I can't stop cringing...

[Euryalus]

So just recently I had something hilariously awful happen to me. It was so embarrassing, that its too good to keep to myself.

I've recently taken up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and during the practices the professor shows us moves by demonstrating on one of the students. Which we then go and drill.

Anyway, this last monday, I was one he grabbed to demonstrate the move.

It was a pin called the guillotine if anyone cares.

It was here that disaster struck. When he put me in the hold, I farted the loudest, wettest, smelliest fart a person has any right to fart. ( Gursh Durn Chinese food!)

God damn it was bad. Everyone, EVERYONE, (about 20 people) was watching, It's not like it was just me and my partner rolling. xD

What embarrasing stories, recent or otherwise, do you guys have? Don't hold out, it's therapeutic. We can cringe together!

 

[Colour Scientist]

That's the second story you've told in the past week that involved you farting at inappropriate moments.
Is that all you do? XD

I can think of one that happened today.
I was in college and two of the people in my class were looking into my tablet because we were picking a restaurant for an end of term night out. Anyway, the three of us were looking through some menus when I get a big notification of a message I'd just been sent by my boyfriend with some, eh, couple-y content.

I got it off the screen fairly quickly but there was this momentary pause and a little awkward silence before everyone carried on and acted like nothing had happened.
I was cringing so hard, still am.

 

[Zhukov]

Wow. I once had almost the exact same thing happen. Except it was judo, and the fart wasn't that bad. It was clearly audible though.

For weeks afterward some of the kids who were there would walk up to me and make fart noises.

 

[krazykidd]

I have a picture of R.mika from street fighter alpha as my background of my phone. I had it on the table one day at work. The phone was off . Me and 3 old ladies in their 60s went on break at the same time. One of the ladies wanted to know the time so she turned on my phone and was greeted with

All 3 ladies turned bright red. They were a lot more embarassed that i was.

 

[Euryalus]

-snip-

I like my carbs and soda ok! Stop mocking me!

And HA! HAHAHAHAHA!

I've had that happen to me in reverse. My friend told me to look up a restaurant number on his phone and there was horse porn on it as soon as I opened the browser >.<

My mind has been scarred ever since.

-snip-

I expect that to be the case for me for many many classes to come.

 

[Barbas]

Wow, T0ad. Wow.

I turned around and almost walked face-first into somebody's breasts once. It was many years ago, yadda yadda, I can never go back.

EDIT: Hold on, no, there's GOT to be more than that...I'll have a think and post anything else I can remember that's suitable for publication.

EDIT 2: It's going to have to be really good to compete with horse porn, though. May have to scrape the bottom of the extremely uncomfortable barrel.

 

[Euryalus]

-snip-

Oh that one's not embarrasing, just horrifying. Worse than that Geko Moria picture The White Hunter showed me and Tizzy.

I tell you what Clavicus Vile dog, you think you know a guy, then bam! Horse Pr0n! :/

 

[BunnyMomiji]

At Easter this year I'm pretty sure my brother wasn't paying attention and thought the person sitting next to him was his girlfriend. He patted my back rather affectionately and stop quite immediately when he noticed who I was. Not really embarrassing for me as it might have been for him, but I still can't stop cringing. GROSS.

It was here that disaster struck. When he put me in the hold, I farted the loudest, wettest, smelliest fart a person has any right to fart. ( Gursh Durn Chinese food!)

God damn it was bad. Everyone, EVERYONE, (about 20 people) was watching, It's not like it was just me and my partner rolling. xD

Great! Now we can never get Chinese food together. YOUR GAS RUINS EVERYTHING, GOSH! XD And of course get embarrassed when it's someone other than ME you're farting in front of/next to. XP

 

[CyberSinner]

The only thing was me and my sibling we were laughing and joking. I also happened to be drinking kool aid as well. So one joke to many had kool aid going out of my nose. It was cool, but burned the nostrils.

 

[Blitsie]

I feel your pain man, I feel it so bad.

A few years ago I was convinced to attend yoga classes with a friend and it was an mostly all female class with some rather fine looking women in it. This one time we were put in a rather awkward position that put a lot of strain on me... Just picture a room, resembling a Chinese dojo in aesthetic, tranquil music gently hanging in the calm air, people in a meditative state, deep in focus on maintaining the move. Only to have this all obliterated as a canon shot of a fart violently reverberates through the walls, with me desperately maintaining the best damn poker face I have ever given while most of the women frantically looked around wondering what the fuck just fired off behind them, those nearest giving me scathing glares for actually having the gall to unload like that.

Needless to say I haven't attended any more yoga classes after that.

 

[Elfgore]

The only thing was me and my sibling we were laughing and joking. I also happened to be drinking kool aid as well. So one joke to many had kool aid going out of my nose. It was cool, but burned the nostrils.

Pft! Kool Aid? Bro, I've had chocolate fudge ice cream go out my nose, with a piece of fudge included. Get on my level scrub.

I've once hurled in front of my entire high school. I'd eaten something that didn't agree with each other and it decided to come up. I even heard a kid slipped in my vomit... twice. I was teased about for pretty much the next three years, all in good fun.

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

Have you ever belched after you inhaled sulfur hexaflouride? I have.

Me and my brother laughed for HOURS. Both of us nearly pissed ourselves laughing that hard. You've never heard anything so hilarious until a sound from your body makes you wonder what circle of hell it came from.

 

[COMaestro]

My second year of high school, I raised my hand to answer a question the teacher had asked. When called on, I said the answer and had my voice break right in the middle of it. It was so damn embarrassing.

 

[Barbas]

...Oh, I remember now: I worked briefly at a deli that served toasted sandwiches (paninis) among other things. I used to prepare stocks of the most popular paninis, take the orders down and put them through the grill to toast. Sometimes, if we were busy, someone else might step in to do that instead while I just took orders or replaced the stocks. It was on one of these occasions, on a particularly loud, busy and muddling day, that I customarily shouted a customer's order of three cheese and ham paninis to my coworker at the grill and handed him the slip of paper. Or, at least, I thought I had. I learned from him a few hours later during our break, that I had apparently shouted something along the lines of "THREE CHEESE AND HAM PENIS" to the room at large.

I knew there must have been a reason why they'd all been staring at me in bewilderment. At the time, it was the height of embarrassment, but years later I now find it hilarious and I'd probably do it again.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

I broke my hand playing Soul Caliber 4. No really I did. I just got my ass handed to me and stood up, pissed off as hell and went to take a step, my foot got caught on a shoe and I fell onto my hand, breaking the metacarpals of the ring and pinky fingers. I blame the game because instead of dropping the controller like a smart person to catch my fall, I was still playing it and thus holding the controller was directly responsible for my hand being broken (had I not been holding it I would have caught myself as I've never fallen flat like that without being restrained or unable to break the fall).

 

[Doopliss64]

I was taking my SAT subject test. There were only 4 people in the room: me, the teacher, and two other students. Complete silence, punctured by the sound of ripping flatulence. It was not pretty.

 

[FPLOON]

EDIT 2: It's going to have to be really good to compete with horse porn, though. May have to scrape the bottom of the extremely uncomfortable barrel.

I'm not saying I have a folder dedicated to horse porn, but...

OT: Recently, my neighbor accidentally got one of my packages... Needless to say, he "accidentally" opened it to find it to be an imported Japanese DVD porn collection... all about futanari/dickgirls...

Guess who was the MOST embarrassed when he had to give it back to me while apologizing for the inconvenience?
Hint: It wasn't me... because, on that same day, I played one of the disc from the collection at a high enough level for him to hear it...

 

[Barbas]

(Snip).

Oh, Mr. FPLOON, you salacious debauchee!

It's no use, my mind blew out years ago.

OT: I threw up all over three rooms in somebody's house once. I don't think they ever realized it was me that did it. That'll teach them to leave their beer lying out where any unshaven degenerate can get their grubby mitts on it.