I did somehing rather dumb

[Idsertian]

first of fix the grammar
second tell her you could have lied about it.

The irony. It's killing me.

OT: Sounds like she's a bit of a headcase mate, unless there's something you're not telling us, like how you said it maybe. Otherwise, she sounds like your archetypal jealous control freak. If she can't, or refuses to get over it, then you're probably better off leaving her, only going to cause trouble in the long run.

 

[Bobbity]

So it happened before you started going out, and before you actually knew she had a thing for you?

I can see why she might be upset, but angry with you?

 

[Jamash]

ok, a few weeks ago I went to Norway, on the first night there I went to a metal gig. I had two or three beers(Guinness) combined with being jet lagged I could make no logical decisions. A 20 year girl started hit on me. I unthinkingly agreed to go home with her. I woke up, according to her we had sex. I left in a fit of anger and confusion.

Later when I got back, a very good friend of mine told me that she loved me, so we started dating. I thought that is was better to just tell her what I did in Norway. She got angry at me, I felt so bad about my self, I knew that she was going to be mad at me, but I just bit my teath and we are working our way through this hard time.

what's your opinion?

Wait, so what you essentially saying is that you got yourself date raped after only 2 beers?

If you told your now-girlfriend this same excuse, then it's no wonder she's mad at you.

She's probably more upset by your reasoning for the act than the act itself.

Blaming beer and jet lag for having sex with a woman who hit on you seems dishonest, it's like you know what you did was wrong but you're trying to absolve yourself from all responsibility by citing external factors.

Instead of saying you couldn't make logical decisions (which by the way, a single man sleeping with someone who it hitting on them does seem like the logical decision), you should just admit what you did of your own volition and apologise properly (if you really think you acted wrong).

Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's what immediately sprang to mind when I read the "beer and jet-lag" part of your story. If you hadn't included those details, I would have a totally different opinion, that opinion probably being something along the lines of "I can't understand why she would be angry, as you weren't dating at the time".

 

[Illithidae]

I have a slight feeling that you broke it to her kinda badly; I do hope, though, that this came from active discussion and not just a "_____, I have to tell you something.." moment. Because there's no reason she needed to know about an event that had nothing to do with her and never will, in my opinion - it happened as a mistake.

If you told her the whole story, I can understand any she feels that way. A bit angry, slightly irritated - if you weren't too close beforehand it probably left an imprint that you aren't who she thought you were. Prove her wrong by sticking with her, because right now it seems more like jealousy than anything else.

You did the right thing by apologising for it, in my opinion. Well, it's what I would've done if I felt a bit guilty and she asked. Besides, we all make mistakes, including your (seemingly) overreacting girlfriend.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

I don't see any problem with this. All that happened before got together so its a none issue that you shouldn't feel guilty for. In hindsight you should not have mentioned it to her unless she specifically asked you about it and definately not the so soon after the event in question happened.

 

[Aurgelmir]

It happened before you were going out with this friend so it should be a non issue.

This is the truth.

Oh and sad to hear you had a rather bad experience while in my lovely home country of Norway

 

[Creator002]

Wait, you had sex in Norway then came home and starting dating a different person? I fail to see why she's upset. Did she expect you to just kind of exist until she wanted to date you?

Unless you were planning on dating when you got back or were already dating, she doesn't have the right to be mad with you, in my opinion. You did it before you knew she was interested in you (I assume) as well as before you were in a relationship.

 

[JesterRaiin]

I thought that is was better to just tell her

And here's where my brain went into infinite "WTF" loop.
What were you thinking in first place man ? What were you expecting ? No, really, please enlighten me what kind of answer you were expecting from a girl after coming clean ?

 

[Olrod]

Uh oh. She's having a tantrum about something you did before you two were even an item?

Yeah... warning bells are ringing there, mate.

 

[Sgt. Dante]

It happened before you were going out with this friend so it should be a non issue.

This, just this.

A great philosopher once siad, "You've got to put your behind in the past."

It's good that you wanted to be open and honest with this new girl, but she has absolutely no right to get mad at you for anything(/anyone) you've done before you were an item. I mean it'd be different if you had a serious criminal conviction or were a practicing satanist or some such, then I could see her worrying, but for (maybe) having had sex with another girl before you were dating, she has no right to complain.

 

[Woodsey]

People seem to be getting angry in this story for no reason at all.

You got laid. Oh noooooo!

Your current girlfriend finds out you shagged someone before you'd been going out with her. Oh noooooo!

Having said that, I don't see why you felt the need to tell her anyway.

 

[wooty]

Its a natural part of life to get completely hammered and wake up next to someone not knowing what happened. To me, its just another "coming of age" trial we all go through.

 

[wooty]

Its a natural part of life to get completely hammered and wake up next to someone not knowing what happened. To me, its just another "coming of age" trial we all go through.

 

[Weslebear]

People seem to be getting angry in this story for no reason at all.

You got laid. Oh noooooo!

It's a lot more than I'll ever get. I'm of the opinion that I have a privilege to get angry, because this guy's effectively gloating about his relationships.

He isn't gloating at all, I think you may just be bitter and seeing it that way. This guy want's some advice not someone moaning on the internet. Demeaning yourself isn't going to help your situation, try being positive and more confident. Would you buy a game if the devs themselves said it was shit? Advertise yourself better.

On topic, one night stands are just a bad idea IMO, and I would avoid getting into those situations. She shouldn't be mad because you slept with another girl BEFORE you dated but it doesn't put you in a good light.

I can understand with her being upset for you having this casual sex so easily, I can guarantee she will worry about it happening whilst you are dating regardless of how loyal you really are. It should be fine when you get past it but she does have right to at least be worried, being angry might be too far though.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Uh oh. She's having a tantrum about something you did before you two were even an item?

Yeah... warning bells are ringing there, mate.

Nope. Some girls (and guys too) are like this, especialy in early parts of relationship. Nothing's wrong with that.

 

[Alrocsmash]

Tell her to get over herself. If you were not dating at the time then you owe her nothing.
I say tell her to get the fuck over it or you will dump her ass. If she is this insane and controlling at the very start of the relationship then it does not bode well for you brother.

Plus if she gets to be too much of a **** over it you could always say "Yeah, its obviously my fault that I was fucking raped!" then storm off. Instant high ground playing the abused victim card.

Pretty much what this cat said. You apparently had NO idea she was into you physically until you got back yes? She can grow up.

 

[DigitalAtlas]

One night stands are just part of life. So the girl is a bit upset you had one. She really has no rationale to be. It was before you started dating.