to even make fun of awful nerds without being harangued for all sorts of reasons...

Hang on. Are you trying to disagree with their opinions? Because that's really different from trying to "make fun of awful nerds." That makes it sound like you're just trying to insult them...and you're disappointed that other people don't like that you're bullying their friends.

Its even worse when some people who I would consider friends reveal to me their ideas about certain individuals. (For example, Anita came up in one such thing.. and well the response was something I was not expecting at all. As a matter of context, I think Anita Sarkeesian and her work is straight up awesome in the way that it really shows just how awful games and gamers can be.) My friends opinion of course was one of which negative, though reflected by many unfortunate individuals (That Anita is a scam artist or some such rot)

I think that probably stems from stuff like this video [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvwiYmVhW94], which raised a pretty valid point. She collected money to cover production costs, which for a video blog about games makes sense. Games aren't free, and having to buy a bunch of games for clips and general research can get really expensive really quickly.

Unfortunately, it looks that money isn't going towards games. Someone noticed that she was taking video clips from Youtube LPs [http://victorsopinion.blogspot.be/2013/07/anitas-sources.html]. It's perfectly legal under Youtube's terms and services, but it seems a bit iffy to be taking the clips, not giving due credit, and then leaving where exactly the money's supposed to be going up in the air. That's probably the scam part your friends alluded to.

So I have some ideas but I need input:

Should I communicate with these people that I find their ideas completely repugnant and awful and risk their ire? I feel this is the best choice so far.

It's not so much 'risking' their ire as 'actively provoking it.' It would be a whole different ballgame if you were planning to voice disagreement, or even if you planned to argue. That at least implies you respect these people enough to let them voice their opinions on equal footing with your own.

Should I not even bother with it? (in some cases its not an option really, as in one fellow I consider friend got very passive aggressive with me)

Now, think back for a moment: do you consider the way this friend phrased their opinion to be angering, or was it simply that you didn't like their opinion? Because it's pretty easy for an opinion you strongly disagree with to come across more negatively than it actually is.

Sometimes it feels like the vast majority of gamers are just an awful bunch. Even here on the escapist. (almost especially so given the constant irony of having rather insightful individuals like Movie Bob and Jim Sterling posting videos and then having the entirety of the escapist forum say "NO U R WRONG!") Its like the website doesn't deserve content creators like them.

...wow. You really jumped off the slippery slope there, didn't you?

You literally just insulted everyone you're asking for advice. And, in doing so, you pretty neatly showed why you only consider one of these people you routinely hang out with to be a friend. You're placing yourself in the same category as MovieBob and Jim Sterling as 'enlightened bringers of truth to the ignorant, ungrateful masses.' Nevermind that MovieBob has a rather nasty temper and a history of making sweeping insults against genres and groups of people, and Sterling's stage persona is built around the notion of his intellectual superiority over others. It's Sterling's routine to be insightful through his perpetual condescension. It's not MovieBob's.

But we're getting off topic. You're probably going to burn a few bridges any day now because you don't consider your acquaintances to be smart enough to have valid opinions. The fact that you came here and made a thread asking how you can be hateful to them "without being a jerk about it" would be comical if you weren't being serious. You clearly have no respect for them, so why should you care about whether they think you're a jerk?

And on top of that, you insulted the people you're asking advice of. You insulted the members of the Escapist forums as bleating ingrates as you asked them for their advice. The fact that said advice is tantamount to "I want to hate people for being my intellectual and cultural inferiors, but I want to be so clever about it that they don't notice" should really be expected.

Even here in this I cannot help but express my frustrated grievances with the state of 'gamer culture' (even just putting those two words near each other make me convulse slightly)

So, how do I deal with this?

You should start by spending time with actual friends, instead of people you hang out with and secretly hate. You should also end there, because you won't need to ask the internet how to subtly express hatred for them if you actually like them and value their opinions.

 

[Quadocky]

All these replies have been very helpful. I must be honest: I did make this post mostly as a sort of 'vent' after a few instances. In retrospect it seems shortsighted to me but then again its very helpful all the same.

I asked 'how to hate gamer dorks without being a jerk' and such because.. well, I am one (a gamer dork) and I tend to be around quite a bit of other gamer dorks which puts me into awkward positions when I profess certain ideas only to be made to feel like an devil worshiping warlock communist at a Conservative Value Voters Convention.

I think its my fault anyway, in the case of personal relations I tend to be the instigator of my own frustration.