How to handle a relationship.

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TotalyMoo

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Sep 16, 2008
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A relationship is...

There are a lot of different ways to end that sentence. It can be expressions like; heaven, the best thing ever, awesome and 'gwweeeeee' (the best way I could describe the happy sound you make when you first enter a new relationship) but many people would say a relationship is uneasy, hard, scary, stressful and even bad for you.
Many of us have probably at least once been faced with a question or asked for advice in the relationship and love genre. The problem is that there is no "one answer", there is no ultimate solution or explanation for what love is. Since everyone has a different view of love and relationships (they don't have to be loving ones like *kisskisshughug* but also friendships) there are as many answers to the question as there are people on earth.

What I created this thread for is for people to describe, grasp or explain what their view on a relationship is.

I'll start of with something I said when a close friend to me handled her very tough breakup from 'the love of her life'.

A relationship is like climbing a viewpoint in Assassins Creed.
It starts of with something new, a new place, a new challenge, a new part of your life.
Down from the ground you can only glimpse some of the things ahead of you.
It's exciting, frustrating and scary (and many more things) all at the same time.
When you manage to start climbing the tower (which itself can be a challenge) you start a great journey.
You can very early see what kind of relationship it's going to be.
The tower might be low but challenging, it might be tall and easy.
You can chose to jump of here, just live for the thrill of starting something but not dare to finish it.
Many people do this, but in your case you climbed on.
You climbed on and kept facing everything it threw at you.
During the long climb you started seeing the world around you, the further you came the more you saw.
Depending on what was happening and which side you were on you saw different parts of the world around you.
Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was sad and incredibly tough.
But you managed to reach the top of the tower and suddenly everything was so clear.
You saw the world around you and everything you had experienced during the long climb as a whole.
It was safe, you felt complete, this is where you wanted to stay.
But suddenly there were no challenges, the joys stopped coming and the experience went mundane.
You entered a period where you had the safest position in the world and you imagined "this must be good, this is what everyone fights for".
Tough soon you got bored and life lost many reasons, why life if it's no challenge?
This is where you faced your biggest decision so far.
It was - and will always be - a three choice road.
Either you stay on top of the tower, safe, easy to fend of enemies, easy, calm.
This is what way to many people do.
They do this until the world below them has changed so much that they dare not climb down.
They will stay there until they die or something forces them of.
Some might be happy with this, but according to me that is a dull and boring life.
You're also preventing anyone else from climbing the tower, thus not only decapitating your life but also the viewpoints'.
The second road is to slowly climb back down.
This might be even worse than staying at the top.
Your relationship will fall apart, piece by piece and only challenges await on the road down, there is nothing new to be seen or experienced, only the same old.
When you reach the bottom you just feel like it didn't matter.
You've already forgotten all you learned while being there and it almost feels like a waste of time.
The third choice is to take a leap of faith.
Jump from the top of the tower.
Instantly leave everything behind and never look back.
You know that something or someone will catch you when you reach the ground.
It might be a rough landing but in the end you gain more than anyone else.
Because you have to realize that once you have climbed to the top of the tower there is nothing more to gain.
You get to see a part of the world and learn a lot of things.
But it's only a small piece of life you experience if you stay at the same place.
There are dozens, hundreds even, of other viewpoints to be climbed.
There is so much more to life than just staying put.
So take a leap and have faith that we, your friends, will catch you and ensure that you are safe.
Look back on this relationship and see all that you have gained.
You just have to understand that it's all a positive experience and the things lost are imagined.


Sorry for the wall of text, I added some minor things while writing.
This is basically my view on love and relationships; when neither parts gain from them, end them swiftly and move on.
You might say "hey, that's not very nice", but I disagree, it's the nicest and most loving thing you can do. This belief doesn't prevent anyone from having a life long relationship as long as it's constantly a living, breathing and challenging one.

You have to live life to its fullest and constantly shake things up. You have one chance to do it right and chaining yourself to a small, certain part of the world is not the right way.

Thoughts? Complaints? Ideas?

I will gladly explain further or discuss this with anyone.

P.S. Sorry if the Assassins Creed text is a little cheesy, it was her favourite game and she didn't understand any other way :)

Off-topic discussion on this thread: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.253760-How-to-handle-a-relationship
 

Imp Poster

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Sep 16, 2010
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It is nice to be young. You want to relate to someone in a way you can identify with like Assassin's Creed. But it takes two people atleast to have a relationship. What do you think the other person is doing when you are "climbing" this person? It is kind of selfish almost.
But you will learn to live life in other people's lives and them in yours, not just how you see it. It takes alot of effort to do that for a long time. And I call that love.
 

TotalyMoo

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Sep 16, 2008
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BonsaiK said:
TotalyMoo said:
A relationship is...
...whatever you and the other person involved want it to be.
I don't know if that was supposed to be arrogant, but I think good of people so I guess not.

That is the most vague thing you could ever answer, thus defeating the purpose of the explanation. If someone needs their relationship explained and maybe fixed you can't just say "herp derp, just do whatever you want with it and we're fine".
 

BonsaiK

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Nov 14, 2007
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TotalyMoo said:
BonsaiK said:
TotalyMoo said:
A relationship is...
...whatever you and the other person involved want it to be.
I don't know if that was supposed to be arrogant, but I think good of people so I guess not.

That is the most vague thing you could ever answer, thus defeating the purpose of the explanation. If someone needs their relationship explained and maybe fixed you can't just say "herp derp, just do whatever you want with it and we're fine".
It's not meant to be arrogant and it's certainly not vague. It's exactly as it says. When you get involved with somebody, it's got the potential to be anything. The scenario you've put in your OP in great detail is one possible way that things can play out, but it's by no means the only way or the ideal way for everyone. My point is that going into a situation (any situation) with the pre-conceived notion of "this situation will be like x" is potentially precluding it from being like y or z.
 

TotalyMoo

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Sep 16, 2008
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BonsaiK said:
TotalyMoo said:
BonsaiK said:
TotalyMoo said:
A relationship is...
...whatever you and the other person involved want it to be.
I don't know if that was supposed to be arrogant, but I think good of people so I guess not.

That is the most vague thing you could ever answer, thus defeating the purpose of the explanation. If someone needs their relationship explained and maybe fixed you can't just say "herp derp, just do whatever you want with it and we're fine".
It's not meant to be arrogant and it's certainly not vague. It's exactly as it says. When you get involved with somebody, it's got the potential to be anything. The scenario you've put in your OP in great detail is one possible way that things can play out, but it's by no means the only way or the ideal way for everyone. My point is that going into a situation (any situation) with the pre-conceived notion of "this situation will be like x" is potentially precluding it from being like y or z.
This applies to some people, but many that I have met cannot grasp the concept of free will and that they can do, well, just what you said. Some people need guidelines and imo that's what they need to get.

Maybe they can eventually step up and start thinking for themselves, but try talking to a heartbroken girl and say something vague (I'm still sticking with that expression since what you said can be interpreted in many ways) like that and you'll leave them even more confused.

Thanks for clarifying that it wasn't supposed to be arrogant :)