I can't stop staring at teenage girls...

[thecoreyhlltt]

this has nothing to do with the OT but what state do you live in where 16-17 year olds are legal?
as for the OT; i'm 21 and i still stare blatantly at highschool girls, wait uhhhhhh nevermind, chris hensen might be monitoring this thread.....

 

[bluepilot]

You are a man and it is normal to be attracted to young females with their fresh eggs and their brimming fertility.

However, the issue here is not your attraction to other women (let`s be realistic, no man is going to stay attracted to just one woman for his whole life) but rather the relationship you are having with your life.

Having a new baby is tough and it will be a few months yet before your life will be able to have sex on a regular basis with you again. Sounds like she is still retaining a little baby podge but this is a situation that can be dealt with using diet and exercise.

I think you should talk to your wife about feeling unloved and undesired and that you want to start resuming a sex life. Even if you take it slow and start with an old fashioned or something it is a starting point.

Just take it slow, be patient with your wife to get her figure back

 

[Rawne1980]

You're doing what men on a regular basis do.

We all have a look and think "hmmm wonder what she looks like naked".

Most of us are married aswell.

Don't get me wrong I love my wife more than I could ever say but we all look, even she checks out a guy thats good looking to her.

It's natural.

 

[newwiseman]

When I was 13 I was attracted to 16-24 year old girls.
When I was 16 I was attracted to 16-24 year old girls.
When I was 18 I was attracted to 16-24 year old girls.
When I was 21 I was attracted to 16-24 year old girls.
When I was 24 I was attracted to 16-24 year old girls.

See where I'm going here? So long as you don't act on you desires with the "under legal age of consent where you live" there isn't a problem. I hope that when I'm 80 I am still attracted to 16-24 year old girls.

This is the number one reason I don't want a job at a High School, my motto is "avoid temptation". I've been a public school employee since I was 20 and can tell you it is really a *****, to say the least, to not be able to date 18 year olds because they go to school in your district, the laws here are kind of fucked up. By state law I can never date a girl who ever went to a building I have worked at, even if they left years before I was hired (it needs to be rewritten).

Off topic rant, sort of: Currently it is against my contract to date anyone that has ever gone to a school in my district regardless of if I ever worked in a building they attended, regardless of their age. It's not against the law but I can be fired, it's BS. This is a college town, I'm 25, and I can't date girls that go to the University if they went to school in my district.

 

[hooksashands]

As far as I know there is no officially approved pharmaceutical for lowering male libido, but certain antidepressants suppress sexual drive... including a herb called Vitex. You might want to look into it.

My advice is to just focus on something you enjoy. Whenever your gaze starts being drawn to the wrong places and you feel your hormones begin to rise, stop yourself and start thinking about stamp collecting, gardening--something mundane. This has helped me at times, when all I can think about is primal lust.

I wish you the best of luck. This isn't a problem with an easy solution, but don't get it into your head that you're beyond any kind of salvation, or that you're a total monster for having basic human urges. These are things you can control with practice and a strong spirit.

 

[Phasmal]

Talk to your wife. Find a way to ease your frustrations, but for god's sake dont ogle your students.
They may be `physically` developed but they're still kids. Put them in the `kids` section of your mind and leave it there.
You dont want to be known as the teacher who leers over all the girls, cause that wont be great for your reputation either, and they WILL notice.

 

[Loop Stricken]

Welcome to being male!

 

[Yopaz]

16/17 is pefectly legal. Don't worry about it.

Not if he's a teacher. Having sex with students is something that will get you fired and make sure you will never get a job as a teacher ever again.

OT: Seek professional help. Do not ask advice from random people on the internet, we don't know you, most of us don't know enough psychology to be of any help, some of us don't want things to turn out well and hope to see you on the news. Talk to your wife tell her that you have a sexual desire. Do not ever mention your students. Best thing would be to say that you feel frustrated and have felt sexual attraction towards others and you think you may be unable to control your urges. However, if you got the money do seek a professional.

 

[Queen Michael]

First of all, don't tell your wife about it. I know this sounds horrible, but hear me out.

1. No sane woman truly believes that she's the only woman her husband finds attractive. She likes to think she is, though. So deep down, she already know you've got this kind of feelings, though she isn't aware of the details.

2. Masturbate. It helps temporarily.

3. It's good that you're talking about this and seeking help. It shows that you've got the right attitude.

4. I can't stress this point enough: DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE ABOUT THIS. Since you, when all is said and done, don't want to have sex with other women, you shouldn't give her the impression that you want to. SHe's guaranteed to say something like "If you're not going to do it then why did you tell me? or something equally bad.

 

[J_Monsterface]

I am a 26-year-old man who has been married for five years. I also have a two-month old son. I am also a secondary teacher.

In recent weeks, I have found myself drawn to staring at young female students (as well as a young, attractive co-worker) at my school and it's driving me mad. I mean, when I say "staring," I mean, "undressing them with my mind" kind of staring...

As for why, it's pretty obvious. Because she gave birth two months ago and has been nursing since, my wife's body is currently subjected to all kinds of crazy hormones that can make sex undesirable or difficult for her. Also, because her body is still adjusting from the pregnancy, I'm not as physically attracted to her as I was before she got pregnant. We've only had sex twice in the past two months. I still have hormones, I'm in my sexual prime, and my body has been conditioned to regular sexual activity, so my physiology compels me to look elsewhere. I get that.

Now, I know that I'm not a pedophile: the female students who are drawing my gaze are in the 16-17 year old window and are fully physically developed.

I also know that I don't want to actually follow through on any of these thoughts: the thought of actually pursuing a student haunts me with thoughts of shame and what it would do to my career, my family, and my reputation. That's NOT going to happen. I won't lie; I've had scant thoughts of pursuing my co-worker, and there could actually be something there. Still, I value my relationship with my wife and the well-being of my family immeasurably more than my sex life.

Still, despite the rational response I have to these thoughts, I feel disgusting. I feel like a dirty pervert and it's driving me mad. To even have the courage to get this off of my chest, I created a completely new Escapist account, because, even though my real life identity is not connected my usual login, I don't even want my VIRTUAL identity associated with this post.

I'm hoping that someone can offer me some advice, or just solidarity, especially if they've been in a similar situation. I'm not actually expecting anything truly helpful. Mostly, I just wanted, maybe needed, to get this out, and there isn't anyone that I trust to talk to about this in real life. So, I'm cowardly leaning on the crutch that is internet anonymity.

think of all the gross/creepy/ugly/mean things you say and do on a regular basis and think of how many of them your wife knows about and accepts

now imagine how the same things would look to a 17/18 year old

now think of all the boring and self-centered things you like and your wife has learned to make conversation about and act interested

imagine trying to talk about those things to a 17 year old

think about how happy you were to have a wife because it meant you didnt have to deal with the heartbreaking soulcrushing awfulness of "dating"

picture johnny depp (thats who 17/18 year olds wanna sleep with)

now picture yourself naked

at some point, your wife decided to give up on the johhny depps of the world and allowed you to ruin her body with a child (thereby taking herself out of the depp-race)

be grateful

right now, you have something

that shiny thing youre staring at is nothing, and it will make you go blind

your wife is not holding you back, shes saving your honky ass

besides youve got bigger things to worry about

what about when those 18 year old boys start to look good to your wife and you start losing your hair

because, as a woman, she could actually get one

theres the motivation to cling to: fear

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Moved to the advice Forums.

 

[O maestre]

like others have written masturbate... or better yet hire an escort/prostitute if you can afford it, and you are okay with it ethically. everyone gets urges...
what separates men from beasts is our ability to control ourselves.... if you truly are a man you will control your impulses through your own will, and not allow anything to comprise your resolve.

its times like these that you find out how weak or strong you truly are.

be a man or a dog its up to you.

 

[SniperMacFox]

Seriously? Ever heard of internets, porn, masturbation?

As a man I completely understand your predicament, but it is easily solved with a visit from good old Five Finger Sally.

This message is brought to you from the Representatives of the Internet.

Joking aside, I think this is actually sound advice. It's clinically proven to help relieve stress and tension. Though in terms of "material," keep it legal. Sorry if it sounds dumb, but truly I can't come up with something more constructive. Under any circumstances talking with others is another way to deal with any issues you may have but if (like this situation) you feel the subject matter might be difficult then I'd post anonymously on a more relevant forum. I love all of you fellow Escapists, but seriously? Here? No. Not for stuff like this I'm afraid.

 

[The Lugz]

dude, looking at anything within 10 years is fine as-long as you don't try anything below your country's limit.

it's perfectly normal. if you were 30-40 you'd have issues.

bare in mind, teens are pumping out a metric ton of pheromones if your exposed to that all day you're probably 'impaired' anyway

don't be so hard on yourself

#edit#
icky pun not intended.

 

[ABLb0y]

16/17 is pefectly legal. Don't worry about it.

Not if he's a teacher. Having sex with students is something that will get you fired and make sure you will never get a job as a teacher ever again.

Sorry, I didn't realise he was a teacher.

OT: Don't act on it. As long as noone gets hurt, it's ok.

 

[uzo]

snippety snip

Last I checked thoughtcrime wasn't punishable. Not yet anyway.


No matter what depraved, semi-legal (or completely illegal) little fantasies your sordid little mind can cook up whilst sneaking a look at the - and lets be honest - stunningly 'ripe' body of a 17 yr old girl you pass in the street (there is not a man here who doesn't ... well, the gay ones maybe ...) - the fact is that as long as you don't act on it you ain't going to jail, and you ain't a criminal.

Men will always lust after jailbait, it's simply a fact of life that prudes and somewhat over-zealous social workers need to realise.

And besides that, considering your recent family addition (my congratulations by the way, whether you want them or not) it's perfectly natural that your mind starts to wander. This disgust and/or difficulty about sex with your wife will pass, it's a natural part of parenthood. Think of it as being an evolutionary tool that helps to prevent you knocking her up straight away again (mind you breast feeding is a pretty good natural contraceptive).

Your lusting after young nubile wenches will not pass. Never ever. That's hardwired into your mammalian brain.

 

[The Big Boss]

Unleash your inner-pervert!

 

[Farotsu]

Have you tried giving them derogatory nicknames in your head and noting how pock-marked and foundation caked their faces are?

I'm 24 and I go to uni with a load of 18 year olds and honestly they disgust me!

how do they disgust you? I'm 21, and find lots of 18 years olds very attractive, and would date given the chance...

I'm 25 and I'm starting to lose interest in the girls below 20. Mainly because I can't stand the immature personality, view of the world and all that stuff that changes with the age. That's just the way it works. Heck I wish I felt that way back when I was 20, would've saved me looots of headache.

 

[Torrasque]

Tell your wife half of it.. Mainly leaving out the students and the co-workers and keeping with the sexual frustration. She is the closest friend you will ever have, dont forget that.

Ninja'd by the first post, damn you
This should probably be in "advice", but oh wells.

I was going to say some other stuff, but it really just boils down to "talk to your wife". You're sex deprived, and she's the only one that can help you out. Aside from that, just find some good porn to beat to (like many others have said)

 

[cynicalsaint1]

I remember being told something long ago, don't remember by who or when, but its always stuck with me as one of the truest things when it comes to sex:

Sex is like oxygen - it's only important when you're not getting any

That said:
1. I wouldn't worry about the who age thing. "Age of Consent" is an entirely made up and extremely arbitrary concept. Its something that exists because of social pressure, not because there's something unusual about being attracted to young attractive members of the opposite sex - because guess what - we're wired to be attracted to young and attractive members of the opposite sex.

2. Pedophilia is actually being attracted to prepubescent children NOT girls who just happen to be younger than you, and despite what our concepts 'Age of Consent' would have you believe 16-17 is a sexual mature woman from a strictly biological perspective, so finding them physically attractive is perfectly normal.

Now I'd argue that the emotional maturity of a 16-17 year old girl is probably quite a bit different, and I'd tell you to stay the hell away because its just a bad damned idea - but like you said its nothing you'd consider acting on.

So nothing abnormal here - you find young girls past the age of puberty physically attractive - so does everyone else.

3. As far as your co-worker - again, perfectly natural - you're sexually frustrated at home, its only natural to want to look elsewhere. Desire for sex is one of those things that's just really hard to ignore, we're pretty much hard wired to want sex - because well, we kind of need to be boning if we're going to keep the species going and all.

Really what you need to do is work things out with your wife. Start making a serious effort to make time for for sex. Like maybe set aside time at least once a week for sexy-time - you know, you can still bang whenever, but if nothing else you have time Saturday night after you put the kid to sleep when its all about you, your wife, and a bottle of lube.

See its my personal belief that relationships need sex. Our brains are designed to release all sorts of happy chemicals after sex - that's what 'afterglow' is all about. It relieves stress, it raises self-esteem, and it bonds people closer together. So I think its worth it to sit down with your wife and talk about this stuff, and figure it out together. That's the only way to make relationships work.