I don't think I entirely understand the world of love? Girls in particular?

[TheGuiggleMonster]

Basically, I'm a 14-year-old male and I have always been in the "not so cool" group because I'm not very social and I'm generally an unapproachable person but I'm also one of the cleverest people in my year group (several hundred people) and one of the handsomest. I know at this age you can't expect me to understand love at all and you would be right in thinking that, but I think I should know more because my life seems to be changing quickly and nowadays it isn't actually odd for unmarried teenagers to have sex with each other. I mean, here in Britain we have one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in all of Europe (although I don't plan to get anyone pregnant).

Over the last 6 months or so, girls have been gradually taking more and more interest in me even though I'm not at all popular so I think I should take advantage of this. There are 2 girls in particular I will talk about. Sorry about the wall of text.

Girl 1: This girl is really shy and it seems like whenever I get near her she generally acts really nervous and blushes etc. She stares at me a lot randomly but always looks away whenver I look back. Her friends say that she likes me (but never when she's around) and other people at school have noticed her and say that she probably likes me. It has been like this for the past 3 months or so. A few weeks ago I asked her if she likes me and she completely denied it and denied that she stares at me a lot. I know that this was a terrible idea but and I think that me and her would make a nice couple, but there are more girls in the world so it's not that important to me that I might have completely ruined our chances. To be honest I don't actually know her very well and I've only spoken to her a few times ever.

Girl 2: I've noticed her looking at me several times in a weird way for at least a month. She doesn't act as shy or conceited about herself as girl 1 but there are stil a few other things about her that strike me as being odd. Firstly she has a brother and a sister who are in my year group (they are triplets) and I know her sister quite well so we talk to each other quite often (but in a completely non-sexual way). Whenever girl 2 sees me talking to her sister, she always glares at us in a really evil way. This doesn't actually happen very often but I wish it did. Girl 2 always starts walking near me after I do this and staring at me more than usual but this doesn't last for very long. When girl 2 does stare at me, which she doesn't do as often as girl 1, she only looks away when I look back when we're close to each other. Usually she just keeps staring from a distance and I have to look away first. Also she smiles a lot more when she looks at me than girl 1 does. There's one other thing I noticed about her at this point: whenever I talk to her, she always gives a really startled short response immediately without thinking about it, and then corrects whatever she says wrong afterwards. If anything, this would lead me to think that she's scared of me but she doesn't seem to be.

Girl 2 did all this before last weekend and until then I didn't think anything of it, but then last weekend me and a bunch of other people our age (mostly from my year group at my school) all went camping for one night and did some stuff in the woods. Most of what we did isn't important but girl 2 and her brother and sister all went there and they all brought separate tents with them. Girl 2's tent was missing a piece so she couldn't put it up without the wind blowing it over and I was being nice so I offered for her to sleep in my tent (which has one area and is aimed at 4 people) but I didn't know that she was interested in me at that point but she might have taken it slightly differently to me. When I told her that she could it was already quite late at night and people were starting to go to bed and before she answered me her face went all red, she took a deep breath and said "okay". I was in the tent first, in MY OWN sleeping bag, and she came in a few minutes later, I looked away, she undressed (but at the time I assumed that she was probably just going to be wearing pyjamas underneath her clothes) and she got inside her sleeping bag. Also, I was lying on the left. After about 10 minutes of us lying there not saying anything, she started playing with my hair (I have relatively long hair for a boy), I told her to stop, she apoligised, and after about 5 minutes she was doing it again so I asked her why she was playing with my hair. She told me to unzip my sleeping bag and said that she would unzip hers, so we did, and she made a blanket out of them (I wasn't sure why she as doing this at the time). She told me to get my torch and come underneath the blanket of sleeping bags, so I did. The torch wasn't on at first, and she leaned over me and whispered in my ear about how I'm really handsome and how she likes me. She probably didn't want anyone to hear us talking through the thin walls of the tent, although from the point when I asked her why she was playing with my hair I hadn't said anything until after she finished whispering in my ear. I must say that I was very surprised that inviting a girl into my tent could lead to this, but what happened afterwards surpirsed me even more. She turned on the torch and she wasn't wearing anything at all and I could see her perfect stunning body and her beatiful face which was very, very red. I bent forwards a bit and kissed her on the cheek, then said quietly to her "not here and not tonight" then we hugged for a while. Since then, we've kind of been in a relationship and lots of boys are jealous of me.

1) Why are some girls so shy?
2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for?
4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

Also I should mention that girl 2 did have condoms with her when I turned the torch on, but then again I did miss out quite a lot of details. I should also mention that girl 2 and her sister aren't identical twins. I don't think anyone at school knows what happened in that tent.

 

[joe the janitor]

1) Why are some girls so shy?
I guess the same question could be directed at most boys. Probably because of insecurities.
2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
No clue. I'm only 15.
3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for?
It depends if they are interested in you or not.
4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?
Maybe it's not all of the sudden. Maybe they have just worked up the corage to make a move.


It doesn't really seem like you need any advice other then taking it slow (which you already seem to be doing).
You got a girl to like you so much she stripped down and tried to sleep with you! Your obviously doing something right!

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

Well to be honest I hadn't noticed any girl showing any interest in me a year ago so I think they have only started to within the last 4 months or so... A year ago, everyone expcept my close friends seemed to think I was a freak but now people generally seem to acknowledge me a lot more (especially girls, in my case). This is related to question 4; I just don't understand why everyone's doing this all of a sudden. I'm not sure how I've changed within the last year. It is nice though having lots of girls that like me a lot but realistically I can only choose one and I think I'm with the best one as it is. Actually it's quite funny how she completely misunderstood why I invited her into my tent, but the morning after was equally memorable... We went to sleep still with the sleeping bags unzipped and she was still completely naked and I was only wearing boxer shorts. I woke up first when someone our age opened the zip to our tent telling us to wake up and then he saw girl 2 laying on her front and the sleeping bag blanket was about half-way up her back (he could see no bra strap). I think he probably also saw the condom box on the ground. He was like "OH MY GOD" when he saw us so I quickly sat up and shouted "GO AWAY!" and shut the zip. It was only then that girl 2 woke up and I told her to get dressed really quickly then we started playing poker a few minutes later, and a bunch of other people came back led by the guy who woke me up and opened the tent zip expecting to see us sleeping together under the same blanket. We were just sitting there playing poker and we pretended that no one had come to wake us up and that we'd been awake for ages and we'd hidden the condoms. It was funny, everyone believed us at the time and we were confidently pretending that nothing sexual happened between us. 3 days later we actually had sex and her brother found out and told everyone (it was in her house) so now everyone believes the guy that woke us up. I have a feeling that our relationship is going to go well.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

1) Why are some girls so shy?
Because you're in middle school.
2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
Yes.
3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for?
No.
4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?
You're at that age.

 

[joe the janitor]

Well to be honest I hadn't noticed any girl showing any interest in me a year ago so I think they have only started to within the last 4 months or so... A year ago, everyone expcept my close friends seemed to think I was a freak but now people generally seem to acknowledge me a lot more (especially girls, in my case). This is related to question 4; I just don't understand why everyone's doing this all of a sudden. I'm not sure how I've changed within the last year. It is nice though having lots of girls that like me a lot but realistically I can only choose one and I think I'm with the best one as it is. Actually it's quite funny how she completely misunderstood why I invited her into my tent, but the morning after was equally memorable... We went to sleep still with the sleeping bags unzipped and she was still completely naked and I was only wearing boxer shorts. I woke up first when someone our age opened the zip to our tent telling us to wake up and then he saw girl 2 laying on her front and the sleeping bag blanket was about half-way up her back (he could see no bra strap). I think he probably also saw the condom box on the ground. He was like "OH MY GOD" when he saw us so I quickly sat up and shouted "GO AWAY!" and shut the zip. It was only then that girl 2 woke up and I told her to get dressed really quickly then we started playing poker a few minutes later, and a bunch of other people came back led by the guy who woke me up and opened the tent zip expecting to see us sleeping together under the same blanket. We were just sitting there playing poker and we pretended that no one had come to wake us up and that we'd been awake for ages and we'd hidden the condoms. It was funny, everyone believed us at the time and we were confidently pretending that nothing sexual happened between us. 3 days later we actually had sex and her brother found out and told everyone (it was in her house) so now everyone believes the guy that woke us up. I have a feeling that our relationship is going to go well.

That's good, glad I could (sorta) help!

 

[WingedIncubus]

4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?

You're hitting puberty, man. And so are they...

 

[Erana]

1) Why are some girls so shy?
As stated before, insecurities. Or perhaps you're mistaking quietness for shyness.

2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for?
(For both two and three)
You're what, in middle school? There's a whole big world out there, and as you get out in the world, hopefully you'll be in situations with confident, intelligent women who will be able to contribute to a relationship equally and clearly. (Hint: good graduate programs tend to have these kinds of women in my experience)
4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?
Puberty, perhaps, though it may be that you're becoming more aware of things yourself.

What I have to say here is: Stand your ground. Don't change yourself to suit some dating what-nots, and be respectful to people who find you attractive, even if you aren't dating them. Be a bit of a gentileman if you have that sort of thing in you. Make it clear that you're going to be loyal and supportive to your girlfriend and expect the same from your girlfriend.

At least, that's what I'd tell my hypothetical future son if he were in your situation.

What do you want in a relationship? Are you just interetsted in physical contact, or do you want a girl who can be a partner/friend with you, as well?

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

In England there are generally only middle schools in places where the population isn't dense enough to have single schools with large numbers of students without the students travelling too far to get to school. In London, there are a few schools that are so big that they have students from ages 4 to 16 and these schools can thrive because the distance between them isn't very big (not as big as in the countryside) and the area in between is very densely populated. It is more space-efficient, and probably money-efficient, to build one big school with the capacity of 2 small schools rather than building 2 small schools. They only open middle schools in places where it isn't very densely populated. Clearly, I go to a large school with several hundred students which should mean that I don't live in a middle school system. Therefore I do not go to a middle school. Besides, middle school age ends at around 12 and I'm 14. I don't understand why 2 of you think I go to a middle school.

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

I must admit that I didn't phrase question 3 very well... But just think of it this way: I am in a nice relationship with no conflict whatsoever but I wouldn't be if I didn't invite girl 2 into my tent. I'm just asking if I'll have to do things like this for the rest of my life to get potential love interests off the ground.

 

[kylesesh]

Dude you need to talk to girls, but do it in a nice way.

Don't go out straight away with "Oh i listen to Slipknot and i play games 24/7" don't do that whatever you do.

Find a topic or interest you both like, it could be books, films or places to hang out.

Talk to her, walk up to her and compliment her.

It could be on anything, her clothes, her hair, necklaces... Little things that make her feel special.

Personally i think girls are like seeds, and your the gardener.

You plant her in the ground and give her as much attention and love as you can without going overboard.

Also tease her a little... Every girl likes a bit of teasing.

You just need to know when your teasing is just plain fun and not ordinary harsh teasing.

Ask her out for a drink sometime or a walk at a local park and before you know it you got her

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

Dude you need to talk to girls, but do it in a nice way.

Don't go out straight away with "Oh i listen to Slipknot and i play games 24/7" don't do that whatever you do.

Find a topic or interest you both like, it could be books, films or places to hang out.

Talk to her, walk up to her and compliment her.

It could be on anything, her clothes, her hair, necklaces... Little things that make her feel special.

Personally i think girls are like seeds, and your the gardener.

You plant her in the ground and give her as much attention and love as you can without going overboard.

Also tease her a little... Every girl likes a bit of teasing.

You just need to know when your teasing is just plain fun and not ordinary harsh teasing.

Ask her out for a drink sometime or a walk at a local park and before you know it you got her

I don't think you read the question properly

 

[Terminal Blue]

A few weeks ago I asked her if she likes me and she completely denied it and denied that she stares at me a lot.

Wrong way round.

Look, if you ask someone directly out of the blue if they like you it sounds like you're accusing them or trying to make fun of them. In her mind if you liked her back you wouldn't just come out and ask if she liked you, you'd make the effort to let her know that you liked her and she would reciprocate. As you said, she's barely spoken to you so if she does like you it's a purely physical crush, she's not going to come out and make some grand declaration to you because for all she knows you might laugh in her face.

To be honest (if a little harsh) that was a really bad thing to do and it will probably scare her off you. I hope it doesn't, because it does sound like she had quite a cute little crush, but you need to be gentle with people in these kinds of situations. Don't expect a degree of honesty you wouldn't give yourself.

If you like her, reciprocate and find excuses to get to know her to the point where she trusts you to tell you these kinds of things. If you don't, ignore her and let it be a harmless crush.

I must say that I was very surprised that inviting a girl into my tent could lead to this, but what happened afterwards surpirsed me even more.

Not surprising..

You're still thinking like a child in this regard. When you're a child sexual difference is not a big deal, if you were to have a sleepover with opposite sex friends it might be the source of some awkwardness, but it wouldn't be a big deal.

As an adult this relationship tends to change. Bear in mind you effectively asked a relative stranger to get undressed in front of you (even 'looking away', unless you had physically left the tent for her to undress it's still sexual).

What she did was probably the most 'direct' experience you will ever have. Girls of 18 or 25 will not do things like that unless they are on drugs or desperate. So yes, it will only get more indirect and you will only have to get better at reading people. It is not just a boy/girl thing. You'd be surprised how fucking insecure boys can be.

Fortunately, as long as you keep your eyes open and are willing to learn, you will get better at it. The people who suck are the ones who assume they don't need to learn anything.

Treat that girl nicely, she took a really big risk for you. You'd better appreciate it!

 

[lemiel14n3]

1) Why are some girls so shy?
2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for?
4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?

1)I don't know, I have a penis. But probably the same reason that men are shy, fear.
2)Yes
3)No, but it doesn't hurt.
4)puberty

 

[mew1234321]

Dude, so you're the guy who's been jacking my body during all those mysterious black outs!

I swear to God, you are a British version of me. (Who thinks he's handsome)

In any case, difference is, I hang out with girls all the time. Which is an old thing I did, no one thought much of it, 'till puberty set in, but I still hang with the people I always do, 'cause we're friends now.

I'll never answer these questions like a real girl, but I can give them a shot.

1. They're just people, man. Some guys are shy too, especially about their feelings. It's just human nature.

2. Pretty much, man. Like I said, there aren't many people who are direct about how they feel, especially since it's a confusing subject, even internally. I know that I'm not sure who exactly I have a crush on.

3. I don't understand why you'd go hitting on girls you don't have interest in. That'll set you up for some bad things later in life, trust me.

4. Yeah, it's puberty. Take it from someone who's had the whole before/after experience.

And, one final note man. Ignore everyone who tells you to treat them as flowers or anything inanimate, or like they're a completely different species.

Girls are people too, just like you and me. Culture may raise them to have slightly different ideals, but they're still people, with the same feelings, who think approximately the same way.

If you can't understand that, then you'll never get quite what you want.

 

[SiskoBlue]

Ha! You remind me of me, so clueless. But please, don't be offended.

1) Why are some girls so shy?
Most people are shy when it comes to relationships. Some people aren't. Asking somebody out is saying "I think you're attractive and I want to be with you". If they say "I'm not interested" it kinda makes you feel awful and clearly says "I am below you in standards of attractiveness". Of course that's crap and there's a million reasons two people might not get together but most people aren't going to throw themselves out there without some assurance they'll get a bite. So first piece of advice, if a shy girl seems to like you, and you like her, then don't be the shy one and make a move.
2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yes. I hate to say it but IN GENERAL (generalisation are a dangerous thing) most girls will give "signals", signals you'll be completely obvlivious to but every woman will say are OBVIOUS. Like touching your hair, or paying you a compliment, or wearing the painful high-heel red shoes again because you noticed them last time. You are expected to note these things as facts, and proof of their attraction to you. No, it does not make sense to us men.

3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for? If you are like me, and it's sounds like it (odd group, bright student, clueless about women), you will probably fall into many women's beds not realising how you got there. However, once you realise you've been "seduced" and say you're not interested in a relationship they will turn on you and say you were the one making moves and talked them into bed. I can only assume it's some kind self-defence that they don't want to be viewed as slutty (I didn't see them as slutty and never intend to kiss and tell) but they will put all the responsibility and blame on you.

You won't always have to make a move but if you want a CHOICE in who you date/sleep with, I suggest you start learning how as soon as possible. Otherwise you'll always end up with people who picked you. You might get lucky and find someone you love but being a passive passenger in your love life is not a great thing to be proud of.

4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?
Because you've come of age. Enjoy it while you can. For inexplicable reasons society has decided your "type" is attractive right now. Don't try to understand it, just enjoy it. Be yourself and you'll be fine.

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

Ha! You remind me of me, so clueless. But please, don't be offended.

1) Why are some girls so shy?
Most people are shy when it comes to relationships. Some people aren't. Asking somebody out is saying "I think you're attractive and I want to be with you". If they say "I'm not interested" it kinda makes you feel awful and clearly says "I am below you in standards of attractiveness". Of course that's crap and there's a million reasons two people might not get together but most people aren't going to throw themselves out there without some assurance they'll get a bite. So first piece of advice, if a shy girl seems to like you, and you like her, then don't be the shy one and make a move.
2) Will I have to put up with girls being indirect for the rest of my life?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yes. I hate to say it but IN GENERAL (generalisation are a dangerous thing) most girls will give "signals", signals you'll be completely obvlivious to but every woman will say are OBVIOUS. Like touching your hair, or paying you a compliment, or wearing the painful high-heel red shoes again because you noticed them last time. You are expected to note these things as facts, and proof of their attraction to you. No, it does not make sense to us men.

3) Will I always have to make a move (even if I didn't mean for it to be a move) on girls that I have no immediate interest for? If you are like me, and it's sounds like it (odd group, bright student, clueless about women), you will probably fall into many women's beds not realising how you got there. However, once you realise you've been "seduced" and say you're not interested in a relationship they will turn on you and say you were the one making moves and talked them into bed. I can only assume it's some kind self-defence that they don't want to be viewed as slutty (I didn't see them as slutty and never intend to kiss and tell) but they will put all the responsibility and blame on you.

You won't always have to make a move but if you want a CHOICE in who you date/sleep with, I suggest you start learning how as soon as possible. Otherwise you'll always end up with people who picked you. You might get lucky and find someone you love but being a passive passenger in your love life is not a great thing to be proud of.

4) Why are girls all showing interest in me so suddenly?
Because you've come of age. Enjoy it while you can. For inexplicable reasons society has decided your "type" is attractive right now. Don't try to understand it, just enjoy it. Be yourself and you'll be fine.

You answered me perfectly and this thread need not be open any longer.