How to Get Over Someone

[Chasing-The-Light]

Last weekend, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for a year. At the time, she'd been telling me that she wasn't sure what she wanted, and that she really just didn't get that same 'spark' of love like she used to, when we first started dating. She's always been pretty dependent on me, so at the time I thought perhaps some space between us would show her what she wanted, and perhaps, in the best case scenario, would bring her back to me.

However, things didn't go that smoothly. We're rooming together at college and ever since the break up things have just been really hard. I've found myself regretting what I did and really wanting to fix our relationship and make it work. But she's too much of a dreamer and doesn't believe that relationships should be 'made to work' they should just work.

It's been hard for me to be living around her and not feel the urge to push to get the relationship back, especially when she says things like, 'you're a good friend'. I guess because I don't want to just be her friend. I keep telling myself that I should just let it go, and try to move on; that if she doesn't love me or want me, than someone else will. But I still find myself trying to push, no matter how many times I say I won't.

I apologize for the long ramble, but I guess my question to everyone is how exactly should I go about this situation? What should I do? How do I try to move past this?

 

[Eleison]

You'll hear much advice on trying to "fix" the relationship, and much on distracting yourself. Truth is, you're going to suffer for a while. And then it will all be okay. And the sooner you accept it, the sooner it will be okay, and the less you will have to suffer. The obstacle takes a realization; you won't enjoy a book or a movie or a walk in the park as much or at all before this realization takes place, so do not bother distracting yourself. Instead, think about it. Think it through. Accept your predicament.

The reason most relationships eventually break, even those lasting for a year, two, five years or even longer, is fairly evident; in fact, the girl you've left has explained it to you, probably without understanding it herself. The "spark" is gone. It is lost, and the foundation for your relationship collapses. You can't build a healthy relationship upon a "spark". People change.

 

[Chasing-The-Light]

You'll hear much advice on trying to "fix" the relationship, and much on distracting yourself. Truth is, you're going to suffer for a while. And then it will all be okay. And the sooner you accept it, the sooner it will be okay, and the less you will have to suffer. The obstacle takes a realization; you won't enjoy a book or a movie or a walk in the park as much or at all before this realization takes place, so do not bother distracting yourself. Instead, think about it. Think it through. Accept your predicament.

The reason most relationships eventually break, even those lasting for a year, two, five years or even longer, is fairly evident; in fact, the girl you've left has explained it to you, probably without understanding it herself. The "spark" is gone. It is lost, and the foundation for your relationship collapses. You can't build a healthy relationship upon a "spark". People change.

I keep thinking that if we were to have another shot, that I could fix things. That I could get her to fall in love with me again. I know that part of the reason things didn't work with us is because after this year in college, I have to move back home to Florida, while she stays here in Pennsylvania. I know she let that fear get to her. But I keep thinking there has to be a way we could make it work.

Like... if that distance wasn't in the equation, than things would be alright. We've let that question break us apart.

I keep just trying to take a deep breath and let myself go back to how I was before this whole relationship. But I guess it's just not easy when she's always there, a constant reminder, and those feelings are still always there. She says she isn't in love anymore, but I definitely still am...

 

[Zantos]

I often think about how maybe if I'd have given some of my past relationships another shot. I find all it takes is a reminder from my friends about how even though I only remember good times looking back, there was so much more time spent unhappy or being driven into the dirt that I don't want to think about. I'm now on the line between "Screw girls, I finally get to hang around with my buddies" and thinking about meeting new girls and see if I get a vibe that we'll be good together. I still get pangs of nostalgia and it gets me down a little, but now I'm thinking about other girls it's easier to block it out.