How do I tell this guy he has no future in what he wants?

[Bob_McMillan]

So I have this cousin over right now, and since he just graduated, I asked him what course he wants in college. He told me animation, as in anime animation. He's really into anime and manga, loves to draw, and really just every "nerdy" thing you could think of.

I think that he has no chance, at all, in achieving his dreams. He has a few problems:

1) He's "special". This is what we call autistic people where I live. I'm not sure what disorder he has, but it is very evident. He is 17 but behaves like a 10 year old.
2) He is not good at drawing. At all. Everyone who's seen it knows it as well, and it was awkward as hell when he showed me his drawings. I couldn't even lie and compliment him.
3) He has no prior experience with animating. And he hasn't even applied to the college he wants yet!
4) His brainchild, a universe where literally every "geek" franchise is mashed together, is horrible. It is what it is, bad fanfiction. He's put so much effort into it it's sad.
5) We don't live in Japan. There is a pretty big anime/manga following here, but there are no natively produced anime series. I'm not sure about this, but I bet that he won't be taken seriously even if he did move to Japan.

I re-read that and I realized I might sound like a gigantic asshole. But everything I said is true. I really don't want my cousin to throw away his life, but since he's "special" no one in the family has the guts to talk to his parents. His parents have sort of always tried to believe that their son is normal, that he can live a normal life, but he just can't. Someone needs to talk to him before there's no hope for him. Where I live you don't enter college right after high school, you are automatically a waiter in McDonalds.

Do any of you guys have experienced something like this? Or am I approaching this the wrong way, should I encourage him to follow his dreams, as unattainable it might seem?

 

[Rylot]

Personally I think you're being pretty harsh. If he goes to college for animation he'll either be taught the necessary skills to be successful or he'll wash out and realize that it isn't for him. He's still very young and has a lot of time to grow. I think you can be supportive and let him try and follow his dream while still being realistic and let him know that animation is a really tough field to get into. With so many people winding up in jobs they hate and being miserable why not try and be supportive?

 

[Queen Michael]

The obvious plan B would be to let him try and make it, and learn through experience that his plan is doomed. But plan A, well... I know the kind of elephant-in-the-room situation you're describing. There was this guy in my old grade school who clearly was... special... but his parents wouldn't accept it.

Though I know it might not work, or be something you want to do, just ask his parents if his drawings actually look like they were made by somebody with talent.
Tell them that when somebody goes to college to study animation, he's supposed to already be good at drawing. It's college, not grade school art class.
Say "I know it's harsh, but in the real world it's not like in the movies. In the movies everybody's supposed to Pursue Their Dream, but in real life you're not going to become a truckdriver just because It's Your Dream, you need to actually be able to drive."

 

[Galletea]

You don't. It isn't your place to crush his dreams. What you can do is offer constuctive criticism, if you can see where his drawing is going wrong then you could help him. Obviously ask if he wants your help to see what is wrong with his draing first. If he is really into his idea for a animation then tell him he should think about maybe writing it. If he is encouraged without just blanket lies and ignorance, then he might improve. If his condition is severe then you just have to be careful what you say.
Chances are nothing will come of his dreams, but he will be happier if he is encouraged rather you pissing on his fireworks, he'll just hate you for it.

 

[Queen Michael]

By the way, what does his drawings look like? You said they're not good at all, but how do they look?

 

[Parasondox]

First of all, drop the "special" tag because many people within media, from animation, films, TV, music, etc. has a certain kind of mental health issue but it doesn't stop them from being the best at what they do.

So let's go down the list.

1) those with autism can still do things in life that requires them to express and excel at their skill.

2) A bad drawing to you, might actually be a great drawing to someone else. Maybe go with him to take his work to be evaluated by an art teacher or someone with lots of experience within that field.

3) Maybe encourage him to do some short course and do some art work on the side. That way if he enjoys it the more he does it, then he can improve on his skill.

4)Please explain this one further.

5)This is where the internet comes in. Not all anime/manga artist and animators are from Japan. He could submit his work onto his own social media page, making sure he copyrights them first, and be seen by millions across the planet. Its about creating a portfolio that is good enough and unique to catch a certain groups attention.

Guessing your cousin is 18, he still could change his mind about his preferred career in the next few years. Lord knows when I was 18 I had no real clue what to do. Yes, not everyone will make it into anime/manta but if he speaks to the right people and gets the right connections, he may be a step closer to the door.

 

[Queen Michael]

2) A bad drawing to you, might actually be a great drawing to someone else. Maybe go with him to take his work to be evaluated by an art teacher or someone with lots of experience within that field.

In theory this is true. In practice, though, he's going for animation and not modern art, so if you need a pro to tell you his drawings are great then the drawings probably aren't all that great.

 

[Jux]

I wouldn't try to discourage him. If it's what he really wants to do, he'll either learn the skills or fail the courses and realize it isn't for him. If you can't bring yourself to compliment his art, at least make a positive remark on how hard he's worked at it/the effort he put in. People with learning disabilities/mental conditions can still succeed at things, and if he's on the autistic spectrum, I don't really see why that in itself would disqualify him from being an animator.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

I wouldn't tell him that he can't live his dream, but I also wouldn't go overboard with the encouragement. He'll go to a school and either succeed or fail. If he succeeds, good for him. If he fails, hopefully the truth will sink in (for both him and his parents).

An example, slightly similar to your situation, is my co-worker. He's been working in the company longer than me and wants out. He bought into a life coaching program. The general concept is that they sell you books and CDs about life, leadership, financing, whatever, and you try to get other people to join. You then start to make money after you get X amount of people join. The guy has multiple sales meetings a week and goes to seminars states away every few months. He fully believes it's his ticket to a new home and retirement. I see it as a pyramid scheme and a huge waste of time and money (he's been at it for ~4 years and is still trying to turn a profit). I'm not about to tell him that it's a terrible idea and never going to work out for him. I'm also not going to tell him that it's a fantastic idea and definitely going to let him retire early. I sincerely hope that it does work out, but from what I've seen and heard about it, all I can say is "good luck".

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I get your point, but letting him fail (or succeed, even if it's a long shot) on his own is probably for the best.

 

[Bob_McMillan]

By the way, what does his drawings look like? You said they're not good at all, but how do they look?

Let's just say that the only thing that even resembles anime in his drawings are the eyes, which he put a hell of a lot of effort into. The rest of the body looks like Finn the Human except the legs and arms are fatter and there are "joints".

Basically, he can't even draw hands and feet. I used to be interested in drawing as a kid, I took summer classes, so I know that if you can't draw hands or feet, you really shouldn't pursue drawing things as a career.

snip.

1) True, he can work past his autism, but it's a combination of his entire life being ignored and shunned by the rest of our family his age and not very good parenting that makes me think he won't be able to survive on his own. Just talking to me in our living room, there were times I thought he was going to have a seizure.

2) No, it's just really that bad. It's not bad like you can't look at it, but it's the sort of thing you would push out of your ass for an art project. In fact, my other cousin, who was also in my house and got a full scholarship abroad for animation, thinks they aren't that great. When he showed his drawings to her she couldn't say anything. The look on her face however told me enough. She too couldn't lie and compliment him.

3) The guy does't know how to use the browser on his phone. Maybe he could get into it, my little sister managed to teach herself how to use a tablet on her own, but he isn't staying in our house for long, so it's out of my hands. His parents aren't too tech savvy either.

4) His brainchild is a universe that he wants to make into an anime or manga. He basically combined Tolkien's Universe with every Sci-Fi franchise out there, with a side of comic book superheroes and applied to it every anime trope ever. When he described it to me, despite my best efforts, I zoned out. I asked him if he put it into writing, and he said no, because he is constantly changing it. Every time he finds something new that he thinks is cool, he incorporates it into his universe. It was kinda cute, but there is no way anyone would ever offer to finance him to make his stories into an anime. His universe is ridiculous even by anime standards.

5) He doesn't even have Facebook. He is too shy to interact with people even online. As of right now, his portfolio consists of about 6 or 7 drawings that he has put so much time and effort into, but as I said, are nothing special.

He is 17 actually. I'm not too sure if he will be able to decide to do something else, because he lives in an isolated area where college slots are very limited. He is not the brightest out there, so no scholarships and the chances of him being accepted are slim. Not to mention he has almost no other skill or interest besides anime, which is why I worry for him.

I don't know, as much as I would like for him to pursue his dream, especially since the devotion he has to it is great, I don't think he can handle it.

You have waiters in your McDonalds?!

What, you don't?

 

[Scarim Coral]

Just let him do it. If he is meant for failure then reality will do all the work for you (fighting against reality is the ultimate fight if you want to suceed in life). Only he himself can only changed his mind in his career prospects.

 

[JoJo]

I'd say let him try, it's clearly a big thing to him and without trying to be harsh, if he has as many issues as you suggest then he's unlikely to get an above menial job anyway, so he might as well give it a go, what has he got to lose?

 

[Parasondox]

Snip

Then you will have to let the world decide. Seeing as you stated everyone who is related to his is covering him up in a blanket and your cousin wouldn't even tell him the truth, then you all need to let him experience the world and see if he actually good at the skill or not. Also,17 or 18 it doesn't matter. Many of us didn't know what we wanted to do at that age. Let him find out the truth himself.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

You could try constructive criticism and getting him a book on drawing techniques. His future is his own. Being honest with him that his work could be improved and helping him find a way to do it could either inspire him to do better or find another interest.

 

[Armadox]

I was going to come on here with an aggressive rant about how it's not your job to tell him what's best for him, and if he has a passion he'll nurture or strange it by his own hand. But, I don't think that is the way to go about this..

I'd like you to find a single movie for me, and watch it. It's called City of Rott. It's awful to look at, the animation in it is clunky and staggered. It's also one of the best zombie movies ever, and it was done by one guy. Alone.

Your cousin might not find his "grand idea" holding up snuff. NONE OF OURS DID. Dear god, that is the first thing you learn is that whatever you put out first will be terrible, because you refine your skill before you get anywhere. Having the drive at all is a step in the right direction. Maybe after he tries and realizes that his own project is a flop, he might use his new talents elsewhere.

Maybe he's a colorist, maybe he finds out that he works best as an inbetweener working to link a section of key frames. Maybe he is just a render monkey and sits at a computer watching loading bars fill up. There is hundreds of different specially tuned jobs out there in animation that deals with people of varying skills.

Hell, he literally could end up drawing eye animations all day. I've seen similar happen before. Get good at drawing hands and feet, they said, you'll go far they said.. Bloody only ever draws hands and feet..

 

[Lufia Erim]

You're acquantainces lie to you to be polite.You're friends tell you the truth to help. So which camp are you in?

 

[happyninja42]

If he wasn't "special" would you feel as bad about telling him that he has no talent or likely prospects in the art field? If your answer is no, then you might consider telling him anyway, and not letting his special status hinder things.

Now, that being said, you say his work isn't all that good, and all I can think is "Adventure Time". Which is pretty well loved from what I hear , but has in my opinion, terrible artwork. So the fact that his stuff is bad to you, doesn't mean it won't find a place somewhere.

I dunno, I don't envy you the decision you have, but I'm usually of the opinion of telling someone the truth when they ask me my opinion, and if they don't like the answer, well, that's their problem, not mine. It could be that you would be the only person in his life that is willing to state the obvious, instead of insulating his "specialness" from any kind of constructive criticism.

Another question is whether or not he has the faculties to actually hold down a job, and take care of himself. If he's "special" enough to need constant care, and doesn't seem to be capable of holding down any kind of job, then it's sort of a moot point isn't it? If he's incapable of keeping a job, then it's basically just a hobby for him, and he can draw what he wants. If he might be employable, then you might want to voice your opinion, so that at least someone will say the other side of the conversation. Like the Queen said above, discussing the elephant in the room might be needed.

Though, on the other hand, there is some merit to the "let him try it and see how he does".

*shrugs* I dunno, personally I'd probably say you should voice your concerns, if only because nobody else will, but let him make his own choice anyway.

 

[StreamerDarkly]

Are his parents well off as far as money goes? If they can afford to send him to college for a year or pay the tab if he fails out, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It can't hurt for him to apply, at least.

Some people here seem to be giving you grief for not being supportive enough, but I actually admire you Bob_McMillan. You've given factual appraisal of the situation and are clearly looking out for your cousin's best interests. Real life isn't a Hollywood movie where the 'special' person always ends up accomplishing great things out of sheer force of will. Compiling a huge sum of "maybe he can do X" isn't really going to help anything.

If you're not afraid of ending up the villain for being pragmatic, maybe the solution is to have a quiet word with his parents.