How to help people without them wanting to be you're friends?

[Kae]

Here's the deal I like helping people but I do not like it when they get emotionally attached to me or want to be my friends, I do not like to have friends and yes I know how weird that is, incidentally there's this girl that I helped out a couple of times and now she really likes me and keeps flirting with me, how do I get her to stop without hurting her feelings?
And yes most people tell me that I'm like a robot because I have no feelings.

EDIT: I know nobody cares about this thread because nobody posted anything but I wanna update this anyway.
So the girl I mentioned above and I were talking and she asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told her no, but I also immediately replied and I'm not interested and now she thinks I don't like her, and is very depressed and now I don't know what to do because I like her but I don't like her in the same way she likes me and I didn't explain what was going on to her. Now the thing that worries me is that she is depressed and I don't want her to be depressed about me I'd like to help her but now I am unsure of how, anybody has any ideas?

Another thing, anybody understands why a girl would like me? I mean I have no friends, am generally hostile towards people, I'm also sort of a wimp and generally not pleasant to be around, I mean I know that I'm kinda handsome and that my intelligence is slightly above average but I don't think that's enough.

 

[Vocalist94]

You just have to tell her that you aren't interested in her romantically. Trust me, I had a very similar issue from the girl's pov, but I honestly felt that I had closure when he told me that he wasn't interested. She will probably be mad at you for a while, but either she'll get over it or she won't. Either way you'd be doing her a favor by not letting her believe that there may be a future for the two of you. Honesty is the best policy. And frankly, if you're a robot with no feelings, then why do you care about not wanting to hurt hers? You're a human being just like the rest of us, and that's something she needs to know.

On why she likes you: She most likely sees you as a "jerk with a heart of gold" type. She, like most girls I know (myself occasionally included) sees your "type" as a dark figure who only needs the unconditional affection that she can provide. You just need to make it clear to her that this isn't the case.

 

[Griffolion]

Here's the deal I like helping people but I do not like it when they get emotionally attached to me or want to be my friends, I do not like to have friends and yes I know how weird that is, incidentally there's this girl that I helped out a couple of times and now she really likes me and keeps flirting with me, how do I get her to stop without hurting her feelings?
And yes most people tell me that I'm like a robot because I have no feelings.

EDIT: I know nobody cares about this thread because nobody posted anything but I wanna update this anyway.
So the girl I mentioned above and I were talking and she asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told her no, but I also immediately replied and I'm not interested and now she thinks I don't like her, and is very depressed and now I don't know what to do because I like her but I don't like her in the same way she likes me and I didn't explain what was going on to her. Now the thing that worries me is that she is depressed and I don't want her to be depressed about me I'd like to help her but now I am unsure of how, anybody has any ideas?

Another thing, anybody understands why a girl would like me? I mean I have no friends, am generally hostile towards people, I'm also sort of a wimp and generally not pleasant to be around, I mean I know that I'm kinda handsome and that my intelligence is slightly above average but I don't think that's enough.

You helped her, of course she likes you. How can you reconcile the question of 'why would anyone like me' with the phrase 'I generally like to help people' anyway? You're a good person at heart if that's what you do.

But why are you so hostile to people and avoid friendships? We should get to the heart of the problem.

 

[aba1]

you sound like your more A-sexual so you could always just tell her that and that you dont do the whole dating thing but you like her as a friend.

 

[bluepilot]

When you help people, try to be as distant and objective as possible. Talk to them, make lists of suggestions for them to do but stay uninvolved. I think this is best achieved when done from a position of authority.

I know that you do not want to hurt this girl's feelings but sometimes doing so can be inevitable. I think you should just get it over and done with because prolonging the situation will make it worse.

Some girls have a kind of "helper's syndrome" towards guys. Meaning that they are attracted to boys, such as yourself, who are a little bit different and ususual in their relations with others. Now, in all honestly I do not think it would hurt to give the girl (and yourself) a chance but if you don't feel ready then you don't have to either.

Hope that helps

 

[jobu59749]

Here's the reality, work on fixing whatever is going on with you. You can never truly help other people without having helped yourself. If you're socially inept, stopping helping other people, because then your really just lying to yourself about who you are. I don't know anyone that dislikes people, but enjoys helping people and doesn't expect thanks and potential friendship or more to develop.

So your choices are, become more social and friendly with people, because contrary to popular belief, not everyone on the planet is a total waste of oxygen and creative matter. Or, you stop helping people, go about living your miserable existence and stop being emo about people liking you. If they see something admirable in you that you don't, you're obviously not the kind of person you believe yourself to be.

 

[Erana]

you sound like your more A-sexual so you could always just tell her that and that you dont do the whole dating thing but you like her as a friend.

Um... No?
There is nothing here to suggest that the OP is asexual. And sexuals using asexuality as an excuse really fucks things up for real asexuals. Most people think I'm lying to make them not pursue me romantically.
Worse, this encourages the false idea that asexuality doesn't exist, leaving many confused young asexuals to get into sexual situations they really don't want to be in.

Asexuals aren't at the equality stage, we're at the damn awareness stage. And people throwing around the term at their convenience hurts us.

That being said, OP, you should probably do some thorough introspection to figure out why you don't want friends. It wouldn't necessarily change how the girl feels about you, but it would make you better equipped to handle people in similar situations in the future. And not wanting friends isn't normal, honestly. Its best to tackle emotional baggage while young.

 

[aba1]

you sound like your more A-sexual so you could always just tell her that and that you dont do the whole dating thing but you like her as a friend.

Um... No?
There is nothing here to suggest that the OP is asexual. And sexuals using asexuality as an excuse really fucks things up for real asexuals. Most people think I'm lying to make them not pursue me romantically.
Worse, this encourages the false idea that asexuality doesn't exist, leaving many confused young asexuals to get into sexual situations they really don't want to be in.

Asexuals aren't at the equality stage, we're at the damn awareness stage. And people throwing around the term at their convenience hurts us.

That being said, OP, you should probably do some thorough introspection to figure out why you don't want friends. It wouldn't necessarily change how the girl feels about you, but it would make you better equipped to handle people in similar situations in the future. And not wanting friends isn't normal, honestly. Its best to tackle emotional baggage while young.

he says he doesn't like having friends in his opening paragraph almost right away and most people who arnt interested in friends generally are not interested in all the work and just general company that comes from being in a intiment relationship. Maybe I was oversteping my bounds I didnt mean anything offensive I was just making a observation and a possible option based on if my observation isnt to far off

 

[Kae]

Hey guys thanks for the input, but I posted this about a month ago, she doesn't really talk to me anymore and about the friends thing, I just don't like talking to people because you have to express some kind of emotion which is a thing I can't do well, so I prefer not to have friends so I don't have to deal with this problem.