I am nothing but a ball of rage and anger

[Tdc2182]

This sounds eerily similar to what happened to me.

My advice is she's a stupid *****. A stupid ***** where I can understand her mentality( she is still in the wrong), but a stupid ***** nonetheless.

Forget about her. It's hard and blunt advice, but she is no good for you. When I girl falls for a guy who is significantly older then her, she really has constraints on her "good decision making" trait. Don't get me wrong, some guys and girls really fall for each other like that, but you sounded like a rebound.

Fuck her, find someone who isn't a moron. And whatever you do, don't let her back in, not even as a friend. She sounds like the person who will eventually just cause more greif.

 

[loc978]

In a sense, there is a "right one" for you out there, though it's more a matter of compatibility that encompasses a significant portion of the population being "right" material... so don't give up, just... maybe think about other methods of finding a partner.
Personally, I've never been on a date... but I've had a lot of sex, and I've been shacked up with my current girlfriend for a year now. All without ever "asking anyone out".

Well this sounds quite odd...
How do you get your girls then?
Van, rag, chloroform, ...?

You'd think, right? No, I tended to meet them at parties back when I wasn't shacked up. Mostly either hosted at my house or something involving one of the local bands I hang out with.
...and I know that sounds like setups for one-night stands, but I'm still at least casual acquaintances with most of those girls, and we tended to be fuck-buddies for a few weeks at least. I guess it all has to do with what scene you find yourself hanging around in, if any.

 

[Terminal Blue]

The relationship was never about sex for me until i found out she had sex with her ex not two days after we broke up and we talked about being friends and giving it another shot again later. It makes me angry because I am jealous of what happened and am now ending this friendship.

Why should that suddenly make it about sex?

In fact, why does it reflect on you at all. You broke up with her, yet you still clearly expect her to think about how you might interpret what she does. However, just because you interpret it doesn't mean it's about you at all. It's her life. If you couldn't handle her having sex with other people, you shouldn't have broken up with her.

I don't want to read too much into the situation, but it sounds like you convinced yourself that it wasn't about sex simply because you weren't having sex. If it genuinely wasn't, why should it make any difference what she does now?

The fact is that you're clearly comparing yourself to her ex, and while she doesn't seem to have done a whole lot to stop you doing that it's really not helpful. People are not replaceable, that's part of the problem with them.

I have been giving into this black hole of a relationship and have recieved absolutely nothing but anger from it. I was looking for a longterm relation ship and she cant fucking decide what she wants.

And?

Did you actually care about this person, or did you only care insofar as you thought she would give you a long term relationship?

Look. Sometimes people don't know what they want. It isn't their fault, and there's not anything you or them can do about it. People like this rely on your understanding and, to a certain extent, your ability to respect their needs on an equal level to your own. If ultimately they are not the person you thought they were, so be it, but unless they actually deliberately lied to you then that's your fault, not theirs.

Let it go, learn from it, and next time you get into a relationship use what you've learned to communicate better. Getting angry in retrospect about things you could have done something about at the time is just passive aggressive.

 

[Creator002]

My ex and I aren't exactly friends, but we can contact each other if we need to for whatever reason.
I have never sent a message to her without her sending me one first, so no. I don't text my ex unless there's a good reason and a VERY good one if I'm seeing someone else.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Spoiler

The relationship was never about sex for me until i found out she had sex with her ex not two days after we broke up and we talked about being friends and giving it another shot again later. It makes me angry because I am jealous of what happened and am now ending this friendship.

Why should that suddenly make it about sex?

In fact, why does it reflect on you at all. You broke up with her, yet you still clearly expect her to think about how you might interpret what she does. However, just because you interpret it doesn't mean it's about you at all. It's her life. If you couldn't handle her having sex with other people, you shouldn't have broken up with her.

I don't want to read too much into the situation, but it sounds like you convinced yourself that it wasn't about sex simply because you weren't having sex. If it genuinely wasn't, why should it make any difference what she does now?

The fact is that you're clearly comparing yourself to her ex, and while she doesn't seem to have done a whole lot to stop you doing that it's really not helpful. People are not replaceable, that's part of the problem with them.

I have been giving into this black hole of a relationship and have recieved absolutely nothing but anger from it. I was looking for a longterm relation ship and she cant fucking decide what she wants.

And?

Did you actually care about this person, or did you only care insofar as you thought she would give you a long term relationship?

Look. Sometimes people don't know what they want. It isn't their fault, and there's not anything you or them can do about it. People like this rely on your understanding and, to a certain extent, your ability to respect their needs on an equal level to your own. If ultimately they are not the person you thought they were, so be it, but unless they actually deliberately lied to you then that's your fault, not theirs.

Let it go, learn from it, and next time you get into a relationship use what you've learned to communicate better. Getting angry in retrospect about things you could have done something about at the time is just passive aggressive.

Really mate, you need to kick a man when hes down, how about a drop of compassion there?

 

[Wondermint13]

Nope, out of complete respect for the Woman I'm with, I wouldnt text and gossip with my Ex now. And sorry if thats sounds like a really silly way of showing my respect and all but honestly.. theres really no gain in having the man or woman you used to 'shack-up' with lingering around on your Facebook friends list or Phone contacts.
And the crap about 'staying friends' can go f*** itself because you blew that chance when getting along wasnt good enough and you slept together..

Took nearly two years before my current Girlfriend finally removed 2 ex relationships from her Facebook, but I think one still remains a phone contact for some sodding reason.
Apparently they were both so special but when they become an ex, the rest of the details dont fucking matter.

Sorry.. It was a frustrating first year when I gave up everything and moved from my own country to be with this Girflriend. who found it so hard to stop talking with two clingy exs =)

 

[Terminal Blue]

Really mate, you need to kick a man when hes down, how about a drop of compassion there?

A fair point. I'm not in the best of moods and that may be rubbing off.

However, I don't think OP is down. I think he's angry, and when people are that angry it usually means they aren't seeing the situation very clearly. Believing the whole situation is your fault (being down) and blaming someone else for all your problems (being angry) are unhealthy extremes. The best thing to do is to partition blame honestly and effectively, learn from the experience where you can and move on with a resolution not to make the same mistakes.

I really don't say this from lack of experience.

Sorry.. It was a frustrating first year when I gave up everything and moved from my own country to be with this Girflriend. who found it so hard to stop talking with two clingy exs =)

Speaking as someone who is generally very glad that most of my exes are still talking to me, and who knows how difficult it is when your friends get into some little nuclear vibe and completely drop you like a stone, I may be taking this a little personally.

But enjoying and valuing some measure of basic communication with people you get on with is not 'clingy'. Rather, getting into a relationship with someone and expecting them to drop everything you find remotely threatening simply to pander to your insecurities is 'possessive'.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Really mate, you need to kick a man when hes down, how about a drop of compassion there?

A fair point. I'm not in the best of moods and that may be rubbing off.

However, I don't think OP is down. I think he's angry, and when people are that angry it usually means they aren't seeing the situation very clearly. Believing the whole situation is your fault (being down) and blaming someone else for all your problems (being angry) are unhealthy extremes. The best thing to do is to partition blame honestly and effectively, learn from the experience where you can and move on with a resolution not to make the same mistakes.

I really don't say this from lack of experience.

Nah man, there is a proper procedure to dealing with this.
The man was hurt, now he needs painkillers for the soul in the form of a stiff drink, juvenile anger and a mate to tell him it will all blow over, and after a couple of weeks he will realize the anger is pointless and it will all be good.

Then we can talk sensible and see things clearly.

 

[ace_of_something]

Be done with her. If someone needs to make that much work for you they're probably not worth it in the long run. Also this;