I am Man, hear me roar

[Pimppeter2]

After a week long trip to my brother's college, I have to say I went as a boy, and came back a man.

Gentlemen! That our gender devolves into barbarism when left to its own devices in a domestic situation is no secret. Its been the subject of stand-up comedians since the dawn of the first comedy club. Rather than rehash stale jokes about leaving the toilet seat up, I propose a celebration of all things baccalaureate.

What's the most bachelor thing you have ever done? It doesn't matter if you're in a relationship, or live with other people. I'm not looking for run-of-the-mill stuff like all condiments and no food in the fridge; no, I'm looking for examples of man, on his own, at his worst. The kind of things that give my girlfriend ammo in her on-going litany of why I'm not allowed to remain at home and unsupervised for any amount of time.
[sub]I saw this thread on another forum, and transfered it here since it was funny. Can't find the link though.[/sub]

To get things going, here are a few examples of what I have done in the past week. Much to the horror of many of you!

Pissed in the sink.
Pissed while brushing my teeth
Ate soup straight from the can all the time.
Taking a bath while drinking a beer
Using his girlfriend's dog as a mop to clean up spilled beer (I was drunk!)
Leveled up my Pokemon while on the toilet!
Left a bag of dog food open so that I wouldn't have to remember to feed the dog
Grab tons of plastic forks and knives from the local fast food joint
Slept on a single mattress on the floor.


Now you!

 

[inflamessoilwork]

Would have to be my last St Patricks day. It consisted of:

ridiculous amounts of alcohol (of course)
a wrestling pit
my friend losing one of his glasses lenses
the paramedics
naked women
WAY too many Irish accents
my friends g/f getting banned from the dorms
awesome rounds of kings cup
Denny's
and breaking into the pool at the Marriott.

It was one of the greatest nights of partying there ever, and thats just what I can recall, there are probably a few other things that went down as well.

 

[Kingsman]

It is disturbing how many of these I can relate to. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYgwBY7jUcA]

Oh, yeah, um... not work safe text, just in case.

 

[Violence]

had beer in the shower before, too! when i was in high school, i smoked weed in the shower, too.
brushing your teeth on the toilet saves time. no one needs to know.

some of my best (or worst?):
stealing toilet paper and paper towels from public places (for the apt)
essentially taking a shower in a Starbucks bathroom using wetnaps from the gas station (lemony freshness)
getting shitfaced without my date before going to my cousin's wedding
making a sandwich and eating it in Walmart
shooting at squirrels with a 12 gauge
mixing together what's left of every almost-empty alcohol bottle to make... ONE NASTY DRANK

 

[CK76]

My refrigerator consisted entirely of

1. Alcohol
2. Some meat (turkey, hard to say...)
3. Empty container of orange juice
4. Alcohol
5. Mustard

Dear me. I'm nearly out of alcohol!

 

[oppp7]

I've got a huge pile of bottles and cardboard that piles up when I don't recycle for a while. I hide my DS under it for security reasons.
I frequently forget to shave and end up with a beard.
I shave in my room and just vaccuum up the hair(or let it form lint balls).

 

[j0frenzy]

I have nothing to add to this topic of discussion. I feel left out and at the same time happy that I am not a part of this club.

 

[quiet_samurai]

Oh god... lets see. I used to live in a house with 5 other dudes so...

1. Cooked every meal on the BBQ for days at a time, unless it was pizza.

2. Chose beer over TP at the supermarket... we had paper towels.

3. Ate every meal off of paper plates and using plastic utensils.

4. Put all out beer tabs into a bin to recycle... they're worth more then the can itself.

5. We had a green plastic chest we put every single article of clothing that any female left behind into.

6. The only things we ever had in the fridge was either beer or meat that was immediately cook on the BBQ.

7. We had four refridgerators.

8. We had the only yellow lawn on the entire street.

9 But that's cool, because it was decorated with aluminum.

That's all I can really think of for now. Maybe I'll think of more and come back.

 

[Sovvolf]

To get things going, here are a few examples of what I have done in the past week. Much to the horror of many of you!

Pissed in the sink.
Pissed while brushing my teeth
Ate soup straight from the can all the time.
Taking a bath while drinking a beer
Using his girlfriend's dog as a mop to clean up spilled beer (I was drunk!)
Leveled up my Pokemon while on the toilet!
Left a bag of dog food open so that I wouldn't have to remember to feed the dog
Grab tons of plastic forks and knives from the local fast food joint
Slept on a single mattress on the floor.


Now you!

I've done every thing mentioned on that list at least once. Here's a few things I've done to add to the list.

Drunkenly fallen down the stairs in my house, then just fell a sleep there.

Drunkenly ran home from the park in the nude, getting hit by two cars on the way, once got home, I feel down the stairs going to bed, then again just sleeped where I fell.

Sneaked out of my (at the time)Girl friend's bedroom window semi-naked when I heard her fathers car pull up.

Set the toaster on fire.

Used a sock to blow my nose because the toilet role was in the bathroom.

Asked (repeatedly) how much an item was in Poundland.

Worn the same clothes for a month without getting a wash.

The list goes on and on...

 

[Doctor VonSexMachine]

-peed and used a DS, toothbrush,hairbrush,laptop,pornography.
-passed out in my bathroom
-used my shirt to blow my nose
-eaten nothing but kd and ground beef for days.
-decorated the stairs with christmas lights all year long so that we could find our house.
-covered the fridge in adhesive wrap so that we could draw penises on it.
-had more booze than food in our freezer.
-had a server in the kitchen with a lego case...with speakers attached to the wall with industrial velcro.
-had nerf guns in every room

...and I'm a girl.
ERTW!

 

[w@rew0lf]

I'm going to repost one of my posts from an unrelated thread, because it fits so well.

[blockquote]

Gentlemen, I present to you. A celebration of man.

Of course we need our time for manliness! When else are we gonna grow chest hair, do retarded shit and talk about the many inexplicable erections of the day. Need me to take out the garbage? Man time. Want me to sit around and listen about how your day went? Sorry, Man Time. Want to have vigorous sex to celebrate your promotion? To bad Babe, Man Tim..Fuck you guys! I'll be right there honey!

[sub]Bros before hoes. Creating more virgins everyday.[/sub]

We men may be simple creatures. Gunshots, explosions and laser robot dinosaurs may leave us slack-jawed for due to sheer badassery and men named Dick Hardas-Steel may be heralded with a complimentary beers and envied by all while receiving fist-taps for having such an awesome name. Seriously that is a pretty fucking badass name right there. Just imagine for one second, your name being Dick Hardas-Steel.

[sub]The condom for people named Dick Hardas-Steel.[/sub]

But we as men should be celebrated for our simplicity! Our cut and dry view of the whole is matched by no other creature! Our Neanderthal social code should be adored for its straightforwardness! So yes I say! Celebrate ourselves as men! Wear that jockstrap with your head held high! Don't cover that still completely inexplicable erection! Pop it with pride! For you are the man!

[sub]The man easily controlled by this. But still. The man.[/sub]

My Afterword to all this brillant tripe:

[sub]Just don't do the erection poppin' thing around other dudes. Unless it is your dream to join these guys.[/sub]
​

[/blockquote]

 

[Cinnonym]

...Oh my God, I wish I'd never clicked this thread.

 

[Shockolate]

Pissed while brushing my teeth

I do that on a daily basis! While taking a shower!

 

[Riobux]

It is disturbing how many of these I can relate to. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYgwBY7jUcA]

Oh, yeah, um... not work safe text, just in case.

I'm so addicted to that and the foul one.

There was the time when I got so drunk that I went downstairs, asked my dad what he was doing in my house and then urinated on a sofa chair.

In terms of none drunk things, I wipe snot onto my sleeve and flick anything that's a little on the large size.

 

[Treefingers]

I have a few stories of my own, though all pretty standard and similar to those posted already. So i will instead delight you all with an amazing story about a friend of a friend of mine on a night out.

...

Drunk in a club. Needs to puke. Rushes to the bathroom. All the cubicles are occupied. Kicks the door in to find some guy taking a shit. Throws up all over the guy.

Thinks to himself... "If this had been done to me, i'd be pretty pissed off, and would want to kick the crap out of the guy who did it. I better throw the first punch instead"

Punches the vomit covered pants down guy on the toilet in the head.

Runs away.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

Pissed in the sink.
Pissed while brushing my teeth
Ate soup straight from the can all the time.
Taking a bath while drinking a beer
Using his girlfriend's dog as a mop to clean up spilled beer (I was drunk!)
Leveled up my Pokemon while on the toilet!
Left a bag of dog food open so that I wouldn't have to remember to feed the dog
Grab tons of plastic forks and knives from the local fast food joint
Slept on a single mattress on the floor.

Now you!

Is that all?

Pissed in the sink, pissed in the shower, pissed while drinking, which I suppose is the default thing to do, pissed on a barbeque along with four other guys in an attempt to put it out (it didn't work)
Have been living solely off Heinz spaghetti in tomato sauce straight from the can, with no heating, and often no spoon
Haven't showered in four days in order to complete my end of year coursework, in honour of this, also have not changed my clothes, and basically I sleep at my desk when I'm too physically tired to work anymore.
Watched almost clean through Teen Titans and Kim Possible, while on the toilet (not all in one go of course), also, have written several chapters, and posted on the Escapist while in said position
Stolen many a convenience product from anywhere I visit, including glasses from the pubs I go to on open mic nights, towels from the gym, and assorted other sundries.
Slept not only at my desk, but also on the floor. Just on the floor, no mattress, no covers, no pillows except for a housemate.

Bring it.

 

[Gaderael]

[HEADING=1]MUD NUTS![/HEADING]
Went with my Father, Uncles, one of whom is a retired Marine, and other manly men, to my Father's cabin for the every two year Mud Nuts! weekend. It involves massive amounts of drinking, smoking, fishing, drinking, cards, drinking, many games of competition, drinking, barbequing, and drinking. Any time someone yells "Mud Nuts!", everyone is required to drink a foul rum called "Cabot Tower" straight from the bottle. There was not a single sober person there, I can tell you that.

Good times.

 

[presidentjlh]

Once ate pizza for every meal 3 days in a row.

That's about it.

I'm a crappy bachelor.

EDIT: Actually, I did do something pretty manly once: Got in a rollover accident. Skid on the oncoming lane on the interstate. No injuries. Wasn't even sore the next day.

 

[benoitowns]

Ive done most of that shit and Im not in college yet...

 

[Orcus The Ultimate]

as if pissing was Manly huhuh...

once i stood up in front of a guy wanting for a fight, after three seconds of eye battle contact we made contact and the rest of our pals came as backup, it was like this:

visiting every single chick's room while on a generation Trip to Barcelona and also inhalating passively peoples smokes and Maryjane...

hmm not robbing my friend's girlfriend when she wanted it... (damn that was hard)

Telling everyone to shut the fuck up in maths class and then leaving...
(not only was i pissed with the whole retarded classroom, but the teacher didn't do shit while others were incesantly bothering each other with their Compasses )