How to deal with a crushed heart

[Kuroneko97]

I am a girl under 18, so if you find this sounds childish, understand the reason.

The guy I like is kind of popular with our class, and I consider him the best-looking boy in the class. He's one of those people who don't necessarily get in trouble often, but does say random things during class (we all do). He's a little rude, but I have some feeling he's not a bad person. As for me, I'm one of the nerds, and get in trouble at least once every two weeks for drawing in class. I've been trying to care more for myself (washing my face better, fixing my hair, etc.), but even though people tell me I'm pretty, I just never believe them.

The relationship I have with this person is as follows: I insult him, he insults me, it goes on for a few minutes until one gives up or a teacher shut us up. What confuses me about this guy is that he's says he doesn't like me, but teases me all the time. By teasing, I mean he sometimes takes my rulers or notebooks and keeps holding it front of me and then pulling it back. he once kept lifting my chair in a way that I felt simulated rape, sat on the chair of my seat and wouldn't get up. For a person like me who likes things being clear to me, this kind of pisses me off.

Now the reason for the name of this thread. A few days ago I was sitting in class (it was science, and I sat at the same table as him), and I asked him why he teased me all the time, and he responded "I don't know...'cause you're annoying." This was said in a kind of I-don't-really-care laid-back voice. I mentioned sometimes I didn't provoke him, and he either said I was lame or stupid (my memory's a little foggy). He's insulted me before, and other people have called me worse, but this time it really hurt me.

My sister says that he might have been covering for himself, as I did ask with another kid at the table, in a classroom full of students. She said that guys have enormous egos, and that showing any sign of affection towards me would possibly bring on teasing and/or hurt his ego. I might also mention that he knows I have a crush on him due to my faith being put on the wrong girl; she accused me of liking him, I admitted, and she told about five other girls and him directly. My friends also managed to get it out of me, but I trust them more.

I guess my question would be, how should I react to this? Could it really be he was protecting his ego? I don't believe my family or friends, because I think they say such things to make me feel better. Other users say Escapist is like a family that helps others when they need it. Right now I need some advice.

 

[Melian]

Ok, first of all: I've had a guy just like that, who annoyed the shit out of me doing exactly like that, and I really didn't like it, even though I liked him a little. I was sixteen and I thought that guys always were like that (teasing, but actually liking you but being afraid to say it). Then I met another guy, the sweetest and kindest person I know. He flirted with me in no uncertain terms and showed me his appreciation very clearly. We were in a relationship after a month and we're getting married this year (I'm 22 now).

What I'm trying to say is really- why assume that all that teasing is actually a facade for him liking you? You deserve a guy who is clear and honest and shows that he is interested. Of course, I'm a blunt person and you might not be, but my opinion is that there is no need for intrigue if you want to show someone you like them. My advice would really be that you should think about what you really feel for him. Do you like him? Then show it! He might be as confused about your feelings as you are, and teasing and insulting each other isn't always a code for mutual affection. And I know it's a cliche, but don't change yourself for him. So what if you're a nerd? Be proud of it! If he isn't interested in you as you are, do you really think he's worth it?

Anyway, sorry for rambling on and on, I hope this helps a little! Good luck!

 

[zombiesinc]

I guess my question would be, how should I react to this? Could it really be he was protecting his ego? I don't believe my family or friends, because I think they say such things to make me feel better. Other users say Escapist is like a family that helps others when they need it. Right now I need some advice.

Honestly, regardless of whether or not this boy was 'covering' himself, he sounds like a dick. As [user]Melian[/user] mentioned, you deserve someone who's not only polite and respectful, but clear with his intentions. Yes, of course you two are still 'young' but I simply wouldn't stand for it. Young, male, insecure, whatever, it simply isn't something you should have to put up with to get to the core of the matter.

If you'd prefer to continue on and try to discover his true feelings towards you I suggest you make it clear how you feel about him, and directly this time. Him hearing from friends or fellow classmates isn't necessarily going to get it through his head. But keep in mind that he may very well be serious when he insults you and claims to dislike you. People are quick to pass judgment, generally moreso the younger they are.

If this doesn't go the way you'd hope, don't get too down. Of course it's a shit feeling when someone you like doesn't feel the same way, but that's no reason to feel as if there's no hope, your heart is broken or that you're a loser. It'll happen when it happens (even as cliche as that is). Don't put up with people putting you down, regardless of how they truly feel, and keep your chin up. Best of luck.

 

[similar.squirrel]

If that's his way of showing affection, you're better off finding somebody else.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Usually if a man is teasing you that much its his way of showing he's interested and doesn't know how to express it.

Yeah I know, we're stupid creatures (but you women are the ones who almost always fancy the assholes lol)

 

[dmase]

Haha alright coming from a guy if you really wanna know how to get his attention. If you haven't had a chance to talk to him since he called you lame just keep your distance from him and talk to him less. That'll get him running in your direction to find out what he did. Where you play that card from there depends on the guy.

You could wait for him to bring it up on his own and say i'm sorry or say you didn't like how he put it last time yall talked. I mean your a women, mind games come natural to 90% of your gender and at his age he probably hasn't caught on yet.

 

[rutger5000]

have you considered that he is just a childish asshole? You say you're younger then 18, but an actual age would have helped her. I don't really think he likes you. I often have the feeling that girls get told that when guys act like that, but as a guy myself I really can't see any guy acting like that for that reason.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

I am a girl under 18, so if you find this sounds childish, understand the reason.

The guy I like is kind of popular with our class, and I consider him the best-looking boy in the class. He's one of those people who don't necessarily get in trouble often, but does say random things during class (we all do). He's a little rude, but I have some feeling he's not a bad person. As for me, I'm one of the nerds, and get in trouble at least once every two weeks for drawing in class. I've been trying to care more for myself (washing my face better, fixing my hair, etc.), but even though people tell me I'm pretty, I just never believe them.

The relationship I have with this person is as follows: I insult him, he insults me, it goes on for a few minutes until one gives up or a teacher shut us up. What confuses me about this guy is that he's says he doesn't like me, but teases me all the time. By teasing, I mean he sometimes takes my rulers or notebooks and keeps holding it front of me and then pulling it back. he once kept lifting my chair in a way that I felt simulated rape, sat on the chair of my seat and wouldn't get up. For a person like me who likes things being clear to me, this kind of pisses me off.

Now the reason for the name of this thread. A few days ago I was sitting in class (it was science, and I sat at the same table as him), and I asked him why he teased me all the time, and he responded "I don't know...'cause you're annoying." This was said in a kind of I-don't-really-care laid-back voice. I mentioned sometimes I didn't provoke him, and he either said I was lame or stupid (my memory's a little foggy). He's insulted me before, and other people have called me worse, but this time it really hurt me.

My sister says that he might have been covering for himself, as I did ask with another kid at the table, in a classroom full of students. She said that guys have enormous egos, and that showing any sign of affection towards me would possibly bring on teasing and/or hurt his ego. I might also mention that he knows I have a crush on him due to my faith being put on the wrong girl; she accused me of liking him, I admitted, and she told about five other girls and him directly. My friends also managed to get it out of me, but I trust them more.

I guess my question would be, how should I react to this? Could it really be he was protecting his ego? I don't believe my family or friends, because I think they say such things to make me feel better. Other users say Escapist is like a family that helps others when they need it. Right now I need some advice.

Don't react. Push it down, and ignore him. If he likes you, he will come to you. I wish I could say more, but I'm in physics class at the moment. I am also under eighteen, so I know we can all be idiots sometimes.

 

[hortez the champion of the frozen wastes]

Guys tease you to show affection, It's how we roll. what he was doing sounds a bit to far though.

My advice would be to cut of all contact with him, unless you think that he really is teasing you to show affection.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

He likes you but doesn't know what to do. I have done precisely this in the past. It doesn't really make much sense, but I guess it makes you talk to us without us having to make awkward conversation.