How to help out a friend

[Mcupobob]

My best friend since forever just recently broke up with a girl he's been dating for 2 years. They have gotten intimate(Meaning sex) but I really didn't see the relationship that important to him. But he's devastated over this as she started dating some jerk and ended the relationship by keeping him a "Friend" basically her emotional booty call for when shes feeling down or something(Text book shit really).

He's been depressed about this for some time and I thought giving some time he would be back to my best bud again, but he's just not the same and really want to help. Trouble is that I honestly do not know how he feels, I've had a couple relationships end on me but moved on pretty quickly(I don't get attached to people as they often lead to disappointment).

Any ways any advice? I don't really who else to talk to and every time I try to bring up the subject with him it just comes out horrible awkward.

 

[Zedayen]

Advice is pretty simple. Be a friend. It'll probably take time, for someone of his age, assuming his age is the same or close to yours, two years is quite a long time to be with someone. Just be there for him, but don't get dragged into or inadvertently feed his depression. Take him to social outings, drag him there if you must. Get him out and about, lots of interaction with others, introduce him to things you enjoy that he hasn't tried or gotten into.

He will never be the same person again, but that doesn't mean the new version of him won't be improved.

 

[Mcupobob]

Talk to him. To truly help him, you must understand how he feels and what's going on within his heart and his mind. That way, you can make solid decisions to help him based on exactly what's wrong with him. While it may be textbook in nature, it's still a serious issue if he cannot function as himself due to not being with this girl. My advice is to talk to him though, figure it out and you can post again on what you find out, so that people here can give more accurate advice based on what's directly wrong. <3

Thank you for the help, and well the situation has only gotten worse. I'm reviving this thread because honestly I've lost one friend to depression before I knew and I just don't want it to happen again. I just got a call from his Dad and he's really worried about his son. My friend just can't seem to get pass her and she just keeps stringing him along, he calls her every chance he can get and just keeps trying to get back to together and instead of her letting him go she just toys with him. He refuse to do his school work and just can't see past this. He's 17 and has had problems before. So I don't I'm going to try talking to him so any more advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[Sneeze]

I would have suggested taking him out for a drink and a chat or something but being 17 thats not really possible.

Still, just invite him out to do something else maybe, bowling or the likes, go a see a film (not a romantic comedy mind...) Just organise something to help him take his mind off it I reckon. Even inviting him round for few games and pizza couldn't hurt. Pizza is always good.

 

[Indifferent]

My best advice is for him to stop having anything to do with her. Nothing. Delete her phone number. Block and delete of any messenger service. Delete/throw out any pictures/emails/anything. Yeah, it's hard. But in my experience, it's the best way when you're that tied into the heart. I've been there myself.

 

[Imp Poster]

My advice is maybe try and see it the way he sees it. Understand why is he the way he is with this. And let him face it from there. I am not sure how receptive he is with you trying to help him out, but maybe to understand it better, make him do some freestyle writing on the topic of what he is feeling and thinking about his relationship with this girl. Give him like five minutes to write random thoughts on paper about this topic. But you can be lax on the time though, but time limit is there usually to help focus on the topic and also you could be there all day if not. Treat it like you are popping popcorn in a microwave. If he is writing like mad even after the five mintues, just let him. Don't watch him while he is doing it. If you feel like he is wandering and stopped writing, reaching for some thought, you can stop him then. After, ask him if you can read it. Then discuss it, ask questions, have him explain things. I hoping you would get what's really bothering him and to what degree. I don't know. You might get something or nothing.

Just from what you said, I am sure he is living off his hope of getting back with this girl. It doesn't seem she is doing it on purpose to him. She just feels like he is friend now because they were close once. But why he keeps this continuing when it is tearing him apart. I don't get that. He needs to realize it is over like that and move on. Learn to get some closure maybe. I don't know.