How to take the next step in a relationship.

[masterchevyman]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. I never asked for it in the year we worked together because I was scared to ask, I like her but I am not exactly sure how to go from coworkers that joke and laugh at each other to...well, friends outside of the workplace without coming across as a creepy stalker thats desperate for a girlfriend. (Its been one and a half years since I last went on a date, so I am a little out of practice). So any advice would be good.

 

[Matt_LRR]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. I never asked for it in the year we worked together because I was scared to ask, I like her but I am not exactly sure how to go from coworkers that joke and laugh at each other to...well, friends outside of the workplace without coming across as a creepy stalker thats desperate for a girlfriend. (Its been one and a half years since I last went on a date, so I am a little out of practice). So any advice would be good.

She gave you her number.

Call it.

Go on a date.

Live happily ever after.

-m

 

[nunqual]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. I never asked for it in the year we worked together because I was scared to ask, I like her but I am not exactly sure how to go from coworkers that joke and laugh at each other to...well, friends outside of the workplace without coming across as a creepy stalker thats desperate for a girlfriend. (Its been one and a half years since I last went on a date, so I am a little out of practice). So any advice would be good.

She gave you her number.

Call it.

Go on a date.

Live happily ever after.

-m

Pretty much. If she gave you her number, she is interested in at least being friends, so just give her a call and have a fun time.

 

[Jedoro]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. I never asked for it in the year we worked together because I was scared to ask, I like her but I am not exactly sure how to go from coworkers that joke and laugh at each other to...well, friends outside of the workplace without coming across as a creepy stalker thats desperate for a girlfriend. (Its been one and a half years since I last went on a date, so I am a little out of practice). So any advice would be good.

She gave you her number.

Call it.

Go on a date.

Live happily ever after.

-m

Exactly. You're lucky enough for her to give you her number, to boot. Most of us have to ask for it.

 

[floppylobster]

Go with zero expectations. At the very least you'll get some experience in case it ever happens again. She'll give even more obvious signs on the date if she wants it to be more serious.

 

[Aur0ra145]

Thread solved.

 

[teutonicman]

Go on a date with her. The worst that can happen its that you find out you don't want to date each other.

 

[ewhac]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. [ ... ] So any advice would be good. [emphasis mine]

Consider [em]very[/em] carefully before pursuing a romantic relationship with a co-worker.

Let's consider just the relationship aspect. Most relationships start with fluffy, effusive, New Relationship Energy, and all is giggles and happiness for a while. Sad to say, this state never lasts, and your relationship will either move into long-term stability or (more likely) flame out. Maybe it will be amicable, maybe it will be acrimonious. Either way, once you pass this point, you still need to maintain a cordial, professional demeanor toward each other at work. If you're both [em]absolutely sure[/em] you can do this, then your relationship has a shot. If you can't, then one of you is looking at changing positions in the company, or changing jobs entirely.

That's just the basic interpersonal stuff. Now add in office politics, and the myriad laws concerning sexual harassment in the workplace. If you work on the same team or in the same department together, very messy. If you are her superior, or can reasonably be expected to become her superior, then things get exceptionally messy [em]very[/em] quickly. Almost no one masters this. Given that you've described yourself as, "out of practice," in such a situation, you should politely decline, no matter how pretty she may be.

You may also want to speak discreetly to your HR department to see if there are any company policies in place on the subject. Be prepared for a talking to -- if your roles had been reversed, and it had been you who had given her your phone number, that could be construed as harassment. (It's all about subjective perception of who has the power disadvantage in a given interaction.)

Sorry to be a soggy blanket, but romance in the workplace is seriously hairy bananas, and caution can only inure to your benefit.

 

[BonsaiK]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. I never asked for it in the year we worked together because I was scared to ask, I like her but I am not exactly sure how to go from coworkers that joke and laugh at each other to...well, friends outside of the workplace without coming across as a creepy stalker thats desperate for a girlfriend. (Its been one and a half years since I last went on a date, so I am a little out of practice). So any advice would be good.

There's an advice forum for this now. Don't make me start the Relationship Problem Thread again, damnit.

Anyway, the video above is awesome!

 

[Toriver]

Yeah, I have always been told that dating co-workers is a bad idea. Friendship? Cool. Dating? Not good. This is especially true if you two actually work with each other on projects. There are just too many risks involved, not only for your relationship with that person, but for your job. If you start fighting (which WILL happen) and you let relationship squabbles get in the way of your work, that threatens both your jobs. Plus, as ewhac has pointed out, there are office politics to deal with, and there may be a company policy against it in place.

The last woman I asked out was a former co-worker, and I waited until we were no longer working together to ask her out for those very reasons.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. [ ... ] So any advice would be good. [emphasis mine]

Consider [em]very[/em] carefully before pursuing a romantic relationship with a co-worker.

Let's consider just the relationship aspect. Most relationships start with fluffy, effusive, New Relationship Energy, and all is giggles and happiness for a while. Sad to say, this state never lasts, and your relationship will either move into long-term stability or (more likely) flame out. Maybe it will be amicable, maybe it will be acrimonious. Either way, once you pass this point, you still need to maintain a cordial, professional demeanor toward each other at work. If you're both [em]absolutely sure[/em] you can do this, then your relationship has a shot. If you can't, then one of you is looking at changing positions in the company, or changing jobs entirely.

That's just the basic interpersonal stuff. Now add in office politics, and the myriad laws concerning sexual harassment in the workplace. If you work on the same team or in the same department together, very messy. If you are her superior, or can reasonably be expected to become her superior, then things get exceptionally messy [em]very[/em] quickly. Almost no one masters this. Given that you've described yourself as, "out of practice," in such a situation, you should politely decline, no matter how pretty she may be.

You may also want to speak discreetly to your HR department to see if there are any company policies in place on the subject. Be prepared for a talking to -- if your roles had been reversed, and it had been you who had given her your phone number, that could be construed as harassment. (It's all about subjective perception of who has the power disadvantage in a given interaction.)

Sorry to be a soggy blanket, but romance in the workplace is seriously hairy bananas, and caution can only inure to your benefit.

Don't put sensationalist fears into the poor thing's head, and especially don't tell them to outright say no, as you have done, that's not cool.

Yes, OP, things could go wrong, but do you really think saying 'no' because of hangups before giving this a chance will preserve the friendship as is? You'll have told her "I like you as a friend but don't see you as an appealing member of the opposite sex". Because it'll totally be all smiles the next day.

Regardless of what happens, if you both want to give it a try, then give it a try. I'll never have any less respect for a person who wants to, has no reason not to, and doesn't.

Just imagine what you'll say a couple years down the line when swapping stories with friends:

OP: So this girl gave me her number and I really liked her.

Friend: So what happened?

OP: Nothing, story's over.


Do you wanna be that guy?

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

So i have a bit of a problem with a coworker; we where hanging out and she just randomly gave me her number. I never asked for it in the year we worked together because I was scared to ask, I like her but I am not exactly sure how to go from coworkers that joke and laugh at each other to...well, friends outside of the workplace without coming across as a creepy stalker thats desperate for a girlfriend. (Its been one and a half years since I last went on a date, so I am a little out of practice). So any advice would be good.

She gave you her number.

Call it.

Go on a date.

Live happily ever after.

-m

Some of the best advice I've ever seen on this forum. Hell I wish this sort of thing happened to me, OP. Go with it.

 

[Worgen]

take her out to a nice restraunt, then go see a movie then go to a concert and at the end of the night after the show when everyone is leaving and not as loud, yell at the top of your voice "I WANT TO BE INSIDE OF YOU"

 

[ewhac]

Don't put sensationalist fears into the poor thing's head, and especially don't tell them to outright say no, as you have done, that's not cool.

I didn't say, "Don't do it." I said it's seriously hairy bananas, highly dependent on the specific circumstances, and you should exercise caution. Consider all probable outcomes, and honestly decide whether you can handle them or not.

As for being "sensationalist," those myriad company policies and Federal laws on sexual harassment didn't spring up out of nowhere. They are a reaction to the wrongs -- ranging from flagrant abuses to innocent mistakes -- that have occurred in the workplace in the past.

You'll have told her "I like you as a friend but don't see you as an appealing member of the opposite sex". Because it'll totally be all smiles the next day.

While your example is obtuse, it does illustrate my point -- that even [em]inquiring[/em] about exploring a personal relationship can have a lasting negative impact on your working relationship if it is not handled well.

And of course, there are other responses, such as, "I'm deeply flattered by your interest, but I'm concerned that exploring things might affect our working together. What are your thoughts on the subject?" This places the concern squarely in the open, while still leaving the door open.