DeliveryGodNoah said:
Benny Blanco said:
DeliveryGodNoah said:
I've been living on this planet for over 22 years, at least 20 or so of those years I could talk, and I still fumble the most basic of social interactions.
I can't make eye contact, I stumble words, my brain charges full of every dramatic possibility on how I can screw this up or what I should do next.
It's made my life awful at times: School, work, relationships.
Even talking on the internet is difficult for me, though it's certainly easier.
It's not something I've been able to fix. I've tried therapy but that didn't help. My only next possible step is getting some kind of prescription, but I don't even know what that would mean or if it'd even help.
I literally go to work in a swell of fear and anxiety, as my breath gets shorter and my heart pumps harder, but no one I tell understands or they think I'm lying. Dealing with customers is physically exhausting, even at times where it shouldn't. I'm terrified of upsetting them somehow, or that they're judging my constantly. I sweat, I feel the veins in my neck, I tend to skip over tiny details in an effort to get out of the social interaction as quickly as possible, only to then upset someone.
So I'm asking for advice of how to suppress my anxiety. I know the best course of action is to see a professional, but that requires scheduling. For now, are there things any of you do?
I'm quite honestly asking out of desperation here. It's gotten to the point where I'm debating on quitting my job, and it prevents me from moving on with my life. I've tried so hard to force my way through situations, but it's still tough.
I had the same problem when I was younger and still have some GAD but largely it's a matter of training yourself to realise that the worst case scenario is not as likely as you think and the most likely scenario is better than you fear.
The breathing thing is important too, as someone said already, but if you concentrate on breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, you'll actually distract yourself from the fear response which threatens to paralyse you.
Active listening is important too, as well as having a distraction from fear you will give better customer service.
Much of my improvements in dealing with anxiety problems came from building a certain bedrock of self-confidence, often through becoming objectively good at certain things. Whatever someone's opinion of you, they can't affect your basic levels of competence.
Just out of interest, what IS your job? Are you within your comfort zone professionally except with the social anxiety? I ask because it's better to take little steps and trying to master a profession whilst also dealing with anxiety around other issues is a lot to handle.
Technically I'm working two jobs, but the one that I have trouble with is being a "cashier". I put it in quotes because, in reality, the cashier bit is really just a side quest. The majority of the work that's expected of me includes making sure the entire front half of the store is in order, stocking shelves, cleaning, replacing over 3,000 sale tags weekly, while simultaneously running the register and whatever other tasks are given to me. It causes a lot of issues where I am 9 out of 10 not nearby and will then have to come back to an impatient customer.
It's not something I can fix either. Corporate adamantly pressures us to do more and more work while continuing "exceptional service". (Our store is rather small, but still too much ground to cover for only two people, which is the max we typically have working at one time)
Corporate is even adding ANOTHER new task for us to complete every week on top of the stuff we barely manage to get done. And yet I still barely make $9 an hour (that's after a raise I got earlier this year).
It constantly creates situations where I feel overwhelmed, when really all I have to do is simply pause what I'm doing on the floor and walk to the register. But we do get complaints, both in person and on surveys, about people accusing us of not doing our jobs right because there's not always someone there.
Sorry if it feels like I'm venting my job on you. I know you only asked what I did, but it's not often I do get to talk to someone about it.
Mate, don't worry about it. You asked for help and we're here to help you. It's obvious that this job is contributing to your levels of stress and anxiety, but I wouldn't quit until you have another, better job lined up. In one of the bitter ironies of the world, it's easier to get a job if you have one already.
Sounds to me like you need to co-ordinate better with your manager or co-worker: if there's only ever 2 people in at once, you need to ensure that there is always someone at the counter. This is where your company make money and where people come for help, so it should be the hub of operations and your default base.
Casting my mind back to sub-optimal retail job shortly after graduation, I recall that we would work on the display in the less busy times. I worked at a betting shop, which is very time sensitive for the tills, but doesn't get much traffic before lunch (a few old dears coming in for the Irish lottery was about it) so we'd sort out the daily display and make sure the shop was looking decent then. There would be another lull mid-afternoon, so we'd empty the ashtrays, pick up the old slips off the floor and generally clean up. It was not the best job I ever had, but I still learnt from it.
Don't be afraid to apply yourself creatively to your job- talk to your line manager about the best things to do to manage this. This will at the least demonstrate that you are aware of the issue and care enough to solve it, as well as marking you out as someone with the drive and brains to give it some thought.
Remember the key is to be assertive. That is not the same as being aggressive.
DO:
-Express your opinion: even if it's wrong, you'll learn something when someone corrects you.
-Stand up for your rights when they are being infringed, although you may choose to be diplomatic about this.
-Listen to what people have to say, actively and allowing them to finish. They will feel valued and you will know what they want. If you still don't know, ask an intelligent follow-up question requesting clarification.
-Smile more. People tend to mirror the body language of others, so you'll find yourself dealing with friendlier people. Also, the smiling=happy causation is not as one-way as previously imagined. If you smile more, you will be happier.
-Be kind and thoughtful.
DON'T:
-Allow people to bully you.
-Be confrontational or get offended by things that mean nothing. If a moron comes in and mouths off, so what? If you truly did the best you reasonably could, what are they going to do about it?
-Become self-righteous. (Pro-tip: If you find your hands on your hips, you may already have reached that point)
-Let the monkey/lizard part of your brain take over.
