How do I tell a guy I just want to be his friend?

[Erana]

Here's the thing: Tell him straight up that you just want to be friends, but CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS. I've had girls tell me that, and them proceed to ignore me for the next few months.

Not saying that you did this, but I've felt I had to do this because years later the guy is still professing his undying love to me. >.>

On a less black-and-white matter, what should someone do when their friend with a crush on them blatantly feels terrible by getting to be friends but not getting to have you? When your very presence is a tease, what should be done to remedy this?

 

[BGH122]

You...Are amazing

[HEADING=1]

SCIENCE!!!​

[/HEADING]

 

[KnifeyMcStaberson]

Spoiler: dragons are awesome

dragons are awesome.

 

[The Human Torch]

Sounds like you've used the right words here. Just explain it to him the same way. If you try to be subtle about it, he might not take the hint.

Thank you. That's sort of what I've noticed with the guy I like, come to think of it. I drop hints here and there, but he seems to just be oblivious. It's funny how women can be experts in the art of subtle hints, but guys go by and don't notice a thing >_>;

That's because we are not two-legged analytic organic computers. But we open jars of peanut butter like the best!

 

[Arsen]

Actually, a better question springs to mind? Is he an "equivalent" type of male so to speak? Is his overall attitude, demeanor, personality, etc..."good" but "not good enough" per say? Explain the situation in more depth. What makes him unattractive? Why can't you find yourself attracted to him? Do you guys get along? Are you mainly pursuing the "other dude" out of a sexual attraction? Divulge the key details.

 

[RandallJohn]

Here's the thing: Tell him straight up that you just want to be friends, but CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS. I've had girls tell me that, and them proceed to ignore me for the next few months.

Not saying that you did this, but I've felt I had to do this because years later the guy is still professing his undying love to me. >.>

On a less black-and-white matter, what should someone do when their friend with a crush on them blatantly feels terrible by getting to be friends but not getting to have you? When your very presence is a tease, what should be done to remedy this?

In that case, backing off is good, but I don't think it should be the default. In an instance where the person is genuinely okay with the circumstance (after the initial and inevitable woe-is-me phase,) backing off can end up doing more damage.

My case had the friend backing off by default, which was really irritating to me.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Tell him the truth, if he can't stomach it then his loss.

Indeed. While most people don't want to be the 'bad guy' who hurts someone else's feelings without good cause, at the end of the day you're not responsible for other people's emotional well being.

 

[phelan511]

snip

Just be straight up with the guy. Giving him any leeway for the possibility of a relationship is too much. Tell him exactly how you feel and if he does like you enough he'll respect your wishes and back off. Girls have a bad habit of trying to be nice which only causes more drama in the end.

 

[drisky]

I'd defintinly mention that your interested in someone else. When you only say, I just you only want to be friends, without any good reasons, he can only make up his own conclusions, like that he's ugly and your to shallow to give him a shot. If you want any chance of staying friends you need to be honest and not leave him in the friend zone for mysterious reasons.

 

[Paksenarrion]

This is why I don't flirt with guys.

...what? I don't flirt.

 

[DefunctTheory]

This is why I don't flirt with guys.

...what? I don't flirt.

But...

I thought WE were flirting?

As for OP... be upfront about it if it's hard core flirting. If its just light stuff, bring up the other guy. There's a chance that he's just flirting for fun, and your reading too mcuh into it.

Yeah, guys flirt for fun sometimes too.

 

[Paksenarrion]

This is why I don't flirt with guys.

...what? I don't flirt.

But...

I thought WE were flirting?

As for OP... be upfront about it if it's hard core flirting. If its just light stuff, bring up the other guy. There's a chance that he's just flirting for fun, and your reading too mcuh into it.

Yeah, guys flirt for fun sometimes too.

What? No, of course not. I don't flirt, I have Tourette's Syndrome. Years of watching shoujo anime have conditioned my responses. TSUNDERE! See?

 

[DefunctTheory]

But...

I thought WE were flirting?

What? No, of course not. I don't flirt, I have Tourette's Syndrome. Years of watching shoujo anime have conditioned my responses. TSUNDERE! See?

You can try to deny it all you want, but I know the truth.

You can't hide what we have.

 

[Paksenarrion]

But...

I thought WE were flirting?

What? No, of course not. I don't flirt, I have Tourette's Syndrome. Years of watching shoujo anime have conditioned my responses. TSUNDERE! See?

You can try to deny it all you want, but I know the truth.

You can't hide what we have.

An...an anime-based mental disorder?

 

[Mekado]

First you should use the Advice Forum

Why not use the Already Posted Here Forum?

Because posts asking for Advice belong in the Advice forum.

It's a pretty simple concept, I'll get puppets to help explain next time.

I petitioned to move the thread already, but it never seems to do anything unless the OP does.

I believe he meant the post is already in the advice forum and it seemed to have escaped your notice.

You might wanna drop the sarcasm.

 

[ServebotFrank]

Just tell him and he'll back off. He might go through an awkward stage with you where he still likes you and is torn up about it but he'll get over it at some point. Same thing except I was the guy and when the girl told me she wanted to be friends I backed off. It'll be fine. Do not go on a "nice guy" speech, just tell him bluntly.

 

[KnifeyMcStaberson]

Spoiler: Big Wall of Text

First you should use the Advice Forum

Why not use the Already Posted Here Forum?

Because posts asking for Advice belong in the Advice forum.

It's a pretty simple concept, I'll get puppets to help explain next time.

I petitioned to move the thread already, but it never seems to do anything unless the OP does.

I believe he meant the post is already in the advice forum and it seemed to have escaped your notice.

You might wanna drop the sarcasm.

Oh awesome, the petition worked.

I'll remove my posts.

First you should use the Advice Forum

Why not use the Already Posted Here Forum?

Because posts asking for Advice belong in the Advice forum.

It's a pretty simple concept, I'll get puppets to help explain next time.

I petitioned to move the thread already, but it never seems to do anything unless the OP does.

I believe he meant the post is already in the advice forum and it seemed to have escaped your notice.

You might wanna drop the sarcasm.

Oh awesome, the petition worked.

I'll remove my posts.

I can understand whining and complaining about moving it it this thread was located in the General Gaming or Atari 2600 Customer Service and Support but it was not. It was posted in Off topic. Which covers everything not related to gaming, Sure it would be better suited in Advice, instead it was placed into the big happy loving family of Off Topic where it was living happily for a time.