How to destroy the Earth

[Vegosiux]

Imagine for a moment that you decided to destroy this pathetic little planet. I don't really care if you're building a hyperspace bypass (though one would wonder why a normal-space planet would be in the way for that), if it obstructs your view of Venus, or if the puny Earthlings just pissed you off. But, the Earth has to go, no alternative.

How would you go about it?

Me, I'd likely play a game of galactic pool. Grab a big space-stick and use another roughly equivalent planet as my cue ball (Venus seems like a good choice), aiming the Earth towards Jupiter where I'd hope it gets torn apart by the gas giant's tidal forces, and ends up being a nice set of rings for it, so Saturn isn't the only one with an impressive set.

Now, if Jupiter was unavailable (other side of the Sun or such), I'd just try to hit the Earth in such a way to spin it up so it breaks apart on its own.

How about you, Escapists?

Captcha: All of the above

...nah, that's just overkill

 

[Toejam]

Have you been watching Red Dwarf? Don't forget to load up on just enough beers first. lol

 

[Summerstorm]

Suplexing it into the sun.

Or maybe destroying it in a random experiment where i have to burn a billion times a billion galaxies to see if i can make the ultimate milkshake.

 

[Thaluikhain]

The best way of destroying the world that I've read about is to broadcast insulting messages into space, and hope that some advanced alien civilisation is made so angry that they blow us up.

Destroying the world might be beyond our technology, but not necessarily beyond others.

 

[Esotera]

If I wanted to completely destroy the earth I'd figure out a way of making the sun go supernova. Or alternatively, I'd just mutate some neutrinos.

 

[shootthebandit]

Its simple. Just go around peeling warning labels off stuff. Who would people know not to use electrical goods in a bath with being warned. Mind the gap!!! We will have humans falling onto trainlines like lemmings

 

[Remus]

Why destroy it when I can sit back and watch the indigenous species do it for me? Then I can watch from my fortress on the dark side of the moon, comfortable in my egg-shaped chair with my huge viewscreen and smug superiority, as the future gets bleaker and bleaker, wiping out all other life, until it's simply too late for the singular technologically "advanced" race to save themselves.

 

[Tom_green_day]

Do we have to destroy the planet? Or just the humans?
If the former I'd push it into the sun while playing the Sunshine soundtrack. Badass, clears space, leaves no waste and might keep the sun burning a little longer.
If the latter I'll invent a laser that turns whatever it shoots bigger. Then just find a cat. Or a bunny rabbit.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Its simple. Just go around peeling warning labels off stuff. Who would people know not to use electrical goods in a bath with being warned. Mind the gap!!! We will have humans falling onto trainlines like lemmings

Or breed a race of superhumans, because *insert rant about how evolution isn't happening anymore*

If the latter I'll invent a laser that turns whatever it shoots bigger. Then just find a cat. Or a bunny rabbit.

Spoiler

?

 

[Cerebrawl]

To destroy the planet we don't have to change a thing, just keep on doing what we're doing. At least when it comes to the biome, I mean the planet will still be there even if we rush headfirst into a runaway greenhouse effect and end up like Venus, but it'll be uninhabitable by life as we know it.

But as far as destroying it on purpose in some way... sending another planetary body into close proximity will tear both apart from just sheer gravitational stress. Heck putting some giant engines on the moon and send it crashing to earth would do the trick. Of course there's always the hegemonizing swarm or grey goo scenarios where tiny self-replicating machines just consume it to make more of themselves.

 

[shrekfan246]

Clearly the only answer outside of galactic bulldozing is to go full Final Fantasy villain on it.

It's just not the end of the world without Ultima or a moon-sized Meteor ripping the planet apart.

 

[JoJo]

Have you been watching Red Dwarf? Don't forget to load up on just enough beers first. lol

That or the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I vote demolition to make way for a hyper-space bypass, preferably with fifty years notice in our local planning department at Alpha Centauri, and don't forget to bring your towel!

 

[-Ezio-]

i came to this thread expecting a step by step guide. i'm very dissapointed.

 

[kommando367]

Step 1. Remove all the nukes.

Step 2. Give everyone super saiyan-level fighting abilities and attributes. Survivors get increased power level as the population dwindles.

Step 3. Grab a bag of popcorn and a bowl of Khorne flakes.

 

[duwenbasden]

4. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for fifty of your Earth years so you've had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaints and its far too late to start making a fuss about it now.
3. You ever feel like you are just a pixel on someone else's session of the Universe Sandbox?
2. I don?t want to set the world on fire. I just want to start. A flame in your heart...
1. I am the Swarm. Armies will be shattered, worlds will burn. Now at last, on this world, vengeance shall be mine.

 

[wulfy42]

Massive Electrolysis of sea water on the planet. Done in secret, under the ocean so nobody knows exactly what is going on early enough to stop it.

What would this do?

Well, it basically would split up sea water into oxygen and hydrogen gas. With twice as much hydrogen as oxygen released.

That isn't a problem since our atmosphere is currently something like 21% oxygen, and you want an end result of around the same amount. The goal would be to just about double the amount of O2....which could have serious negative effects on the earth all by itself.

Doing so would give you the oxygen you need to ignite and burn the hydrogen as well...and could allow you to in theory ignite the atmosphere of this planet, killing all life on it permanently.

We have the technology to do it already, and by doing it out at sea, the large scale fires etc that would happen along the way would not slow down the process. In fact, you could sort of make "Doomsday" devices, using nuke plants to power your electrolysis deep under the ocean, meaning even once all life on the planet was gone, the process would still continue.

It would certainly take along time to pull off, unless like the whole human race decided to (or was tricked into) working on it together, at least with the technology we currently have. But it certainly would make this planet go out with a bang!!

 

[Emanuele Ciriachi]

Just sit and wait, it'll happen eventually.

 

[Therumancer]

Imagine for a moment that you decided to destroy this pathetic little planet. I don't really care if you're building a hyperspace bypass (though one would wonder why a normal-space planet would be in the way for that), if it obstructs your view of Venus, or if the puny Earthlings just pissed you off. But, the Earth has to go, no alternative.

How would you go about it?

Me, I'd likely play a game of galactic pool. Grab a big space-stick and use another roughly equivalent planet as my cue ball (Venus seems like a good choice), aiming the Earth towards Jupiter where I'd hope it gets torn apart by the gas giant's tidal forces, and ends up being a nice set of rings for it, so Saturn isn't the only one with an impressive set.

Now, if Jupiter was unavailable (other side of the Sun or such), I'd just try to hit the Earth in such a way to spin it up so it breaks apart on its own.

How about you, Escapists?

Captcha: All of the above

...nah, that's just overkill

Well, I could think of a number of relatively silly ways to do it, but I'd imagine the best way to do it would be to pull the planet apart with Von Neumann engines. Von Neumann pretty much being the guy that came up with the idea of self-replicating machines, an idea which lead into the popular conception of nanite technology, using the basic idea on a microscopic level.

Let's say I build a digging machine that uses the earth that it digs up to build more digging machines, and continues this process. Beyond a certain point they would be replicating so quickly that they would be impossible to stop. Eventually they would get through the earth's crust to the point where they would basically core the planet.

Interestingly the comedy sci-fi series "Lexx" had an entire universe destroyed by a similar method involving space travelling drones which got to the point where they could dismantle planets in a few seconds, turning the mass into more drones, and moving on across galaxies depopulating things even faster as they moved. At one point they were literally watching stars disappearing as the drones gradually moved across the reality dismantling everything.

Someone brought up "Red Dwarf" so I figured I'd mention an exaggerated version of the basic idea I presented from a similar sort of show (albeit with a different style of humor).

 

[theboombody]

I've already come up with a plan. It's all outlined in the G-rated Shock Value Manifesto. Here are some highlights:

"Finding a way to mesh the best qualities of the G-rating and the R-rating is a wonderful step in the exploration of contradiction, which I always felt was neglected. We explore every section of logic we can think of, which is a wonderful thing, but why limit ourselves to that? We can explore things like music, art, and literature, all day, but until we study something like the contradiction that actually attacks logic, we?re limiting ourselves."

"Another thing that G-rated shock value is NOT about is purity. It?s about showing the AGGRESSIVE and rebellious side of innocence rather than the pure side of it. It is the dark, poisoned, offensive, evil, and nightmarish side of the G-rating, the side that doesn?t plan on losing to the R-rating, even when it plays the R-rated game. But it?s still a refined and gentlemanly evil, an evil with taste, class, and style?willingly censoring itself and not even requesting its competition to be censored. Handicapping the trite and often tasteless shock value formula of the R-rating through censorship would be a direct insult to G-rated shock value?s confidence in achieving dominance on its own."

"More than refined and gentlemanly, G-rated shock value is also dignified. It?s about being as evil as possible without really doing anything tasteless or wrong. It strives for the most perverse imagery possible without any kind of sex or gore, in a sickly deranged but dignified manner?all for the purpose of pushing innocence to a shocking extreme. But it really has nothing to do with morality. It?s ALL about style."