how threatened do strangers make you feel?

[Combustion Kevin]

So, I look pretty untrustworthy, wearing an eye-patch 'n all, but I suppose looking like a cartoon villain is better than looking like you had a stroke (blind eye looking weird).
I get a lot of weird looks because of it, but I don't generally care much, I don't bother them and they usually leave me alone, not much to complain about.

however, something happened to a friend of mine that got me thinking:

We were out at a bar, just hanging out, and my friend tried to score a date that night.
Now, the way he goes about it is rather laid back, often just buy her a drink and strike up a conversation, but things didn't go so well.

There were two girls that evening, the first was just sitting at a bar when he tried to buy her a drink, but she gave him a rather sharp "no thanks.".
He backed off, naturally, and she had left the bar within minutes, we agreed it was kinda weird.

As the night carried on we started hanging out with some people that had walked in, we played some pool and had a drink together, and among them was the second girl of this little story (and she kicked ass at pool, but I digress).

later in the evening she said she was headed home because she was tired and quite tipsy, but the rest wasn't going anywhere, so she was walking alone.
My friend thought this was the oppertune moment to act like a gentleman and try to ask her out (didn't ask earlier, the fool), and said: "should I walk you home?".

For a brief moment, the look on her face was one of shock, "no no no, you don't have to, don't follow me.", and left quite hastily.
He tried to go after her to apologize if he made her uncomfortable, but I stopped him before he really freaked her out. (mistake on my part?)

Now we all know that there are some bad people out there, but I know a lot of people and they're kinda alright, my friend was probably the most harmless of the bunch.

Then I thought to myself, exactly how scared are we of these societal boogeymen?
Am I paranoid? I don't think so, in fact, I even befriended some scruffy lookin' hobo at the station just like that, bought him a sandwich once later on too.

Then am I too trusting of strangers? maybe, maybe not, how do I know, how do I check?
what bothers me is the kind of paranoia that makes you cross the road to avoid some weird fella you don't know, just because he doesn't "look right".


TL,DR: how paranoid or fearful of strangers are you? are you even fearful of strangers? what about the dating environment?

stories, opinions and perspectives are appreciated, discuss.

 

[Mr Fixit]

I've never had anyone freak out like that to me, but I've scared plenty of kids. Other strangers don't bug me much, I know most people are really ok.
Oh & completely off topic but I love your avatar.

 

[ShinyCharizard]

Not afraid of strangers at all to be honest. The exception being if said strangers were armed with knives and trying to mug me ect.

With my appearance most strangers are fearful of me too be honest.

 

[thesilentman]

Not afraid of strangers at all. Some of my best friends are strangers, and I don't think that someone's out to murder me. Yet. :-D

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

Strangers usually don't scare me. While not particularly strong, I'm rather tall and a bit broad-shouldered, so even the more aggressive variety of stranger ("aggressive", as in they try to bully me out my spot in a long line, or chew me out over supposedly "stealing" their parking spot, etc. Usually not the kind of aggressive where a knife gets involved) is usually reluctant to try anything. I tend to feel awkward around strangers, but certainly not afraid.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I'm not really afraid of strangers. I'm more cautious. However, unless I had reason to fear for my life I would never do anything to cause offense. Some guy (he didn't look to be in his right mind) started talking to me the other day while I was minding my own business at the train station, and then he walked over and touched my legs. I jumped up and darted away a few steps. I didn't know what to say so I said "sorry". Then I hung around and kept talking to him (always keeping a few steps distance) because I thought just walking away would be rude. Yeah...

 

[Rawne1980]

Been told by some folk that when me and the lads are walking around we look intimidating.

We're all pretty well built folk and covered in tattoo's. Me and Pete have shaved heads which probably doesn't help.

Offered to help a couple push their car once when they broke down, they looked at us like we were going to murder them.

Oddly enough though, older folk aren't bothered by us. There is a dance club (waltz, tango that kind of thing) opposite our local and when we step out for a smoke some of those folk come over and chat to us. Friendly bunch really, one fella tells us stories of his old war buddies. Bless his cotton socks but he tells us the same bloody stories every time.

My wife doesn't like going out on her own in the evening though.

She had a girls night out a couple of years ago, I was home with the kids, and her friends left with a few lads and she had to get home on her own. We live in a pretty rough town. She was being followed by a couple of young lads but luckily one of my friends was driving by and picked her up.

I was not amused with her friends.

2 of them don't speak to us anymore after my not so polite quiet word.

 

[Little Woodsman]

That depends on the stranger. In general I don't feel threatened by strangers unless they display
threatening behavior, such as shouting that they want to murder me and cut my head off because they
think that I looked at them wrong (yes I have had this happen).
In general though, I am the one that strangers feel threatened by--I bear an unfortunate resemblance
to a younger Saddam Hussein (yes, really) and have had situations where bus drivers would actually
try to tell me that I didn't want to get on *their* bus, the next one would be better. {sigh}

Try to be understanding of the young ladies though--they really do have to be cautious. The potential
consequences of being in a vulnerable situation with the wrong kind of guy are just too severe.

 

[BeerTent]

I'm not afraid, but it doesn't mean I'll trust you either. To quote someone who's significantly better than myself, "Have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

...

Uhh, okay... But maybe not that extreme. But I'd much rather not let someone get the leg up on me if they've got nasty intentions. Call me paranoid if you will.

A friend of mine, a younger woman gets harassed now and then around here too... So I try to make sure I'm available when she needs to go out late at night for a project. Strength in numbers. (And shelter!)

 

[Ljs1121]

Since I'm just about the most socially awkward person ever, I'd say they make me feel quite a bit threatened.

 

[Ragsnstitches]

I'm generally not afraid of strangers, but in certain situations I become paranoid, like if I'm walking streets at night. This usually manifests in mean moving rather hastily...

To be fair, girls seem to have it worse. Mass media seems to paint the night life as some extremely hazardous environment for women. Rapists, Muggers and Stalkers seem to appear as frequently as RPG random encounters, according to media publications anyway. With that mentality I wonder how so many girls can let loose as much as they do.

This topic is depressing... we live in a paranoid society.

 

[iblis666]

Since I'm just about the most socially awkward person ever, I'd say they make me feel quite a bit threatened.

ditto i just cant trust strangers no matter what they look like, I even panicked one time when an asian granny was walking down the street looking in garbage cans for aluminum cans

 

[ImBigBob]

It's been ingrained into our heads that strangers are bad and that we should avoid them. Then as adults we realize that the only way we can make friends and connections in life is to talk to people we don't know. Stupid overprotective parents.

Though I will say the absolute creepiest thing you can do is walk up to someone and try to shake their hand as they're getting out of their car. Which has happened to me. Holy crap was that scary. And the dude didn't even try anything because I put up "defense" mode right afterwards.

 

[Ljs1121]

Since I'm just about the most socially awkward person ever, I'd say they make me feel quite a bit threatened.

ditto i just cant trust strangers no matter what they look like, I even panicked one time when an asian granny was walking down the street looking in garbage cans for aluminum cans

You had every right to panic. Who knows what she could have been using those cans for? I can think of approximately 37 very unpleasant things an elderly lady could do to me with an aluminum can.

 

[Zeckt]

I'm a gender bending pretty boy and when I go out as a guy its always with earrings / eye liner and nail polish so there's one type of stranger I'm always on the look out for. 99.5% of the time I have no problems but every once in a while I encounter the hate filled redneck who glares at me like he's killing me in his mind and even sometimes verbally abuse me as if a gender neutral person ate his baby or something. All you can do is leave, really fast but because of my outwards appearance and overly feminine manner even when I try not to be I am wary of strangers.

 

[Karoshi]

For a brief moment, the look on her face was one of shock, "no no no, you don't have to, don't follow me.", and left quite hastily.
He tried to go after her to apologize if he made her uncomfortable, but I stopped him before he really freaked her out. (mistake on my part?)

You did nothing wrong, but she was in her right as well. Avoiding rape is an ingrained trait in woman, it's expected of us to avoid any risky situation ("If you dress like a slut, you were asking for it." "You walked home alone, what else did you expect?" "You invited him home, your own fault for trusting him.")

I realize, it's hurtful to have women afraid of you when you are just trying to be a gentlemen, but rapists don't really distinguish from normal people. You were right to stop your friend when he wanted to apologize. It would have been no good.

As a woman, I never want to be approached by men after sundown. Public places are ok, but not a desolate street.

 

[Rose and Thorn]

I trust a stranger about as far as I can throw them. I am the type of person that doesn't fit in to the "normal" look, so I get questioning looks for maggots all the time.

I trust strange women over men.

 

[iblis666]

Since I'm just about the most socially awkward person ever, I'd say they make me feel quite a bit threatened.

ditto i just cant trust strangers no matter what they look like, I even panicked one time when an asian granny was walking down the street looking in garbage cans for aluminum cans

You had every right to panic. Who knows what she could have been using those cans for? I can think of approximately 37 very unpleasant things an elderly lady could do to me with an aluminum can.

to be fair it was in the middle of the night so i didnt know until after i panicked but i still wouldnt trust her and I live in a neighborhood with a lot of murders so you can never be too careful

 

[joshuaayt]

I don't really trust people I don't know personally- I'd definitely be uncomfortable with someone asking to walk me home at night, regardless of gender, and if I was ever in that position I'd call my sister or someone to drive over and pick me up.

I'm not the sort of person to end up at a bar without any of my friends there, though, so it's not likely to be an issue.

At the very least, I always try to be polite to strange folk, so I doubt I've hurt anyone's feelings.