I cant feel...

[Johndo]

How people cope is widely varied. How fast they cope is the same way.

I guess the quick answer to this is do you care when you die that people will not be interested in losing you? Have you lost something that you remotely had feelings of remorse? If so, why would you have those feelings?

You may just be the type that doesn't truly care about lost. If so, than you're fine. But if you start getting mad at something or someone where you are not thought about, than you're really just focusing on yourself.

 

[Jonluw]

It's perfectly normal to feel somewhat apathetic towards the events of family members that you haven't formed a close personal bond with.

 

[bobmus]

Though I can't speak for death, which hasn't struck anyone close to me in over 10 years, I often find that I don't feel the emotions that should be expected for certain things. I get sort of a headachy-sick feeling surrounding events that I'm sure could definitely negatively affect my life, but never find myself able to get emotional about them.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

The ability to feel empathy usually requires some personal understanding of and/or experience with sorrow or pain. I suspect it's why so many children and teenagers share certain overt qualities with sociopaths (while not actually being sociopaths).

That said, even if you were a deeply empathetic person, it can be difficult to experience profound emotion at the death of someone who had, at best, a tangential impact on your life. Which is the case for many of us when it comes to Grandparents. While they clearly played huge roles in our parent's lives, we often see little and less of them as children. I can understand why, at their passing, we might wonder why our parents seem deeply bereaved, while we ourselves feel next to nothing.

I can guarantee that for most of you, your first real loss...be it a parent, a friend, a lover, or even something as simple as a well loved pet...will have significantly more emotional and psychological impact than the death of a seldom seen grandparent. With the obvious qualifier that some people grow up very close to their grandparents, so naturally none of what I'm saying here applies to them.

As a postscript, I find overt demonstrations of a carefully cultivated lack of empathy on the internet to be hilariously sad. Going out of your way to make a point of how little you care about something is not a sign of being dark or haunted or edgy or even genuinely emotionless. It's a sign of attention-seeking and insecurity. If you fancy yourself an unfeeling hard ass, understand that "not caring" manifests as "not caring" and "not commenting", as opposed to going out of your way to have everyone gasp and wring their hands over what a cavalier monster you're being.

 

[HardkorSB]

Let me give you the story: Recently my 86 year old grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, the whole family is kinda riled up about it and my dad looks gloomier than usuall. Now, doctors say he will be fine and all but still, its cancer, and hes 86. Odds are he doesnt have very long to live. And yet... I find myself not really caring.
Dont get me wrong here I love my family and I have too many happy memories from my childhood at my grandparents place to ever be able to count them all but for some reason I hear the news "Son... your grandfather, he was diagnosed with cancer..." and go "Oh... that sucks..." then turn right back to whatever I was doing and it somehow slips out of my mind.

Its not an isolated incident either. It was exactly the same for when my cousin got diabetes, my uncle got into serious problems because of his drinking, my other grandfathers dog who has been a good friend and trusted companion for 20 years died, when my grandmother forgot she was at home and went looking for her husband - walking straight out on the street ect. All stuff I bloody SHOULD care about, I should feel SOMETHING! But I dont... nothing. Not even that famous "Empty" feeling where you cant feel anything at all. Its like when you read a sad story on the internet; you go "Aww... how horrable... Oh! Hey! Puppies! Yay!".

Not sure if there is something wrong with me or what but... lots of bad stuff has happened in my family, and never have I cared once beyond looking sad and be quiet while others talk about it, but in my mind think about what game Im going to play after dinner or something...

Whats even worse is that I dont even seem to care about not caring. Took me two weeks to deside even this post was worth the hassle (hell, I spent 7 min hovering over the post button considdering deleting the whole thing and go back to Civilization5...), let alone actually talk to someone about it.

Guess what I want to know is if anyone else experience the same? Or am I the only one thats this cold and heartless? Im genuinly concerned but for some reason all I can seem to do is ask a bunch of strangers online about it... (no offence)

I'm the same.
When I was 7, my grandfather died. I remember that at the funeral, everyone was either crying or being emotional. Meanwhile, I couldn't feel anything. I was even trying to cry but I couldn't.
When my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't care either. I was even there when she died in the hospital. I saw her final moments, yet I wasn't even paying attention. In my mind, I was trying to remember a song or something equally trivial.
My uncle died a few months later and I couldn't care either.

I guess that I've never felt any real connection to anyone. There are people who should matter to me but for some reason, they don't.

I don't have any solutions for you but... you're not alone

 

[The Funslinger]

snip

chances are you're a sociopath

Hey, lets not throw around that word around just yet...

Agreed. I'm a diagnosed sociopath, and I've formed emotional attachment to my family. Don't lump us together!

That said, OP might be repressing his emotions subconsciously to avoid dealing with them. In which case, boy, watch out for that midlife crisis!

true that... I was diagnosed as a sociopath by the USMC brain breakers before my first tour... I shit you not the line the head shrinker said to me before stamping my all clear papers was "at least we won't have to worry about you claiming PTSD haha"

sociopath is one of those words like racist... people now a days just love to throw it around with out actually understanding the meaning and using it properly

but ya the OP doesn't sound like one of us... sounds more like someone simply burying and rationalizing away the emotion... which tends to end up bad because sooner or later those things resurface

Ha! "One of us! One of us!"

I'm actually joining the Royal Marines. One of the pluses to me is that at least my mind won't crack.

 

[Et3rnalLegend64]

I remember a similar thread a while back. I forget how it went exactly, but the general idea was the same.

I don't think I can say much here. I did have a really nice grandma who died when I was 8 or so. I was too young to really understand the concept then, and it's been too long for me to get any real feelings out of it now. Honestly, I don't really know how I'd feel if someone close to me died right now. I'm half expecting to feel detached and not make a huge deal of it for some reason, but I can't say for sure unless it happens. Of course, it'd be best if it didn't happen.

 

[Right Hook]

Guess what I want to know is if anyone else experience the same? Or am I the only one thats this cold and heartless? Im genuinly concerned but for some reason all I can seem to do is ask a bunch of strangers online about it... (no offence)

I've experienced it, I don't think this necessarily proves you are a sociopath (protip: don't take advice from random people on the internet that probably don't know dick about mental disorders). At other times I've felt extreme amounts of emotion but usually only at deaths or if I find something particularly resounding. The fact that you posted about it proves you are at least somewhat worried about what is happening. You can't feel bad about what you feel or don't feel though, people can't control their emotions, it simply isn't your fault that your brain doesn't have the similar response we've grown accustomed to. There is a chance you are repressing your emotions without even realizing it, if it really starts to bother you than you should talk to someone in person about it. Otherwise enjoy not being upset by things, as long as it doesn't effect your quality of life.