How do you make friends?

[rutger5000]

I feel you're old enough for me to make this claim:
MORE INFO!!!
I understand you want help, and you think that we can give it. But I'm sorry to say we can't, not like this. In order to give you some actual advice we need to know a bit more. How good are your social skills, are you male or female, are you generally a happy person, how old are you, in what country do you live? I understand that you feel uncomfortable with sharing all of this, but I need this information to give accurate advice. For example the advice I would give to the 18 year old me:
First off: always obey these three golden rules: 1. Always be completly honest, spread no kinds of untruths. 2. Always be as kind, cheerfull and spontanious as you can possibly be. 3. Always trust everybody, accept when your senses are actually telling you not too.
Second off: Confidence is all, fake it when you miss it.
Third off: Practice talking, and listening. It's just akward if you can't properly communicate
But this advice I could give to the 18 year old me for several reasons. My social skills were utterly terrible, thus I needed drastic ground rules. I'm and was 1.94 m tall fit guy, keen and smart so I can trust basically anyone, for not many people could seriously harm me. I also am and was a generally happy person, so I don't have to force cheerfullness. Also I live in the Netherlands where people can be somewhat shy in some ways, therefor people respond positlifly on someone following said rules.
So this advice would be great for the 18 year old me, but I've no idea if it would do you any good.
Now the only advice I could give you is to look for classes or courses regarded this subject. I'm sure those can be found somewhere.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I kidnap them off the streets, tie them up in my basement and force them to play videogames with me.

For me it just... happens. I might end up in a conversation with someone and eventually over time I have more and more conversations with them and then eventually we start spending time together doing things... *shrug*. I never intend to make friends, it just happens with me.

 

[Saulkar]

I simply do not know how to make friends, nor know how to deal with panic over the thought of trying.

 

[Migratingchimp]

Go to the Grocery store, Starbucks, or just ride public transportation. While doing these things have a hand held game or a book, someone will ask you what you're doing and you can kick up a conversation. at the end of said conversation, minimum 10 minutes see if they want to exchange numbers.

 

[The White Hunter]

I'd like to know how my fellow Escapists make friends, I wouldn't even know where to look and just walking up to people is...awkward even in places where I share common interests with people like comic book and video game stores

Very badly would be a good answer, not even through shyness, which is an issue, that crippling fear of rejection built up from 20 years of torment.

Frankly I wouldn't worry about it if you have any friends at all, just play games with people you know or something. I just have a few friends these days and we don't do much beyond have a few drinks and play games.

I'll be your friend xDDD

 

[iLikeHippos]

I'm no expert in friend- and relationships, but it depends on the attitude I'd say. I was training Parkour with a small group of people, ranging from the age of 13 to 25 for 2 years, and I didn't meet any many friends... Well, I did some, but I frankly couldn't give a rat's ass to invest anything into it, so they just faded away.
I was never actually looking, or open, to friendship. Therefore, no matter the amount of socializing, I couldn't make any connections.

If you want friends, then half the way is crossed. The rest is... Well, unknown to me. I can't remember how I met any of my 'dearest' friends in the first place.

As for me, well, I finally scraped up enough money to purchase a fine gaming computer, where I can run Diablo III with highest standards and not ram the cooler up to 11 (more like 2).
My beauty will replace the currently non-existing friends that I don't have for a year or two I'd say xD.

 

[Vicarious Reality]

Join some kinda hobby club, i also have no close friends like i did in school

But having something fun to do together will certainly make friends eventually

My closest friends right now i met in an online game

 

[Grimh]

When I get some I'll let you know!

AHAHAHAHAHahahahahaha[small]hahahahahah..ha..hah..heh...[/small]

.......

 

[Mysterious Username]

I slunk my way into a room and just stare at the nearest group until something I know about comes up and talk to them. Then I hound them until they're so used to my presence that they don't even notice that I'm part of the group.
And then, that is when I strike.
I mean, become their friend.

 

[Naeras]

I meet people through other friends and/or student organizations, and end up befriending them if we like each other.

captcha: "plain sailing"
Yup. Easy as that.

 

[marrrk]

Enroll in some sort of class? Especially now that you're comparatively free. I'm sure there are plenty of places to join something like that, and with the internet it's even easier to find groups of like-minded individuals. Might even discover a new passion while you're at it.

I find that the best places to make friends are places where you've got some sort of shared interest. See if the comic book or video game stores you frequent are holding any events, those usually work pretty well if you're looking to meet new people. But once you're through it's really up to you to build the connection. You don't have to be the life of the party, you don't have to draw undue attention to yourself, nothing drastic. Just ask questions (even general questions about the books or games, etc), lend someone a listening ear if they have something to say, show interest and you've pretty much got a foot in the door.

I don't know if you're the kind of person who is alright with drawing attention to yourself and I don't know what sized groups you function best in. If you're on the shyer end of the social spectrum I'd suggest you just keep turning up. Even if it's a closely-knitt group someone's bound to invite you out for a meal with the gang eventually, and in the meantime you're free to get to learn the group dynamic and how you'd fit into it better. Just don't force yourself into a situation you loathe and you'll be just fine.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Go to the Grocery store, Starbucks, or just ride public transportation. While doing these things have a hand held game or a book, someone will ask you what you're doing and you can kick up a conversation. at the end of said conversation, minimum 10 minutes see if they want to exchange numbers.

Last time I did something like that, I was on a bus and reading a Spike (from Buffy the vampire slayer series) comic book and the one guy who talked to me about it was an old man, kick ass old man that he likes that kind of stuff but I wouldn't be exchanging numbers with him anytime soon.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

I imagine that the problem is less about actually making friends, and more about finding a situation where talking to people you don't know isn't horribly awkward. At school you can talk to people in your class, at work you can talk to people there because you have a shared social experience to talk about, regardless of anything else.

A good way I've found is meetup groups, via the website meetup.com. There's all kinds of interest groups that meet up and have a good time. I haven't made any incredible friendships by doing so, but I have had a lot of fun. That or find a place that shares your interests, comic book store maybe? and see if they do events. Hell, you could even use this forum. Create a topic saying "CITYNAME escapists, let's meet up for a drink!" and see if you get any responses (note, if you do this, make sure its a public venue that people can find, and has numerous exits in case you need to flee the dreaded forum lurking serial killer. Just kidding... OR AM I?!)

I'm gonna take your advice on that group thing and see how many I get

 

[Jedoro]

Piss on their leg, so everyone knows you've claimed the person as your friend. Some people may contest this, so you have to be ready to fight in order to establish your dominance. The magic number of fights is usually two. After that, no one questions it when you claim a friend.

 

[Launcelot111]

I imagine that the problem is less about actually making friends, and more about finding a situation where talking to people you don't know isn't horribly awkward. At school you can talk to people in your class, at work you can talk to people there because you have a shared social experience to talk about, regardless of anything else.

A good way I've found is meetup groups, via the website meetup.com. There's all kinds of interest groups that meet up and have a good time. I haven't made any incredible friendships by doing so, but I have had a lot of fun. That or find a place that shares your interests, comic book store maybe? and see if they do events. Hell, you could even use this forum. Create a topic saying "CITYNAME escapists, let's meet up for a drink!" and see if you get any responses (note, if you do this, make sure its a public venue that people can find, and has numerous exits in case you need to flee the dreaded forum lurking serial killer. Just kidding... OR AM I?!)

I'm gonna take your advice on that group thing and see how many I get

I second the merits of meetup.com. I moved halfway across the country recently, and the site's been a solid way of at least having an occasion to meet people who have something ever so vague in common.

See if there are any groups that meet your interests and have activities along those lines. I usually have a better time meeting new people if there is some shared activity that people can focus on and have some general fun with, but one that allows for some getting to know people/friend making on the side. My avenue is board games, but you can find your thing- cooking classes, sports leagues, D&D clubs, whatever. I find just meeting people over drinks to be incredibly stressful even if I already have some background on them (not unenjoyable necessarily, just stressful, and that's just me), so a middleman activity is a big help.

 

[Andy Shandy]

I hit them over the head with my "friendship shovel", drag them back to my "friendship cave", tie them up with "friendship rope" and then give them a choice. Be my friend or be turned into a helicopter after I kill you. That cat was the first to be asked. He declined my offer of friendship.

Actually I have no idea. I sort of just stumbled into the group I'm with now.

 

[Bleidd Whitefalcon]

Friends? I must research this new concept.
*researches*
Oh. Those. The things that everyone else has.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

I don't know. It's always been something that just happens, and there generally never really is a set in stone way to do it. Most of my friends I've made from school, and my best friend was when we both joined Boy Scouts together (ended up being the guy who I first drank with, and than first smoked a cigar with, and then smoked weed with). I notice that we all kinda had a good sense of humor with one another.

Though I think you might be a bit old for that now. So join a sports team and invite them out for a few beers afterwards? I know a few people who became really good buddies by being in the same guild together in WoW, so maybe start a gaming team on your favorite game?

 

[Shaved Apple]

Don't be mean.