How much have you changed?

[The Rogue Wolf]

Well, when I was a kid, I had things like hopes and dreams and ambitions. Several decades of never being able to get more than two steps ahead in life before getting yanked back three cured me of such things; I've since given up on any of my skills or talents being worth a damn and resigned myself to a life of joyless workaday monotony.

I suppose the only thing that surprises me is that it took me so long to get to this point.

 

[FalloutJack]

I'm not really sure that I have actually changed all that much. I mean, one progresses from child to man, surely, but I feel as though the question was a little more shortterm, and therefore does not encompass the faults of being a kid. Still, I have - many times - held myself over others in terms of education because...well...people surrounding me have never really taken academics all that seriously. This includes some teachers, as high school was just plain shit. Still have a temper and a devious nature. Still a game-player, a writer, and an advice-giver. I'm not sure what's changed. Maybe I rendered change to those around me instead.

 

[JaKandDaxter]

How did you use to be

Quiet and a bit socially awkward. Not a lot of self esteem outside of school work and gaming. Wasn't thrilled about being single either.

How are you now

Pretty at peace with how my life is going. I may not have a place of my own or a career yet, and otherwise would have like to have been at a point where I can save money to buy a house as I'm approaching 30 years old. But I am not thinking daily of how much better my life could be if I had more money to play with. Even if times have been tough.

I'm not insecure anymore about being single. And I know my time will come to unite with that special person.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

Never would have thought I would become a born again Christian and establish a relationship with Jesus Christ. And if you would have told me 4 years after graduating college that I would still not have a job longer than 3 months (never fired). And be unemployed for over 2 years straight dealing with all sorts of drama and disappointments. I would have gone crazy and probably attempt to join the military. To no avail because this is the path that God has put before me. And even with getting the news that I will have to potentially wait a few more years to get my dream career, I am at quite surprised just by looking at my past. That I've been brought to a place with God where I can be at peace with that.

I'm also pretty cool with the idea of being a virgin. The environment I grew up in, and the things I've been exposed to discouraged that. And made it seem like the worst thing that can possibly happen to you. When its actually quite a sacred blessing to have. And you grow up to be thankful that you did not mess around with certain characters. I also don't mind sharing with certain people that I am still a virgin. And I hope to stay that way till marriage.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

How did you use to be?

Frustrated about everything. Job satisfaction varied from "this isn't all that bad" to me sitting in my car for a few minutes and asking myself why I'm there. I was pretty insecure about my own body image and my own abilities at doing things I'm told I'm good at.

How are you now?

Something quite magical happens when you hit 30 because I couldn't give one lonely fuck about my own image now. I mean, I am going to this awesome gym that has these programs that kicks your ass, and the people are great there, so I am fixing that problem. I just don't care anymore. Plus, I have full permission to flip off and tell them to fuck a cactus if they have a problem by my trainer.

I'm also making baby steps into a subset of my field. It's one part exciting and the other part terrifying since it's pretty technical, and can get complicated pretty quickly. Sound synthesis, if you were wondering. Making instruments and generating new sounds, that kind of thing. It's a lot of fun, and the people I've met are really awesome and super supportive. It's something that I've been missing from my current job since they do support you, but just not in the way that I thought, if that makes sense. Plus, I'm the youngest there, so it's kinda awkward in certain situations.

Over all I'm feeling pretty good about certain things. I'm even seriously looking into going to graduate school in another country.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

Possibly how long it took me to get here, and actually be happy with where I am right now.

I'm really enjoying what I am doing, and I've chilled out quite a bit over the years. I mean, I've always been pretty laid back, but I've gone to "chill" level of being laid back. Maybe it's because I'm 30 and I don't care as much about the things as I used to, but I'm not complaining.

 

[Saelune]

Honestly, I don't think I have changed much at all. Little bits here and there, trying to hone and refine my opinionatedness. But overall I think I am much the same person Ive been...which is the problem. For one, I should, by now be a responsible adult living my own life, but I might as well still be 15, minus going to school. I'm trying now to make something of myself, but like school work I constantly put it off, even though unlike school, I actually think this is work worth getting done. I also remember when younger constantly being "When I turn this age, things will get better; when I turn this age, thing will get better" etc. It hasn't, and the stagnation only makes it worse really. Not dealing with the pressures of school is nice, but now I just feel like an old child. A bunch of other more personal reasons why this is, but I wont go into them here.

 

[Kae]

I'm not really sure that I have actually changed all that much. I mean, one progresses from child to man, surely, but I feel as though the question was a little more shortterm, and therefore does not encompass the faults of being a kid. Still, I have - many times - held myself over others in terms of education because...well...people surrounding me have never really taken academics all that seriously. This includes some teachers, as high school was just plain shit. Still have a temper and a devious nature. Still a game-player, a writer, and an advice-giver. I'm not sure what's changed. Maybe I rendered change to those around me instead.

Well whether the question is long term or short term wasn't really established and it's the main reason why I haven't answered it myself, besides it's kind off interesting that if I compare my 6 year old self to my current self there's not much difference but it's rather hard to believe that my 11, 16, 18, 20 and 22 year old selves are all the same person, so just do whatever point of comparison you feel it's the most interesting, or you feel like talking about, of course I myself haven't answered[footnote]Technically speaking I actually do have the answers written but I haven't posted them because I feel like they are too long, too short and too hard to believe because my life is ridiculous, but I didn't make the thread to share my story, I made it because I wanted to snoop on other people's stories, and yeah I've read everything that's been posted so far, I just don't know if I should reply to stuff.[/footnote] so f you don't feel like answering more than you already have there's not real need to do it.

 

[Kolby Jack]

So my questions are.
How did you use to be?
How are you now?
Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

I've been pretty lazy my whole life. There's just always been this lingering apathy I have with me about most things people tell me are "important" like work and money management and pretty much ANY kind of supposed obligation. I don't feel any satisfaction from doing any of that beyond the satisfaction of not having to do it again for a certain amount of time. Part of that may be because I haven't been doing the kind of work I could enjoy, if it exists. Maybe I'll get to do it later, but that remains to be seen.

The only things I could really pinpoint about myself that's changed since I was a teenager are I don't really get angry anymore. I used to have outbursts from time to time and I even used to bully some people, though I never realized I was bully at the time. One day I forgot my house key and was locked out of my house after school. My dad was supposed to be back in just 15 minutes, but for some reason that I can't remember, I was so infuriated and upset and I just started wailing on the door over and over until it broke open. I immediately felt a sense of euphoria and had a smile on my face even as my parents grounded me (that was first time I had ever been grounded). After that... I dunno. I don't remember specifically deciding to not be angry, but ever since then I've been pretty much chill about everything. Obviously I still get mad when it's appropriate (usually while driving or playing video games), but I don't have this lingering anger at the world that's pent up inside me. That's probably true of most people post-teenage years, though.

It's hard to say if I'm surprised by how I turned out. Hindsight is 20/20, after all. I remember swearing up and down in my teenage years that I would never, EVER join the military. Now I've been in the Navy for over six years. I think my young self knew I wouldn't be a good fit for it and that was and is true, which is why I'm letting my contract expire without renewal, but I don't regret joining. I had just dropped out of college into a shit economy with no skills or experience at anything. I aced the ASVAB without even studying once. Boot camp was physically demanding but mentally trivial. I wasn't ready to take care of myself, so I used the military as a substitute parent to make decisions for me while also earning a paycheck. I needed this time to grow up. Now I think I'm ready to take the training wheels off, so-to-speak, and take care of myself while also using the sweet VA benefits to pay for college. Maybe I'll crash and burn, but I would never forgive myself if I stayed in a job I hate because it was safe without even TRYING to do something I might enjoy.

Anyway, the point is there's a very clear picture of how I came to be who I am today, and it all makes sense to me, which I guess is a good thing...? Like you, OP, I'm very introspective, so I think about this stuff a lot. I ended up typing more than I expected, so I doubt many people will bother to read it. But eh, who cares?

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I was a socially shut in, pessimistic, shy kid. I had a learning disability that took me out of my regular classes and I operated on a level that was not as competent as my peers. Went to an excellent middle school that did a great job teaching me methods to learn outside of the norm and got me up to speed on my grades. I was too shy to try and make friends, my self confidence was very low, I didn't think anyone would like me, but I was at least good at art, which my teachers encouraged me to foster. The most socializing I did was on the internet, where I met a very dear friend with aspergers, who was going through shit much worse than I ever did. I got into Martial Arts, which helped me a lot with my self confidence and gave me a non-computer outlet for getting to know other people.

In high school, I was in the advanced art program and really only spent time with the other art students [footnote]and was also diagnosed with an ongoing shitty medical condition that makes me a walking statistic for the long term effects of corticosteroids and HRT.[/footnote], went to an art collage, which was amazing, because it was basically my little bubble from high school expanded into a full fledged campus. Graduated collage, got a job in "my field", tried to help my friend mentioned above but he needed more help than I could provide him, he became very dependent on me with no signs of improvement and that along with the shine of my job wearing off, I felt trapped, depressed and helpless. Shit hit the fan, had to take him to the hospital. Starting calling around for a therapist for him, ended up with a therapist for me instead.

I'm not quite sure how specifically it happened (we just talked a lot), but the therapist helped me get my shit together and change my outlook, as much as I hate to say it, I stopped helping my friend as much, but that ended up being exactly what I needed to do because he started excelling on his own and has made so much progress, it's amazing.

At the same time, I started looking hard at my own life and making an effort to take better care of myself, to be more socially open and discovered that other people are very complex and interesting and I love to hear about their lives and stories and motivations. I've become much more interested in politics and I've also started to make an effort to spend time with those that are particularly close to me, my friends and family. I made an account on OkCupid and started online dating, met a wonderful man who is every bit as geeky and weird as I am and we've been dating for a year now. I'm still working in the same job, but the money keeps my bills paid and allows me wiggle room to have some fun, I don't feel as miserable in it anymore and I've also got freelance opportunities, I've illustrated a children's book and am currently working on my second.

I still feel empty and dead inside unless I'm angry. I don't know how to fix that.

Jump out of a plane, I shit you not.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

As much as I needed to, not as much as I'd like. Pretty sure that's the universal condition for all alive. I used to be incredibly driven. But you need to be to claw your way out of being a youth and homeless. I signed up for the ADF. Put everything I didn't need to live on away, invested ... uni, went into business, got a great government job, left ... now back at uni. Living a spartan existence on my investments.

All in all had an eventful life. I've been savvy enough with my money that I probably won't need to work for at least another 8-9 years, assuming no financial disasters. Taking it easy. Might do some part time teaching for as long as my broken brain will allow me.

 

[FalloutJack]

Snip

It's difficult for me to think of a better answer because, as an autistic, my life has been a case of finding what works and sticking with it pretty much forever. It may just be perspective, but I'm not sure that I'm not the man I was 15 years ago, say.

 

[Jandau]

First I was an outgoing, energetic, cheerful child.

Then I moved, changed to a school I didn't fit in and got to spend grades 4-7 being bullied by the better part of my class and any other students my age. This resulted in me becoming extremely introverted, distrustful of other humans (especially other males), severely depressed, contemplating suicide, stressed to the point where my physical health was compromised, etc. The only bright spot was that that was rock bottom. The next 20 years were (for the most part) a constant stream improvements.

The funny thing is that Metal saved me. Yes, as in Heavy Metal. Around the age of 12 I started listening to it and dressing accordingly. Suddenly, people had a nice, familiar category for me and the constant bullying eased off. I even managed to make friends. High school was better and I became more outgoing, started catching up in social skills and generally had a good time. In college I was even slightly popular, found my first girlfriend (which resulted in a 6-year relationship). Things were looking good, and as a result I was improving.

Then I graduated from college and things went to shit. As in, inside of less than a year my GF of 6 years dumped me, both my parents were diagnosed with cancer, I got fired from my job, I was forced to move in with my parents into their house that was under a mortgage that they were barely covering, my dad died from said cancer. Oddly enough, this period was highly conducive to my personal development. While it did shove some pessimism into me, and some of my most horrifying memories are from that period, it also got me to grow more of a backbone, to toughen up a bit.

Eventually, though, my mom beat her cancer, I got my job back (with an even bigger salary), we managed to sell off the house and pay the mortgage, leaving me with enough money to buy a small apartment in a nice neighborhood. I met a wonderful girl online (OKCupid, seriously go try it) and we've been dating (and living together) for a year now. I've gotten back on my feet to the extent that I'm considering quitting my job and starting my own business, which is what I'm wrestling with right now.

Nowdays, when I look in the mirror, I genuinely like what I see. I'm the person I wanted to be, or at least well on my way there, physically, mentally and emotionally. I do the things I love, I have time for the people who are important to me, I have enough to get by, I have ideas and dreams for the future. My life has been a steady improvement since I was 12, and the trend doesn't seem to be stopping...

 

[happyninja42]

So my questions are.
How did you use to be?

Depending on the point in my life in question, emotionally/mentally unstable due to a combination of recreational drug use, and home life issues. I look back on the stuff I did in my teens/20's, and am baffled at my reasoning for doing them, or lack there of.

How are you now?

Relatively speaking, I think I'm doing ok. I've still got issues, but who doesn't. I'm mostly comfortable with how my middle age has ended up.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

I'm kind of surprised I've become so outspoken and "people persony" I guess. I used to be somewhat introverted, and I still personally identify as such, but most of my life involves me socially interacting with people, and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I don't have problems speaking to strangers, and striking up conversations about random things, and can find the conversations genuinely interesting and enjoyable.

Also my open opinion about my atheism is I guess somewhat surprising? *shrugs* I used to not bother telling people if the subject of religion came up in casual conversation. But for the last 10 years or so I've become more vocal about it in public, and challenging people when they make sweeping statements about how the world works, and assuming it works based on their world view. Before I wouldn't do that, now I do. *shrugs*.

 

[DeliveryGodNoah_v1legacy]

In my teens I used to be a loner who wanted to be alone almost all the time, but secretly desired a pretty robust social life. However, I always saw everyone as pretty shitty, shallow, and petty, and this was caked on by an almost crippling amount of social anxiety.

Then for a brief two years after I turned 19 I decided that maybe not everyone is all that bad, and tried to open myself up a bit more to get to know more people.

Then I got a job. Now I'm a loner who wants to be alone almost all the time, but secretly desires a pretty robust social life. However, I see most people as pretty shitty, shallow, and petty so I tend to crawl into my social anxiety cave and become terrified of talking to anyone.

So over the course of about 7 years, everything has come full circle.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

How did you use to be?

A wuss who quietly didn't complain when mistreated because I was such a nice guy. I was also massively unmotivated, but kept on trying regardless. I was willing to take all kinds of minor BS with nothing more than a grumble.

Even further back, in high school, I used to be super religious and saw a particular weird turn on of mine to be evil and literally thought I might be possessed, and that maybe all the horrendous bullying I was dealing with was my punishment for it.

How are you now?

I am still largely unmotivated, but I still keep on trying, regardless.

That said, I have since grown a spine and decided that I won't let people walk all over me. If something or someone pisses me off, I'm going to say something about it now, and I have, even when it's pointless to complain I still let them know they pissed me off.

Also, I'm now Agnostic-Deist and while I still am spiritual in the sense that I believe in some greater universal consciousness or something, I absolutely LOATHE organized religion and see it as nothing more than a large mind-control mechanism that allows people to control people who believe in their particular faction, and especially as a tool to keep the weak-minded in line or as a personal army (seriously, how are people still freakin' up in arms about gay people? How the hell does it affect the average straight person? Just leave them be, already!)

Finally, I've not only accepted my weird kinks, but I've started embracing them and they've gone from a guilty pleasure, to a tool used to purge negative feelings to just being something fun to being a way to find inner strength in some way. It's been a great journey.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

If you've have told younger me that I'd be the kind of guy I am now, younger me would be shocked at how "cool" I seem (mostly because I don't give a shit what people think of me), and he'd be appalled that I am no longer religious and in fact hate organized religion.

Overall, I'm most surprised at how much I've grown when it comes to that weirdass side of me.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Tricky. Some aspects I've changed for the better but some I haven't.

How did you use to be?
Very sensitive, easily hurt, very emotional. Non-confrontational. I relied on others to make me happy. I wanted to be accepted so badly. Kept my head down. Let my emotions get in the way a lot. Did't get help with my depression so that just spiralled. Really empathetic.

How are you now?
Hooo boy. Positives - I'm blunt, honest, VERY opinionated, I'll stand up for myself and others, I'll happily call you a **** if you are being one and I don't give a shit. I'm much more into feminism and equal rights. I don't get hurt or offended easily unless you actually mean something to me. I've become so much more independent. I don't rely on an army of yes-men like I know a lot of people do. I don't care what people think about me at all because why should I? It's my life, not theirs. I can control my emotions like a boss now because it's become a lot harder to hurt me after all the absolute shit I've been through.
I was put on anti-depressants and feel happier within myself now. I feel bad for taking it out on some people in my past.
I'm stronger, older, wiser and a force to be reckoned with now. I am actually still very nice and pleasant, believe it or not!

Negatives - I'm a lot angrier. I'm finding more things to be pissed off about because I have all these opinions. People piss me off a lot more, I can see straight through people and have a massive distrust of strangers.
I'm not as empathetic, especially to strangers. I find it hard to show kindness to them when I so very rarely receive it myself.
If I hate someone, I actually full on despise them and the stuff I wish upon them would probably get me locked up if I said it in a room full of people.
I feel things more intensely, I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I love more intensely but I also hate as much too.
I suppose it's called getting older?

I'm not a bad person, I'm a person who bad things happen to and have been moulded thusly.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?
I was such a sweet, quiet kid so I'm surprised how much of a ***** I can be now, lol. I'm surprised how tough I got in a short space of time. I'm proud of it though, I wouldn't have been able to get through half of the things I have without a thick skin.