He'd absolutely approve of how I am right now. I got exactly what my 15 year old self wanted. It's my 25 year old self right now that doesn't like where I am very much. At least in terms of my personal life. My younger self wanted me to have dedicated my entire life towards science and medicine - the only things of value in this world, he (I) thought. Personal relationships are fleeting, everyone ages, and what matters is doing what is best for the species.
I followed his advice. I hate myself because now I am alone. All alone. And the pain is horrendous.
Every single action I have taken has destroyed, willingly, any chance at a social life. Swore of drinking. Swore off parties. Swore off clubs and hobbies. 10 years spent studying. Following the straight and narrow path towards academic success.... and for what? To realize that all my classmates in Medicine achieved nearly the exact same results without having to give up their social life. To realize that I have turned myself into an emotional basket-case unnecessarily.
While I am quite proud of certain aspects of myself, I am consumed with a deep, deep loathing for other aspects of my personality, and I despise my younger self. It'll take another 10 years of work to undo the damage he has done to us.
I followed his advice. I hate myself because now I am alone. All alone. And the pain is horrendous.
Every single action I have taken has destroyed, willingly, any chance at a social life. Swore of drinking. Swore off parties. Swore off clubs and hobbies. 10 years spent studying. Following the straight and narrow path towards academic success.... and for what? To realize that all my classmates in Medicine achieved nearly the exact same results without having to give up their social life. To realize that I have turned myself into an emotional basket-case unnecessarily.
While I am quite proud of certain aspects of myself, I am consumed with a deep, deep loathing for other aspects of my personality, and I despise my younger self. It'll take another 10 years of work to undo the damage he has done to us.