How would you survive a horror movie?

[The Shade]

I don't think I'd last very long. I'd be the guy in the background being mauled that none of the main characters notice as they run like hell. I'd only be on screen for about a second.

But, more importantly, I'd be behind the camera. More to the point, I'd be editing the film. That's what I do.

 

[DrDeath3191]

Avoid creepy camps with serial killers, actually take some heed to urban legends, and be the main character.

 

[slevin8989]

Become a good actor and get casted in a different genre

 

[balinus]

Get out of town at the very first opportunity once even a slight hint of danger appears. Failing that, identify the small-boobed, intelligent, misunderstood non-slutty girl who is bound to be the main character and stick around near her and follow every single one of her suggestions (minus the ones that require us to split up. silly her) If she just happens to be the killer this time, well I'm screwed. But if not, I'm guaranteed to survive up to a certain point where I sacrifice myself to save her. Only this time, I don't.

 

[karkashan]

Eh...I probably wouldn't. As soon as I'd see the Zombies I'd just decide that shooting myself would be the more pleasant experience and just go through with it.

 

[Mozared]

I survive most horror movies by putting on Yakety Sax (The Benny Hill theme, as most know it) in the background during scary parts. Ever tried that on Saw? It's hilarious to see people freak out with that song on the background, always makes me giggle.

That wasn't completely your question, but oh well.

 

[Stevanchez]

To survive a horror movie, I would:
Not run upstairs (this is mostly a girl thing in horror movie), not split up the group, not go into a dark area, pick up a weapon and hold on to it, and for God's sake when I have the killer (or whatever it is) down I would finish him/her/it off.

 

[Evilbunny]

1. I will never tell anyone I'll be right back because then I won't be.
2. I will always make sure my car has fresh batteries so it will start immediately in scary situations.
3. If I am searching a house because I think something scary is in there, I will turn the light on.
4. I will not hang out with anyone who has big breasts or blonde hair. That person is going to die anyway and I don't want to be any part of it.
5. If I come across a town that looks deserted, it probably is that way for a reason, and I will stay away.
6. As a general rule, I will not solve puzzles that open portals to hell. I'll find a nice sudoku to do if I'm bored. This also goes for reading books that summon the devil. Even if I think it's fake and I'm doing it as a joke.
7. I will never search the basement for any reason, especially if the power has gone out.
8. If I find that my house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, I will move away immediately.
9. I will always check the back seat of my car.
10. If my friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, I will kill them. They are just going to turn back at some point and kill me.
11.If somebody suggests we split up I will kill them promptly. That asshole is going to get all of us killed.
12. I will listen to all animals and children because often they will know more than I do.
13. I will be sure to stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
14. I will listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than I could ever hope to be.

 

[chefassassin2]

Be the villian. You know I'm coming back in the sequel, after doing the "I look dead but as soon as the hero/heroine turns their back open one eye really dramatical-like.

 

[Neonbob]

I would immediately find three other people, arm them with automatic shotguns, and find a nice solid place with one entry/exit to stay in, that had nothing to burn anywhere near it or included in its construction. Then I'd get a bunch of those hollywood floodlights that can turn night into day, encase them in bullet resistent glass, and light up the whole place all night long. The lights would run off of a separate set of generators, which would be included in the nice corner.
Also, we would go out during the days, activating our turret system while we were gone to make sure the bad guy couldn't get in while we got the supplies for the night. Also there would be a minefield around the place.
Then, during the night, our plan would be simple: sleep in shifts of two, and ignore noises. I don't care if it's your mother calling you because your brother died, you stay the hell inside the shelter...yeah I've had some time to think of this...

 

[NeoDeath90]

Not being black would probably help.

Haha, I love it. But I would follow the 5 cardinal rules of horror movies:

1. Never have sex or get naked until the crisis is over. This will ensure your death.

2. Never go anywhere alone. Make sure you are always with some one and know where you are going at all times. Taking a wrong turn can be life threatening.

3. Never comment on the situation with phrases like "How could it get any worse?" or "This place creeps me out". This is, as the internet calls it, asking for it.

4. Always watch your step while running. you don;t want to end up the person who trips and then is never able to get back up despite the villain or monster walking about twenty miles per hour slower than you.

And 5. If some one does trip, do not go back for them. They're goners. And if some one does go back for them, let them. Holding that person back will only shorten your own life.

And there you have it.

 

[traceur_]

Not being black would probably help.

1. I will never tell anyone I'll be right back because then I won't be.
2. I will always make sure my car has fresh batteries so it will start immediately in scary situations.
3. If I am searching a house because I think something scary is in there, I will turn the light on.
4. I will not hang out with anyone who has big breasts or blonde hair. That person is going to die anyway and I don't want to be any part of it.
5. If I come across a town that looks deserted, it probably is that way for a reason, and I will stay away.
6. As a general rule, I will not solve puzzles that open portals to hell. I'll find a nice sudoku to do if I'm bored. This also goes for reading books that summon the devil. Even if I think it's fake and I'm doing it as a joke.
7. I will never search the basement for any reason, especially if the power has gone out.
8. If I find that my house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, I will move away immediately.
9. I will always check the back seat of my car.
10. If my friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, I will kill them. They are just going to turn back at some point and kill me.
11.If somebody suggests we split up I will kill them promptly. That asshole is going to get all of us killed.
12. I will listen to all animals and children because often they will know more than I do.
13. I will be sure to stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
14. I will listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than I could ever hope to be.

^^^ This

Also I would kick the killer in the balls and run really really fast and play Yakety Sax really loudly because nothing bad happens when that song plays and the chase would be hilariously sped up.

But I would stay with the big breasted blonde woman because I'm a teenager.

 

[XJ-0461]

Go to a military base and get armed. REALLY armed. Like carrying at least 5 different types of guns, with a tonne of ammo for each. That should keep me safe.

 

[Commander Jack Rankin]

Two things:

First, I'd never utter this phrase: "I'll be right back!"
Second, I wouldn't stupidly run upstairs, instead of out the unlocked door which leads outside.

 

[dukethepcdr]

Not being black would probably help.

This.

Almost came off as racist too, but we're not the ones making the movies.

It ain't my fault minorities seem to have the shortest lifespan in horror movies.

Blame the writers.

No kidding! The same thing goes for Action Movies, frankly. I can?t remember which movie commented on it (I think it was Canadian Bacon), but a group of guys were discussing who was likely to die first and then they all looked at the Black character, who promptly looked at himself and said, ?Ah Shi?!?

About the only black people who survive horror or action movies that have lots of deaths in them are the handful of household name black actors like Samuel L. Jackson, Mr. T, Wesley Snipes, Danny Glover (even took out Predator 2), Eddie Murphy (of course most of his "horror" movies are actually comedy parodies of horror movies) and maybe two or three guys I'm forgetting. Oh, and whatever black girl who happens to be the girlfriend/wife/sister etc. of the main hero usually makes it too (unless, of course, they need her to die so the hero can have revenge as a motive for killing the villian by the movie's end).

I'm afraid it's true. All the minority actors you don't recognize almost instantly when they make their entrance end up dead by the end of most horror and action movies.

 

[lordofthepickle]

I would always carry a kazoo and as soon as anything bad is about to happen play yakety sax, thus insuring safety forever.

 

[latenightapplepie]

Not being black would probably help.

Yep. You're all basically required BY LAW to survive longer than I do.

Don't forget the gay rule too, although this applies more to angsty dramas than ridiculous slashers. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BuryYourGays

So yeah, I'm so dead.

 

[Sewblon]

Slasher Movie, I am a virgin so I am safe.
Haunted House, If worse comes to worse I will pray, if ghosts exist it is reasonable to assume that God exists.
Monster Movie, I would sing to the monster, it would either drive it away or make it befriend me. Zombie Movie, My dad has a gun collection and he taught me how to use them so if I just remain stationary I should last long enough for the military or a sheriff's posy to show up.