How well can you 'let something go'?

[DoctorObviously]

I don't mean this in the literal sense, as in grabbing a hold of an object and then letting it loose. I mean this with positive or negative experiences. If somebody says something good about you, or the other way around, I find that it really sticks with me. A pretty smile coming from a very pretty face or a beautifully composed compliment or breakups, fights and just all around actions by people you have a hard time forgetting. Perhaps it is because of my own high sensitivity to things, but I wonder if there are other people like this around.

I would've loved to put a comic here where a guy is walking around, whistling on a summer day, and suddenly his brain reminds him of something, putting him back in a sober mood.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Comme ci comme ça, I think it depends on how easily you can distract yourself. The more you try not to think about it, the more difficult it is to drop it.

 

[Adam Galli]

Overall I have a hard time letting things go. I can hold a grudge for a long time. If you do something to slander my name eg my current and one of my ex coworkers I will never have respect for you ever again.

 

[Bertylicious]

"Letting go", as you put it, can mean a great many different things in different contexts. Do you mean grudges? Feeling pissed off with people who have wronged you? Do you mean personal flaws?

I guess the only real commonality with all those myriad situations is that "letting go" takes work. Your emotions, your heart if you will, will be pulling you one way and you have to make an active decision to behave & think in a different way. Your emotions may never change.

I dunno if you're looking for advice and if you are then I'm probably a poor role model but I think about the person I want to be and try to act & think in that way. It's a venture doomed to failure, I'm just a stupid animal at the end of the day, but the alternative is to live in brutish, bitter, shit.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I'm pretty good at it. I can distract myself quite easily... even more easily if I have access to a bar and some friends. (Which as I live in a building with a lot of my friends, and we have a bar in that building, this is even easier.)

I usually try and find something to put my life into perspective. Watching a powerful drama on TV about people that have it worse than you can usually make you stop and think. There are a lot of gritty British films about gangsters and disenfranchised youths in England that can change your mood significantly. Things like This is England, Kidulthood, Fish Tank and Tyrannosaur are good for that kind of thing. Or older ones like Scum are massively powerful too! (And Ray Winstone FTW!) There are some that aren't British too... You will be so moved by something like American History X, City of Gods or Requiem for a Dream that you can start thinking of your troubles more logically instantly!


Finally, if that seems too daunting then there is the healing factor of nostalgia. Nostalgia is when you are reminded of being at a former state, and former feelings can also come with that. Watch a favourite childhood film, or get out a box of old photographs, and ease the mind with that.

The last thing I would also mention is to mention: Nothing is ever as bad or as good as it seems. This is most pertinent when looking at others happiness or lives in comparison to your own. Perception is everything.

 

[lacktheknack]

Very easily. Holding onto mental states takes effort, and they're often not worth that effort.

 

[Hagi]

Well you seem to have already got it down pretty good.

I mean if you have to go into specifics about the things you can't forget then obviously you're not highly sensitive. From what I gather not-so pretty smiles from not-so very pretty faces, not-quite beautiful composed compliments or breakups, fights and just all around actions by people you have a not-so hard time forgetting as well as everything else seems to cover just about 99,9% of all events.

It's just the remaining 0,1% that could be troublesome, but of course the alternative would basically be complete amnesia.

I'm not sure what exactly the problem is? That you're having trouble letting go of a very specific subset of very memorable things? That's exactly what makes them that very specific subset of very memorable things.

It sounds like all is in order. You're supposed to remember memorable things.

 

[Yopaz]

"Letting go", as you put it, can mean a great many different things in different contexts. Do you mean grudges? Feeling pissed off with people who have wronged you? Do you mean personal flaws?

Uhm, read the OP again.

I mean this with positive or negative experiences. If somebody says something good about you, or the other way around, I find that it really sticks with me. A pretty smile coming from a very pretty face or a beautifully composed compliment or breakups, fights and just all around actions by people you have a hard time forgetting.

I'd say this is quite a thorough explanation of what he means.

OT: OP, I am kinda similar to you, but for other reasons. I am not one to hold grudges or anything, but I have a hard time forgetting things. Because of that I have random trivia that's utterly useless bouncing around along with memories of discussions, arguments, friendly conversations, stupid things I have said or done, entire episodes of TV series I watched years ago and stuff like that.

I can kinda deal with that, it occupies my mind at times and it makes it boring to watch old series, but I can let go of things even if I remember them. What really bothers me is things I can't understand or wrap my head around. About 2 weeks ago a girl hugged me as we said our good byes for the summer, I'm awkward in situations like that, but I am used to it. However she said she would think about me over the summer. I don't know what she means with that, I don't understand the message, I don't understand if I am missing something, if she wanted me to say something. I don't know if I handled the situation right, I don't know if she expected anything from me and it bothers me. I keep wondering, I keep trying to figure out what I was supposed to say. I can't even remember what I replied to that (which is rare for me). So I simply can't get that out of my head. I am fairly certain it didn't mean anything, but I don't understand the situation. So it's driving me up the wall.

I apologize for that rant. To summarize I can't forget, but I can let go as long as I understand the situation.

 

[Scarim Coral]

It varies. I tend to let it linger if it's my fault like e.g. like letting a thief get away. Granted this is unintention since I am just bad at spotting a thief especially when I'm busy at the till.
Also I don't let go a certain part of my past mainly toward my former friends from High School (I pretty much hold a grudge against them).
Other than that I tend to let it go easily like e.g. I fail to get this rare item in a game just by mere seconds.

 

[DoctorObviously]

OT: OP, I am kinda similar to you, but for other reasons. I am not one to hold grudges or anything, but I have a hard time forgetting things. Because of that I have random trivia that's utterly useless bouncing around along with memories of discussions, arguments, friendly conversations, stupid things I have said or done, entire episodes of TV series I watched years ago and stuff like that.

I can kinda deal with that, it occupies my mind at times and it makes it boring to watch old series, but I can let go of things even if I remember them. What really bothers me is things I can't understand or wrap my head around. About 2 weeks ago a girl hugged me as we said our good byes for the summer, I'm awkward in situations like that, but I am used to it. However she said she would think about me over the summer. I don't know what she means with that, I don't understand the message, I don't understand if I am missing something, if she wanted me to say something. I don't know if I handled the situation right, I don't know if she expected anything from me and it bothers me. I keep wondering, I keep trying to figure out what I was supposed to say. I can't even remember what I replied to that (which is rare for me). So I simply can't get that out of my head. I am fairly certain it didn't mean anything, but I don't understand the situation. So it's driving me up the wall.

I can let go as long as I understand the situation.

This, especially the second paragraph, is EXACTLY what I mean. I overthink things like this, especially when it comes to the ladies, simply because, well, I don't have a lot, if any, of experience with them. So when I would get a hug from them, the same questions would probably circle in my mind as well. I've never been as fortunate to have had a girlfriend, or get a hug from them. Not because of a lack of trying though. Good god, I've tried my best. But now I'm digressing.

I mean if you have to go into specifics about the things you can't forget then obviously you're not highly sensitive. From what I gather not-so pretty smiles from not-so very pretty faces, not-quite beautiful composed compliments or breakups, fights and just all around actions by people you have a not-so hard time forgetting as well as everything else seems to cover just about 99,9% of all events.

It's just the remaining 0,1% that could be troublesome, but of course the alternative would basically be complete amnesia.

I'm not sure what exactly the problem is?

Good point, though I would still consider myself sensitive to a lot of things. The really, really bad and the really, really good (few they are) have a way of sticking around with me. It's not... really a problem, it's just something I was kind of concerned about. I have no idea why, but my mind has a way of getting in the gutter and conjuring up negative thoughts, even when there is no reason to have them. Take the smile-example. At first, it's great, because it's rare for me to see that! And then, out of nowhere, I'm imagining that the smile wasn't genuine. Stuff like that. Knowing that other people know exactly what I'm talking about, that alone feels good to read.

 

[Hagi]

I mean if you have to go into specifics about the things you can't forget then obviously you're not highly sensitive. From what I gather not-so pretty smiles from not-so very pretty faces, not-quite beautiful composed compliments or breakups, fights and just all around actions by people you have a not-so hard time forgetting as well as everything else seems to cover just about 99,9% of all events.

It's just the remaining 0,1% that could be troublesome, but of course the alternative would basically be complete amnesia.

I'm not sure what exactly the problem is?

Good point, though I would still consider myself sensitive to a lot of things. The really, really bad and the really, really good (few they are) have a way of sticking around with me. It's not... really a problem, it's just something I was kind of concerned about. I have no idea why, but my mind has a way of getting in the gutter and conjuring up negative thoughts, even when there is no reason to have them. Take the smile-example. At first, it's great, because it's rare for me to see that! And then, out of nowhere, I'm imagining that the smile wasn't genuine. Stuff like that. Knowing that other people know exactly what I'm talking about, that alone feels good to read.

I don't know, maybe I'm just slightly crazy but what you describe seems like a most normal and human thing really. I have trouble imagining someone who doesn't have those kinda thoughts. The alternative would basically be either complete amnesia or being some sort of computer, consciously loading specific memories in and out of your thoughts.

I wouldn't worry about it, just accept it for what it is.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Pretty well. Though I work in entertainment, where half the people you work with will intentionally or not end up screwing you over somehow. It's pretty impossible not to burn bridges if you hold grudges, especially since those people will inevitably have some of the same connections you do. It's also not good to get your hopes up, since most things end up falling through as well.

 

[happyninja42]

I'm pretty good at it. I've had many years of customer service to give me practice at letting negative shit go. Considering in my own past, I've been told by people who knew me when I was younger, that I came off as an asshole sometimes, which surprised me, I've decided to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time. I consider myself a fairly kind hearted, easy going, and friendly person, but apparently I've unknowingly been an asshat at times in my past. So, if I can be that, maybe the person pissing me off today isn't always like this. So I usually just let it go, shrug it off and go about my day.

Still doesn't excuse the behavior, but I don't dwell on it much.

Now, directly personal stuff, I have more trouble with. Like the guy who bullied me in highschool, I still have hostile feelings toward that guy, and I've got issues with members of my family that I've basically written off entirely. But I chalk that up to making decisions about who I have in my life, to keep me from having a toxic existence.

 

[Saetha]

Very easily. I suck at holding a grudge. I'll be all huffy for maybe a few hours, and then something more interesting will happen and I'll forget all about it. You've got to really piss me off for me to be longer than that.

On the other hand, this means the positive stuff doesn't really stick with me either. Meh, that's the trade-off, I guess.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I have trouble letting go of grudges, I can hold actions/words against someone for a very long time, even when I try to force myself to get over it.


When it comes to bereavement, break-ups or other upsetting events, I'm generally not one to let it grind me down for too long. It sounds strange but after a short period of time I just start to go about my normal life and distracting myself until the immediate pain dies down.

 

[Ambitiousmould]

I will usually not let things go until I sleep. Grudges and being pissed off at things never really carry over to the next day, it's like sleeping is a reset button for emotions. Obviously this only applies to smaller things, like personal slights and insults, but things that are based on principle or something that affects me in the long will immediately make me annoyed as soon as I think about it

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

I'd let it go because I know how unhealthy it is to hold grudges. I know how unhealthy it is to hold grudges because I can't let it go. It's my least favourite trait of mine.

The only healer for me is time at which point I either forget about it (my memory sucks) or move onto another grudge.

Why yes I'm a very bad person indeed.

 

[Yopaz]

OT: OP, I am kinda similar to you, but for other reasons. I am not one to hold grudges or anything, but I have a hard time forgetting things. Because of that I have random trivia that's utterly useless bouncing around along with memories of discussions, arguments, friendly conversations, stupid things I have said or done, entire episodes of TV series I watched years ago and stuff like that.

I can kinda deal with that, it occupies my mind at times and it makes it boring to watch old series, but I can let go of things even if I remember them. What really bothers me is things I can't understand or wrap my head around. About 2 weeks ago a girl hugged me as we said our good byes for the summer, I'm awkward in situations like that, but I am used to it. However she said she would think about me over the summer. I don't know what she means with that, I don't understand the message, I don't understand if I am missing something, if she wanted me to say something. I don't know if I handled the situation right, I don't know if she expected anything from me and it bothers me. I keep wondering, I keep trying to figure out what I was supposed to say. I can't even remember what I replied to that (which is rare for me). So I simply can't get that out of my head. I am fairly certain it didn't mean anything, but I don't understand the situation. So it's driving me up the wall.

I can let go as long as I understand the situation.

This, especially the second paragraph, is EXACTLY what I mean. I overthink things like this, especially when it comes to the ladies, simply because, well, I don't have a lot, if any, of experience with them. So when I would get a hug from them, the same questions would probably circle in my mind as well. I've never been as fortunate to have had a girlfriend, or get a hug from them. Not because of a lack of trying though. Good god, I've tried my best. But now I'm digressing.

I know how you feel. In my case I was prepared if not expecting that she would hug me based on my experience and even if I don't understand it completely, but I have accepted that girls tend to hug me at times like this. What bothers me is what she said and it makes me feel like the rules have changed while I wasn't paying attention. Not understanding makes me anxious and I start trying to explain it to myself and since I can' it just eats me up.

Now this probably sounds like bad advise (and it probably is), but you could try giving up completely. I did that and decided to just have casual relationships and it has made social interactions a lot easier. I relax more and I can improve my social skills without drowning in social anxiety. It is possible to turn this around, but it requires some effort. Now it might not be too uplifting coming from me, but you should just try to get experience in a way that seems safe for you. For me that was simply ruling out that I would ever end up in a relationship, but you could probably find a healthier solution if you try.

 

[Euryalus]

99% of the time I let things slide no problem... That other 1%... When what you did genuinely hurt me... I try very hard not to stay angry, but god damn am I shit at it.

I won't treat you poorly because of it, but I may silently hate you.

I can only think of three people I've ever held a long grudge against recently though. Some friends from high school for some recent... problems we've had.

EDIT: Come to think of it, except for a dick in elementary school maybe the only very personal grudges I've held.

 

[Padwolf]

It depends on what it is. Negative things I sometimes find hard to let go of, like if I have been slighted and at the time it happened I let it slide by but later on it will come into my mind and I'll find myself getting angry over it.

99% of the time I let things slide no problem... That other 1%... When what you did genuinely hurt me... I try very hard not to stay angry, but god damn am I shit at it.

I won't treat you poorly because of it, but I may silently hate you.

I'm the same way really, I try hard not to be angry, I always sit and think about how pointless it is to be angry, but I can't help it. I keep bottling when things have upset me, and then bring it out months later when I finally crack and have a good ol fashioned scream! When it comes to breakups, I try not to let those get me down, and both times I've gone through them I've returned to normal life after a few days.

When it comes to positive things, I do like to keep hold of them. That way when hormones raise their ugly heads at that time of the month, I can go "Hey emotions, remember when this happened? Or when this was said about you?"