I can't stop staring at teenage girls...

[justsomeguy123]

I am a 26-year-old man who has been married for five years. I also have a two-month old son. I am also a secondary teacher.

In recent weeks, I have found myself drawn to staring at young female students (as well as a young, attractive co-worker) at my school and it's driving me mad. I mean, when I say "staring," I mean, "undressing them with my mind" kind of staring...

As for why, it's pretty obvious. Because she gave birth two months ago and has been nursing since, my wife's body is currently subjected to all kinds of crazy hormones that can make sex undesirable or difficult for her. Also, because her body is still adjusting from the pregnancy, I'm not as physically attracted to her as I was before she got pregnant. We've only had sex twice in the past two months. I still have hormones, I'm in my sexual prime, and my body has been conditioned to regular sexual activity, so my physiology compels me to look elsewhere. I get that.

Now, I know that I'm not a pedophile: the female students who are drawing my gaze are in the 16-17 year old window and are fully physically developed.

I also know that I don't want to actually follow through on any of these thoughts: the thought of actually pursuing a student haunts me with thoughts of shame and what it would do to my career, my family, and my reputation. That's NOT going to happen. I won't lie; I've had scant thoughts of pursuing my co-worker, and there could actually be something there. Still, I value my relationship with my wife and the well-being of my family immeasurably more than my sex life.

Still, despite the rational response I have to these thoughts, I feel disgusting. I feel like a dirty pervert and it's driving me mad. To even have the courage to get this off of my chest, I created a completely new Escapist account, because, even though my real life identity is not connected my usual login, I don't even want my VIRTUAL identity associated with this post.

I'm hoping that someone can offer me some advice, or just solidarity, especially if they've been in a similar situation. I'm not actually expecting anything truly helpful. Mostly, I just wanted, maybe needed, to get this out, and there isn't anyone that I trust to talk to about this in real life. So, I'm cowardly leaning on the crutch that is internet anonymity.

 

[Nikolaz72]

Tell your wife half of it.. Mainly leaving out the students and the co-workers and keeping with the sexual frustration. She is the closest friend you will ever have, dont forget that.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Seriously? Ever heard of internets, porn, masturbation?

As a man I completely understand your predicament, but it is easily solved with a visit from good old Five Finger Sally.

 

[Aizsaule]

Love thyself

its like you said, your not a pedophile. you just need some release.

 

[WingedIncubus]

Don't feel disgusted, do you think your wife feels disgusted when she checks up hot guys she encounters in the street? Looking is fine, but they are jailbaits so don't EVER jump the fence. I'd keep my mouth shut about it and admit nothing, it's your secret garden.

Talk with her about how it's frustrating for you, that you must find a solution together to rekindle the romance, and that sex is important, she's still a woman with her needs, as much as a mother and a wife. Communication is key.

 

[JoJo]

Rest assured that we ALL sometimes look at other people in that way, even if we're happy in our current relationship or they're with someone-else or they're too young etc, just because you think about it doesn't mean you would actually do it. As long as you aren't physically cheating on your wife, fair game, every man's the master of his own mind :-D

 

[DarthScorpio11]

whatever you do, don't give in to your desires for their sake, and for your sake also.

 

[TheDist]

Well expressing it can't hurt so thats good man, as for advice it's not an easy thing to give in this situation my friend sadly. It is a common thing though, so no need to feel bad man, it's how we as men work as far as sexuality goes, as long as you don't let it dictate your actions you are ok.

So clearly an outlet is needed, do you have any "sexy" pictures or things of that nature of your wife that you can use as a masterbatory aid? If you could shift your sexual focus back onto her in some way, even if it is just masterbation, it might help a little.

It might help to talk to her a little about it too, though you will clearly need to be very carful about what you do say, express the frustration, but make it clear to her that you arn't placing any blame. With that explained to her, she might be able to help, she might not feel up for full on sex, but there are other things you both can do.

I am no expert, but just remember as time goes on it will get better for both of you. So stick it out mate.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

I do the same thing myself, but i'm only turning 19 in a couple months so i guess that's justifiable >_>

As for you i'd follow this guy's advice.

Tell your wife half of it.. Mainly leaving out the students and the co-workers and keeping with the sexual frustration. She is the closest friend you will ever have, dont forget that.

 

[RollForInitiative]

It's good that you chose to get it off your chest. That alone could be a big help. As others have suggested, indulge heavily in masturbation, porn, etc. to temper to sex drive a bit.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty with your eyes; just don't do it with your hands. =)

 

[Mylinkay Asdara]

As some have said: rub one out. Heck, rub a few out.

Then talk to your wife about needing more physical time. Now, not knowing your wife I can't give you much advice on what to actually go with - all women are different.

If it were me, I'd appreciate a business-like discussion about the problem and possible solutions. One I'd probably come up with, as would my fiance since he knows me well, would be an exchange of goods and services. Quiet time from the baby for me, sex for the provider of that time. Women know how to put on a show. Buy into it a little - suspend that disbelief - and you'll never know the difference between your "secured" booty and the spontaneous version.

People have needs. Her needs may have shifted somewhat recently, but she's still your partner and if you're willing to address her new needs she should be more willing to address your old ones.

Then you can refocus on the things you know you should be prioritizing.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Talk to your wife about the sexual frustration thing. Don't mention the teenage girls though.

Also, stop staring at your pupils, as a secondary school teacher that could look bad if they catch on and make an issue of it.

To make you feel a bit better I will quote from a guy who's 18 year old daughter had just married a 50+ year old lottery winner:

"Everyone likes young girls, anyone who says they don't is either lying or gay".

 

[Gigano]

Well, that all sounds pretty normal, and it sounds like at the end of the day you've got the situation under control.

So the problem is really your own judgemental attitude towards yourself for not having "perfect husband" thoughts. Of course, mere thought matters nothing, it's the actions that speaks to one's character, but "stop judging yourself" probably won't work anyway. So I guess you'll have to live with feeling shame over having to resist temptation until your wife gets ready for sexy time once again.

And yeah, porn and masturbation are probably the way to go to help cope.

 

[Bloedhoest]

It has already been said in this topic. Wank.

I have the same 'problem', the new secretary is damn hot ... Funny thing is, the urge occurs monthly. Roughly in the same time period. Damn those hormones and ovulation!

 

[PureChaos]

you aren't getting any at home so you're looking elsewhere. all you need is sex and how teenage girls dress these days it isn't helping. tell her about it, see what happens but maybe leave out the parts that would only piss her off. there's always porn and a wank

 

[Ritter315]

Here's the thing: Sex is NOT the biggest thing in a marriage. You understand that its just because you havnt have a release. All you have to do, is look away. Just dont look at these girls. Yes you are their teacher but other than during school dont look at them. Fix a point in the room if needed as your fixed looking point. Keeping these thoughts to yourself isnt healthy for your relationship.
You should tell your wife. Perhaps she can help you by other means, I dont know. DONT rely on pornography or the like either, because its really no different than what you're currently doing. A wife is called a partner for a reason afterall. Get accustomed to other means of sexual pleasure, and she might not be enough for you permenently. But thats why she's there, for you.

 

[Staskala]

The only thing special about your case is that you're only 26, while the "My wife really hasn't aged well, remember when she was hot like those girls"-phase usually kicks in in the late30's/early 40's.

Other than that I don't really get your post, surely you don't believe that you're the first guy ever who has blue balls during his wife's pregnancy?
Sexual frustration at that stage is a given and I highly doubt your wife would resent you for it.
And what's with the age thing?
Young women are usually attractive to a man regardless of his age, especially when his frustration stems from age or "maturity" related issues.

I'm sorry, but your "serious problem" sounds like perfectly normal male behavior to me.
To the point where I even doubt that the OP is genuine, I've never met anyone who was this repressive after a 5 year long relationship, unless he was one of those guys who got stuck at their first or second girlfriend.

 

[Toriver]

Guys, I think you're missing a big part of the point here. He is a teacher, and he has been having sexual thoughts about his students. This isn't like just checking out some girl at a bar or even a hot waitress at a restaurant you go to. These are girls he has to be around for a large part of the day, almost every day. That's a long time to have to deal with that kind of... problem... with neither the time nor the privacy for "release" when it's needed most. And that's not even bringing in the issue that these girls are jailbait. I'm a teacher too, and while I haven't heard of any others in my position who've outright taken advantage of students, I have heard plenty of tales of them doing stupid things or getting into stupid situations when in a similar predicament to the OP. It's not as easy as it seems.

 

[Super Six One]

I say do the students(assuming its legal[age of consent n'stuff] wherever you live), i mean you wife will understand, so will the schoolboard. No one actually cares. Just do it, doooooooooooooo it do do do do itttttt.