How much of arguments and hatreds are built on misunderstanding?

Recommended Videos

Erttheking

Member
Legacy
Oct 5, 2011
10,845
1
3
Country
United States
You know, I've been looking through a lot of recent threads about sexism and gender topics in gaming (This thread is NOT about either of those so please only reference them as a source for the real topic) and I can't help but wonder. How much of the arguments we have on the Escapist, of people tearing each other apart, these massive flame wars between people, are just because we really just don't get the other person. I noticed someone, I think it was GuitarMasterx7, remark that the main problem with arguments on this thread was that a few people took extremist stances, and then all of a sudden everyone who wasn't on the side of the people of those extremists assumed that everyone on that side was just as bad as the extremists. And that just isn't the case.

Not all Republicans are George Bush and Rush Limbaugh that do nothing but watch Fox News, not all Catholics are bible thumping, homophobic, creationists, not everyone concerned with social issues is a crazy Tumblr user who argues about adult privilege and screams about homophobia, racism and sexism the second someone doesn't agree with them, and not everyone who is an atheist openly hates on religion and whoever practices it. But as much as these things are pretty much stereotypes, they seem to be stereotypes that are affecting our views, for these groups of people and so many others that I can't even begin to count them.

Every side has good people and every side has assholes. You can't look at a person and judge them by the views that they have. Someone could perfectly calmly and rationally explain a view you disagree with to, to the point where it's clear he has good logical reason to have that view, while someone else could angrily roar and swear, spit flying from his mouth, defending a view you agree with and generally come off as a fanatic.

Really, the problem is that every time we go to do a debate nowadays, we do it loaded. We already have our views set, we already think we know what the other side is, we already know why they're wrong. But that's kind of a problem, we've already based what we think the other side is off of either extremists that only make up a fraction of that side, or simple misunderstandings that we think cloak the entire other side.

If we want to get anywhere besides shouting at each other, we need to come to the table empty handed. We need to come with a Tabula rasa, we need to leave everything we think about the other person at the door. We need to sit down, present our arguments, let them present their arguments, and then talk about them without bringing in outside biases. If we do that, then maybe we can get somewhere other than shouting at a brick wall.
 

tippy2k2

Beloved Tyrant
Legacy
Mar 15, 2008
14,870
2,349
118

If you ever wonder why I stay out of politics (in real life or in the forum), this is why. Real life politics has become such an absolute joke and a waste of time because all republicans see democrats as hippies who will give your life savings away to a drug addicted hobo and all democrats see republicans as big bank who will sell their own mother if that gives them a 3% tax break (and look at that, I just made giant assumptions about parties based on stereotypes! :D).

As to the argument/debate side, I'd like to think that I don't do that. I've said it before and I have no problem telling people this in a thread if they succeed; I've changed my mind on issues on this very forum based on discussions I've had with people. Now granted though, part of that might be that I don't CARE about any issue enough to take an extremist side...
 

Barbas

ExQQxv1D1ns
Oct 28, 2013
33,804
0
0
I try not to be guilty of that as well. If people want to spend hours smashing their keyboard at someone in an argument that will age them significantly but add nothing of value to their lives, they can go to YouTube for it. There is no place in reasonable discourse for lazy preconceived stereotypes and fits of screaming, chest-thumping rhetoric.
 

Soundwave

New member
Sep 2, 2012
301
0
0
Not as many as people who are intentionally misunderstanding others. A lot of people like to parrot arguments that they've heard from others (who probably made the argument better), and are claiming it as their own in an attempt to acquire some of that person's charisma. Very rarely will you actually get an argument with actual merits. This sounds exceedingly pompous, but I assure you, the average individual (at least where I'm from) is not educated or driven (in their convictions) enough to research and present a legitimate argument.
 

Uhura

This ain't no hula!
Aug 30, 2012
418
0
0
Some of the arguments stem from misunderstandings, sure. But I have to say that after going though numerous of these 'controversial' threads, I think that there are plenty of people who just refuse to educate themselves on the topic they are discussing and that certain percentage of the people just don't have the mental capacity to understand the intricacies of the issues that are being discussed.

Look at the word "theory" used in a scientific context. There are people who
a) know what it means in this context
b) people who misunderstand the meaning of the term in this context
c) people who refuse to educate themselves on how the term is used in this context
d) people who just cannot grasp the idea that 'theory' could be used in a way that doesn't match the conventional meaning of the word

You can correct a misunderstanding but you can't correct people who refuse to hear you or people who just 'don't get it'. Now replace the word 'theory' with 'patriarchy' or 'freedom of speech" etc.
 

Erttheking

Member
Legacy
Oct 5, 2011
10,845
1
3
Country
United States
Uhura said:
certain percentage of the people just don't have the mental capacity to understand the intricacies of the issues that are being discussed.
Look, I'm gonna be blunt. 99% of the time I agree with what you have to say when it comes to gender topics, but stuff like this is what I meant when people come to the table with the people they're arguing against labeled. Are some people stubborn as Hell and refuse to just listen? Absolutely. But you can't throw that blanket over everyone. Heck, some people would probably view you as stubborn and refusing to listen, and these assumptions just start the whole cycle all over again.

I'm just saying you need to approach the argument with an open mind. React to people who are stubborn and refuse to listen when they show themselves, preemptive actions just hurt the chance for debate.
 

Uhura

This ain't no hula!
Aug 30, 2012
418
0
0
erttheking said:
Uhura said:
certain percentage of the people just don't have the mental capacity to understand the intricacies of the issues that are being discussed.
Look, I'm gonna be blunt. 99% of the time I agree with what you have to say when it comes to gender topics, but stuff like this is what I meant when people come to the table with the people they're arguing against labeled. Are some people stubborn as Hell and refuse to just listen? Absolutely. But you can't throw that blanket over everyone. Heck, some people would probably view you as stubborn and refusing to listen, and these assumptions just start the whole cycle all over again.
My point wasn't that 'people who disagree with point X lack the ability understand the issue', which is why I made the distinction between people who merely misunderstand words/concepts and people who refuse to understand/aren't able to understand those ideas/concepts. And I agree, that it's important to try to figure out where people are coming from during an argument instead of just lumping them all together and labeling them as idiots.

The thing is though, there are always people who lack the base level of education/understanding necessary for the discussion at hand and genuinely cannot grasp certain ideas and concepts. I personally try not to delve too deep into discussions that deal with very specialized scientific knowledge, because I haven't studied that stuff and would most likely miss pretty crucial nuances of the conversation (i.e I lack the mental capacity to understand complex mathematics, for example. I just can't do it.). I can always try to educate myself and try to acquire more knowledge but I think its important to actually acknowledge that there are always things you don't know instead of storming into discussions and acting like you have it all figured out (even when you obviously don't have a clue). I think my wording ("don't have the mental capacity") was probably poor, because I didn't intend to imply that 'people are just stupid herp-derp'.
 

Erttheking

Member
Legacy
Oct 5, 2011
10,845
1
3
Country
United States
Uhura said:
erttheking said:
Uhura said:
certain percentage of the people just don't have the mental capacity to understand the intricacies of the issues that are being discussed.
Look, I'm gonna be blunt. 99% of the time I agree with what you have to say when it comes to gender topics, but stuff like this is what I meant when people come to the table with the people they're arguing against labeled. Are some people stubborn as Hell and refuse to just listen? Absolutely. But you can't throw that blanket over everyone. Heck, some people would probably view you as stubborn and refusing to listen, and these assumptions just start the whole cycle all over again.
My point wasn't that 'people who disagree with point X lack the ability understand the issue', which is why I made the distinction between people who merely misunderstand words/concepts and people who refuse to understand/aren't able to understand those ideas/concepts. And I agree, that it's important to try to figure out where people are coming from during an argument instead of just lumping them all together and labeling them as idiots.

The thing is though, there are always people who lack the base level of education/understanding necessary for the discussion at hand and genuinely cannot grasp certain ideas and concepts. I personally try not to delve too deep into discussions that deal with very specialized scientific knowledge, because I haven't studied that stuff and would most likely miss pretty crucial nuances of the conversation (i.e I lack the mental capacity to understand complex mathematics, for example. I just can't do it.). I can always try to educate myself and try to acquire more knowledge but I think its important to actually acknowledge that there are always things you don't know instead of storming into discussions and acting like you have it all figured out (even when you obviously don't have a clue). I think my wording ("don't have the mental capacity") was probably poor, because I didn't intend to imply that 'people are just stupid herp-derp'.
Oh whoops, sorry, misunderstood the point you were making there. My bad.
 

LetalisK

New member
May 5, 2010
2,769
0
0
I'd say 50% of the fights are because of miscommunication/misunderstanding. I see far more people fighting past each other at extreme strawmen then actually arguing with each other.
 

Heronblade

New member
Apr 12, 2011
1,204
0
0
arguments on the whole? tough to say. You'll need to define that a bit better. There are plenty of reasonable arguments in which those involved understands the other side just fine. There are not nearly as many of that description as I would like, especially on the internet, but they are there.

hatreds? nearly all of them. Discount hatred between individuals rather than groups and it is all of them.

That kind of vindictive behavior towards others has never been based on rational thought. Even on the rare occasion an individual actually can justify hatred it is always due to the actions of a few people, and cannot rationally be transferred by simple association.