How do you argue that you're not homophobic/racist/etc?

[Headsprouter]

Can you, even? This might be really simple to do, but I can't find any way to guard against being accused of being either of these things unless you're an ethnic minority or gay.

We've all heard that argument "My best friends are gay...", and we've all laughed at it, I've even tried using it after admitting it was cliche to a person who decided I was homophobic, but they obviously laughed it off, as they'd already made their mind up. Even though it was true, back then and still today, of the people I spend most of my time around that are not related by blood, friends, that is, literally people in my closest (only) friendship group, two of which are gay. That was a few years ago, now.

Needless to say, I was really hurt, and every so often I remember that time and get really angry/upset. But I've always wondered if there's anything better I could have said.

So, any ideas? If it's not painfully obvious that you aren't of that ideology, once you're hit with the homophobia/racism card, can you refute the claim on your own?

God, this thread is dumb.

EDIT: Just making sure you all know, no need to help me with this situation as if it was "current". This happened a while ago, and it annoyed me at the time and still annoys me, today. My only connection to this person is a facebook friendship, and we know how much those mean...

And this isn't a consistent issue for me, either! Tch...I should've made a topic about bunnies or cats or Timesplitters (however, that would receive next to no replies) or our main age-range for our greatest times as gamers.

 

[Queen Michael]

Easy. I kiss a black guy. Does the trick every time.

 

[tippy2k2]

I really don't think you can "prove" it with some argument. You can't prove a negative.

Way back in the day, I worked at a movie theater and it was freaking packed. At concessions, the line is 4 or 5 people deep with 6 or so registers open so....yeah....there's a good fifty people waiting in line counting groups. About ten minutes into it, a co-worker gets my attention and asks me if she could talk to me. I asked if it could wait (again, lots of people) and she said she guessed. About five minutes later, she gets my attention again and says I have to go now. I go over and a black customer is pissed. He starts yelling at me that I'm not paying attention to him and just point-blank says "Are you a racist?".

...seriously dude, there's about fifty fucking people here and you're not in my line trying to get my attention for a refill (or at least that's my assumption because I had never seen this customer yet to my knowledge). What was I going to say? He has convinced himself that I'm not paying attention to him because I must be a racist; there's nothing I could do to convince him otherwise in this situation.

Maybe I was ignoring him but there's so many people in line that I am laser focused on MY customers and mine alone. I thought about it the rest of that day wondering where he came from. DID I ignore him? Was he in my line and somehow I did miss him? It shook me up; you wouldn't think it would but getting called something like that hurts like hell. I still don't know the answer to that today; it was so busy that my co-worker next to me could have been getting robbed and I doubt I'd have noticed

All I feel you can do is state that you are not racist/homophobic/whatever and prove it with your actions. There's really no way I could "convince" you that I'm not.

 

[Headsprouter]

snip

It's hardly news to me as far as I knew. The best argument I can think of is "You don't know me.", but that sounds really douchey. Once people make their mind up, it's hard to stop them.

But to be fair...I was overexcited (I was in New York, seriously how does one not be excited when they're in New York?) at the time and made a really dumb comment to make a couple of friends (not the gay ones ) laugh. It was about a guy wearing a pink shirt and a pink pullover.

I guess sometimes if you stop to think for a second it can save you some (or a lot) of trouble. And even so, proving something with your actions after being accused can look like you're compensating or trying to "score points".

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I guess you can easily argue against an opinion, though there's no good way of proving it.

 

[Tiger King]

Don't argue? if you aren't homophobic or racist then there is nothing to prove.

some people just like to judge, no amount of arguing will change their opinion/agenda.

 

[Stasisesque]

Don't be homophobic or racist. Ta dah!

If you're accused of bigotry when you know in your heart you are not a bigot, why does it matter? If you start to doubt yourself, maybe that's a sign you could work on a few deep seated prejudices? Sometimes when you're accused of racism or homophobia it's because what you've said or done is racist or homophobic, in these instances, apologise and don't do it again.

 

[Headsprouter]

Don't be homophobic or racist. Ta dah!

If you're accused of bigotry when you know in your heart you are not a bigot, why does it matter? If you start to doubt yourself, maybe that's a sign you could work on a few deep seated prejudices? Sometimes when you're accused of racism or homophobia it's because what you've said or done is racist or homophobic, in these instances, apologise and don't do it again.

Maybe some slight, but harmless (but it depends on how you define harmless) racism lies within me. Part of living in a close-knit (ish) community with little ethnic diversity. While we all have excuses (well...not all of us), but that doesn't mean we can keep slipping up.

I have no self-confidence, really, so it's hard to stick up for myself and trust myself in situations like these. Which is bad, seeing as I feel every time I use the more serious forums I end up making a huge d-bag of myself, hence, it is not very often.

I don't think I have a bad heart...just stupid. Thoughtless, maybe.

I guess I'm just irritated by what seems to be the fact that once you slip up (and I am the king of slipping up) and somebody decides you are "X", you're pretty much screwed. First impressions are powerful. I'm guilty, too. Phil Fish told somebody to compare themselves to him and kill themselves. I don't think I can like that person, now.

 

[Aris Khandr]

You say something like "I'm sorry, I didn't realise how that sounded. I'll try not to make such comments in the future." Racism/sexism/homophobia/etc isn't a binary thing where you are or you aren't. Sometimes we all make comments that can be taken the wrong way. The best way to not be <insert thing you're accused of being here> is to acknowledge that what you said could be hurtful and resolve not to repeat the mistake.

 

[Headsprouter]

You say something like "I'm sorry, I didn't realise how that sounded. I'll try not to make such comments in the future." Racism/sexism/homophobia/etc isn't a binary thing where you are or you aren't. Sometimes we all make comments that can be taken the wrong way. The best way to not be <insert thing you're accused of being here> is to acknowledge that what you said could be hurtful and resolve not to repeat the mistake.

It seems really obvious when you put it that way. Perhaps I was being sort of dim. :/

 

[Reiper]

Obviously the solution is thus: Say "you want to see (insert ism here), I'll show you ****ism you dirty (racial epithet) son of (insert sexist insult). Say one more word to me you and I will bash your teeth in you scrawny little (insert homophobic slur).

Alternatively you could just ignore them. If you're not any of those isms, then you have nothing to prove. Some people pull the "you're racist / sexist / homophobic card" because it is so effective at stifling debate. What better way to discredit your opponent than to paint him as ignorant and like an inhuman monster at the same time, he is pretty much the next Hitler!

 

[Lilani]

Can you, even? This might be really simple to do, but I can't find any way to guard against being accused of being either of these things unless you're an ethnic minority or gay.

We've all heard that argument "My best friends are gay...", and we've all laughed at it, I've even tried using it after admitting it was cliche to a person who decided I was homophobic, but they obviously laughed it off, as they'd already made their mind up. Even though it was true, back then and still today, of the people I spend most of my time around that are not related by blood, friends, that is, literally people in my closest (only) friendship group, two of which are gay. That was a few years ago, now.

Needless to say, I was really hurt, and every so often I remember that time and get really angry/upset. But I've always wondered if there's anything better I could have said.

So, any ideas? If it's not painfully obvious that you aren't of that ideology, once you're hit with the homophobia/racism card, can you refute the claim on your own?

God, this thread is dumb.

Well first of all, who exactly is accusing you of this, and for what reason? Do people just randomly accuse you of being racist or homophobic, or are they reacting to things you've done or said that they believe are racist or homophobic? If they're reacting, then my advice would be don't do or say racist or homophobic things. If this is happening on a chronic basis, then I can't imagine they're just reacting to nothing.

If they're just randomly accusing you out of the blue (which can happen, but in my experience not very often) then just ignore them. If the claim is unsubstantiated then you have nothing to defend yourself against. Shrug it off and move on.

 

[Zhukov]

"Really? What makes you say that?"

If they have already given their reasons and you do not concur, just shrug and say, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way."

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

It depends on who it is that's called your racist/homophobic.

Is it someone you have absolutely no connection with an who doesn't know you? You can't prove anything to this person, because they've formed an opinion about you based on literally nothing. The best thing to do if someone who you don't know or care about calls you a racist/homophobic is to say something really racist or homophobic back to them. If they're going to hate you anyway might as well give them a reason and cause them a little distress in the process.

 

[Jamash]

I don't argue it.

I believe what I believe and I'm not going to change my opinions on things just because someone who doesn't know me labels me.

I know I'm not racist and homophobic in a hateful way and I never intend to cause harm, emotional or otherwise, to anyone, but I'm also a pragmatic person and can be quite frank with my views, so if somebody wants to reduce my complex ideas and beliefs down to accusations of racism and homophobia, and reject me and everything I have to offer because of their narrow mindedness, then that's their error to make.

I don't have a high tolerance for bigotry, especially when the bigotry is aimed at me, so if some bigot who doesn't know me throws an accusation or racism or homophobia my way, I won't argue it, as their accusation (and by extension the accuser) isn't even worth acknowledging in the first place.

Of course, this is all academic as I don't get accused of being racist or homophobic as I'm a kind and polite person to everyone I encounter and I don't engage in conversation that could leave me open to such accusations with people who don't know me, but if I did find myself being accused of these things on a regular basis, then I would have to stop and think about whether I was doing something to incite these accusations, as they're not really the kind of things that get said for no reason.

 

[Headsprouter]

Well first of all, who exactly is accusing you of this, and for what reason? Do people just randomly accuse you of being racist or homophobic, or are they reacting to things you've done or said that they believe are racist or homophobic? If they're reacting, then my advice would be don't do or say racist or homophobic things. If this is happening on a chronic basis, then I can't imagine they're just reacting to nothing.

If they're just randomly accusing you out of the blue (which can happen, but in my experience not very often) then just ignore them. If the claim is unsubstantiated then you have nothing to defend yourself against. Shrug it off and move on.

I already said, this was a few years ago, and they had only been speaking to me for a few days, and I said one stupid thing about a guy wearing two layers of pink.

Wow, implying I might say homophobic things on a chronic basis. Thanks...True or not, accusing a person of something they didn't/don't do still cuts deep. You can't simply "shrug it off". At least I can't. For reasons I've discussed already in the thread, it's who I am, not a very self-assured individual.

snip

Well, I did another stupid thing on that trip to New York, but it didn't concern political incorrectness and this person teased me for it the entire trip. She wasn't a very nice person, at least not to me. But then again, so was one of my only pre-established friends on the trip. I guess some people just like to poke holes in others.

That trip was really cool, except for those two things, because we were mostly with people from the year below us in school, and none of them knew me, so they had to assumptions made about me, so it was a lot easier to socialise. Everything was going great, then somebody called me homophobic, which made me sad and then I embarrassed myself, so bam. trip ruined for me. It took me ages to get over that. I guess I'm emotionally vulnerable like that.

In case you're wondering, the racism part of the thread is only giving it more breadth. My personal issue doesn't involve racism/etc, or anyone accusing me of it.

 

[Headsprouter]

I don't argue it.

I believe what I believe and I'm not going to change my opinions on things just because someone who doesn't know me labels me.

I know I'm not racist and homophobic in a hateful way and I never intend to cause harm, emotional or otherwise, to anyone, but I'm also a pragmatic person and can be quite frank with my views, so if somebody wants to reduce my complex ideas and beliefs down to accusations of racism and homophobia, and reject me and everything I have to offer because of their narrow mindedness, then that's their error to make.

I don't have a high tolerance for bigotry, especially when the bigotry is aimed at me, so if some bigot who doesn't know me throws an accusation or racism or homophobia my way, I won't argue it, as their accusation (and by extension the accuser) isn't even worth acknowledging in the first place.

Of course, this is all academic as I don't get accused of being racist or homophobic as I'm a kind and polite person to everyone I encounter and I don't engage in conversation that could leave me open to such accusations with people who don't know me, but if I did find myself being accused of these things on a regular basis, then I would have to stop and think about whether I was doing something to incite these accusations, as they're not really the kind of things that get said for no reason.

Well, this is the only time I've ever been accused. They didn't even flat-out say "You're a homophobe", they gave me dirty look, and I instantly realised "Oh shit, this person thinks I'm a shit!" and quickly confronted their reaction saying they must have thought I was a homophobe or something. They didn't deny it, so I took it as yes.

Definitely, though, not racist or homophobic in a hateful sense, you're just a stronger person than I am. I can't just decide that if somebody has a negative opinion of me that it's their loss. I call it my loss, and feel terrible about myself.

 

[Greg White]

Honestly, if things have come to the point where you need to 'prove' you aren't homophobic/racist/whatever, there's not really much of a conversation to have.

 

[Headsprouter]

Honestly, if things have come to the point where you need to 'prove' you aren't homophobic/racist/whatever, there's not really much of a conversation to have.

You're lovely. Because nobody's ever gotten arrested for something they didn't do, right?

 

[Jamash]

Spoiler: snip

I don't argue it.

I believe what I believe and I'm not going to change my opinions on things just because someone who doesn't know me labels me.

I know I'm not racist and homophobic in a hateful way and I never intend to cause harm, emotional or otherwise, to anyone, but I'm also a pragmatic person and can be quite frank with my views, so if somebody wants to reduce my complex ideas and beliefs down to accusations of racism and homophobia, and reject me and everything I have to offer because of their narrow mindedness, then that's their error to make.

I don't have a high tolerance for bigotry, especially when the bigotry is aimed at me, so if some bigot who doesn't know me throws an accusation or racism or homophobia my way, I won't argue it, as their accusation (and by extension the accuser) isn't even worth acknowledging in the first place.

Of course, this is all academic as I don't get accused of being racist or homophobic as I'm a kind and polite person to everyone I encounter and I don't engage in conversation that could leave me open to such accusations with people who don't know me, but if I did find myself being accused of these things on a regular basis, then I would have to stop and think about whether I was doing something to incite these accusations, as they're not really the kind of things that get said for no reason.

Well, this is the only time I've ever been accused. They didn't even flat-out say "You're a homophobe", they gave me dirty look, and I instantly realised "Oh shit, this person thinks I'm a shit!" and quickly confronted their reaction saying they must have thought I was a homophobe or something. They didn't deny it, so I took it as yes.

Definitely, though, not racist or homophobic in a hateful sense, you're just a stronger person than I am. I can't just decide that if somebody has a negative opinion of me that it's their loss. I call it my loss, and feel terrible about myself.

The approval of someone who gave you a dirty look and didn't even have the courage of their conviction to vocalise their opinion isn't worth much, so I don't really think you've lost a thing.

They may have a negative opinion of you, but if that opinion is so weak that they can't even verbally express it when confronted, then that opinion is also so weak that it's no even worth you getting upset about.

Also, some people just have odd faces and can't help but project ugly dirty looks, so if they couldn't even back up their squinting scowling expression with words, then I'd just write it off as them being a facially challenged unfortunate who deserves your pity, not someone who's approval you need to seek, so don't let it bother you.

Anyway, since you've already gone to the trouble of making this thread, what exactly was it you said that caused them to pull a funny face and give you the stonewall treatment, and who is this person? What are they to you that makes their judgement so important?